I don't own Stargate: Atlantis nor do I make any money off of this; as if there would be anyone willing to pay to read my things, if there were I wouldn't be here now, would I? Don't sue, mostly because I don't want to have to show up to the court appointments, and less about having anything to lose to you.

Rating: MA, because this is me and its better safe than sorry. However as of this moment I don't really think that it's that bad.

Pairing(s): Sheppard/McKay; Lorne/Parrish this means slash people, don't like don't read.

Summary: Some of the civilians that are on gate teams are suddenly supporting wounds that they don't seem to be getting on missions. When John and Evan see a particularly nasty bout of cuts on their significant others, they're not going to let it go any longer.

A/N: This is inspired by Diamond-Raven's story Misunderstandings. It's almost like a sequel for that, only you know, not. Just the idea hit me that while I believe the story awesome, I don't think John would be able to do it, and Rodney wouldn't take no lying down. Please go read her story and leave a review for her fic's as well as mine! You don't need to read that to get this however. This takes place after Koyla failed to take Atlantis over. There will be torture in here, though not of the normal variety. Whether this will be a single chapter or multi chaptered I don't know. I guess we will see how it goes.

Solidarity

Chapter One: Worthy

Rodney's POV

I see John at the other end of the mess hall pulling a chair out for Teyla, and Ronon stealing one from the table behind them to drag over, just like every other day. It sends the same flood of warmth and happiness through me as it does every other time I see my family, because that's what they are, family. I hiss slightly when someone knocks into my arm by accident, causing it to throb. Glancing down at the slightly pink bandages, I am suddenly flooded with cold and dread. Turning, I leave quickly before any of them notice me. I don't deserve to sit with them. Because of me, Atlantis almost got handed over to Koyla. I know John said it wasn't my fault, that I didn't do anything wrong when I tried to explain. I get what he said, but he is just as wrong as he thinks I was.

/FLASHBACK/

"McKay, come on lets go," I hear John say in clipped tones. I am tired, hungry, and cranky, not mentioning how guilty I feel already, and so I go on the defensive. Really it's the only thing I can do to put this off, not that I don't deserve it and more for what I did.

"I've got to get to the labs, see how much power we got for all our troubles, than I am grabbing a shower and going to bed for the next month," I snap at him and suddenly his eyes narrow in anger, and even though I know I deserve so much worse, I growl at him before I can reign myself in. It's more a reflex of defense than any real threat. He is suddenly at my side, holding onto my elbow.

"You obviously have no intention of taking care of that, now come on Rodney," he growls into my ear, and starts to turn towards the hall, but I give a quick tug and pull my arm free, despite the pain it causes.

He turns back to me with a glare firmly in place but instead of arguing I decide to just be a man and get this over with. I quickly move down the halls, and despite knowing he wants me to go to our room, I go to mine; well, my old one which I mostly just use for an extra office area now, seeing as I spend the nights with John in our place. I hear the angry little noise he makes in the back of his throat but he just follows after me. I enter my room first and before I can get more than a step inside the room he tugs me into the bathroom and I sit down on the toilet. I wait for him to start in on me, because while he says nothing as he gets the med-kit out from under the sink, the slightly jerky movements of his hands and arms belie how angry he truly is.

I understand why. I betrayed him, Elizabeth, and everyone else as well as Atlantis when I broke and gave Koyla what he wanted. Everyone could have been hurt, or worse, killed. Not to mention how I disrespected the soldiers who did die when Koyla and his goons first came through. I say nothing at all, while he takes care of my arm. However, when he starts to throw the things back to where they belong with a lot more force than necessary, I decide that I should just make this as easy as possible for him. After all, I am sure that now he no longer wishes to be with me, not after he had seen how easily I break and cost him his soldiers' lives.

"John, it's ok, I get it. I have no one to blame but myself really. I'm sorry. I know it doesn't excuse what I've done, but I am sorry. So sorry. I get it though, sometimes it's just too late for sorry," I trail off, looking away from him because, despite knowing it's my fault and that I deserve this, I can't help the burning feeling of pain starting in my chest at the knowledge that what we have is over. Though really why I should be surprised at anything but how I managed to screw it up is beyond me.

"What are you talking about Rodney?!" John demands in an angry and slightly scared voice. While the anger I understand, the fear confuses me. Why should he be scared of anything?

"I get why you're so upset, why you're leaving me. I gave Koyla the codes, and I helped him with what he needed. I practically helped him kill your soldiers! And all because he what? He gave a little cut to my arm?! I would leave me too if our positions were reversed. You don't have to let me down easy. I'm a big boy, John, I can handle it," I snap, trying to just get this over with so I can curl up on my bed and cry until I finally fall asleep. I don't turn back to look at him until I hear a heavy thud. Quickly jerking to see what happened, I see John on his knees in front of me, looking horrified. His hands are shaking, and I have to wonder if the extent of what I have done has finally sunk in, and if he was going to punch me now.

"Rodney, you- you think I blame you?! God, no! This isn't your fault! I am NOT leaving you, Rodney! Jesus, Rodney, for someone so smart you sure can be thick sometimes! You did everything you could! You didn't kill anyone, and I don't want to hear another word against it. He tortured you, Rodney! You're not a soldier, you're not meant to be in that kind of a situation. I am not mad at you but at myself, for not having you off base by that point! If anyone besides Koyla is to blame it's me, not you, Rodney," John says before giving off a slight whine in the back of his throat. He slides his hands up my upper thigh before moving to sit right in front of me as if intent to prove he won't be leaving he wraps his arms around my middle and pulls me tightly to him. It should be filling me with warmth, but all I can still feel is the cold.

"You're wrong. I gave in; when people's lives were on the line I gave in. They deserved better, you deserve better," I tell him plainly because he has to know now so he can leave. So I won't have to go through this again when he finally realizes that I am right. I hear his growl as his hands snake around my wrists and shake me slightly.

"Rodney, the man tortured you, for god's sake; not cut you, tortured! I've seen wounds like it before, Rodney. How many times did he cut on that same spot?!" John shakes me again when I don't answer right away.

"Three times," I answer flatly. "He scratched me three times before I gave in."

"Rodney, they weren't scratches!" he growls at me, trying to help me; though why I don't know because I don't deserve it.

"You wouldn't have broken. However, you could have died because I did," I whisper, at last looking him in the eye. What if John hadn't made it and it had been my fault? Our relationship was still relatively new. Still, I know I love him with all of my heart, and I almost got him killed because I couldn't hold out on a few cuts. He blinks up at me for a minute before tugging me off the toilet seat and into his lap.

"I'm alive and ok. I would have broken as well, Rodney. Everyone would have. Eventually. Maybe not right when you did, or for the same reasons, but sooner or later they would have found what buttons to push to get me to cave. But Rodney, you're a civilian, you're not meant to be in these situations at all," he tells me while pressing kisses to the side of my face and neck, wherever he could reach. However my mind has picked up on what he said. He is right, as a civilian I am not taught how to withstand torture. He, however, was.

"Teach me," I mumble as I lie my head on his shoulder; beyond tired but glad to have finally figured out how to make sure this doesn't happen again. I feel his frown against my neck where he had still been pressing kisses to.

"Teach you what?" he asks, sounding more than a little confused.

"Teach me how to withstand torture and pain," I tell him, and feel him stiffen in my arms. He is already shaking his head 'no'. Why is he shaking his head 'no'? This is obviously the best course of action.

"No," he tells me firmly.

"Why not? We have to make sure I am not a liability John!" I demand, angry at once. He said it wasn't my fault; that I was just untrained, and here I am offering to let him teach me! He is always nagging at me to learn some military movies to protect myself with, and now that I agree, he says 'no'?!

"I can't, Rodney, even discounting the fact that we're together, and I don't want to torture my boyfriend. I don't like hurting people. Civilians aren't meant to fight, they're meant to be protected by the military. It's what we're here for, Rodney!" he snaps while looking mortified that I would ask him. I guess he is right. Well, at least about him not being the one to do it. I wouldn't want to do it to him. However, I dislike the way he shrugs off my wanting to learn how to do this simply because I am a civilian! We don't have to be military to be strong! Sighing, I just nod my head and pull him back to me for another hug before standing up and offering him my hand.

/END FLAHSBACK/

I may not have pushed it with John last night but that didn't mean I have given up on the idea. I might be a civilian but I am part of a gate team, and all gate team members need to be as prepared as possible for everything we face or we will be nothing but a liability. I can't allow that and I am sure the others wouldn't want to as well. I'll have to get in contact with them so they know about the training. Somehow we're going to have to keep it away from the soldiers as well, because something tells me they will have the same idea as John. Besides, he was right, you can't ask your boyfriend to hurt you, they don't tend to like to do it, and if they do, well, it tends to be a relationship killer.

"Hey McKay, you alright? You look a little pale," I hear, and spin around to come face to face with Major Lorne. Just the man I needed; well no actually, I needed his excitable lap dog Parrish.

"Huh? Yes, I'm fine. Just haven't eaten yet. Major, where is David?" I ask, deciding if I was really going to implement this training as a requirement for any and all science department heads to be allowed to go off world, I should start with the SIC's own team as well. I see his eyebrow rise questionably. It's understandable. Besides paperwork, and some outside conversations when the botany department needs my permission for the things, I don't really have much to do with them down in the Botany Bay.

That aside, however, everyone knows Lorne and Parrish are together, and have been since damn near the first day when Parrish grinned, walked up to the man and told him in no uncertain terms, that he: one, found him hot; two, would be dating him; and three, was now going to be a part of his team. I remember him grinning, bemused, before realizing that the Doctor was completely serious and was waiting for a response, in front of everyone in the gate room no less. He ended up letting the Doctor onto his team, and nearly a month later they had moved in together.

"I believe he has this morning off. He should be getting up soon. Is there something the matter?" he asks, looking more than slightly worried, which I suppose after what happened with Koyla is understandable. I just wave him off telling him it's nothing. After all, he wouldn't want to be a part of this anymore than John, I am sure, especially when I explain to Parrish what will be required of him in order for him to be allowed off world to look for his precious plants. I turn to start to go when I feel a hand land on my shoulder.

"Hey doctor, the mess is that way," he says while pointing behind himself, obviously waiting for me to go in ahead of him. Why was he waiting again? Oh yes, I told him I hadn't eaten yet. He is just like John; no wonder Parrish likes him so much. I glare at him slightly before tugging my shoulder from his not really restraining grip.

"I got what I wanted already. I will be in my labs if you need something, Major. Dismissed," I tell him, and really it is still completely strange the way that all the soldiers usually follow my commands as if I am in charge. Honestly, I think it's just because they suspect that John and I are together. Which we haven't really been trying to keep to ourselves anyway. Still, I do worry despite the reassurances from John about him getting into trouble because of DADT. However, he keeps shrugging it off, saying as long as we don't make it a problem nobody will really care. So far he has been correct. Besides, I guess he is correct, with no way to get back home anyway. What can anybody really do about it?

"Yes, sir," Major Lorne says in an amused drawl he tends to use when humoring someone. With a nod and a loose salute he turns and heads back and continues on his way into the mess hall.

Turning around, I take off in the direction of the resident section of the base. Unfortunately for me, seeing as how I really don't want to run into any more soldiers, they're above the first five floors where all the soldiers have holed up. Really, I get that they're supposed to be first in line and everything, but it is kind of ridiculous. My old rooms could have been a lot closer to my labs if I could have had one of the rooms where the marines were staying. Sighing, I just go to the nearest transporter and transport myself outside of the base of the tower; all transporter activity for that tower has been cut off for security purposes. Walking up the 10 flights of stairs, and really why they would want to live so far away from both their respective work spaces is beyond me, I am panting by the time I reach Parrish and Lorne's living quarters. Ringing the chime, I wait to be allowed entrance instead of just barging in like I usually do.

"Come in," I hear Parrish call out, and give a slight tug in my mind on the ATA gene, open the door and go in. I look up and really it doesn't surprise me that he looks so shocked to see me. This won't be an easy conversation in the least, I am sure. However, I know he cares about Lorne, and if I get him on my side, the others should fall into line easily enough. Even if they didn't, then they would just be taking off gate team's Rota. We can't compromise Atlantis like this ever again.

"Doctor McKay? Um, how can I help you?" he asks, clearly still surprised that I was here, while waving me to the sitting area. I take a seat on the slightly stiff seating arrangements of the Ancients. Really, I don't see what others complain about. They're really rather comfortable.

"We need to speak about your placement on Lorne's team." I decide that being blunt and to the point was the best course of action, and really, when have I ever done it any other way anyway? I see him stiffen and nod slightly before taking a seat in front of me.

"When you didn't demand a change when we first started seeing each other, I had assumed you were alright with us still being on the same team despite being in a relationship. Has either of our work seemed unsatisfactory to you?" he asks with more than a little concern. That was another thing that took getting used to since becoming involved with John. Despite obviously being civilian many, including all the soldiers, accepted me as some sort of commanding officer for the soldiers. This is just ridiculous because I most certainly am not in charge of a bunch of apparently suicidal fly boys and jar heads!

"Your work is fine, as is the Major's, as far as I am aware. Though I really wish people would stop assuming, just because John and I are together, that I somehow have any control over any of the military actions or how things play out with them! Anyway, no, my point is, what is your level of training for survival?" I ask, deciding to start with the basics, and work my way up. I see the confused pull of his brow but he answers me nonetheless.

"Well, I took the training courses required by the SGC, and some that Evan himself taught me when I became a part of his team. He teaches moves and blocks and the like for civilians who want to learn, and for soldiers who want or need a refresher course every Saturday we're not busy. Would you like me to ask him to help you?" he asks me, with an enthusiastic smile. Really, the amount of time this man spends hyped up, if I could just find a way to harness it, we would never be without power again.

"How many times has he been captured because he refused to fall back without you?" I ask bluntly, and really I do feel kind of sorry when I see the pain flash across his face and his head drops down.

"I don't, that's not-. I don't know, a few times. I don't mean to get caught, honest. Most of the time we don't even realize there is a problem occurring until it's too late. Sir, I would never purposely put Evan in danger. I have told him multiple times he can, and even should, leave me when I get captured if he can get away. I know he would come back with a rescue operation, if that's what you're worried about," he says, obviously unhappy to remember the times Major Lorne had given up without a fight so he could stay with the botanist.

"Of course you don't mean it. Who means to get caught? The point is, after what happened with Koyla I realized that the civilian populations on the gate team's Rota are woefully unprepared for things like this. Now, I don't want to stop us from going off world, but unless we can be sure we can withstand anything the enemy throws at us, we will become nothing but a liability to the soldiers. This means we could end up compromising Atlantis. I'm sure you have seen your Major step in and take something meant for you under the impression you couldn't handle it. He was probably correct, and that's what we need to be addressing," I state, and wait while what I say sinks in. He is frowning again, but then just looks at me.

"I understand what you're saying, I do. What can we do about it though? Evan would never allow me to be hurt if he could take it himself, not that I want to be hurt or anything anyway. I can't make the Major stand down, and I don't think even putting me on another team will help with that," he says, clearly unhappy with the thought of being put on another team's gate unit away from Lorne.

"Training," I say simply. Well, it might be hard to get it; we needed to learn to withstand pain.

"Training? What type of training?" he asks, but the slight narrowing of his eyes tells me he has caught on much quicker than John had. I nod my head slightly.

"Survival training on Saturdays with Major Lorne will become mandatory for any civilian before going off world. However, I also want us to learn to withstand getting hurt. If we can learn to withstand anything the enemy throws our way, we won't be a liability to the soldiers. If there not worrying about us, and how to get us out protected, than they can concentrate on ending the problem much sooner. Sooner a problem is solved, the better it is for everyone involved; civilian and soldier alike," I say, straight to the point. He looks slightly nauseous at my suggestion. Hell, I fell nauseous about it. Still, it needs to be done.

"I don't think, Evan, I mean I could ask him, but I doubt he would be willing to do that. I don't think I know anybody who would be," he says quietly, more subdued then I have ever seen him. Then again, I am never happy when contemplating just how I am about to be hurt either.

"You can ask about the Saturdays, however no, I wouldn't believe he would be willing to help with the second training course we will need. No, none of the current soldiers can be of any help there. In fact I don't even want them knowing about it. This is purely a move on the civilian half of things. They're already trained; they shouldn't be burdened with our inabilities. I will make a few calls; see if I can't get someone to help us out from the civilian side of things. Despite what others think, I DO have connections around here, you know. The second half of the training will only be required by those on a permanent gate team," I say with a slight hump. Just because I don't like to negotiate and talk to others, doesn't mean I can't do it. Sadly, I think I know just the man to do this and it won't be pleasant, I am sure.

"So you want us to train with Evan, and then we also train with some person, on what? I mean, exactly what are you planning?" he asks while looking me straight in the eye, almost begging me to not say it. I wish I could back down. Forget the whole thing. While I deserve to be hurt for what I did with Koyla, nobody else does. I would gladly take it all for everyone, but I know that eventually something will happen and he will need to be able to withstand it as well.

"Saturday mornings will be Lorne's where he will teach everyone survival training, then in the evening I shall have someone teach the off world permanent gate civilian team members how to withstand being tortured," I tell him plainly, and see him go pale.

"Rodney, are you sure this is really necessary?" he begs me quietly.

"If you don't want to do so, I understand. But understand this; if you don't, and anybody else who chooses not to, you will not be allowed to go on off world missions. I will reassign you to base positions. David, you don't want Evan hurt because you couldn't keep it together, or god forbid, killed because someone beat on you, do you? This is to better safe guard Atlantis and everyone on it against anything like this happening again," I tell him, and use his first name for the first time ever. His eyes go huge and seem to blank out momentarily before focusing in on me again.

"Of course I don't want Evan hurt, or Atlantis harmed in anyway because I couldn't protect my team. I don't want to do it, but I don't want to leave Evan's team or be stuck on base all the time either. I guess I can understand the need for it, even if I wish it wasn't necessary. I shall tell Evan about the impending announcement of mandatory survival training for the civilian members of our expedition. However, I think you're right. If you really are going to do this, we shouldn't tell the other soldiers about your other training plans. They would try to interfere, or get in the way and object, I am sure," he tells me, nodding and finally getting down to the business at hand for what would be needed for this to work. That just confirms my other reason for seeking him out. Unfortunately, this is also necessary because of my incompetence as well.

"Then that brings me to my last reason for seeking you out. As you know; during the whole incident with Koyla I managed to lose us a few good people, and well, one of them was the botany's department head. He needs replacing. That's going to be you, David. You're the best person I can think of for the job. You will report either directly to me or Zelenka if I am not around. Congratulations. I have to get going, I am supposed to meet John for dinner today," I say as I stand when I realize just how much time had passed. I nod to him one last time before leaving him in his own thoughts and take off so I won't be late for my dinner with John. Don't need him getting suspicious before I even start doing anything.

I stop by our rooms and change and shower before jogging down to the mess hall to meet up with John. I still feel slightly cold inside when I see him look up at me and smile, as if I could do no wrong, but it's not as bad as earlier now that I have a plan in place to fix my mistake. I smile at him and quickly join him at our table. He leans over and kisses me quickly before pulling back and grinning at me.

"So, what have you been up to all day?" he asks as he starts to pick at his food. I dig in as I shrug my shoulders.

"Nothing much; I promoted Parrish to head of the botany department," I tell him, obviously leaving the rest of what we talked about out. I see him grin and glance at Lorne who had just entered and grabbed two trays of food.

"Yeah? I am sure that will work out. Lorne says he has a good head on his shoulders and doesn't argue back with given orders," he says, and I just nod and continue to eat while he tells me about his day, thinking about what I would have to do to get this all set up without any of his soldiers, or him for that matter, finding out what I am doing. It was going to be a long couple of days to say the least.

/END OF CHAPTER/

Merry Christmas everybody! I hope you all enjoy your holidays! Well that's all I have so far. If it sounds good and you would like to see more, let me know in a review please! Hope you enjoyed it, and don't forget to thank bas_math_girl for beta-ing this and making it readable! I don't know where I would be without her. Also don't forget the lovely Diamond-Raven's who inspired this! Drop by and give her a review on her own fic's as a thank you please! HAPPY HOLIDAYS EVERYONE!