Bleeding love
Emptiness
Numbness
That I felt for so long
Engulfed all senses and all hopes
That was before I met you my love
All the stormy clouded days
Left me insane and ravaging the days
Obsessed with my hunger
Loneliness in a world of love that surrounded me
Is that what I was born here for?
Why? Why me?
I'm a monster I know but is this all I deserve
To be left without a speck of hope for all eternity?
That was before I met you my love.
In their eyes I was sorrow in the highest peak
In my mother's eyes I saw pity
I make them suffer for my inabilities
I make them feel helpless
Make it right
Oh god, please…!
There is no god for me
But that was before I met you my love
Now I wonder why god made such injustice to you.
To make you love me so
To hold my hand when I fought a battle within me to keep you alive
Safe from not any, but me.
My whole body ached when you are so near
But the love I felt was already great
All pain faded away from my life
Now surrounded by the loveliness you take with yourself wherever you go.
Do I deserve this?
I keep coming back
I keep on loving you
I can't stop this unbeatable obsession.
If there is anything in the world to keep you away from me
I would do it in a heartbeat
but will you survive?
Will you still wait for me?
Will you still want me?
I guess you always will.
I guess you'll always be there ……….waiting for me.
I guess you'll still cry for me at night.
I know you'll still love me.
I just know it.
"Love"…..
Seems funny that someone like me will know the meaning of a word so pretty and delightful.
I didn't know what it meant before.
I've unconsciously battled with it for so long
I've lost all sense of what it meant
But that was before I met you my love.
You awakened things that I never knew existed within me
Things I buried far and deep not to be unearthed again.
I should have known better.
I should have walked away
There are so many things I should have done.
So many……….
I don't want you to change.
I just …..don't………..
I want you to be you
I don't want you to sacrifice all you are just to be with me for eternity.
I'll survive when you are gone
I'll wait until you are born again
I'll find you somehow.
I know it.
Just don't do it darling
I know I won't be able to survive when you are gone
But I will still have hope within me
Hope that I can live a thousand more life times with you by my side.
Wherever you are I will still find you.
I will still look for you……
I won't stop
I swear I won't stop…………
One day it all started to fall into place
Beyond my control
I watched while everything around me changed
Watched while everything drifted to place
It happened so fast
I was helpless
Letting you go ripped my soul apart
But it was always the right choice
A choice that I failed to realize
Because of my selfishness
But looking back now
It was all meant to happen
Something that would have happened no matter what I did
And I am so glad that I did make a choice
A choice that would change my life forever.
A choice that I would never look back upon……..
Yet the day you saw who I really was
Was the day I gave a name to what I felt deep inside
A feeling so unfamiliar
A feeling beyond reach for someone like me
It took time for me to realize that I was in love with you.
I always was
And I always will be……….
I still cannot believe that you felt the same way
Knowing I was different
Knowing I was dangerous
You loved me
And made my heart beat once more
And feel the cold blood flowing through these veins
Only for you
I reached for you every time you were not here with me
I searched for you day and night
Your image in my head kept me alive
Every second every minute we spent apart
I knew of the danger I brought upon you
I knew of the task that was upon me
To save you I had to leave
To save you I had to let go of the one thing that made sense in my life
The one thing that kept me alive
The one thing that kept me sane
The love I felt for you kept me breathing.
I'm sorry for the way I left you
I'm sorry that I broke your heart
I know you hurt deep within
But the pain I felt inside me was ripping me apart every single second
I was dying inside……….. a slow agonizing death
But nothing could free me from this torture except you.
Without you I would not survive.
If there was a day that you would leave me behind and move on
That day will be the day my heart stops……….
That day will be the last of me………
I'll die keeping you safe within me where no one can touch
Remembering you so pure, untouched…………
Remembering you for who you are………
Mine……… mine for eternity…………..
I went on searching
I went on waiting
But your love deprived of my sanity
I thought I did it for the best
But now I know it wasn't
I hurt you even more by being away
I killed you slowly each day
I never thought that I would see you again
Until the day you appeared before me my angel.
My eyes deceived me
You are a part of me
A part of my existence.
My whole life.
I would give anything for your happiness
Anything you ask
Anything………………..
I didn't want to make a choice
I didn't want you to suffer
I want you to be happy with the life you chose
And I hope you chose the life you dreamed of.
Forgive me my love
But I wonder why you chose me?
Why you let go of a life so normal
A life so real
For an eternity of torture
You ask of me something I wouldn't dream of doing
I don't want you to be one of us
I want you to be my own Bella
My angel, my sanity ………….. my life
You ask too much for me to handle
Don't get me wrong
I want you so much
I want you to be beside me for all eternity
But not like this………..
What can I do to change your mind?
Let you go?
