It was a fine, hot day in Konoha, and Team Seven were just finishing off their day's training.
"Gah! C'mon, Kakashi-sensei, let us have our C-rank already!" Naruto groused, rubbing his head. "I swear, that beagle you make me walk is plotting something!"
From his position leaning up against a tree, Kakashi shrugged. "Mah, even if you're right, it lacks opposable thumbs. What can it do?"
"Naruto. Beagles can't plot. Their brains aren't advanced enough." Sakura said primly.
Naruto walked up to her and raised a damning finger. "Sakura, you know I think you're fantastic, but it is people like you who will bring about the beaglepocalypse. You have been warned!"
Sasuke didn't judge the conversation topic worthy of a response.
Suddenly, the cloudless sky crackled. A huge pink beam of light descended from the heavens, transfixing Sakura and raising her up into the sky. A wave of energy flew out of her body, smacking Naruto, Sasuke and Kakashi in their respective faces.
Then the light disappeared and Sakura fell to the ground with a thud.
"Oow..."
Sakura got to her feet, brushing herself off. Then, she noticed her colleagues standing around her, and her eyes widened. "It... worked? It worked! Hahahahaha!"
Naruto, who had just recovered from the energy blast to the face, shook his head in confusion. "What worked? What happened?"
Sakura spun to face him, a manic grin on her face.
"Time travel!" she chirped.
Twirling on the ball of her foot, Sakura leapt through the air and landed next to Sasuke, who was still in a daze. "Sasuke! Good news!"
"Wha..." Sasuke muttered.
Sakura gave him a thumbs up. "You are the inheritor of Uchihahax! Your Uchiha blood allows you to do anything! You can have a Rinnegan, and attach external body parts instantly, and master Sage mode in seconds!"
"What do you... anything?"
"ANYTHING! Also, Guy-sensei adopted you after the Massacre, and you both had your memories sealed because you were too annoying!" Sakura's hand was suddenly glowing with chakra, and she slapped Sasuke's head. "Fixed!"
Sasuke blinked. Then, he straightened, and his normally cold face was suddenly filled with emotion. "I... remember. Guy-sensei."
Sakura nodded sympathetically. "His seal should have dispelled at the same moment. Give it a second..."
All of a sudden, a green blur shot out of the trees at the corner of the training field. Guy, tears streaming from his eyes, ran towards his son. "Sasuke!"
Sasuke returned the call. "Guy-sensei!"
"Sasuke!"
"Guy-sensei!"
Another green blur appeared, and quickly became apparent as an also-crying Rock Lee. "Fellow Disciple Sasuke! Guy-sensei!"
"Lee!"
"GUY-SENSEI!"
"SASUKE!"
"LEE-SENSEI!"
"GUY!"
"LEE-SASUKE!
"LEE-GUY!"
The three embraced, and the sunset was glorious.
Sakura ran over to where Naruto was standing, open mouthed in shock. "Naruto! I also have good news for you! Turns out, you have a bloodline!"
"What?"
Sakura tapped him on the head with her chakra-hand.
He shook his head, as if clearing cobwebs. "I feel... different. What did... bloodline?"
Sakura raised her hands into a seal and disappeared in a yellow flash, then reappeared seconds later carrying a chicken. The chicken cocked its head to the side, and made a slightly worried clucking noise.
Naruto blinked. "Where did you go? And why do you have Mr Cluckers?"
"Raise your hand and channel chakra at him." Sakura said.
"What sort of chakra?"
"Any chakra!"
Still in the shocked frame of mind where he would do literally anything asked of him, Naruto did so. There was a great puff, and suddenly the chicken was the size of a horse.
Sakura pulled out a kunai, and tossed it at Mr Cluckers. It bounced off his feathers with a soft ping. "Mr Cluckers' is now your faithful servant. He will obey every command you give him!"
Naruto looked at her with wondering eyes. "Can... can I ride him."
"Yes. Yes, you can."
Naruto nearly has a seizure out of sheer joy, then leapt atop the chicken's back. "Come Mr Cluckers! We must away!"
The chicken took off in a run. And so, a beautiful partnership was born, a bond of honour, friendship and trust between two noble champions of justice!
Their first quest would be freaking out the old lady who lived next door. She was awful.
Finally, Sakura turned to Kakashi, who was attempting genjutsu dispels like his life depended on it. "Ah, Kakashi, Kakashi, Kakashi. Hey."
"Sakura." Kakashi said slowly, his whole body tense. "Calm down. I need you to explain what's happening. This isn't you."
Sakura took a deep breath, and was suddenly... less. The manic aura the she had been exuding ever since the pink energy hit her seemed to fade somewhat. "Alright. How about this, Kakashi-sensei? I'm from the future, I picked up the Hirashin from a scroll, and the time travel method that I used has the side effect of permanently making you slightly loopy."
"Loopy?"
"Yep! Screws up your brain! It's actually taking a huge amount of effort to talk to you like this. You three all got hit by that pink stuff too, so you'll probably start feeling the effects soon."
Kakashi blinked. "What?"
Sakura's energy started rising again. "Pretty dark, neh? Except, it's actually tremendous fun! I'm only doing this because I thought it might calm you down. Now, I have some good news and some bad news!"
Sakura raised her hands into a seal, and a scroll popped out of the air. "Good news, your family has a summoning scroll! And it doesn't conflict with your current one! It summons cool stuff! Quick, sign it."
Kakashi did so, not quite sure why he was doing so.
"Nice! Now, bad news is Obito Uchiha is alive and he's evil, now I need to go join this hug, thanks, bye!"
"But... what... who sealed Sasuke's memories?"
"Who knows!"
Sakura took off towards the group hug, which had only become more glorious in the interim. "Sasuke! Lee!"
"Sakura-san!"
"Guy-sensei!"
Kakashi looked down at the scroll. "Obito...?"
Then, and once again not sure why he was doing so, he followed the summoning instructions. And then, when the resulting cloud of summoning smoke cleared, he was holding the handle of a long, metal thing the likes of which he'd never seen before. There was a helpful red tag attached- Minigun, aim and fire.
He turned towards a stray boulder, and did so. There was a whirring noise, and then, the boulder was gone.
"Heh... heheheh..."
"Kakashi!" Sakura's voice came from the hug, which was now attracting wildlife with its brilliance. "You get two hours! Then, we launch Operation Whack-a-Mole! Haha!"
Kabuto was just finishing up his paperwork for the day when the door to the office opened, and a pink-haired girl stepped in. She was wearing a brown cap, carrying a large magnifying glass and smoking what seemed to be a pipe.
"Can I help you with something?" he asked.
Sakura raised a finger. "Shh! I'm hunting moles."
"Wha..."
"Shhh!"
Slightly bemused, Kabuto went silent. Sakura roved about the room, looking under cabinets, behind chairs and up at the ceiling. Finally, she stopped in front of Kabuto, and she examined him. A look of excitement lit her face.
"Naruto, the mole has been found." she said, speaking into the wireless microphone on her throat. "Send in Mr Cluckers."
A crackly voice came through. "Roger that. Cluckers is inbound, ETA 5 seconds."
There was a moment of frozen silence. Then, the head of a gigantic chicken exploded upwards through the floor under Kabuto's desk, sending it flying off to the side.
Mr Cluckers looked at Kabuto with a beady yellow eye. "Bawk..."
Then, it lashed out. Kabuto leapt backwards, just in time to stop the terrifying beak from closing around his leg.
A heavy thud came from his left. Still moving from the last jump, Kabuto had to leap away again, this time to avoid being brained by the gigantic wooden hammer clasped within the hands of Sakura Haruno.
"Whack-a-mole!" she yelled.
The chicken head burst through the floor again. "Bawk!"
Flinging himself through the door, Kabuto fled through the building. Sakura chased after him like a maniacal, hammer-wielding valkyrie. "Whack-a-mole! Whack-a-mole! Whack-a-mole!"
Racing up the stairs, Kabuto flung the door of the roof open. He wasn't going to waste time taking the chicken on in combat; his cover had been blown, and every second was precious. He needed to get out of...
A whirring noise interrupted his thoughts, and a huge, metal monstrosity rose up from behind the building to face him. The thing was some sort of machine, with a long, thin body, wings on each side and a spinning set of blades on the top keeping it aloft. It had the word 'helicopter' written across the front in large, golden letters.
Kakashi was sitting behind the control panel. Grinning, he pressed down on a button.
A storm of metal projectiles screamed out of the six barrels that lined the wings. Kabuto yelped, the bullets grazing his skin as he leapt out of the way. Flipping up onto a large, metal container, he sprinted across the rooftop. Kakashi gave chase, laughing maniacally as the helicopter juddered underneath him.
Kabuto reached the edge and flung himself into space. Suddenly, out of nowhere, an enormous glowing purple foot slammed into his stomach, sending him flying back through the air.
"Susanoo Dynamic Entry!" Sasuke yelled.
Kabuto landed hard, his usually calm eyes shining with confusion and panic. "Susanoo? What..."
"Uchihahax!" Sakura voice wafted down from the hospital rooftop.
"The Mangekyo..."
"Uchihahax!"
"But he doesn't even have the Sha..."
"Uchihahax! Also, Mr Cluckers tried to fight his hair."
"But..."
"Apparently, it thought it was a duck, sworn enemy of chickenkind." Sakura landed on the gravel in front of Kabuto with a crunch, mallet slung over her shoulder. "Scared the hell out of him."
"Stop talking, Sakura." Sasuke appeared from Kabuto's right, the purple flames of Susanoo flaring around him. "Or you'll get to witness first-hand my Power of Youth."
"Team Cluckers, Assemble!" Naruto and Mr Cluckers appeared out of the gloom behind Kabuto.
"Mah, Naruto, that hardly seems fair. I liked Team Seven." Kakashi's helicopter lowered itself to Kabuto's left, his loudspeaker-enhanced voice coming out of a cone on the helicopter's roof.
Kabuto raised his hands. Fighting this would be suicide.
"I surrender!" he yelled to Kakashi. Or tried to. His voice couldn't be heard above the whir of the helicopter.
Somehow, though, he could hear everyone else's.
"Look out, he's got hands!"
"Code Youth!"
"Take him down!"
"Bkkaw!"
There was a flash of yellow, and Sakura's mallet slammed into his head. Kabuto sunk to the ground, and knew no more.
Kakashi desummoned his helicopter, and fell to the ground. "You didn't kill him, did you?"
Sakura grinned. "Of course not! We don't kill people!"
"We don't?"
"Nope! We rehabilitate them! That's why that helicopter shoots rubber bullets!"
Naruto scratched the back of his head. "So, what now?"
"Well, first we go see Hiruzen Sarutobi. Then," Sakura gave him a thumbs-up. "We go to Wave!"
"Wave?" Sasuke asked.
"WAVE!" Sakura yelled.
"Wave." Kakashi shrugged.
"WAAAAAAAVE!" Sakura screamed, raising her clenched fists to the heavens.
...
..
...
"We're going to Wave Country."
So, yep, this happened. It didn't need to happen, it maybe even shouldn't have happened, but it happened. And I thought it might be fun to take a break from the heady, emotional stuff of Failed Reset (my other, much more serious story on time travel). Because this is a nice story. And nobody dies in a nice story.
Also, I am aware of the existence of Clucky. Memories of his existence hit me about half-way through this story. It may have been a factor, and I understand if you are feeling disgruntled about it. Please do not message me about it.
...
..
...
They're going to Wave Country.
