It was a random day seven years before this young hot shot came out of the temple of time and claimed that he'd been asleep for seven years (and dreamed of donuts the whole time). This little Kokiri kid named Link was walking through the Kokiri forest. It seemed the Great Dekunamenut tree had "summoned" him for a coffee break. With him was his fairy guardian Navi. She protected him from the dangers of the forest, such as low hanging branches, and bottomless pits.
Thud!
"Link watch out for that low hanging branch!" Navi shouted.
"Thank you so much!" Link said, standing back up, and brushing the leaves out of his hair. "Stupid low hanging branch! You did that on purpose!"
Link then proceeded the run circles around the tree all the while growling angrily.
"Wow!" Navi said. "This is what I call a spectator sport."
Link then ran back into the low hanging branch, and fell backwards, and fell right into a deep ditch.
"That was good," Navi said.
"Oh you're a real guardian, fairy," Link said sarcastically.
"Oh Linky!" said a familiar voice.
"How many times have I told you not to call me Linky?" Link said.
Saria then ran out towards him, and gave him a big hug.
"Oh crap," Link said before he was enveloped in the gigantic embrace.
"I have a surprise," Saria said.
"Surprise?" Link said.
"Guess what? I love you!" Saria said.
"Oh crap," Link said to himself. "Uh, I just met you yesterday Saria and..."
"I still love you!"
"Uh, that's nice, well, I better be going somewhere."
With that, Link ran for his life, with Saria in hot pursuit.
"Wait up for me honeybun," Saria said.
After about ten minutes, Link managed to lose Saria. Once again, he was walking aimlessly through the forest.
"Hey look," he said. "Kokiri Forest Shop, I wonder what they sell there?"
Link then entered the shop, and stepped up to the counter.
"Welcome welcome," the man at the counter said, "to the Kokiri Forest Shop. The shop that happens to be in the Kokiri forest. What a coincidence, see? The name of the shop is just like the name of the forest!"
"That's great, so what do you have?" Link asked.
"We got Deku sticks, Deku rocks, and Deku nuts," the man said excitedly, pointing at a normal stick, a normal rock, and a normal nut.
"Oookay," Link said. "Anything special about them? Or did you just add Deku to the beginning to make them sound cool."
"Um..." the man said.
"Got anything else?" Link said.
"We got food," the man said. "How about a nice recovery heart. You eat it, and your life energy will increase by one heart."
"I only have one heart," Link said. "Why? Do you have three hearts or something?"
"Uh yeah, doesn't everyone?" the man said, feeling his heart beat.
"Uh, yeah, I'll take a recovery heart," Link said.
"You want fries with that?" the man asked.
"Uh... no."
Later Link went to the entrance to the Dekunamenut Tree's home. Mido, for some reason was guarding the entrance.
"You can't enter unless you have a sword and a shield!" he shouted at Link, trying unsuccessfully to be intimidating.
"Why?" Link asked. "Has the Dekunamenut Tree gone homicidal or something?"
"Noooooooooooooo! The Dekunamenut Tree's gone homicidal! Run for your lives!" Mido then ran off screaming bloody murder.
Link just shrugged, and walked in to see the Dekunamenut Tree.
"Navi Navi," the Dekunamenut Tree said in a high and mighty sounding voice. "Though hast done well to bringeth Link to me."
"Great," the fairy said. "So, why are you talking so strangely."
"Alwight, fwine," the Dekunamenut Tree said in a very strange voice. "I wwill twack nwormally fwor aw chwange."
"Don't ever do that again," Navi said.
"Then I must speaketh in the wonderfulleth tongueth."
"Enough of the eths," Navi said, "get on to business."
"Link Link," the Tree said. "Wouldest thou liketh some coffee-eth?"
"No thanks," Link said. "But if you have some coffee I would be happy to take some."
"That's what I sayeth," the Tree said. "Coffee."
"No, you said coffee-eth."
"Okay Navi, thou nowest more than I do that coffee tasteth better with cream and sugar then blacketh."
"Actually I like black coffee," Navi said.
"Silence you pathetic mortal!"
"Okay," Navi said, "now you are beginning to sound like a character from one of the author's other books in a not yet submitted chapter."
"Oh shutteth up Navi," the Tree said. "Thou talksts of nothing."
"Now you sound like you are quoting Romeo and Juliet," Navi said.
"Thou fairies knoweth nothingeth. Thou Kokiri knoweth all! I bow before the Kokiri!"
"Excuse me?" Link said. "I thought the Kokiri were supposed to bow to you."
"Thou knowest nothing!" The tree said. "Hereth is thou's coffee. Now Navi, thou thinkest that I giveth coffee to youeth, but youeth be wrongeth."
"Actually, I don't like coffee," Navi said.
"Dost though liketh tea-eth?" the tree asked. "I drink ze tea with me fingers thirty eight hours a day."
"You don't have fingers," Navi said.
"Yes I do."
Link then got freaked out by the Dekunamenut tree arguing with the fairy, so he ran for his life.
