Never Meant To Last
Authors: Gosgirl and Bamacrush
Rating: K
Pairing: Abby/Gibbs
Category: Romance/friendship
Spoilers: Life Before His Eyes
Disclaimer: No copyright infringement is intended. NCIS and its characters are the property of DPB and CBS.
Summary: Episode tag to Life Before His Eyes. Will his brush with his past allow Gibbs to move onto his future? First time Gabby.
A/N: Not sure we can do this incredibly moving episode justice but this is a birthday present for dear friends, With the Grain and Gibbsredhoodie; trust those two hooligans to share a birthday this week! Posting it early as we'll be away on the actual day!
Chapter 1 – Right Choice
The distinctive sound of Abby's hearse pulling up outside his house greeted Gibbs as he came downstairs. Her visit wasn't unexpected, despite trying to reassure her on the phone earlier that he really was okay, not badly injured and that she should continue her trip.
He should have known Abby wouldn't listen... and would need to see him for herself.
After what they'd thought was the closure of the case yesterday, Abby had gone ahead with her intended couple of days off to visit friends just outside DC. So she'd not been at the Navy Yard this morning for the aftermath of the shooting... dream... purgatory... limbo...whatever the heck he should call what had happened to him at the diner.
But Gibbs had taken a moment during the afternoon to ring Abby, knowing she'd chew his ass off if she found out too late that he'd been shot... again. Even if it was only a flesh wound, Gibbs knew she'd need convincing that he was okay.
So despite not expecting Abby back till tomorrow, the sound of her car and the sight of her pigtailed figure hurrying up his driveway wasn't entirely a surprise... or, if he was totally honest with himself, unwelcome.
And that alone surprised him.
After arriving home from the Navy Yard earlier, Gibbs had showered the day off, careful to keep his bandage dry, before changing into his sleep-pants and a sweatshirt. It was too early to sleep but he had no energy for anything other than slumping on the couch and looking through a few photographs, wallowing in his memories, and turning over in his mind the bizarre events of the day.
He'd gone through so many emotions this morning and had then spent the rest of the day wondering if he'd imagined the whole thing. But it was too real... too accurate... too heartbreaking.
He'd had a glimpse today of two extremes.
A life that had turned out better for some of his team, as well as a grim alternative for himself that had made him feel ashamed... a reflection in the mirror that he hated, not least because it had been all too plausible. A self-created hell that Gibbs could so easily imagine might have happened.
And he'd been given the opportunity to talk to... to touch... his beloved Shannon and Kelly again, and been faced with an alternative life for them that was gut wrenching.
If he hadn't been injured this morning and his arm didn't ache like hell now, he'd be down in the basement. But he could still climb inside the bourbon just as well up here as down there.
There was a lot to think about.
Not least how this morning had convinced him that it was time to give in to what he'd wanted for a long time... to move his relationship with Abby on from being more than just friends. He'd loved her for years and had suspected... hoped... for a while that Abby felt the same, but they'd both been dancing round one another for years.
In the last year, they'd gradually become even closer and had been spending a lot more time together outside of work.
So this experience was pushing him even more to realise that he shouldn't wait. That life was too precious to waste.
Pulled from this thoughts, Gibbs heard the front door open and moved to the doorway of the living room to intercept Abby.
He looked Abby over as she came into his hallway and stopped dead to stare at him. Abby's porcelain skin was even paler than usual and there were smudges under her eyes, which looked red-rimmed as if she'd been crying.
Gibbs expected her to rush headlong at him and throw her arms round him in one of her tackle hugs and braced himself in readiness, but Abby surprised him even more when she merely walked slowly towards him, stopping when she was right in front of him.
"Which arm?" she asked, softly.
When Gibbs gestured to his right arm, Abby stepped close and gently wrapped her arms round him, carefully avoiding his injury. Pressing her nose into his neck, she rested her head on his shoulder and leaned against him, sighing, "Oh, Gibbs."
His arms wrapped round her instinctively, pulling her close and a hand came up to cup the back of her head. Gibbs turned his head to bury his nose in her hair, breathing in the sweet and familiar smell of her shampoo, letting her presence wash over him.
Her silence was bothering him.
Not that he wasn't content to just stand there and hold her... and be held, but the quiet was most un-Abby-like. He'd expected by now to be listening to a high speed babble as she paced and got all her worry out of her system. It was how she was... how she coped with stress.
And he wouldn't have her any other way.
But Abby just stood there and held him, her warm breath ghosting over his neck, her arms loosely but firmly clasped around him.
After a few minutes waiting for her to move or speak, Gibbs squeezed her gently and asked. "Abby, you okay?"
"I should be asking you that, Gibbs." She eventually pulled away, holding him at arms length to look him over.
"I'm... fine. A little sore but as I told ya on the phone, it's just a flesh wound," he shrugged. "I've had worse."
When Abby didn't respond but just stood there gazing up at him, worrying at her bottom lip, Gibbs went on. "What ya doing here? What happened to visiting ya friends?"
"I came back early," Abby shook her head and this time she did start to pace, wrapping her arms round herself as she continued, getting into her verbal stride.
"I just couldn't stay... not when you're hurt. I thought you might need me and I... I just needed to see you for myself, Gibbs... the last time you were shot, you tried to tell me it was just a scratch and it wasn't," she reminded him, voice breaking on the last word, her green eyes glittering with what looked suspiciously like tears.
He snagged her hand as Abby passed him and pulled her to a halt in front of him, lacing their fingers together. "Well, this time it is a scratch, Abbs. Although I doubt I'm up for any rolfing yet," he teased in an attempt to lighten her mood.
He was rewarded with a ghost of a smile. "Guess I'll have to save that for another day then."
Gibbs squeezed her hand. "I'll hold you to that, Abbs. C'mon." He tugged her hand and led her into the kitchen, pouring them both coffee and adding milk and sugar to hers, conscious of her eyes on him the entire time.
After Abby accepted the mug, taking a grateful sip of the steaming liquid, she asked, quietly. "What happened, Gibbs?"
He glanced over at her. Huh, that's a good question.
Gibbs took a deep breath, sipping his own coffee as he debated how much to tell her. He eventually sighed and started off with the bare bones of the shooting, leaving out the hinky bit in the middle for now.
Abby leaned against the counter, listening without interrupting, worry in her green eyes, the hand not holding her mug fidgeting with the hem of her T-shirt. When Gibbs finished, she sighed, "I'm glad Elaine was okay. She must've been really scared."
Gibbs smiled inwardly as he remembered Elaine's feisty reaction to both the shooter and his injury, refusing to let him leave until she'd administered first aid herself. "Y'know Elaine, she's stronger than all of us. Made me sit down while she stuck a bandage on it," he gestured to his shoulder.
This time Abby's smile reached her eyes. "That'll get her a bit nearer her proposal then."
Gibbs grinned at her. "Good to have a back-up... for when you turn me down."
He saw her roll her eyes at his teasing, pleased to see Abby looked more relaxed than when she'd arrived. He wondered what Abby would say if she knew he wasn't entirely teasing.
Gibbs tilted his head in invitation and Abby followed him into the living room, the fire throwing a welcome warmth across the room, adding to the glow cast by the single lamp.
Abby halted in the doorway as she spotted the photos spread all across the coffee table. "Oh, I'm sorry, Gibbs. I didn't realize you were busy."
"No, it's okay, Abbs." He beckoned as he sat on the couch. "Come, sit."
Abby settled somewhat nervously next to him, perching on the edge of the couch, trying not to stare too blatantly at the photos.
He'd had shared some of these photos with Abby over the years, usually one at a time when he chose to, but it was the first time he'd had the whole lot out when she was here. Gibbs was expecting his usual reaction to overtake him... an urge to put them all out of sight quickly. He surprised himself again when that didn't happen.
"Look, Gibbs, I feel like I'm intruding and I don't want to pry, you know that. I should go." Abby made as if to stand up again and his hand came to rest on her arm.
"Stay, Abbs... please."
Abby glanced at Gibbs, startled at his unaccustomed please and saw nothing but sincerity in his warm gaze. She eventually nodded and shifted back on the couch, and Gibbs reacted by pulling her closer to his uninjured side.
Still feeling uncomfortable, Abby nevertheless watched Gibbs' expression closely when he hesitated before lifting a pile of photos to begin flicking through them. When Gibbs paused at a photo of Shannon, running his fingers lightly over the smiling face of his beloved first wife, Abby felt her heart squeeze in her chest, astonished that he was sharing this with her.
Gibbs drew in a shaky breath, feeling the events of the morning crowding in again, grateful for Abby's warm quiet presence at his side. He handed Abby the photograph and glanced up to see her gentle smile as she gazed down at the image.
"She was so beautiful," she whispered.
She'd seen this photo once before when it was on his workbench one evening when she visited and he hadn't put it away then, seemingly content to let it lie there while he worked on his boat as Abby sat on the stairs watching him.
"Mmm, she was... Kelly looked like her." He picked up another, his thoughts far away as his fingers traced the features of his precious daughter, before handing Abby the photo.
Abby gazed down at the smiling face of the little girl. "But she had her dad's eyes." She'd have known those vivid blues anywhere.
"And her mom's temper," he smiled fondly.
"Look at that cheeky face..." Abby smiled gently at him as she handed him back the photo. "I bet she was a bundle of energy and mischief."
His smile was wistful. "She sure was. You'd have liked her."
Abby leaned her head on his shoulder and felt Gibbs rest his cheek on her hair. "I know I would."
"She'd have liked you too..." he murmured. "She'd have wanted a tattoo."
"And I'd have snuck her out to get one too," she admitted, smiling when Gibbs bumped her shoulder. "Was she very like Shannon?" Abby went on timidly after a few minutes of a silence that was surprisingly comfortable.
"Oh yeah," he chuckled, gazing down at the image of his little girl, memories washing through him. "They could sound the same when they told me off. She was stubborn too."
"Like you then," Abby teased gently.
Gibbs glanced down at her, chuckling softly. "Like us both. She got a double dose."
They both fell silent, lost in their individual thoughts. Abby hesitated to break into the quiet but eventually spoke.
"If I could have one wish, Gibbs. I'd give your girls back to you... I'd want them alive. Anything to take away your pain and give you some happiness again," Abby whispered, blinking back tears which suddenly threatened to blind her.
Gibbs drew in a shaky breath and leaned forward, struck to the core by her words, rubbing his hands over his face.
Abby reached out a tentative hand to his shoulder but stopped before making contact, her hand dropping to her lap. "I'm sorry, Gibbs. I didn't mean to overstep..." she trailed off, kicking herself for reminding him of what he could never have.
If there was one person who wouldn't find the events of this morning... hinky... it would be Abby, and Gibbs made a decision.
"Hey... it's okay," his voice was thick with emotion as he blindly reached for her hand. "It's just... I saw them. Earlier today... I saw Shannon and Kelly."
"What do you mean?" Abby frowned, lacing their fingers together, wondering at the vulnerable expression on his face.
Gibbs gazed off into the distance for a few moments before he found his voice. "I, er... I died, this morning, Abbs... or was about to die, or whatever the hell happened. At least I think I did."
TBC...
A/N: one more chapter...
