Hey Guys, I'm sorry that I've haven't written for a while. I have a bit of writer's block. I promise to work on finishing my other two multiple chaptered stories as soon as inspiration hits. Here's something to tie you over. Still don't own The Mentalist.
Today was the day that Patrick Jane had finally decided to confess his feelings towards Teresa Lisbon. It was not a last minute thing, but it took a long time before he felt ready to fall in love again. His pocket rocket partner was by his side through the good days and the bad. She faced the devil with him and was his rock when he needed it.
He was ashamed to think that he never really repaid her for her selflessness. He knew that she had a lot of affection for him, and hopefully loved him. He knew that playing with her emotions was never fair, but it was the best avoidance tactic, he could think of to prevent her to be on Red John's radar. It didn't work of course, considering that she was nearly killed because of Jane's mistakes and the time where RJ knocked her unconscious and used Partridge's blood to make his mark. Jane is still haunted by the memory of it. It features in his nightmares with his family, sometimes it's just his favourite females looking at him with dead eyes and accusing him of not caring about them.
The two years apart from Lisbon, gave Jane some time to find peace with the death of his family. He would never forget them but he focused on the good memories with them. Stuff like the way Angela's eyes would light up when he told her a corny joke or the way his daughter laughed when he spun her around in his arms. The problem with the separation was that he realised that life was miserable without Lisbon in his life. He always found her presence comforting as she always knew how to cheer him up. He began to imagine that she was with her. However, that was never enough, hence why he wrote her letters, mainly to still feel close to her but also to let her know that he was okay.
Back to the present, Jane witnessed Pike appear into his and Lisbon's lives. He was a charming man, and a good agent, however Jane felt threatened in his presence. Maybe, it was because Pike was genuinely interested in Lisbon and was not going to mess her around. He could see that Lisbon had taken a liking to him. Jane hoped it was going to be temporary because of course, he wants to be in a relationship with Lisbon as well.
Jane looked down at his hand as he eased his ring off his hand. He believed that it wouldn't be fair to try to win the heart of a woman whilst wearing the ring, he was given by another. He kissed the ring and put it into box and whispered "wish me luck". He gave himself a quick look in the mirror, before leaving his airstream to make his journey towards Lisbon's apartment. He had his origami rose safely sat in his pocket and he had put on the cologne that she bought him for his birthday.
He decided to take the stairs instead of the lift. He happily skipped up them, thinking about all the memories he was about to make with Lisbon. Stuff like candle lit dinners, spontaneous car trips and picnics to lazy Sundays, where they would eat breakfast in bed and maybe making love under the stars. His face was beaming as he rounded the corner, but recoiled when he saw them. In front of his eyes, Lisbon and Pike were kissing. He could see from where he was standing, that Lisbon was smiling into the kiss. That meant that she was interested in Pike too.
When they separated, Jane saw the look that Lisbon sometimes gave him in the past, on her face. She was happy. She was blushing at something that Pike said. That was when Jane knew that he had to leave. He was not going to jeopardise what she has with Pike for a relationship that could potentially fall on its face because he neglected her or her feelings. Jane's heart broke, but Lisbon was too important for him to lose and maybe he could still be able to keep her in his life if he backed off, He was going to let her be happy even if that meant only being her friend and being heartbroken himself.
Before the affectionate couple split their separate ways on Lisbon's doorstep, Jane turned around and quickly made his exit without making any noise. Once, he made it back into his airstream that the tears fell. For all the times, that he wanted to tell her how he felt but he chickened out, to how strong she makes him and how he longs to wake up next to her every morning to feel her snuggled up to him. He definitely was not going to mention that he went to see her, just in case she accuses him of spying on her or even worse that he was going to interfere in her love life.
All the thoughts of what could have happened if he admitted what he meant when he told her that he loved her before shooting her and that she was the sole reason that he came back to America, was consuming him. He felt trapped. Jane swiped his arm across his desk, sending stuff flying on the floor. But, that was when he saw it. The letter that he wrote Lisbon on the flight back to America. He never gave it to her, but he touched the paper and realised what he could do to numb the pain. He would write Lisbon letters of how he felt about her in a notebook. No, she wasn't never going to see them, but Jane needed to do it to control himself. He cleaned up the chaos that he created, and picked up another gift from Lisbon, it was a leather bound notebook and engraved pen set. Consequentially his favourite, he climbed on his bed and began to write.