A thousand years of living could make or break a person. For the Mikaelsons, it broke them. They are beyond repair and salvation was out of sight for them. For me, it's different. It made me who I am. As a young girl, I was weak and very different to now. I didn't know the difference between good and bad and the wolves howling in the night never phased me. Love was a construct that was alien to me.
Now after a thousand years, things have changed. Some nights I sit and listen to the wolves howling and it's nice but I wonder what's going on. Love is a concept that I've never been able to let go of. I knew what good and bad was to me but I realised that every villain is the hero of their own story.
The world is viewed from so many different angles that you can't pinpoint one person as a villain and a hero. Good and bad to me was defined in one way. Killing was a necessary evil and living was the greatest achievement on this planet.
A thousand years of life taught me lots, I watched empires burn and people rise to power whether they deserve it or not. I watched as Britain scrambled to arms when the wars began. I watched the hope lessen in the eyes of soldiers during the first world war. I watched the world burn and stood back as it did.
A thousand years is a curse whatever way you put it. A thousand years of being with the person you love is a curse because one day you get sick of them. One day they get killed by a vampire hunter. Every angle is a bad one no matter what. A thousand years is living too long.
However, when you realise this and accept that thought, you begin to realise that that is too long. A thousand years in nine lifetimes too long but you are still standing you are still up and moving while everyone else is ten feet under.
That is the weirdest thing. Your loved ones are dead and you are standing. Some people despise it but some, like me, see it as a victory. Living as an immortal being is like going into a fight and seeing how long you could last in the fights you have.
Well, that what it was like for most vampires. They brought guns to knife fights and just fought to see how long they could live for.
For me, that still stands in some way. I bring a gun to my head and see if I can survive the day without the witches messing with it. No matter how many times they do, I still stand and it's torture but it's life.
It's like I'm watching the world pass by as I try to live. Some days I can. Some days I can't. Being near the Mikaelsons are my worst days. When I'm haunted by nightmares and thoughts that should have long been buried.
This is my life and it's how I've lived for a thousand years.
Empires burn, Kingdoms fall, Men rise. That was life on earth and that's what it was. Nothing stayed the same except for one thing. One thing always stayed the same and that was the strange thing about living for a thousand years.
You begin to see that throughout those long centuries that falling in love always happened. No matter who it was, people still fell in love. Even awful people fell in love. Hearts were broken and people loved. It never changed and never did.
For me, Love was a curse, a burden. My goal in life is to kill the Mikaelsons and as much as I wish I could do it, I can't. I never could and never would. Loving a Mikaelson was hard and loving a Mikaelson and also being destined to kill them was harder. It was like everyone was screaming to tell me to kill them but that small voice that overruled everyone was telling me something different.
It was the best and worst thing about being me. I'm still in love with the reckless Mikaelson, something that I could never change. Those feelings get put somewhere special and are buried beneath piles of other things in hopes of them disappearing.
Over a thousand years, that has yet to happen and I'm suspecting it never will.
This is who I am and who I will always be.
