Meesa thinkin' I dispose with this ludicrous accent right from the start. You may not believe it, but I can actually speak with the common tongue. I was born among the Gungans, but I was exceptionally smart. I know what you're thinking (no really, I do-ooooo-haha I dooo!)-there is no way that "Jar Jar Binks" could write a book, much less write or even speak in the common tongue, or even be smart. However, like any Sith master, I know very well how to play dumb and manipulate people. Let me make one thing perfectly clear before I get too far: "Jar Jar Binks" is dead-I am Darth Tyrannus now, and anyone who really knew me (Sidius, Grievous, some droids, Ben, Anakin, blah blah) knew that. So allow me to invite you to examine my short publicly-known career: I went from outcast, to Gungan general, to Naboo Senator in a very short time, while I had already been rather preoccupied planning and then executing a massive false flag operation against myself under false identity (Dooku) all to gain power, and, it worked. A wise man once said, "there is no such thing as luck." But no one could be that smart, right? For years I thought that one day I would be found out. I was sure that someone, perhaps even Anakin, would expose me. When I had to say something "smart" to push people in the right direction when subtlety or mockery was not an option, I usually mind-tricked someone else into saying it for me. However, there were times when I said something actually "normal" outside of the jester character. Those moments were truly a test of my mastery of fear (more about that later). Some of the history and witnesses make that clear.

Now, I've already made more that one probably-shocking assertion, so I am going to have to take a step back and explain some stuff. I am very old. Sidius and I grew up together-well, to be more accurate, Sheev and Jar Jar grew up together (on Naboo), which resulted in them being killed/overcome by Sidius and I. Just to be clear, I was Jar Jar only in the sense that Sidius was Sheev, that is in a physical sense, which really isn't significant in TNOF (True Nature of the Force). But beyond that, let's just say that Sidius and I grew up together on Naboo. If you know much about Naboo, it is a place of dichotomies (artificial division between two sets of interpretations). There is one stupid society (Gungan) that doesn't believe in manners, and another stupid society that cares for nothing but manners (the non-Gungans, or "the Naboo" as those racists prefer to call themselves even though we are from Naboo too) to such a degree that they have no army. Being "the smart Gungan" both of these societies made me nauseous, and I sought refuge in what I now know is called "transcendental meditation." In other words, I sat quietly and listened to the woods, the water, the animals, and whatever supernatural stuff I didn't realize I was hearing/sensing yet. During this time period, I encountered the force as well as some beings without any supervision or structured tradition. This freed me up to unlock some really nasty cans of "poodoo," as well as some unique abilities that honestly, I haven't see anyone else master in my lifetime. I take pride in this. I take pride in my pride too. What are you going to do about it?

Let me tell you a little something about transcendental meditation. Anyone can do it, but not everyone should. There are really powerful "ascended masters" (angels, spirits, and probably other beings that pretend that they are your friends or dead friends) who are not to be trifled with. The power of these beings is not in their physique, or even in their use of the force. It is in their use of INFORMATION. This is where technology meets spirituality. Let me take a pause here-this is really important. I can't emphasize enough that there are physics of the other planes, and they are completely progressed unlike the Jedi or other people banging rocks together to try to figure out how the force works. I'll try to explain this for you as best as I can with my "primitive" Gungan brain: sentient beings (more or less mentally self-aware usually-humanoid lifeforms like "the Naboo," various Monarchs and Democratic Republicans, and I suppose Gungans) have been developing technology for many, many years, and if you go way back in history, you'll notice a pattern: material stages, travel stages, and information stages. Once a society gets to the first information stage (programmable computers) they can suddenly grow all three types of tech way faster. However, the other planes already have all of the toys. Why do you think lightsabers are a thing? They are interplanar conduits just like force users themselves. This type of tech is imbedded in the other planes in a much more powerful and durable (multidimensional) form. Mortal beings are the only ones who have to start out from scratch. Information and tech is already programmed as part of the universe and lifeforms, and I'm sure that there is some sort of creator (though some may say I'm proof of unintelligent design) who wants to destroy me and has a plan to end my reign of terror, and probaby just keeps me any my cabal alive to teach the rest of you some sort of cosmic lesson to help you get to paradise. Barring that topic, I can tell you, the use of information is key to understanding TNOF and also to manipulating beings that have a resistance to force manipulation.

Also during this time, I got to know Sidius. He was a self-promoting teen in civics clubs and I was a totally uneducated teen, so we got along really well. Telling me the difference between words that are spelled the same, this and that rock, or hazardous man-made substance made him feel really good about himself, and also made me feel good about myself, so we got along really well, as I said. What interested us both were local bookstores. Local bookstores have all the hidden knowledge that the ruling class (yeah, whether you're in a monarchy or democratic republic there is most likely a ruling class) does not want you to know. Sometimes they even end up with cultic books earned by powerful dead guys who were not supposed to release certain information. I learned about tons of neat stuff but what helped me the most in what we on the "dark side" now call TNOF was fiction, believe it or not. Fiction is where I learned I could be someone else. This was intriguing. Gungans don't spend much time writing anything but diagrams and flowcharts (and a minimal symbology designed to promote tech, commerce, and navigation but sure not philosophy), so there really isn't any Gungan "fiction" other than bizarre oral tales that are probably true anyway. I not only learned to talk like "the Naboo" (racists), but I was also fascinated by the authors themselves. These people were able to create entire worlds in their minds, and often the people that read them lived them out to one degree or another. This is when I first toyed with the idea that I could create my own society (the one you now live in more or less, cheers).

Sidius and I didn't always get along. When I told him, in my words, "I think I am using a new kind of force," he didn't believe it at first. Most people didn't know anything about the Sith or Plagueis back then, and many people thought that the dark side or those people were fictional, and that no one could be that "bad" (that was of course a weakness on their part). So naturally, he thought that in order to use the force you had to be trained by a master and be attuned to the force from birth (later, he and I made up the whole midi-chlorian thing and created the company that sold that stupid detection software-more on that moronic adventure later), and the force had to choose you. Well, part of that is true. The force or some powerful being has to choose you, or you're not going to have much success with the force. What Sidius didn't realize at the time was that the dark side can choose people, not just living Sith/Jedi masters. When I showed him the way I used the force (acting out natural fear reactions to deceive and confuse), he at first always got mad, and thought that I was making fun of the force, and then for a while, that I was making fun of him. I didn't know he was studying under Plagueis. After all, why would he tell anyone? During this time, I did enjoy making him mad. Even then I realized I was leading him deeper into the dark side. He thanked me later.

When I first used the force, I thought it was an accident. I got buzzed by a Vabwa (Gungan word for a huge dragonfly-like thing-the word is probably onomatopoeia, as in invented by someone who made that sound when one buzzed them-most colloquial Gungan words are like that). I like to call it a B-Wing. My first thought was at it would eat my brain. That is an irrational fear by the way-they don't really eat brains. They usually eat larvae (close enough in my case at the time, since I still had a low view of myself, being a soon-to-be political mastermind yet stuck with a Gungan's body and instincts). I was hunting at the time. I wasn't using the force or anything, I was stuck with a Gungan spear. Yea, that's how it was back then. I threw my spear straight up-as in broad side, not pointy part-toward where the B-Wing was. It was so fast it was already heading back at me by then. It ran right into the point of my spear-true story. There must have been just enough space between the "B-Wing" and the stump over which it was about to pass (about the length of the spear), because the next thing I saw when I turned around was a "B-Wing" skewered and posted like a bent sign sticking out of the stump. I knew I had tapped into the force. By this time I knew some of the supposed Jedi stuff from books, but this was different. I knew that they didn't use fear. I didn't consciously realize at the time, but this was they key to mastering the force within a Gungan body. What I did realize is that all this had to be secret.