Dane was in his room getting dressed for the first day in his new home, South Park. He looked in the mirror to look at himself. He was of average height for someone his age, his brown hair was in its usual style, somewhat messy . A green hoodie, black pants, and black shoes. Finally, he took note of the scar on his left eye, running down from near the lower side of his forehead to the lowest part of his nose. He never knew where he got it, and his parents never explained where it came from.
His parents came in. "Hey son, how are you liking the new room?" His Dad asked.
"It's nice, bit basic though." Dane replied.
His Mom smiled."Well, don't worry sweety. we'll get the rest of your stuff out of storage later. Why don't you go out and play with the other kids? There's some money on the counter for you. Go out and try to have a nice day." Dane's Mom said, they then left the room.
Since he had nothing better to do, Dane went downstairs, (stopping by the kitchen to pick up some money, in case he needed it,) and went out to meet the other kids in South Park.
Dane decided to go around the neighborhood to try and find some kids to play with. A small distance away from his house that he saw a kid dressed as an elf beating up a kid with short, blonde spiky hair who was dressed like a paladin.
"Surrender, human." The "elf" asked.
"Never! Zaron will not fall!" The "paladin" replied as the "elf" delivered a blow that drew blood, making a small cut in the blonde kid's face. "Ah!" The "paladin" cried. Deciding this had gone far enough, Dane ran up and punched the "elf" in the back of the head, causing him to stagger forward.
"Ow!" The "elf" cried.
"I think you need a lesson on not playing rough, pal." Dane said, holding up his fist with an excpression that said that he meant it.
"You'll pay! No one messes with the High Jew Elf!" The "elf" replied and ran away.
Dane turned his attention to the "paladin."
"Thanks kid! I didn't realize he had a health potion." The "paladin" said, he then let out a gasp as he looked at look at Dane.
"Hey! You're the new kid in town right? The Wizard King told of your arrival! Come! We must make haste to Kupa Keep! Your destiny lies there!" The "paladin" explained. Dane looked at him quizzically. "What's with this guy? Is he some kind of RPer? And how'd this "Wizard King" learn about me? The grape vine? And what does he want with me? I'd better check this out." Dane thought.
"Hello? New kid?" The "paladin" asked.
"Okay, I'll come with you." Dane said.
"Whoopie! Alright, let's make haste to the castle!" The "paladin" said.
"Yep, definitely an RPer." Dane thought, but not insultingly. The two then began to walk down the sidewalk.
"So, what's your name, kid?" Dane asked.
"I'm Paladin Butters! I help protect the human lands of Zaron from the Drow Elves of Larnion. I'm in service of the Wizard King Cartman, but my true lord is justice!" Butters explained. "What's your name?" He continued.
"I'm Dane Simons." Dane stated.
"Oh, Dane! That's a cool name!" Butters complimented.
"I like this kid." Dane thought, smiling. He then noticed that Butters stopped in front of a green house.
"This is the home of the Wizard King!" Butters explained. After that, he noticed a cardboard medieval tower in the house's backyard. "Yep, this is definitely the place." Dane thought. The two then entered. They quickly walked through the living room, then the kitchen, where Dane noticed an attractive, brown haired woman in a blue shirt sweeping the floor. "Huh, MILF." Dane thought as he watched her sweep. The two then exited to the backyard.
They walked into the backyard, and Dane was shocked at what he saw.
The entire place looked like a small medieval fair. A crudely made castle consisting of two cardboard towers and a tent stood in the center of it with two red banners with what looked like stars in the center. A "stables," made up of what resembled a makeshift wrestling ring with kitty litter in it instead of a mat. Dane also saw a kid in a lime green shirt with his tongue sticking out tending to the grey cat inside. To the right of that was a table with weapons and armor labeled "Armory", with a kid in a red coat and helmet apparently running it. Next to that was a stump that had a sign that read "Training Stump." A few dummies stood near the rock as if ready to attack it.
"Ah! I see Sir Butters has retrieved the New Kid as I requested!" Dane heard a high pitched yet somehow gravelly voice say. It was then he noticed two people standing in front of the castle. One was an overweight boy wearing wizard clothes holding a staff. The other was a girl(?) who was sort of dressed like Zelda.
"Yes, m'lord. He aided me in defeating an elf that was trying to foil my quest." Butters explained.
"Hmm, he must have been trying to get to the New Kid before you were. Damn crafty elves." The "wizard king" said. "No matter! We got to the New Kid first and that's all that matters! Welcome, lad, to the Kingdom of Kupa Keep!" The "wizard king" said.
Dane look at him quizzically. "K.K.K? Like the racists?" Dane asked.
The "wizard king" sighed. "No, not like those fags. Why does everyone say that?" The "wizard king" stated.
"Okay, fine, so what do you guys want from me?" Dane asked, wanting some answers.
"Yes, of course you must have some questions. You see, New Kid, humans are being threatened by the elves of Larnion. We had nearly lost hope until Coldwell Banker prophesied your arrival. You could possess the strength to tun the tide in the war. Do this and you will be a part of my kingdom. Oh, and by the way you may address me as Wizard King Cartman, Your Majesty or His Mightiest Dong." Cartman explained.
"What makes you think I'd want to be a part of your kingdom?" Dane asked, not seeing any benefit in going along with this game yet.
"Because if you don't we'll tell everyone at school you're uncool and no one will want to play with you." Cartman stated bluntly, momentarily breaking character.
"What?!" Dane gasped.
"The choice is yours."
"Shit. If I say no I'll be an outcast forever, and my parents will be disappointed that I didn't fit in. I guess I've gotta play along."
"Fine, I'll join." Dane said bitterly.
"Excellent choice, New Kid, now for your first quest. But first, please tell us, thy name." Cartman asked.
"I'm Dane Simons." Dane said.
"You have chosen the name, "Douchebag," are you sure you'd like to keep that name?" Cartman said, wearing a shit eating grin on his face. Dane heard some of the other kids laughing, including Butters.
"No, fatass, I said DANE SIMONS." Dane said, getting angry.
"Oh, I'm a fatass am I? Gues that nickname's gonna stick." Cartman thought. "Very well Douchebag, you will now choose a class. Fighter, Mage, Thief, or Jew." Cartman said, lying four cards on the table that displayed pictures of said classes. Dane picked up the Fighter card becaus he liked it, once he did, he began to feel woozy and his vision started getting blurry. He stumbled, but before he could Butters caught him. "Whoah there, Douchebag." He said, helping Dane up. The anger from being called that shocked Dane out of his stupor. "I'm-I'm fine, I'm okay. I'll be a Fighter." Dane said groggily, standing up.
"Alright, then. We welcome you to our kingdom, Douchebag the Fighter!"
