A/N: Well, here you go, guys. Another fic. Another dark fic, too. This one will include self harm, abuse, suicidal thoughts, rape, and strong language. So, if you are under 18, do not enter! ... Well, anyways, I hope you all enjoy this fic, and, as always, don't forget to review!
Tears roll down James' cheeks as he stares at himself in the mirror. His usually bright green eyes are now dark and narrowed, full of anger and hatred. His lips are curled back into a snarl. "I hate you," he growls at himself. He reaches for an object which sits on the ledge of the sink – a bloodstained razor blade. A blade stained with his own blood. "I hate you so much."
He rolls down one sleeve to reveal an arm littered with large, dark red ugly marks. A tiny smile tugs at his lips. He did this. Him alone, no one else. He is in control of his pain. He traces a finger over his scarred wrist. No one else but him.
He carefully picks up the blade and presses it to his skin. He digs it in deep and drags it slowly across. Instantly, dark red blood spills from the wound he created. And, the pain. God, the pain. It hurts like hell, but James still needs to do it. This is the one thing keeping him sane. It's the one thing keeping the lingering darkness away.
More tears slide down his cheeks. He sniffles, and proceeds to dig the blade in deeper into his skin. Blood drips down his arm and drops into the sink, and mixing with the tiny bit of water there, turning it pink. He watches in fascination as ribbons of dark red decorate his arm. His eyes sparkle at the sight, and he feels a sense of accomplishment.
He feels as if, for the first time in his life, he did something right. But, would the others see it that way? His partners Jessie and Meowth, namely. What would they think if they knew of his dangerous addiction? How would they react? He fears that they would leave him. If they knew the truth, they would leave him. No one would want to be anywhere near someone so broken that they think they deserve pain.
He chews at his bottom lip. He can't lose them. They're his friends. His best friends. The only friends he has ever had. They are very dear to him, and he would break completely if they ever left him.
A knock at the door startles him. He jumps, and looks towards the source of the noise. "James?" Jessie's voice, full of concern, comes drifting through. "Are you alright in there? You've been in there an awful long time…"
James swallows hard. He drops the blade and grabs a wad of tissues to clean the blood away. "I'm – I'm fine, Jess!" he calls back, cursing when his voice stammers. "I'll be out in a sec!"
He hurries to bandage the wounds, and throw the tissues away into the bottom of the garbage bin. He hides his blade, and, after breathing out a long, quiet breath to steady his racing heart, he opens the door.
Jessie eyes him carefully once he comes out. "What were you even doing in there, James? What could possibly take you fifteen minutes in the bathroom."
"Nothing," James mumbles in reply, which causes Jessie to arch an eyebrow.
"Nothing, James?" she asks, and he nods, hoping she'd drop this conversation.
"Yes, Jessie," James replies. "I was doing nothing. Now, can I go? I have stuff to do."
Jessie shakes her head. "If that's what you want, then, James …"
He nods, before brushing past her when she moves out of his way. Even with his back turned, he can feel her gaze on him. He knows she doesn't believe him. He knows that. Still, he hopes that she won't bring this up anytime soon.
"Useless fools!" Giovanni's deep, gruff voice echoes loudly off the walls of his office. James fidgets from where he stands beside Jessie and Meowth, who look just as uncomfortable as him. "How many times is it going to take you to catch that damned rodent? How many?!"
James swallows hard. Of course, he can feel tears sting his eyes. He reaches into his pocket to hold tightly onto his blade, feeling its warm safety on his fingers. Soon, he will be alone again. Soon, it will just be himself and this blade. That's all he can think about right now.
"We're sorry, sir!" Jessie says. "Give us another chance, please! We promise not to screw it up next time. Right, James?"
"… Right!" he replies, and silently curses himself. God, he's such an idiot. The Boss shouldn't give them another chance. We, maybe he should give Jessie and Meowth one, but not him.
Giovanni breathes out a long, deep sigh. "Fine, then," he growls out. "But, if you bumbling idiots fail this time, then you're fired. Is that understood?"
"Yes, sir!" Jessie replies, nodding vigorously.
James watches her closely, carefully. What would they do if they did get fired? James knows that they will not catch that pikachu next time, unless there was some miracle. And, James isn't sure if he does believe in them.
That night, James can't sleep. He tosses and turns in his bed. Jessie and Meowth are both fast asleep, and he wonders how they can fall asleep so easily. Tomorrow, they will get fired. He knows that for certain. And, when they do, James doesn't know what they'd do. Or, for that matter, what he'd do.
He can't go home. If he does, his parents will make him marry the wicked witch of the west… er, Jessiebelle. He can't go home. He doesn't want to live that kind of life. He just can't.
He can feel tears sting his eyes, and he turns so that he faces Jessie. She is facing the other way, with the blankets pulled up to her chin, snoring softly. Somehow, he manages to smile. She looks so… peaceful. She looks so much different than she does during the day, when she is yelling at him and hitting him. Oh, how he wants to reach out to her to comb his fingers through her long, crimson hair, which hangs loosely off her back instead of being in its usual style.
What will he do without her? And Meowth, for that matter? He can't imagine a life without them. He's been with them for so long now. A life without either of them if just… unthinkable.
He yawns, and feels his eyes flutter close. Soon enough, he is drifting off into a deep sleep, dreaming of a better tomorrow.