Okay, so this is the first ever (serious) fanfic that I've ever written and I don't write much in English, either, since it's not my native language and so I just want to apologize in advance for any mistakes. This'll probably be around five chapters or so but we'll see. It's pretty much all about the drama that unfolds after 9x24, focus on Japril with appearances of other characters. I don't own the characters, if I did these two would be married by now (Jackson & April, that is).
She could have kicked herself. What was the matter with her? Could she have chosen any words that were less appropriate?
She sighed and looked down in the amber liquid filling her glass, and promising numbness. The soft murmur of voices and the gentle clinking of glasses that filled Joe's were soothing to her ears after all the noise of a frantic ER room. But it didn't feel better. She winced and squeezed her eyes shut. That was no better either, now images were flooding inside her eyelids as well.
First, the sight of Bailey panicking, shouting. 'We do not give up on him, he has never given up on any of us, do you hear me? We do not give up on this man.' Tears in her eyes and in her voice.
Then Owen, desperately trying to keep the situation under control, shocking him and stop his heart from failing.
At last they'd managed to get the badly scarred heart going again, but he was hanging on by a thread.
The images and sounds of the ER were soon succeeded by the recollection of the stony silence behind the curtains at Jackson's hospital bed. At first, his eyes had been completely unreadable and she'd almost squirmed under his gaze. And as a scowl had started to form on his face, her pager had gone off and she'd had to rush off. But she knew she'd said the completely wrong thing.
April opened her eyes and downed her drink, grimacing and then gesturing for another. After another shot she decided it was time to call it quits. She gathered her things and left some money on the bar. When she turned around she nearly collided with a tall broad-shouldered figure.
'Jesus, Matthew, you scared me.'
'I'm sorry, didn't mean to sneak up on you.'
She sighed when she saw his somber expression. They needed to talk. Might as well be now, though she'd rather hoped to put it off until the morning, at least.
'Can we get out of here and then talk?' she asked, desperate to get some air.
He nodded and together without touching they went outside. As the cool night-air hit her face she immediately felt... well, not better, but at least clearer and calmer. They started walking in the general direction of her apartment and Matthew cleared his throat.
'What was going on out there, really?'
April swallowed.
'I, uh, yeah, I guess there was no way you didn't see that.' She looked at him tentatively and was met with his inquiring eyes, suspicion somehow set in the lines around his mouth. 'I don't know if you know about my history with Jackson, but he was the one who...' She trailed off, couldn't bring herself to say it.
'Oh, okay,' he simply replied, 'and?'
'We broke it off, but... I guess I'm...,' at last she finally blurted it out, 'I am so so sorry, Matthew, but I think I'm still in love with him and I didn't know until I thought he was dead and I really don't want to hurt you but I have to be honest with you.'
She glanced up at him and quickly turned her eyes back down when she saw his expression. Tears were forming in the corners of his eyes and his lips were shut tight, making his mouth only a thin line. She took a deep breath and went on.
'And it wouldn't be fair to string you along, and please know that you are such an amazing person and so perfect and would you please say something.'
Clearing his throat, he finally spoke:
'I guess I knew as soon as I saw you flip out in the ER,' he said. 'But I wanted to hope, so I gave you the benefit of the doubt. What I don't understand is how you could say you wanted to marry me unless you were absolutely sure?'
'Because I was sure, Matthew, or I really thought I was. You're the perfect guy, really, you are and exactly what would've been right for me if it hadn't been for … All the Jackson drama, I guess,' she finished, rather meekly. Suddenly she remembered something, and slowly she slid off the ring from her left finger.
'Okay,' he said. He looked at her when she offered the ring and took it, hurt apparent in his entire demeanor now. His shoulders slumped when he turned the ring over in his fingers. 'It probably was too soon anyway.'
April didn't say anything, wishing so much that she didn't have to do this.
They came to a stop at a crossroads where their paths diverged.
He was desperate to get away from her, that much was clear, so she simply stood on her tippy toes and kissed him on the cheek.
'I am so so sorry, I never meant to hurt you. And you will make the right woman the happiest in the world someday, I know it.' She managed a smile. Nodding, he tried to smile too, but it was more a grimace of trying to hold the tears back.
'Goodbye,' he said hoarsely and promptly turned around and left.
April stood there, shivering, feeling as though she'd just let go of the only thing that made sense in her life, and that she would now walk home, away from the surest road to safety and the promise of a happily ever after.
