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Following the war, Lucius Malfoy, who betrayed the Dark Lord at the final battle to avenge his wife's murder, is sent to Azkaban for 1 year for the only thing they could prove; funding the Dark Lord. Though dementors have been banned from the prison, it is still a pretty bleak place. Due to his vast influence & (well distributed) wealth, he is allowed to have conjugal visits. He gets in contact with his favourite brothel & arranges for a woman to be sent every second day (theres nothing else to do after all). He also has a book order sent to Hermione Granger's book store for a new book of her (impeccable) choice to be every other day. One owl is deemed sufficient, as both businesses are in Diagon Alley, in close proximity, but by accident (Azkeban owls are not the smartest) Miss Granger gets both missives. Having nursed a long term crush on the elder Malfoy she concocts a plan: pose as Madame Dumont & organise the details with Lucius, then go to the appointments herself disguised as a new woman each time! The plan works perfectly until Lucius notices that the women are getting very good at pleasing him without instruction. Things he tells one girl are employed by another. He begins to suspect that the brothel is polyjuicing the same few girls over and over instead of sending new ones, but since the girls are getting to be experts on pleasing him, he decides to let it go. Meanwhile, Hermione is still sending books to him & their correspondence has blossomed into friendship & perhaps something more. The problem comes when a disgruntled Ron Weasley hears his father tell his mother that Lucius Malfoy is allowed prostitutes in prison &, still holding a grudge over the ginny/diary incident, leaks the news to Rita Skeeter. Madam Dumont sends a letter to Lucius asking why he has withdrawn his patronage from her & the jig is up! Hermione, caught up with the details of not only running her business, keeping track of glamoured identities, finding new novels for Lucius & drafting appropriately non-intimate letters to match, fending off Ron's frequent, unwelcome advances, buying sexy lingerie for all her personas & keeping track of Harry who, post-war has decided to live his life to the fullest (mostly by being a drunken playboy) is late for her appointment with Lucius as a result of having to drag Harry out of some swingers party orgy-fest & dose him with hangover cure, doesn't read the newspaper that morning. Lucius, having never noticed any of the women drinking from any flasks, presumes spell over potion & uses a silent, wandless finite incantum during sex to climax with the real woman, whom his cunning Slytherin mind has deduced to be Miss Granger, who is the only person to have had logical access to his initial request to the brothel & whose saucy innuendo & sharp wit has charmed him in their frequent letters. It takes a while for her to register that he had said her real name during climax, but when it does, Hermione panics & attempts to flee, mortified, only to remember she is bound to the bed. Lucius, with a smirk, tells her his wit is still sharp enough to have figured it out & he "punishes" her for trying to fool him (or, even worse, for getting caught; he is a Slytherin after all). With only a few weeks left of his sentence, Lucius & Hermione continue their routine, minus the glamours. The story eventually breaks when Lucius' sentence is over; there is a reporter waiting on the mainland for him & when Hermione is seen by his side, the resulting front page sensation causes an uproar. He reluctantly lets her go to the Burrow alone to explain to Harry & the Weasleys. Ron, who has been nurturing an unhealthy obsession with his one-time girlfriend, completely loses it after waiting for her outside the Burrow and being soundly rejected for the last time. He kidnaps her & tries to assault her. Luckily, sneaky Lucius has a tracking spell on one of the gifts he has given Hermione; a necklace he commissioned while still incarcerated. When the spell alerts him to the diversion of her travel plans, he apparates in & saves the day.
Blah, blah, blah, happily ever after, etc.