Love Someone
By: Kiku Nakamura
I have always been a dreamer. I should tell you who I am first, no? I am Fine. No, not the emotion, my name. Being born on September 11th, I believed so well that I would find someone to love me some day.
It sounds crazy, but a girl can hope. That's what I'll do.
Let me tell you this, being born on the 11th makes a person, especially prone to be stuck in daydreams. It's totally true. I find myself thinking a lot more than I actually need to most of the time. I guess that it is not a completely bad thing, I just have more insight than others do.
I have to clarify something for you, dear reader. I'm looking for someone to like me for me; I have never said that I do not like anyone. There, my friend is a major difference. See here, the thing is there is someone that I like. I'm waiting for someone to love me, not the other way around.
I'm good at balancing my soccer and school grades. Lately, some grades for classes are lower than my classmates which is saying a lot because I am in the Top Three students of the class. It's becoming the downfall of Straight-A's-Fine. That I am not glad about. Really. I do have a future to think about. After high school, my academics and after-school activities will tell if I make it into a good college and future careers.
Some people tell me to live for the moment, but I actually care about what I become after my early education. I don't wanna be some slut walking around town or a sanitation worker for that matter. I mean being an athlete would mean a lot, but I'd have to start young. That would mean I probably might not have a degree in anything, which is kind of sad.
You should also know some more about the boy that I like. I mean this is what it's about, no? I'll take that as a yes. Back to the subject here, I like Shade. Every day just gets harder when he in my class, you know? Some other girls would die to have their crush in the same classroom for eight periods in a row, that is including lunch (the class sits at the same table that's connected). Life has never been better. Yes, that was sarcasm.
I just realized how I didn't really tell you much about Shade. I get so easily off topic. He's the captain of the Boy's Varsity Soccer Team as I'm lead of the Girl's. We have face-offs every so often, but with me, the girl's usual kick butt at the meets. Most of the time though, it's usually me against Shade. Either I'd be running down the field playing defense for the goalie, or he'd be defending his goal. I teased him when we would be in class. I think that's like the only times that we actually talk. He never calls me or answers my texts. Damn that boy! He is just so irritating. Sometimes- fine, most of the time- I ask my heart , 'why him?' Love is just so confusing this way. I mean we haven't talked in so long. He never initiates a conversation. I hold too much pride to lead an apology. What would I even apologize for? Not being a stupid person embarrassing themselves? I dunno. Life goes on... I hope.
Now you're probably wondering how I like this kid without even talking to him most of the time. The thing here is that we used to talk. I got my seat changed, never sat near him again. Then there was Rein, my sister. Don't even get me started. She apparently thinks that we are "cute" together, so I really just don't comprehend that. Now, she's got the whole class to think that we are the perfect couple other than Altezza and Auler, who which I have to say actually do look cute together. But Shade and I? Not happening.
I'm telling you all this because honestly, I needed to get it off my chest. Talking to real people these days just give trust issues. What if they turn their backs on you? What if your sister wanted to tell an embarrassing story just to harass or blackmail you? See, being the really clever girl that I just am, I learn to analyze each situation carefully, until all the truth that I've said tears me down.
Before anything crazy ever happened, I think Shade might have actually liked me. Rein probably scared him away though. Even though he just pulled back from my life, I just can't seem to get him pulled out of my head. I used to just think that liking someone in high school could easily been withdrawn from like an elementary school crush. It isn't though; it's more like a person in depression of coffee or even worse, drugs. I never really wanted it to get to this point. I had no clue it was going to be like this. I never thought I would experience a crush so strong like this.
I used to be able to focus my attention to the front of the class. These days, I just can't help but to glance every now and then in Shade's direction. Is he the best looking guy in the grade, or even the class? No. I don't think I liked him for his looks. I can't even explain how I like him. It was a force of nature and was so natural. Just to like him.
I don't know how this will end up. Maybe he didn't like anyone. I think that would be for the best. What am I to him so that I could say if he would need my opinion in him liking someone anyways?
I pretty sure that if he told me that he liked me, I wouldn't know how to act. I've written about love and nevertheless read about it, but when it comes to me, soccer is such an easier game to play. You just go by the rules and everything becomes clear. The referee said if something was fair, but in this game, there's no one to judge but ourselves.
Living in a world where there is no ups and downs and completely not basic human order. I do not want to live like that nor this. However, one day, I'll be able to play this game without regrets. Maybe we'll even make up and we'll be friends again. If he likes me back, life just got turned into a roller coaster ride and I would have to admit that it would be my heart becoming the sheer force that the coaster needed to use. It'd beat faster at times and slow down to feel like death at other times.
I really wanted to write this and I did. The ideas were stuck in my head for a while, but I decided just to go with it and see how it would go.
I also thought about making this a story and not a one shot. I t isn't completely done yet.
This is one of my better works. Review what you think.
IM LOOKING FOR A BETA-READER FOR THAT YEAR AND A HALF. YOU WILL GET TO READ IT BEFORE THE UPDATE IS IN. JUST THINK ABOUT IT.
As always, keep on reading.
Signed,
Ivy
