Summary: SEQUAL TO: BROKEN INSIDE. Of course nothing perfect can last, and now 18-year-old Lilly finds that out first hand. What will she do when her savior leaves her and everything starts getting worse in her once-improving life?
Disclaimer: I own nothing.
I never thought for a second I'd end up back where I was right now. As the cool metal make its way into my skin my mind back-flips and rewinds back to why I returned to the place I never wanted to go back to.
I watch the blood run freely for the first time in nearly two years, and all the feelings I had forgotten came rushing back. Tears flood my eyes and I feel myself drift further into the fog that I had been convinced had cleared up two years ago when I met him.
Let me back track.
My name is Lilly Truscott. I'm now an 18 year old almost graduated senior. It's May now, my birthday being only a week or so ago. About two years ago around the same time as now, I had been a complete mess. I had been living alone; abandoned by my widowed, abusive, rapist father, and having sex for money to survive. I had been doing drugs, drinking, smoking cigarettes, and cutting myself.
Then I met him, my savior. This boy helped me take the pain away without abusing substances or abusing myself. He was the one true thing I could count on to save me; besides my best friend Miley of course. But Joe was something else.
Well where is my savior now?
He's in California still. But he's in some big major recording studio. About a year ago he hit the big time and got signed. He's making millions of dollars. He's always busy. He's constantly away from me.
I guess that's the real reason I'm back in the fog with the blade. I've lost the only man I've ever loved to Hollywood, although he tells me different; that he still will always love me no matter what happens. I tell him not to worry, I'm fine, and I support him with whatever he does. I tell him I'm happy for him. Well, I do support Joe, and I am somewhat happy for him. But I am not alright. He's too warped in his fame that he doesn't see through my lies. He normally would; the NORMAL Joe would.
I live with my best friend Miley Stewart and her father, whom I consider to be my one and only father. They always have been and always will be there for me no matter what. They got me the psychiatric help I needed those two years ago so I could get my life back on track. That's why I can't tell them I've returned to the fog; they are so proud of how far I've come.
I can't disappoint them by letting them see me doing it all over again. No way.
I light up a cigarette in the bathroom I stand in and examine myself in the full-body mirror. I take a drag and sigh out the smoke. Yeah, I've taken up smoking again. I've found another thing to take the pain away too….:
See, this is how fucked up in the head I am, I know something is seriously fucking wrong with me, but I do it anyways, and I cannot stop it.
This time, I make myself throw up, like you know- I'm bulimic. Well that's when I actually eat, which is rarely ever. By binge eating and starving myself I find it a good punishment to my body. It's more physical pain; to shed myself of disgusting fat and one of the countless flaws I have.
I'm so fucking pathetic.
XoXo
I cover myself up and do my best to hold in my tears as I leave my bedroom. I need to talk to my best friend, now.
I walk into her room and find her with her head in-between her pant-less boyfriend Jake's legs. Ugh. Of course the time I need her most she's busy.
"Sorry," I mumble and turn to walk out. "Lilly wait!" my best friend calls behind me. I turn back towards her, "Hmm?"
"What's the matter babe?" She asks me, concern lining her voice. That's a true fucking best friend; she can be giving some gorgeous guy head but still fucking put me before anything. "Nothing Miles, we'll talk later alright?" I said to her, and turn again to walk out.
"Wait!" She calls again, "Are you sure you don't need to talk now Lils?" I nod my head and reply, "It's cool Miles." She gets up and walks over to me and hugs me. "Love you babe," she says sadly and pushes my hair out of my face. "Love you too Miles," I whisper, hugging her back. My best friend.
She returns to her waiting boyfriend and I close the door behind me, ignoring the noises behind it. I sigh. Ignoring the throbbing of my wrists I return to my bedroom and close the door behind me. I sulk over to my bed and collapse onto it. I cry myself to sleep.
XoXo
I awake to Miley shaking me. "Lillyyyyyy! Wake up Lils!" She says loudly. I groan and look at the clock. 11 pm. I was out for 10 hours.
"Hey Miles," I whisper. "Hey babe, are you doing okay? You really seemed like you needed to talk earlier…" Miley stated concerned. "Yeah I do need to talk Miles," I sadly say, fighting back tears again.
Miley frowns. "What's on your mind?" I sigh and sit up, reaching towards my dresser drawer. I pull out two cigarettes and my lighter. I light them both and hand one to Miley. She never quit smoking. "Thanks babe," she says as she accepts the stick. I nod. She takes a drag, "So what's going on Lils?" I sigh again.
"It's just so hard Miley, every day it gets harder, I seriously can't believe my savior just up and left so willingly. I have not heard from him in seriously 8 days, not joking," I whispered to Miley. I watch her jaw drop.
"That little bastard hasn't even fucking so much as TEXTED you in 8 days!?" She exclaims angrily. I shake my head sadly. The tears fall this time out of my control. Miley snaps, I can tell when she loses her temper.
"I'LL FUCKING KILL THAT MOTHERFUCKER! Who the hell does he think he is? So Mr. Big-Shot has to number one, leave you for his fucking fame and then number two have the nerve to not even fucking contact you? Uh hell no, it doesn't work like that. Nobody fucks over my best friend like that if I can help it," Miley rants on and on. I love my best friend.
"Miley don't worry about it, it's fine I guess, it's just hard," I whisper in an attempt to calm her down. She shakes her head vigorously, "This guy is supposed to be your fucking savior, not the one who puts you back through fucking pain; asshole." I don't need to say anything; she knows I agree with her completely.
Just as she's about to say something my phone goes off; Everytime We Touch by Cascada.
"That's Joe's ringtone…" I quietly say as I glance from my ringing phone to my best friend. "Oh answer it, he's getting a piece of my mind!" She says through gritted teeth.
"Hello?"
I wish I hadn't answered that phone call.
SEQUAL! Woo! But uh oh, Lilly's back into her fog, and why would she end up regretting answering the phone? Oh no, I guess you'll have to review and add it to update alerts to find out! Please and thanks(: