LEGAL DISCLAIMERS:
GundamW and all characters therein (c) TV Asahi and Bandai. (phbt.) Everything else (c) me. (Like there's much more for me to stick my name on... blahdyblahdyblahdy DEAL!) AAAAAAAAANYWAYS....
For those of you who have read Spectres, welcome back to Aldebaran. For those of you who have never read all of my ONE other fanfic, welcome to my world. Be forewarned- prozac and some psych therapy sessions may be advantageous. =)
I'm back at it... Unfortunately for YOU!!!! MWAHAHAHAHAHAHA. *evil glance* I hope they don't notice that I'm following them... *Duo sweatdrops* Oh you shutup... Don't make me write you into an epic like Spectres. *evil grin as Duo stops and sits down quietly* better.
As I was saying, welcome back to Aldebaran... I know I should probably be cheery, but I'll admit off the bat that this is just DISTURBING. I was in a particularly dark mood when I started this... and a lot of the dialouge was taken off a submission (which actually got published, believe it or not) to my summer camp lit mag. All that said, I'll give you a headstart on scratching you head.... wait for it... waaaaiiiit for it... go.
----------
"The gloomy comparisons of a disturbed imagination, the melancholy madness of poetry without the inspiration."--Edmund Burke, Junius: letter to Sir W. Draper
----------
The curtains were drawn. Good. There was always something about the breeze that annoyed him, particularly on nights like these. It was so... fake. No breeze ever blew on L2. The powers that be made sure of that.
He could barely make out his hand in the dim candleglow until the match flared up briefly against the box. The surge of heat and light normally would have made him fleetingly consider dropping the small stick, had it not been for the complete loss of sensory perception he was experiencing at the moment. The old candle glowed briefly with a blood red light before settling quickly into the faint echo of a shimmer through the crimson wax. The candlelight threw a faint orange-red glow over the small bed and desk, and the thin curtains that were drawn over the window.
The chill in the room was numbing, particularly as he undressed and sat by the small central cluster of candles, hugging his knees up to his chest. The small amount of warmth radiated by the candles that were placed generously throughout the room danced upon his bare skin, casting shadows into his eyes and catching the glint off his stringy auburn hair.
He gazed at the flame, somehow without the temptation to wince. He pulled on the ends of his hair absentmindedly, not noticing that it had not been washed in a week or so nor how oily it had become due to the neglect. The candlelight shimmered off the oil in incredible patterns of intricacy. Had he been an outsider looking in, the ethereal appearance the light gave him would have forcably led him to believe that he was some sort of starving messiah. Exactly what he needed. To be a helpless messiah. He closed his eyes wearily before drifting. He felt the warmth of the candles fade far into the distance and the light grow dimmer through his closed lids as the world left him, just as it always had. Alone.
Things slowed, darkness washing over him like a warm bath. The candles flickered only quietly now as a small sound took hold in the back of his mind. A voice. Nothing more than a whisper, but still... it was there. Murmuring something. Something to him. Something for his ears only. He was sure he could distinguish words if he concentrated hard enough-
A scream. A shrill, bonechilling scream, followed by the sound of an explosion. His body reeled from the noise as he suddenly found himself falling backwards. He started as the floor neglected to greet him, and quickly hugged his knees to his chest and clamped his eyes shut in prayer. The air whipped past him as he felt himself falling rapidly into nothing at all.
Dark...
why...
...why is it so dark here?
Wait, who... who are you?
...me?
Yes, you. The one talking to me.
...I'm nobody.
Nobody? But...
...No Man. I am everybody.
Everybody?
...and nobody.
Wait-
...you don't need to understand
Understand? Understand what?
...shinigami
What are you talking about? I am Shinigami!
...no, you SEE.
What the hell-?
...Shinigami. Every day. But you only see Him from a distance.
You're not making any sense...
...like you're making much more.
What the hell do you want from me?!
...to make sense.
Stop talking bullshit!
...I'm not talking 'bullshit', as you so fondly call it, I'm talking about sense. You confuse me.
But...
...you claim to be Shinigami.
What?
...am I correct?
This is bul-
...am I correct?
Yes... yes you are. I am Shinigami. Claims have no place here.
...No.
No? No what? You're questioning me, aren't you?
...not you. Merely...
Merely what?
...merely... your powers of observation.
What??
...you're not Him.
This is all bullshit. Stop talking to me or I swear by God I'll-
...you'll what? Show me the real Shinigami?
What're you-
...my dear friend, how can you invoke the God of Death upon something you can't even see?
Shut up.
...I'm merely a voice, my friend. In YOUR head. You can't silence your own thoughts, how can you DARE claim to be Shinigami himself?
I said shut up.
...Shinigami is the Great Silencer. He can silence anything he pleases at will.
I said shut up already!
...and yet I still seem to be here...
SHUT UP!!
...
...
...you don't want to be hearing this, do you?
I have no time to be listening to you.
...who am I?
What?
...who exactly am I?
I don't see what you're-
...you claim to have no time to listen to me
Great, then you're NOT completely deaf.
...I will selectively ignore that.
Try me.
...you claim to have no time to listen to me... in which case you must know who I am.
You're making no sense again.
...I am.
Look-
...I am nobody. Everybody. I am the whole of the universe and the emptiness of the Void at the same time. I embody everything and ultimately nothing.
So now you're turning a Sphinx on me, are you?
...I find your selective use of mythological references quite perplexing.
Shut up. I am Shinigami. I kill people every day. By the hundreds. By the thousands.
...so you admit to murder?
I admit to being a soldier. Death comes to everybody.
...Shinigami should be a soldier to no-one. With His power, He commands all forces of men.
Stop.
...He controls armies of righteousness...
Stop it.
...He controls those of the enemy...
I said stop.
...all that bring plague and suffering and death upon mortals are his messia-
STOP!
...you don't want to hear the truth?
I'm searching for the truth, not for you!
...but who am I?
Stop circling yourself!
...you never answered my question.
Goddammit...
...your voice.
what?
...your voice. It's wavering.
Yeah well I'm just a LITTLE stressed out here.
...bitter.
Fuck off.
...well then I suppose I'll leave you.
...
...
but...
...ah, I was enjoying your silence for once. Such a thing. Your head is always spinning with thoughts.
...
...still so comfy. Fare thee well. I hope to see you soon.
But...
...
Hey, please, come back-
He hit the floor hard on his right side. The thud that echoed in the nearly-empty room was startlingly loud. He lay there, half-splayed across the wooden floor, feeling the tears streaming down his face. His hands slipped harshly across his knees as he lay, paralyzed. He heard the door creak open and cast a stream of light against the opposite wall. A shadow stepped into the light and he heard a small intake of breath.
"Duo..." Hilde's voice paused uncertainly. "Is everything... alright?"
Duo found himself looking just above his arm which lay in front of his face, raising his eyes not to Hilde's face but merely to where he could see her bare feet in the doorway. A small smile split his face.
"Wonderful," he replied without hesitation, as the tears blurred his vision. "Everything is wonderful."
GundamW and all characters therein (c) TV Asahi and Bandai. (phbt.) Everything else (c) me. (Like there's much more for me to stick my name on... blahdyblahdyblahdy DEAL!) AAAAAAAAANYWAYS....
For those of you who have read Spectres, welcome back to Aldebaran. For those of you who have never read all of my ONE other fanfic, welcome to my world. Be forewarned- prozac and some psych therapy sessions may be advantageous. =)
I'm back at it... Unfortunately for YOU!!!! MWAHAHAHAHAHAHA. *evil glance* I hope they don't notice that I'm following them... *Duo sweatdrops* Oh you shutup... Don't make me write you into an epic like Spectres. *evil grin as Duo stops and sits down quietly* better.
As I was saying, welcome back to Aldebaran... I know I should probably be cheery, but I'll admit off the bat that this is just DISTURBING. I was in a particularly dark mood when I started this... and a lot of the dialouge was taken off a submission (which actually got published, believe it or not) to my summer camp lit mag. All that said, I'll give you a headstart on scratching you head.... wait for it... waaaaiiiit for it... go.
----------
"The gloomy comparisons of a disturbed imagination, the melancholy madness of poetry without the inspiration."--Edmund Burke, Junius: letter to Sir W. Draper
----------
The curtains were drawn. Good. There was always something about the breeze that annoyed him, particularly on nights like these. It was so... fake. No breeze ever blew on L2. The powers that be made sure of that.
He could barely make out his hand in the dim candleglow until the match flared up briefly against the box. The surge of heat and light normally would have made him fleetingly consider dropping the small stick, had it not been for the complete loss of sensory perception he was experiencing at the moment. The old candle glowed briefly with a blood red light before settling quickly into the faint echo of a shimmer through the crimson wax. The candlelight threw a faint orange-red glow over the small bed and desk, and the thin curtains that were drawn over the window.
The chill in the room was numbing, particularly as he undressed and sat by the small central cluster of candles, hugging his knees up to his chest. The small amount of warmth radiated by the candles that were placed generously throughout the room danced upon his bare skin, casting shadows into his eyes and catching the glint off his stringy auburn hair.
He gazed at the flame, somehow without the temptation to wince. He pulled on the ends of his hair absentmindedly, not noticing that it had not been washed in a week or so nor how oily it had become due to the neglect. The candlelight shimmered off the oil in incredible patterns of intricacy. Had he been an outsider looking in, the ethereal appearance the light gave him would have forcably led him to believe that he was some sort of starving messiah. Exactly what he needed. To be a helpless messiah. He closed his eyes wearily before drifting. He felt the warmth of the candles fade far into the distance and the light grow dimmer through his closed lids as the world left him, just as it always had. Alone.
Things slowed, darkness washing over him like a warm bath. The candles flickered only quietly now as a small sound took hold in the back of his mind. A voice. Nothing more than a whisper, but still... it was there. Murmuring something. Something to him. Something for his ears only. He was sure he could distinguish words if he concentrated hard enough-
A scream. A shrill, bonechilling scream, followed by the sound of an explosion. His body reeled from the noise as he suddenly found himself falling backwards. He started as the floor neglected to greet him, and quickly hugged his knees to his chest and clamped his eyes shut in prayer. The air whipped past him as he felt himself falling rapidly into nothing at all.
Dark...
why...
...why is it so dark here?
Wait, who... who are you?
...me?
Yes, you. The one talking to me.
...I'm nobody.
Nobody? But...
...No Man. I am everybody.
Everybody?
...and nobody.
Wait-
...you don't need to understand
Understand? Understand what?
...shinigami
What are you talking about? I am Shinigami!
...no, you SEE.
What the hell-?
...Shinigami. Every day. But you only see Him from a distance.
You're not making any sense...
...like you're making much more.
What the hell do you want from me?!
...to make sense.
Stop talking bullshit!
...I'm not talking 'bullshit', as you so fondly call it, I'm talking about sense. You confuse me.
But...
...you claim to be Shinigami.
What?
...am I correct?
This is bul-
...am I correct?
Yes... yes you are. I am Shinigami. Claims have no place here.
...No.
No? No what? You're questioning me, aren't you?
...not you. Merely...
Merely what?
...merely... your powers of observation.
What??
...you're not Him.
This is all bullshit. Stop talking to me or I swear by God I'll-
...you'll what? Show me the real Shinigami?
What're you-
...my dear friend, how can you invoke the God of Death upon something you can't even see?
Shut up.
...I'm merely a voice, my friend. In YOUR head. You can't silence your own thoughts, how can you DARE claim to be Shinigami himself?
I said shut up.
...Shinigami is the Great Silencer. He can silence anything he pleases at will.
I said shut up already!
...and yet I still seem to be here...
SHUT UP!!
...
...
...you don't want to be hearing this, do you?
I have no time to be listening to you.
...who am I?
What?
...who exactly am I?
I don't see what you're-
...you claim to have no time to listen to me
Great, then you're NOT completely deaf.
...I will selectively ignore that.
Try me.
...you claim to have no time to listen to me... in which case you must know who I am.
You're making no sense again.
...I am.
Look-
...I am nobody. Everybody. I am the whole of the universe and the emptiness of the Void at the same time. I embody everything and ultimately nothing.
So now you're turning a Sphinx on me, are you?
...I find your selective use of mythological references quite perplexing.
Shut up. I am Shinigami. I kill people every day. By the hundreds. By the thousands.
...so you admit to murder?
I admit to being a soldier. Death comes to everybody.
...Shinigami should be a soldier to no-one. With His power, He commands all forces of men.
Stop.
...He controls armies of righteousness...
Stop it.
...He controls those of the enemy...
I said stop.
...all that bring plague and suffering and death upon mortals are his messia-
STOP!
...you don't want to hear the truth?
I'm searching for the truth, not for you!
...but who am I?
Stop circling yourself!
...you never answered my question.
Goddammit...
...your voice.
what?
...your voice. It's wavering.
Yeah well I'm just a LITTLE stressed out here.
...bitter.
Fuck off.
...well then I suppose I'll leave you.
...
...
but...
...ah, I was enjoying your silence for once. Such a thing. Your head is always spinning with thoughts.
...
...still so comfy. Fare thee well. I hope to see you soon.
But...
...
Hey, please, come back-
He hit the floor hard on his right side. The thud that echoed in the nearly-empty room was startlingly loud. He lay there, half-splayed across the wooden floor, feeling the tears streaming down his face. His hands slipped harshly across his knees as he lay, paralyzed. He heard the door creak open and cast a stream of light against the opposite wall. A shadow stepped into the light and he heard a small intake of breath.
"Duo..." Hilde's voice paused uncertainly. "Is everything... alright?"
Duo found himself looking just above his arm which lay in front of his face, raising his eyes not to Hilde's face but merely to where he could see her bare feet in the doorway. A small smile split his face.
"Wonderful," he replied without hesitation, as the tears blurred his vision. "Everything is wonderful."