A/N: suggestion…no actually ORDER! DO NOT READ THIS IF YOU'VE SEEN STOLEN EARTH AND ARE IN A HAPPY 'ROSE IS BACK…OMGOSH HE'S REGENERATING WHAT'S GOING TO HAPPEN' MOOD!! DO NOT READ IF THAT'S YOU! IT'S DEPRESSING! Set after Doomsday! Rose's POV! Enjoy (depressingly):
Void Of Emotion:
'Rose, sweetheart?' Mum hated seeing me like this. I knew that, and I hated hurting her but I couldn't do anything about it. I spent so long crying. I just thought I'd never stop. Then they did stop. It was like I had cried all the tears I could and my eyes had ran dry. I just felt empty once the tears stopped. That feeling never ending. There's just nothing. A complete void of emotion. I'm completely numb. Void was definitely the right expression. I feel like I'm in my own personal void and in every direction around me people have their lives, and are getting on with it, and I'm just still, unchanging, unfeeling in the nothingness. Sometimes it feels like the world could end and I would barely notice.
Each day I get up, go to work, and come home. And that's it. There's no joy it in. No hate of it. Just nothing, it's just what I do. I hardly eat, and I rarely sleep. I'm not living, I'm just surviving. It's like I'm a machine, and one day I'll just brake down and never work again.
'Sweetie, you need to eat something' Mum's voice was gentle but persistent.
I turned to face her, I didn't really look at her, more looked right past her. It was like I was looking her but she wasn't there. 'I'm not hungry' My voice was quiet, worn out and empty. It was obvious to everyone how I felt. My voice too sounded like it wasn't really directed at Mum, more like it was being said to an empty room.
'Rose please' Mum said, 'He wouldn't want you to be like this'
'I know' I replied simply, again more to the room than to Mum. After saying that I stood up and walked upstairs.
His name is never mentioned but Mum, Dad, and Mickey all know who he is. I don't even use his name in my thoughts. The worst thing is I know Mum is right. I know he wouldn't want me to be like this. He'd want me to live my life, be brilliant, be me. But I can't. I can't go on with my life without him. I can't be brilliant without him. I did all that stuff when I was with him. Amazing stuff. Without him, though, I can't do any of it. There's just nothing without him. Nothing whatsoever. He's the only one who can pull me out of this void. But I'll never see him again.
I tried. Believe me I tried. I tried everything I could. I tried doing it for Mum. I tried doing it for him. I tried laughing and joking, but my laugh was hollow and empty. I tried smiling and being ok, but it was fake, and such hard work. In the end it was easier to give in. Let it control me. Let there be nothing.
Something's being in this void of feelings is easier! Easier than dealing with the pain. Then there's times I just wish I could feel something. Something has to be better than completely nothing. But I guess I'm used to it by now, sort of given up on feeling.
There's still something though. Before his regeneration he said to the Daleks he thinks they still have fear. I still have love. It was my love for him that made it hurt so much in the first place. My love for him made it hurt so bad. My love for him put me in this void. He's the only thing that can pull me out of this, because I still love him.
Short of seeing him again, the only thing that could pull me out of this void is if I was to stop loving him. And since neither of those are ever going to happen - both impossible - I guess I'm stuck in this void. Forever.