I own nothing but a twisted imagination.

The Auction

"Spock, how would you like to sell yourself for a good cause?"

If Spock's hearing wasn't the best on the ship he would have sworn that he had to have misunderstood the Enterprise's CMO.

"Doctor, are you trying out a new insult or merely being vague?"

McCoy patted his friend on the back and chuckled, "I guess the latter but I wish I could take credit for the former. Since the industrial disaster on Beta Cygni, the boys in the Emergency Op's donations division have been trying to come up with fund raising ideas to help all those orphans. Their latest is an "Officers Auction" of willing staff of all the Constitution class starships. It will be held in two weeks over the Christmas holiday and Risa has offered their services for the dates. Come on, Spock, it's for a good cause. 'Might even do you some good as well."

The First Officer gave a quizzical look.

"What is an 'Officers auction'?"

"Unmarried crewman offer to go out for dinner and dancing with the person who bids the most money for them. Can't imagine an old elf like you would make much, but any amount at all will help establish the children's support fund."

Spock almost shuttered at the concept of being placed on display and bartered for but before he could say anything he heard the Captain walk in.

"So, Spock, are you going to assist in this venture, as well? Good. Given the size of the disaster the Admiral is really pushing for all the senior officers who are un-attached to get behind this to help with donations."

Kirk walked to his side and cheerfully patted him on the back.

"It would appear then, gentlemen, that I can tell the Admiral that all the Enterprise's senior staff will be participating, as well as many junior officers. Excellent."

Major industrial disaster leaving thousands of children orphaned, all of the senior staff participating, as well as junior members…. Spock looked at both of his friends and knew, at that moment, that whatever chance he'd had to get out of the situation had evaporated.

In the weeks that followed, Spock did his best not to dwell on what he saw as the upcoming debacle. Kadiith, it was done. He had agreed to it and he would weather the preparations and the auction and be done with it.

Of course, this would have been easier to accomplish had it not been for the incessant chattering of the entire crew about the event, which had taken on a life of its own. So many officers in Starfleet had offered themselves to be "sold" that it had become a two-day event with male officers having their auction and dance on one day and female officers being auctioned two days later.

It seemed that in between normal discussions of ship business the only topic was either the preparation for the auctions or jokes about wagers on how much money each individual would be worth. Spock noted that many members of the senior staff were involved in the wagers. Sulu and Chekov were betting credits. Scotty challenged the engineering staff with an extra day off for the man and woman who came in highest and two days off if they beat the other ships. Even Kirk and McCoy were not above such behavior as they had bet each other the cost of dinner on Risa for the winner and their date for the one that brought in the most money.

"Now, Jim, I don't want you cheating and only funding a dinner at a coffee shop, we're talking a real nice place, like B'osta's…."

"I'm glad you brought that up as I fully expected you to pull something like that." chuckled Kirk.

Spock had stayed silent during this lunch, hoping that neither friend would bring him into the conversation, and had even gone so far as to bring a PADD with him so that he could appear to focus on work.

"So, Spock, any suggestions on where I should take my date after Bones loses the bet?"

Keeping his head buried in his PADD, he quietly said, "I am not very familiar with the restaurants on Risa."

McCoy snorted and said, "I can believe that, Risa's not exactly a high spot for Vulcan vacations." Then, as an afterthought he said, "You know, Spock, we should add you into this bet. Even if you won the bet, all we'd be out is the groceries so that Christine could fix you some plomeek soup."

Thankfully, the conversation was interrupted at that point by Lt. Uhura who required Kirk's signature and Spock used this chance to make a as graceful an exit as he could.

As it happened, the Enterprise crew had the good luck to finish their assignments ahead of schedule and thus they arrived at Risa two days early. Being the ever-gracious hosts, there were decorations for numerous holidays, including Christmas. This time, however, was even more festive than usual. Many of the senior staff had acquired lodging at a resort with individual cabins designed in a Spanish style surrounding a large Olympic-size pool encircled with trees, loungers and umbrellas.

The afternoon of the men's auction, the senior officers of Starfleet stood dressed to kill. Some came in dress uniforms; some came in casual attire. Spock had decided that it was more appropriate to wear his formal black robes with silver piping than his Star Fleet uniform. Selling oneself while wearing his Starfleet uniform felt… dishonorable.

The prattle of the MC did nothing to relieve his discomfort.

"Ladies, tonight is your night. You not only get to give to a wonderful cause but you also get a night of dinner, dancing and, possibly, romance."

While members of the crowd hooted and the officers waiting to participate laughed, Spock's eye brows reached new levels. Romance? He would be expected to engage in amorous activities with the woman who purchased him? He attempted to move towards the back of the line of men to speak to the captain, when the director's assistant stopped him and said, "I'm sorry, sir, but you need to stay in your position in line so the Master of Ceremony gives the right introduction for everyone."

"I merely wish to speak to Captain Kirk."

"Sorry, sir, these auctioneers go pretty fast and there's no guarantee you'd get back in time. Unless, of course, it's an emergency."

Spock exhaled slowly.

Kadiith.

"No, it's not an emergency."

From in front of him he heard McCoy call back, "Cold feet, Spock?"

"No, doctor, my circulation is quite normal. Isn't this an odd time for you to decide to conduct my physical?" Spock said in his best Vulcan monotone. He knew exactly what McCoy was asking but he was not going to discuss the subject with McCoy, in public, with officers from other ships in attendance.

Luckily, his retort garnered the reaction he had hoped and the other men laughed at the banter. Before McCoy could respond, his name was called.

"Ladies, this is Dr. Leonard McCoy from the starship Enterprise. Here's a man who can show you the stars and when they leave you breathless, he can resuscitate you! Now what's my opening bid?"

Spock only realized the true level of his consternation when the assistant touched his sleeve and said, "Sir, you're up next." The idea that the issue had effected his concentration to that level mildly alarmed him.

But it was nothing compared to the sight of the audience when he went onto the stage. He had taught at the Academy, he had given lectures, hell, he had fought hand to hand with Klingons, but nothing prepared him for the yelling and the cat calls when he walked onto the catwalk.

"Now, we welcome Commander Spock, first officer of the U.S.S. Enterprise. If you play your cards right, he will teach you the logic of love!"

Spock quickly turned and looked at the man as his eyebrows went where no eyebrows had gone before but the entertainer paid no heed to his distress.

"What's your bid?" Hands flew up like a flock of birds.

"25!"

"30!"

"35!"

"50!"

"55!"

"60!"

"75!"

"80!"

"100!"

"125!"

"130"

"150!"

It became apparent fairly quickly that the high bid kept coming from a rather over-dressed, over-jeweled corpulent woman whose attempt to hide her age behind expensive make-up only made her look garish. Or possibly it was the expression of outright lust on her face which repulsed Spock. She acted like a starving lemayta drooling over a found carcass.

Just when he thought she was about to win a strong, confident voice came from the back of the room.

"250!"

Spock watched the audience part like stalks of corn as he saw Christine, in her dress uniform, stride up to the stage. The older woman almost appeared to growl but Chapel took no notice. Then, after giving Christine a contemptuous once over, the woman again upped her bid.

"350!"

It was obvious that the woman assumed that she could easily outbid an ensign in Starfleet since she had easily outbid the others in the room.

With a calm that a Vulcan would have approved of, Christine merely responded.

"400!"

"500!"

"550!"

"600!"

"650!"

"750!"

"800!"

"1000!"

At that, the crowd gasped as these amounts were much higher than any others in the auction. Thinking she must certainly have won, the woman prematurely started to walk towards the dais.

"1,500!"

At that, the woman stopped in her tracks, glared at Christine, glared at the auctioneer and stomped out of the auditorium.

The auctioneer gave a little grin to Christine and said, "Going once, going twice, sold!"

Christine nodded to the auctioneer, briefly lowered her head in acknowledgment of Spock and promptly, left.

The room was abuzz and during the confusion Spock was lead off the other side of the stage into a sea of amazed men, including McCoy.

"Did I just hear what I think I heard? You were sold for twice what anyone else has gone for and it was Christine who shelled out that much?" McCoy's grin was larger than the Alpha quadrant.

"It is heartening to know, doctor, that at your advanced age that your hearing has not diminished. It is true that you heard every word the man with the microphone said from only 15 feet away."

As the others laughed, Spock made a hasty retreat and tried to fathom whether he had been saved from a disaster or thrown into a larger one.

*************************************************************

Word of the results of the auction spread at warp factor 10, so that when Spock, Kirk and McCoy met by the pool for drinks later that evening, it was obvious that the whole compound was aware of Spock and the situation.

Spock, while he would have wished to ask his captain about the intricacies of this social contract, knew that unfortunately, Kirk was not in the mood. The normally jovial man was … petulant. And McCoy was no help to either of them as he was practically giggling at the whole situation.

"Her name is Martha and she's a research biologist and, get this, she's from Mississippi! It's like going out with the girl next door! This is going to be great!"

McCoy glanced over at Kirk's dejected countenance and teased, "Honestly, Jim, for a man who has a date tonight you look positively morose."

"Three hundred and twenty-five credits."

"Jim, come on, we've been over this. That's not a bad amount. It's twenty-five more than I got. I don't know why you are still moping."

Kirk looked at his friend and started, "But Spock…"

"Jim, Spock was an unknown quantity to those women, hell, to most women. You, on the other hand, have slept with a third of the females in the alpha quadrant, including six that I know of who were in the audience."

Kirk shot McCoy a dirty look. By that point, Spock had had enough.

"Gentleman, I'm going to go get an Altair Water, would either of you like something?"

When they declined, he got up and removed himself from the conversation. At the outdoor bar, he was greeted by the smiling face of Nyota Uhura. Being a communications officer, it didn't take much for her to realize that Spock was uncomfortable and why. She waited until after the bartender left to fill his order before she quietly broached the subject.

"How are you holding up, sugah? I've seen you less tense dealing with a Klingon invasion."

While it was true that Uhura was professionally his subordinate, in many ways during the off hours, she had become, through the years, as much of a family member as Kirk or McCoy. As they were the elder brothers, Nyota was the teasing, yet wise, younger sister. And once again, she had seen through his mask.

"I am, unfamiliar, with the social mores of this practice of bachelor auctions and since the auction itself, the captain and Dr. McCoy's reactions do not lend themselves to querry."

In an amused tone she giggled, "I just bet they don't. What are you not sure of when it comes to the auctions?"

Spock took a long drink of his water as he decided how to phrase his question. No matter how comfortable he was with her, this was an uncomfortable question.

"The social contract's specifications stipulate that for the price of the credits, the individual must provide dinner, dancing and romance…"

Uhura almost choked on her mimosa. She laughed and coughed and laughed again as Spock looked at her, concerned by her sudden outburst.

"You thought you were going to have to provide …No, nononono. Spock, you go to dinner and the dance but anything past that is totally up to the two people involved.

"Yes, but what if Nurse Chapel…"

"Christine would never want you to do anything that you felt forced to do, which, while I haven't discussed it with her, is why I think she went so far with the auction. She and I could both tell that you were pretty uncomfortable with the concept of that other woman that was bidding on you. While people that didn't know you wouldn't have been able to tell anything, to us you looked as though you were ready to crawl out of your skin and run for the hills. Just my opinion, but I think Christine jumped in to rescue a crew member. If you remember, she didn't even bid until that mugato with too much make-up started winning and you turned four shades of green. She was talking on her communicator in the corner with someone. Now, stop worrying, go have a good meal and a night out."

Back under the umbrella-ed table, the discussion had continued. Kirk's bruised ego gnawed at the problem like a bulldog with a soup-bone.

"But Chapel was willing to pay…"

"Christine was obviously willing to pay for a chance that might never again come her way. With your reputation, women figure you are like the Mars shuttle, if they don't catch you this time, you'll be back around in an hour and half."

Kirk threw a napkin at his friend but then both men were distracted by two women in bikinis walking past.

"Ah, just the two knowledgeable gentlemen I needed to find." Uhura cooed as she sauntered up to them and sat down at the poolside table.

"And how may we be of assistance on such a beautiful day?" McCoy asked. "And it better not have anything to do with work."

Uhura crossed her chest in a promise.

"This is strictly a personal, philosophical question."

"Well, then, dear lady, what is your question?"

"What do men want in a relationship?" She said in a straight-forward manner.

The look both men gave her was priceless. Based on her knowledge of both men, she was well aware of the punch lines running through both minds. Heck, she could have probably thrown in a few they might not have considered, but this was not the time.

Kirk allowed a small, nefarious smile to grow on his face. "Are we talking platonic or romantic?"

"Well, both come into play. I want to test my theory with two mature, professional men to ascertain if my assumptions are valid. Sort of private, sociological research, you might say."

"Alright, Lieutenant, let's hear your evidence and we'll validate it, if possible."

"My assumptions from observation are that most secure, professional men gravitate to permanent relationships with women who are equally accomplished in their own fields. Would you agree with that?"

Both men nodded. "Although, it's not necessary that they be in the same field." Kirk commented.

"I agree, but it does help if they have similar interests." McCoy countered.

"How about a good sense of humor?"

Once again, the two men nodded.

"Strong sense of loyalty to the relationship, but able to think for herself? Nurturing and accepting without being cloying? Loves unconditionally? Passionate but private?"

"To this point, your premise is valid, Lieutenant. You have described a near perfect mate."

About this time, Christine walked out of her cabin. The bikini she wore was mint green with a multi-colored wrap tied lazily around her hip. Her blond hair flowed over her shoulders casually. Uhura spotted her first.

"And tell me gentlemen, would it help if she looked like that?" She said as she nodded towards the unsuspecting nurse.

Christine lazily undid her wrap and laid it across an empty chair and started for the diving board. While the bathing suit was conservative based on most others at the pool, it showed off her curves and her long, shapely legs. She climbed the ladder to the board and made her way to the edge, taking the prerequisite five steps before making a beautiful front two and a half in pike position. She then swam to the end of the pool where Uhura, Kirk and McCoy sat. As she allowed her face and shoulders to rise from the water, she was unaware that she looked to all involved like an old fashioned mermaid.

"You're pretty flexible." Uhura said to her friend, well aware that the men in her company were probably thinking the same thing for totally different reasons and seeing their head nurse in a whole new light.

Christine chuckled gleefully, unaware of the previous discussion, "Ny, you have to get your suit and come in. The water is glorious!"

"Maybe later, why don't you do a couple of laps and then we'll go shopping. I still want to see if I can find something to wear for the auction."

"Sounds like a plan."

After her friend had swum out of earshot, Uhura turned to the men and noted that they were continuing to watch the nurse's graceful glides through the water.

"You have before you, gentlemen, a woman who, when her fiancé was lost, didn't wait for someone else to come to the rescue – she went out and searched for him herself. She didn't crumble when she discovered he was dead, she made a new life for herself. She is a consummate professional with multiple degrees and she has learned to love again a man for who he is and what he is, in the truest sense of the IDIC. If she fits the parameters for a good lover and companion, why would that man's dearest friends make jokes about her loving him? If the fault is not with the woman, are they suggesting that the friend is not worthy of love?"

Seeing the expressions on their faces and the violent negative shaking of their heads and the immediate responses of "Of course not!" she held up her hand and continued. "Or if they truly believe that their friend is worthy of receiving love and acceptance, is it as basic as two over-grown boys teasing because, underneath it all, they wonder why she didn't look at them first."

Before they could answer, Christine had swum back to their end of the pool and climbed out. "Are you ready?" Christine asked her friend as she pulled her hair to the side to squeeze the water out.

"Yes. Yes, I believe I am." Uhura replied. "If you two come up with the answer to that question, be sure to let me know." She said as she rose from her chair. As she walked around the chair to join Christine, Uhura realized that Spock had been standing behind a pillar near the trio. And based on his expression, he had heard and seen everything.

"Commander." She murmured.

"Lieutenant."

As she walked around his side, she heard him say, "May I commend you on your creative use of logic in debate?"

"Why, thank you, Mr. Spock, that's quite a compliment. Would you say that my research evidence is sound?" She asked in an amused tone.

Spock's eyebrow raised, but seconds later, he answered, "I see no defects in your evidence or your theories."

"Then, Spock, you might ask yourself what logic there is to not exploring the possibilities. If all the parameters are met and there's evidence that you aren't the only subject that recognizes said parameters, you might lose the chance to receive positive results if you don't access the information within the appropriate time frame."

In a more whispered tone and a wink she said, "Or in human terms, you'd better take advantage of the situation before someone beats you to it, sugah."

The Vulcan glanced at the striking blonde and simply said, "Indeed."

**********************************************************

Spock arrived at the appointed restaurant at the appointed time dressed to the nines. The atmosphere was dark, private and elegant. The maître d' was tall, thin and had the air of someone who looked on most dignitaries as being beneath him. He nodded acknowledgement to Spock who stated simply, "Commander Spock."

"Yes, sir, your party has already arrived, right this way."

He followed the man to a private alcove where the maître d' swept back the luxurious privacy drape so that Spock could see the back of an upswept hairstyle sitting in the chair. Taking a deep breath, he stepped in.

But he needed to take another breath when he realized it was not Christine sitting in the well-padded chair.

It was his mother.

"Mother?"

Amanda rose from her seat and hugged her son.

"Not the blonde you were expecting but I hope you aren't too disappointed." She teased.

"Mother, Vulcans don't get disappointed."

"Right, tell that to me again when your father is loses a game of Kal-toh to your uncle." She said as she motioned for him to sit. "Are you hungry? Bertram, the chef, here makes the best Pok tar, though I must admit I'm thinking I may get a risotto." The waiter came and efficiently took their orders and then gave them their privacy.

Amanda glanced at her son lovingly and answered the unasked question.

"As you know, I have been working on relief efforts since the disaster, helping locate relatives of as many of the orphans as can be located. As everyone was focusing on the children losing parents, I was dealing with the parents whose children had died. They were living the nightmare of every parent as no parent should have to bury their child. It's a nightmare that I have had once or twice since you've been in Starfleet. And while I made peace with the fact that this was the life that you chose, this disaster and these people's emotions placed me in a position to relive some of those nightmares. Now, I'm not saying that I am not intensely proud of you and what you've done, just that it's normal and natural for a human mother to worry.

Christine and I have corresponded over the years and when the auction idea came up, she contacted me suggesting that I bid. I told her that I was afraid that you would be embarrassed by having your mother bid on you. So, she suggested that she bid for you on my behalf."

Spock's brow furrowed.

"She was willing to do so even knowing that it would increase the humiliation that she has endured?"

At this, Amanda's brow mimicked her son's.

"What do you mean, what humiliation?"

Spock went on to explain the incident of Psi 2000, the rumors, the teasing and its' ramifications to his mother. He watched as her eyes filled up with tears.

"She never said a word. Not in all these years."

"I doubt it's a subject that she would wish to. Over time it has diminished, somewhat, mainly due to Nurse Chapel's demeanor which is extraordinarily professional."

"And she was willing to endure that all again so that I could spend time with my son during a painful period. She was willing to place the needs of our House before her own reputation."

Spock was dumbfounded and all he could say was, "Indeed."

*************************************************************

Christine Chapel was in heaven.

As it was early evening she had been the only person poolside, so she had been able to enjoy swimming by herself. When she was finished, she had put on casual attire, braided her wet hair, laid in a chaise lounge and was eating a slice of pizza while reading a novel and knowing in her heart of hearts it had been a good day. She could read without worrying about being on call and, if she wanted too, she might even swim again. Truly, she was in heaven.

Suddenly, behind her she heard a baritone voice say, "Nurse Chapel, you are a fraud."

Without turning around, she grinned and said, "Guilty as charged, sir. So, did you have a good time? Did your mother have the risotto?"

He sat on the chaise lounge to her side and said, "Very. She wants to know if you want to go shopping tomorrow and for you to contact her."

"Sounds like a challenge I'm willing to undertake. You can't get your mother out of the shoe stores, Ny out of the clothes stores or me out of the publication stores, so this should be fun."

The slight rolling of the eyes told her that Spock was well aware of his mother's shoe addiction. She laughed and he noticed how very sweet and very attractive she looked even without the usual make-up and elaborate hair style.

"There is one issue that I need to address though, if I may?"

"And what might that be?"

"I am honor bound to uphold the terms of the contract and was unable to fulfill all the stipulations."

"Spock, there's no worry in that. If your mother wasn't up to dancing, that's not an issue. You can just make a point of dancing with her at the next ambassadorial ball when we go back to Babel."

"Actually, that's not the element of the contract I was not able to fulfill."

Christine thought about what the MC had said and suddenly a blush filled her cheeks.

"I may be mistaken but I seem to remember that that element of the contract was speculative, not definitive. As the elements which were necessary were fulfilled, the contract is complete without the third clause being used."

Spock, gently took her hand and asked, "But what if one wished to fulfill the entire contract?"

As her hand closed over his she said, "Since some of those involved in the contract would be taking over new roles, I would think that this would logically suggest the need for a new contract."

"Agreed. Would you like to go out for dessert? If I could just have a minute to change my attire?"

"Certainly."

As he started to walk away, Spock stopped and asked, "The women's auction had the same stipulations about who may participate, correct?"

"I believe so. Why?"

"Were you going to be participating?"

"You mean, did I get the same 'Are you willing to sell yourself for charity' speech from Leonard? Yeah."

"I do not believe that you will meet the qualifications concerning eligibility."

Her eyes sparkled with affection and humor.

"But it's for a good cause."

"In that case, a donation could be made."

"Or, if we wanted to give people heart attacks you could make damn sure that you are the highest bidder."

And with that, Spock knew that this was going to be both an expensive and a profitable week for the House of hei-Kh'da'Ni'ikhirch.