Fan Service

Sarah gasped and her eyes snapped open. What had awakened her? A noise?

Laughter.

Slowly she pulled the bed sheets and blankets from over her head – she had a habit of burrowing into the bedding—and peeked out into the darkness. Part of her already knew what she would find, but a teensy part of her still desperately hoped that once *just this once!* she would be wrong. She wasn't.

Across the room, a strange glow emanated from the area near her desk. Sarah groaned as her eyes adjusted and she was able to make out the form of the Goblin King, his elbow propped up on the arm rest of her desk chair, his chin resting atop a gloved hand, his long legs tossed over the other arm rest. He grinned and chuckled at something glowing faintly in his hand.

"Aw, geez," thought Sarah. "Is it another damned crystal?" She hated those things. But no, it wasn't another crystal. Sarah squinted in the dark to see. He held her tablet computer.

*Wh—what?*

His voice broke the silence of the room, but he didn't look up at her. His gaze remained focused on the illuminated screen of the tablet.

"You shouldn't leer, Sarah dear," he said softly yet sarcastically. "It's out of character for you."

"Out of…what?" Sarah stammered. "Jareth, what are you talking about? What are you even doing here?" she gushed on, angrily.

Jareth finally glanced up at her. "Well, reading obviously," he retorted. "That is, until you so rudely interrupted me with your lascivious staring."

Sarah felt her face flush with anger.

"I…rude…interrupted?" she seethed. "How dare you?"

Jareth paid no attention to her fuming, but focused his gaze back on the tablet. "Hmmm…" he purred. "Interesting."

Sarah fell back onto her pillow in frustration.

"Jareth, imply all you like," she said, looking up at the ceiling. "But I have no secret diaries or pictures or videos on that thing, so give it a rest. I have classes in the morning."

"Sarah, Sarah, Sarah," began Jareth, his voice like honey, "This is so much better than any silly diary, or unflattering pictures, or compromising videos. So much better," he chuckled. "Did you know, Love, that you and I are the subject of fan fiction?

"What?" Sarah sat bolt upright in her bed and stared at Jareth. He grinned wickedly at her and moved the tablet computer back and forth in her direction, taunting. Throwing her bedding aside, Sarah scrambled out of bed toward the desk, nearly tripping over a carelessly dropped sneaker as she moved to take the tablet away from Jareth.

"Give me that," she snapped, attempting to snatch the tablet from his hands. Jareth swatted her hand away and swiveled the chair around so that his back was to her.

"Now now, let's not be grabby. Unless…" Sarah could imagine the smirk on his pale, perfect face.

She stepped back and put her hands on her hips. "What are you talking about, Jareth? Fan fiction?"

"Yes, Precious," he replied, swiveling back around to face her again. "It's delightful! Well, most of it. Some of it is downright atrocious, but for the most part—"

"Jareth!" Sarah held out her hand. "Give. It. Now."

"Say please."

"Not a chance in hell."

"I thought not," said Jareth. "Well then, what will you give me in exchange?" His eyes narrowed and his arched eyebrows disappeared into his mass of silvery blond hair.

Sarah gritted her teeth. "Give you?" she growled. "I'll tell you what I'll give you. I'll give you three seconds to hand that over, Your Majesty, before I remove your royal jewels and contact juggle with them."

Jareth smirked and Sarah winced remembering that his twisted little mind could turn anything into innuendo.

"Really Sarah," he sighed. "You are ever so demanding. I give you so much, but you're just never…satisfied."

"Jareth…" Sarah warned.

"Very well, Precious. Here's your little tablet. See for yourself what I've found so utterly fascinating." He held the device out to her and Sarah snatched it away angrily."

"You're welcome," Jareth sneered.

Sarah glared down at him. "Can't you ever just sit in a chair like a normal…er…person?"

"Not according to that," Jareth replied, gesturing to the tablet. "According to it, I'm always draped over this or lounging seductively over that…" He shot her a lustful look.

Sarah frowned. "It doesn't really say that, does it?"

Jareth swiveled back and forth in the desk chair. "Doesn't it?" he answered smugly.

Sarah rolled her eyes and sighed. "What about me?" she asked. "What does it say about me?"

"Read for yourself, Precious."

Sarah gave him a suspicious sideways glance and Jareth shifted in his seat, folding his legs beneath him.

"Shall I sum up then?" he offered. When Sarah gave no response, he continued. "Most of the authors paint you favorably. You're beautiful, smart, willful, etc. A few are a tad harsh on you. And then there are those more…generous writers who portray you as an impossibly perfect, long-suffering, powerful, she-wolf of a heroine. You know, the kind who would never throw a tantrum, wish her baby brother away to the Goblin King, and then whine and complain about how utterly unfair everything is."

Jareth stopped swiveling and scowled at her.

"Hmph!" Sarah offered in reply. He was never going to let that go, was he?

I was fifteen effing years old!

She turned to face Jareth who sat gazing at her, his eyes smoldering, his fingers steepled beneath his chin.

"It's not what the authors say about you or me that I find so interesting," he told her, barely hiding his smirk. Sarah raised an eyebrow and he continued. "It's what they say about *us.*"

Sarah felt a lump catch in her throat and she fought to swallow it. "Us?" she asked shakily.

Jareth nodded and reached a gloved hand out to her. "May I?" he asked, gesturing toward the tablet. Sarah said nothing, but handed the device to him. He took it from her gracefully and scrolled his finger down the side of the screen, searching.

"Here we are," he said at last. "This one is very…imaginative. You may want to sit down, Precious."

Sarah sat on the end of her bed and listened as Jareth smiled wickedly and began to read.

Notes: You may recognize a few things here. I have borrowed a bit from some of my favorite stories on this site, but never fear, credit shall be given where it is due.

I was largely inspired by Pika La Cynique's lovely webcomic, Girls Next Door. I wanted to capture a bit of the relationship that her Jareth and Sarah have. It's wonderfully witty, and biting and sweet.

This is meant to be humorous, so please don't take it too seriously. I'm still working on characterizations, because to be quite honest, I've only seen the film once and that was in 1987 when I was in 5th grade. What you see here is what I've gleaned from other labyfics and GND.

I love con/crit. I won't be hateful or mean if you give me an honest opinion. I may kick a chicken at you, however.

Love to all,

Fanny