Broken Memories
Author: Luminera
Rating: R
Genres: Agnst, Romance, Hurt/Comfort, Qui/Obi, AU
Summary: After a being held captive for nearly a year and healing for another, Obi-Wan returns to the temple. As he tries to rebuild relationships and regain memories, his feelings for his former Master reappear.
Warnings: Slash...if you consider that a warning.
Disclaimer: I don't own any of these characters. Please do not sue me as I have no money and I make no money off of this sordid little tale.
Author's Note: Qui-Gon is alive and kicking and training Anakin. Insert any death-cheating scenerio you wish. My personal favorite is the Obi-Wan I-can't-loose-you force whammy.
Feedback: If you are so moved, please let me know what you think.
He stood outside the temple, staring. People bustled up and down the stairs to the main entrance, focused on their next destination. He wondered for a moment if perhaps he should come back later, when the temple was less crowded. But he was here now and he couldn't turn back. He wouldn't make it through another trip.
Instead of proceeding up the stairs he sat on a step and pulled a pack of cigarettes out of his jacket. He shook a cigarette out of the pack and lit up. It was a strange sight, a young man in worn jeans, a tight blue t-shirt, and a leather jacket smoking on the steps of the temple. People were not supposed to linger on the temple steps. While not forbidden, it was regarded as rude to act so casually near the house of the revered Jedi. No one seemed to notice him, though, each person walking around him without even a curious glance. He sucked on the cigarette until all that remained was the filter. Flicking it away, he stood up and moved into the crowed walking up the temple steps.
He walked through the halls silently, attracting no attention from the citizens or Jedi passing through the corridors. Even in the crowded lift, his fellow passengers simply made room for his presence, never acknowledging the slightly dirty man that reeked of cigarettes and cheap beer.
He finally arrived at his destination. The doors to the council chamber loomed before him, the wooden doors a testament to the ancient Code that ruled the actions of the beings inside. He stood for a few moments before the receptionist, a senior padawan by the looks of his braid, acknowledged his presence.
"May I help you sir?" the young man asked, standing up and moving in front of his desk. He was moving into a defensive stance.
"Yes, I'm here to speak with the council."
"Do you have an appointment?" Clearly worried about the intentions of the visitor, the young padawan moved between him and the council chamber door.
"As a matter of fact, I do. So if you'll just step aside…" He pushed the padawan aside and moved toward the doors only to be stopped by a fierce look and a firm grip.
"Look, I don't know who you are, but you can't just walk into the chamber. There are protocols to follow."
"I assure you that I've followed all necessary protocol. But if you must, you may com Master Yoda to insure that I am expected."
The young man seemed unsure, but eventually he walked away, pulling out his com and turning his back to the visitor. He spoke softly. His shoulders tensed and he turned back towards the strange man.
"It seems you are expected."
"Yes, of course." The visitor arched his eyebrow, executed a graceful bow and then swiftly entered the chamber.
He walked to the center of the chamber and stopped, simply staring out at the passing traffic, waiting to be acknowledged.
"Good to see you it is. Missed you have been."
He tore his eyes from the cityscape, focusing on Master Yoda intently.
"Long we searched for you Obi-Wan. So long."
"I know Master. I was told of your efforts."
"Were you held captive Knight Kenobi? What happened?" Jedi Master Mace Windu leaned forward as he asked these questions, examining the newly returned Knight.
"I was captured Master Windu. I've sent all the information I remember to Master Yoda. It isn't much, but…perhaps it will help."
"Do you remember who held you?" Master Windu asked.
"It was a Sith. I am certain. It was the Sith I was chasing on my last mission."
"Gone a long time you have been. Nearly two years. Return now why do you?" Yoda questioned.
"I managed to escape nearly a year ago," Obi-Wan right hand twitched. He promised himself a cigarette the minute he left this chamber.
"I was injured. I barely made it out alive, but I managed to steal a transport and escape. I needed time to heal…I was not prepared to return to the temple, to become a Jedi again. I'm not sure I'll ever…" he stopped himself.
"I remained on a sparsely populated planet for a few months, healing, and then I found my way to Lolena. I've spent all my time there. I would have remained there, but the Force and what remains of my sense of duty compelled me to move."
"I have information that is vital to the continuation of the Jedi Order. I was held by several dark Jedi. I remember a few of them, but the Sith Master's identity is tightly locked away in my mind. I've come here because I know that you can unlock this information Masters."
"Knight Kenobi, a mental probe is a very painful procedure. What you're suggesting would require the entire concentration of the council. We would all need to enter your mind." Master Windu's eyes narrowed in concern.
"I realize that. I am not unaware of the risks of the procedure. I've come here willingly. I owe it to the Order to do this. It is the only way."
"Consider it we will, but another way I wish there was."
"As do I." Obi-Wan hesitated and then took a deep breath. "Masters I have only one request. I need a place to stay while I am on Coruscant. I have little money."
"Welcome you always are Obi-Wan. Always have a home in the temple Jedi do."
"Master Yoda…I'm not…I mean, I can no longer be a Jedi. I'm…tainted. I would stay elsewhere, but I'm afraid the effects of the procedure will leave me in need of healers."
"A Jedi you still are and have always been. Stay here with your fellow Jedi you will. Informed of your arrival Master Jinn has been. Awaiting your presence in his quarters he is."
Obi-Wan blinked, clearly in shock. He had no intention of visiting Qui-Gon while he was here. In fact, he had every intention of avoiding his former Master like the Deluvian plague.
"That is not necessary. I…"
"Go you will or drag you there myself I will."
Obi-Wan hesitated, digging in his heels for a long argument, but he saw the determination in Yoda's eyes and felt the fight leave his body. He was much too tired to argue with the stubborn old troll.
"Of course Master Yoda."
He stood before the door, hesitating. The marker near the security scanner read "Jinn/Skywalker." He considered leaving. He could stay in the lower levels. There was always an empty bed down there, though not always a clean one. But Qui-Gon was waiting and, if he was honest with himself, he needed to see his old Master.
He held his breath and pushed the chime. The door slid open within seconds. Qui-Gon stood in the doorway, his hair neatly pulled back, his blue eyes shimmering with warmth, looking exactly as Obi-Wan remembered.
"Padawan," he said softly, pulling Obi-Wan into an embrace.
Obi-Wan remained stiff in his former Master's arms, unsure of how to respond.
"I've missed you so much my Padawan," Qui-Gon whispered. "They all said you were dead, but I knew, I knew."
Qui-Gon finally pulled away and looked at Obi-Wan, scanning him from head to toe. Obi-Wan looked away, unable to meet his Master's watery eyes.
"You look hungry. I've prepared dinner, or Anakin has at least" he said.
"You didn't have to do this. I could stay somewhere else. I'm sure there are empty Knight quarters or something."
"Are you kidding? You belong here my padawan. I've missed you so much," He lifted his finger and brushed the hair out of Obi-Wan's eyes.
"You've let it grow. I always knew it would look lovely long."
"Yes, well, I never seem to find the time to cut it."
Obi-Wan stood awkwardly, fighting not to fidget as Qui-Gon continued to stare at him, smiling.
"I knew you would return to me, my padawan," he whispered.
A soft cough came from the kitchen doorway and Obi-Wan turned to see a fifteen year-old Anakin Skywalker looking back at him.
"It's good to see you back Knight Kenobi."
"Thank you Anakin. And please call me Obi-Wan." Obi-Wan smiled in what he hoped was a warm manner. He and Anakin had begun to develop a friendly relationship before he disappeared. From the fierce look in Anakin's eyes, he feared that he had lost any favor he had with the padawan during his absence.
Anakin turned his attention to Qui-Gon. "It will be ready in a few minutes Master. Would you like me to bring you some wine while you wait?"
"That would be nice Ani."
"I hope you did not go through too much trouble with dinner Anakin," Obi-Wan said before the padawan turned to return to the kitchen.
"No problem at all. I'm used to cooking. Qui-Gon would starve without me. Or at least that's what he keeps saying."
Anakin returned to the kitchen and Qui-Gon motioned for Obi-Wan to sit on the couch in the living room. Obi-Wan sat down and Qui-Gon sat next to him, leaving little room between them. He grabbed the younger man's hand and held it between his own.
"When Yoda called me three days ago with news of your return…I…I've never felt such joy. Everyone had given up on you my Obi-Wan. I came close, but I could not. I could still feel you, faintly. I never completely lost hope."
Obi-Wan pulled his hand from between Qui-Gon's and averted his eyes. His fingers twitched. He wanted to get out of here, away from Qui-Gon's eyes, which seemed to be swinging between complete joy and dreadful concern. He was unsure of how to respond to a declaration of such utter devotion.
"I'm glad you did not loose faith Qui-Gon." He said, hoping Qui-Gon did not notice the slight emphasis he put on the word you.
Anakin walked into the living room with two glasses of wine, handing one to each of the men.
"All we had was the pinot Master, I hope that's okay."
"That's fine padawan, thank you."
Anakin returned to the kitchen. The living room settled into a slightly awkward silence. Qui-Gon slowly sipped his wine, while Obi-Wan unconsciously downed half his glass.
"There is no need to rush Obi-Wan, we're in no hurry."
Obi-Wan smiled nervously and proceeded to sip his wine more slowly. He mentally slapped himself for being so jumpy around his master. He grew up with this man for Force sake. He could certainly enjoy a glass of wine with him.
"Master Yoda did not tell me much about your absence. Your ship was found with no obvious damage. Some said you had left the order, though I knew better."
"Master Yoda does not know the whole story. Only bits. I don't even remember everything." He fiddled with the stem of his wine glass. "I was captured by the Sith I had been hunting. I managed to escape, but spent a year on another planet…recovering. I wasn't prepared to return to the Jedi…I still not sure I am. I guess my sense of duty was too strong to keep me away though."
Qui-Gon clasped his hand again and Obi-Wan visibly tensed. "You were gone for two years my padawan. How long were you held?" His voice fell into a whisper at the end, as if he feared speaking the words too loudly.
"A little under a year, I think. It was hard to keep track of the days." Obi-Wan gulped down the last bit of his wine and pulled his hand away from his Master's.
"I searched for you. But they called me back after months of fruitless leads. I would have continued to search, but…Anakin needed me and I think I needed him as well. I'm sorry I did not search longer and harder"
"I don't blame you for returning to Anakin. You would never have found me anyway." He put down his empty glass on the table.
"Will you tell me what happened Obi-Wan? Master Yoda only told me that you were held and he was evasive about the nature of your return." Qui-Gon's eyes pleaded with him even though his voice held a hint of fear. He wasn't sure he was prepared to hear the answer.
Obi-Wan took a deep breath. "I will tell you eventually, before…
"Dinner's ready," Anakin proclaimed as he walked into the living room, a dishtowel slung over his shoulder.
Qui-Gon stood and held out his hand for Obi-Wan to take. Obi-Wan hesitated and then allowed his former Master to help him up. "Well then, I believe it's time to eat," he said with a smile in his eyes.
"That was delicious Padawan," Qui-Gon said as he swallowed his last bit of food.
"Glad to know I'm appreciated," Anakin said, smiling broadly.
"Yes, well there are one or two reasons I keep you around," Qui-Gon said with a smile.
Anakin stood up and began to pick up the empty plates. "I live to serve you my Master," Anakin said, trying to look contrite but failing as a smirk tugged on his lips.
Obi-Wan shifted in his seat, feeling slightly uncomfortable during the exchange. He leaned over to pick up a glass. "You must let me clean up after you've feed me so well," he said.
"Certainly not, Anakin can handle the clean up. It isn't much." He moved to take the glass out of Obi-Wan's hand, but Obi-Wan moved to stand at the exact moment. Qui-Gon accidentally knocked the glass out of his hand and it fell to the floor, shattering. Obi-Wan leaned down to begin picking up the shards.
"I'm so sorry Qui-Gon. I've been clumsier than usual lately." He began to hastily pick up the pieces of glass, feeling nervous, like a child waiting for punishment.
"It's okay Obi-Wan. Let me get a broom. You'll cut yourself picking it up." Obi-Wan continued to pick up the pieces of glass, refusing to meet Qui-Gon's gaze. Qui-Gon reached over to lift his chin and Obi-Wan flinched. It was slight and would have been unnoticeable to anyone other than the two other Jedi in the room. The room fell awkwardly silent.
Qui-Gon continued to pull up Obi-Wan's chin and forced him to meet his eyes. Qui-Gon looked slightly hurt and confused. Obi-Wan looked away and saw Anakin looking at him with the same expression. He pulled away from Qui-Gon and looked down at his hand. He was bleeding.
Qui-Gon noticed and grabbed a napkin and pressed it into the shallow cut. Obi-Wan tensed, but allowed him to continue. Anakin began to clear the rest of the table and retrieved a broom from the kitchen. The room remained silent as he swept up the broken glass.
Obi-Wan finally yanked his hand away from Qui-Gon's. "I'll just go clean this off in the bathroom." He quickly stood up and disappeared from the kitchen.
"He's afraid." Anakin said.
"I know," Qui-Gon replied as he rubbed the bridge of his nose. "I just wish I knew why."
tbc
Next chapter should be up in a week. Please review.
