What We Have Lost
By Barbara
Disclaimer: They ain't mine. I wish they were, but they belong to someone else.
Sandoval stared down at Kincaid's convulsing body. At this moment, he truly hated Kincaid. He'd thought he'd been dealing with the mix of emotions Kincaid generated in him- until last night.
Last night, he's seen, or thought he'd seen, DeeDee. She'd been smiling, laughing. He'd lost her before he could approach her. It couldn't be her, though. Boone had killed her. But seeing her, hearing her, had brought back everything. He remembered how they had been, before the CVI, the MI, had made him put her away in that hospital. Her smile, her laugh, the way her eyes shone when he surprised her- he remembered everything perfectly.
As he looked down on Kincaid, he wondered why Da'an thought he didn't need a CVI. Why had Da'an gone against the Synod for Kincaid, but not for him? What made Kincaid better than him, that he didn't need a CVI? Da'an clearly saw something in Kincaid he hadn't seen in Sandoval. Why else had he gotten a CVI and not Kincaid? And because of that CVI, DeeDee was dead. Because Da'an hadn't trusted him like he trusted Kincaid, DeeDee was dead. But Kincaid would never have that problem - would never have to deal with a motivational imperative forcing him to commit his wife, eventually leading to her death- and at that moment Sandoval hated Kincaid for that. Kincaid had been able to work for the Taelons without sacrificing his family, Sandoval hadn't. Kincaid represented everything Sandoval had wished had happened with him, and he hated Kincaid for being that lucky.
Maybe later, he'd feel guilty for what he was doing to Kincaid. Right now, he just wanted the man who was so much better than him that he didn't need a motivational imperative to suffer. In DeeDee's memory.
End
By Barbara
Disclaimer: They ain't mine. I wish they were, but they belong to someone else.
Sandoval stared down at Kincaid's convulsing body. At this moment, he truly hated Kincaid. He'd thought he'd been dealing with the mix of emotions Kincaid generated in him- until last night.
Last night, he's seen, or thought he'd seen, DeeDee. She'd been smiling, laughing. He'd lost her before he could approach her. It couldn't be her, though. Boone had killed her. But seeing her, hearing her, had brought back everything. He remembered how they had been, before the CVI, the MI, had made him put her away in that hospital. Her smile, her laugh, the way her eyes shone when he surprised her- he remembered everything perfectly.
As he looked down on Kincaid, he wondered why Da'an thought he didn't need a CVI. Why had Da'an gone against the Synod for Kincaid, but not for him? What made Kincaid better than him, that he didn't need a CVI? Da'an clearly saw something in Kincaid he hadn't seen in Sandoval. Why else had he gotten a CVI and not Kincaid? And because of that CVI, DeeDee was dead. Because Da'an hadn't trusted him like he trusted Kincaid, DeeDee was dead. But Kincaid would never have that problem - would never have to deal with a motivational imperative forcing him to commit his wife, eventually leading to her death- and at that moment Sandoval hated Kincaid for that. Kincaid had been able to work for the Taelons without sacrificing his family, Sandoval hadn't. Kincaid represented everything Sandoval had wished had happened with him, and he hated Kincaid for being that lucky.
Maybe later, he'd feel guilty for what he was doing to Kincaid. Right now, he just wanted the man who was so much better than him that he didn't need a motivational imperative to suffer. In DeeDee's memory.
End
