AN: Tissue warning just in case.

Chapter 1

M was roused from sleep at hearing James' voice call out to her in the darkness. Opening her eyes, she sat up and looked around her bedroom; her eyes stopping on the shadowed figure standing at the side of her bed.

"How the hell did you get in?"

"The same way I always do." His voice held amusement, but it wasn't the same tone she was used to hearing. There was an underlying of sadness in his words.

M dismissed it, and looked instead to the clock on the bedside table; the red digits displaying 22:00 hours.

"You had best have a bloody good explanation for why you are here, James." She switched on the bedside lamp.

"As a matter of fact I do."

"Let's hear…" Her words died in her throat at seeing James' blood soaked clothes, and the various cuts and bruises covering his face.

"What the hell happened?"

"Car accident. It's nothing I won't heal from." James sat next to her on the bed.

M didn't believe him. "Maybe so. But I want you checked out. Were there any other casualties?"

"No, I bore the brunt of it. And you will be surprised to know it wasn't my fault for a change." He gave her a small smile.

"First time for everything I suppose." She threw back the covers, and was about to get out of bed when James' hand on her arm stopped her.

"Where are you going?"

"To get the first aid kit. I'm not having you bleeding over my bed."

"Leave it, M. I'll be fine. I am a blunt instrument after all."

She remembered saying those words to him. It seemed so long ago now, and he had learned since she had first promoted him his double-0 status. Too bad the same couldn't be said about his egotistical attitude. It had caused her more problems than she had cared to admit.

"That was a long time ago, James…"

"It was true though. But that aside, there was another reason I came here. Other than your nursing abilities."

M narrowed her eyes, wondering where he was going with this. "I see. Care to elaborate?"

His hand glided down her arm to take her hand in his. M felt a shiver go through her body as his cold hand made contact with her own. She wanted to pull away, and create as much distance as she could between them. But, something reflecting in his pale blue eyes held her in place.

"You mean a great deal to me, M. I need you to know that. You gave me chance after chance; never giving up on me when you had every right to."

"Where are you going with this, James?" she softly asked him.

"Truthfully, I was hoping to ask you out on a date."

"You can't be serious? I'm old enough to be your mother for Christ's sake."

James laced his fingers through hers. "My feelings towards you are anything but motherly, M. I can assure you."

"I think that crash made you lose all rational thought."

James shook his head fondly. "Quite the opposite in fact."

"How long?" She tried to keep her voice level.

"Honestly?"

M gave a nod, unable to speak as she tried to wrap her head around this conversation.

"Remember when I blew up the Nambutu embassy, and you came home to find me in your apartment?"

"How could I forget? I still haven't figured out how you managed to get my username and password."

James gave a smirk. "I have my ways, but hacking aside, that night when you lectured me on proper code and conduct, I couldn't take my eyes off you. You were beautiful, and still are."

"You loved Vesper. You even handed in your resignation."

"I thought I did. Now, thinking back on it, she was more or less a replacement for you. I knew if I had told you then, you wouldn't have believed me. Christ, you were still married at the time. Then your husband passed, and then you were almost killed by Mitchell, and I thought I was going to lose you. I nearly did. That thought hurt me more than any injury ever could."

"When I ordered you not to let revenge cloud your judgement. That wasn't just because of Vesper's death was it?"

He gave her a sad smile. "No. I was more driven to bring down White and Quantum because they tried to kill you. I may not have loved Vesper as I thought I did, but that didn't mean she deserved to die either. When I met with you at the hotel in Bolivia, I saw the distrust in your eyes as I entered that room, then after I met you in the corridor, your eyes held a trace of fear. I may be a foolish bastard…"

M gave a scoff. "That much is certain."

"But, I would never hurt you. I wanted to pull you into my arms and kiss you more than anything." He softly traced her face with his other hand, seeing her disbelief at his words.

"I don't think you actually realise how hard it is for me day in and out to keep a professional relationship between us, M."

"Then why come here and tell me all this tonight, James?"

"I couldn't keep my feelings a secret from you any longer. I know it's too early to mean anything…"

M looked away from him, not ready to hear those three little words, when they weren't even in a relationship. She felt his hand under her chin as he tilted her head up, felt her heart thumping against her chest.

"But, I want you to know in case anything happens to me. After all, Double-0s have a short life expectancy." He tried to humour her.

"Perhaps for some, but you have proven to me on more than one occasion, resurrection seems to be a hobby of yours."

"I do have a knack for it." He gave her a smile. "But, hobbies aside, I want you to know… that I love you, M and I meant every word I just said. I'll always care for you and if you agree... I would really like to take you out on that date."

M saw the love and hopeful look on his bruised face as he waited for her answer.

"For once, James, I don't know what to say?"

"The truth is always a start."

M took a deep breath, trying to get her emotions under control. For the first she could remember, she didn't know how to handle a situation, and it made her feel vulnerable.

"I'm sorry, James, but I can't say those words back to you."

"I never expected them back, M, I just wanted you to know."

M gave a slight nod. "As for an actual relationship, it would be problematic. I'm your boss, James. If I start a relationship with you, how am I supposed to do my job when we both know I will have to send you out in the field with life or death situations…?"

"You would manage, M. I don't believe for one second your feelings for me would jeopardise a mission." He traced her bottom lip with his thumb.

"Even if you had to make a judgement call, and it got me killed. I would never blame you, and I wouldn't expect you to blame yourself."

"That's easier said than done, James. "

"I know, but you're a strong woman, M. It's just one of the qualities I admire about you."

"What makes you think I even have feelings for you?" She raised an eyebrow.

"If you didn't, you wouldn't still be sitting here, and you wouldn't have called me James." He looked at her knowingly.

She knew he was right on some level. As she thought back on his words, she realised there was an attraction between them. Sexual or otherwise, she had just chosen to ignore it. She may have shown some fear that day in the corridor upon seeing him, but there was also another feeling that she had to suppress and that was lust. She didn't know what she was thinking. It was unprofessional on her part. Yet, all she thought about on her return to London was James lifting her into his arms as he pinned her against the nearest wall, kissing her passionately, not caring about the consequences.

It was wishful thinking on her part. It was only when Tanner had informed her they were landing that she realised what she had been doing, and felt foolish for thinking it. She would never have thought someone nearly thirty years her junior would want to be anywhere near her, let alone date her. The word even seemed foreign to her. The last date she had been on was with her late husband two weeks before he had passed. She never thought she would be asked out on another one; especially by one of her agents. In particular, the one who was sitting on her bed injured and had just admitted he loved her.

It scared her. Her husband had been dead for little over a year, and he was the last person tell her those three words. There was no denying her feelings for James. They had always been there. She knew jumping straight into a relationship would never work, despite their feelings. But, maybe she could give him one date to see how it would go; then go from there. If it went further, ground rules would have to be set.

"Well… what's your answer?" James asked.

"Before I give my answer, I want to clarify that if anything happens between us, it doesn't interfere with work, and we take it one day at a time. That means not breaking into my apartment at all hours."

"I can accept those terms," he told her softly. "I take it your answer is yes?"

"What do you think?" She smiled.

"I think you have just made my night."

"Good. Now let me clean those cuts."

James shook his head. "I'll take care of it myself, M. Get some rest," he said quietly, placing a soft kiss on her forehead.

She felt goose bumps crawl over her body at the simple action. "When do you plan on this date, James? "

James pulled away from her, and smiled. "Someday. You can let me know when you're ready, and I'll be there to pick you up."

"All right. Take the next few days off to heal, or at least get those cuts looked at."

"I promise. Now got to sleep. I can let myself out." He let go of her hand, and stood up.

"The amount of times you break in I should hope so."

He turned, and gave her a sad smile as he switched off her lamp. "Goodbye, M."

M felt him give her one last kiss on the forehead, before she watched him leave her room. Lying back down, she closed her eyes, and fell into a light sleep.

/*\*/*\

The sound of M's phone ringing caused the older woman to groan. Opening her eyes, she looked at the clock; noticing it was just going on 22:30. Reaching over to the bedside cabinet, she picked up her mobile, seeing Tanner's caller ID.

"This had better be important, Tanner."

'Ma'am, I don't know how to tell you this because I can hardly believe it myself.'

M sat up in bed, hearing the sadness, and disbelief in Tanner's voice.

"Tell me what?"

'Ma'am…'

"For God's sake, Tanner, just tell me!" she told him, frustrated as she waited for a straight answer.

It was only when she heard Tanner say the two words she hoped she would never have to hear, that she understood his hesitancy in answering her question.

'Bond's dead.'

M sat there stunned, hardly believing what she was hearing as Tanner told her the details.

'We received a call informing us that at 22:00 hours there was a car accident with one casualty involved. The drivers license they found was Bond's.'

"That's impossible, Tanner. He was with me at that exact time."

M felt a lump at the back of her throat. There had to be a mistake.

'He died on impact, M. It was unlikely he was there with you.'

"I need you to pick me up. I need to see to see for myself."

'M, I don't think…'

"I don't care what you think, Tanner. I gave you an order!"

'Very well, Ma'am; I'll be there in twenty minutes.'

M hung up the call, and dropped the phone onto the bed, as she felt her eyes sting with unshed tears. She looked around her room for any sign of him, but her apartment was silent.

Throwing back the covers, she turned on her lamp, got out of bed, and quickly got dressed. The same two words 'Bond's dead' kept repeating in her head. She felt as if she was losing her mind. He had spoken to her. He had even kissed her.

Once dressed, she sat on the edge of her bed, head in her hands, waiting for Tanner to arrive. She thought back to their conversation, trying to fit the pieces together. His insistence that she left his wounds alone, and the feeling of his cold hand in hers. But what really stood out was how he had told her he was in a car accident. That wasn't his fault. It couldn't have been him in the car. He had been here; it was impossible. Perhaps they had got the details mixed up.

She jumped slightly at the sudden knock at her door. Standing up, she heard Tanner's voice from the other side. Grabbing her keys from the hook on the wall, she tried turning the door, noticing it was still locked. Unlocking, it she tried to compose herself, before opening the door.

"Are you ready, Ma'am?"

"Yes. Let's get this over with."

She closed and locked the door behind her, making, then they made their way to Tanner's car.

"Where was the accident?" she asked quietly.

"Twenty minutes from your house."

Tanner held the car door open for her as she got in. With the injuries she saw, it was highly unlikely he'd walked to her house. He must have got a taxi. It was plausible.

"You don't have to do this, Ma'am. "

"I need to, Tanner. Otherwise I'm going to go crazy."

Tanner gave a sigh, and started the car. He couldn't help worrying when she had told him Bond was with her at the time of the crash. It was realistically impossible. He'd seen the body for himself. It was Bond's.

"How did it happen?"

"From what we can gather, Bond was at the junction, and had just pulled out as the lorry was coming in the opposite direction. The lorry driver was intoxicated, M. He fell asleep at the wheel, foot still on the pedal. If it wasn't for Bond, we may have been looking at more casualties. His car took the brunt of the impact."

M looked out the car window. Her hope of James being alive looked slimmer with each passing second.

"I don't know what to tell you, M. If he had survived, the chances of him getting to your house would have been impossible," Tanner told her with regret.

"That still doesn't change the fact that I know what I saw and heard, Tanner. How do you explain that?"

Tanner had no answer for her. Truth of the matter was he didn't know. Or rather, he refused to believe what she saw.

Ten minutes later, Tanner parked the car inside the mortuary car park. M wordlessly got out and took a few deep breaths, as she felt Tanner wrap an arm around her shoulders.

"Come on. Let's get this over with."

M let Tanner guide her to the entrance, each step mirrored her heart as it slowly broke piece by piece.

Upon entering the building, M looked around at the small office area as she let Tanner do the talking. After a few moments, they were led to an elevator that took them down to the basement. As the doors opened, the corridor in front of them filled M with dread. She felt like a prisoner on death row as they walked towards the electric double doors.

M felt a shiver go through her at the drop in temperature. The overwhelming smell of death and antiseptic overtook her senses. They were led into a room that contained vast metal vaults. Looking at the number on the drawer, she could just imagine James smug grin and remark if he saw it. As the coroner pulled the metal tray out, she closed her eyes not wanting to see that familiar face behind the white sheet.

"Ma'am."

"I'm fine, Tanner. Give me a moment."

Counting to three, she opened her eyes to see James lying on the metal slab in front of her; unmoving. Taking a few steps forward, she could feel more tears fill her eyes as she looked down at the man who had declared his love for her only an hour ago. With a shaky hand, she reached out and ran her fingers through the short strands of hair, looking for any hint of a smile or his eyes opening.

"It was quick, M. He wouldn't have suffered."

Suffered or not, it didn't lessen the ache she was feeling knowing he was gone.

"Can you give me a few moments?" Trying hard not to let her voice break at the simple request.

"Of course, Ma'am. We'll be outside."

She kept her attention on James, not wanting Tanner to see her like this. When the door closed, she finally let her tears fall, knowing he wasn't coming back to her this time. Stroking the side of his face with the back of her hand, she felt the same coldness she had earlier. She had never believed in the paranormal or visitations by loved ones, but this was the only explanation she had for what she had experienced.

"I thought we agreed on resurrection being your hobby, James?" She gave a sad smile. "It would really come in handy right now."

There was no witty remark from the man in front of her, or amusement in his eyes, which remained closed. Her tears continued to flow. It wasn't supposed to end like this. There had always been the chance of losing him on a mission, or from those stunts of his, but losing him because of a drunk driver was the last thing she expected.

His behaviour during their conversation was starting to make sense. She recalled the sadness in his voice as he told her goodbye. At the time, she thought nothing of it, but now she knew it was final. She would never again hear his voice, or witness his smug attitude whenever she reprimanded him on protocol. There would be no more unexpected visits from him, and no date that he had promised her. Their relationship had ended before it had started.

"You told me earlier… that you would never hurt me, James." She bit her lip to muffle her cries. "But, right now- that's exactly what you're doing."

She wasn't aware of anything around her, wishing it was a dream. "I need you to come back to me… we still need to go on that date you were adamant to take me on." She gave a teary laugh.

"You said… you would be there when I was ready. But, how can you… You've left me, James."

The emptiness she felt was suffocating. "I may not have been able to tell you those three words… but I want you to know… that I eventually would have."

"Ma'am, we need to go."

She took one last look at James; knowing this would be the last time she would get to see him. Leaning down she closed her eyes, and brushed a tender kiss to his cold forehead.

"Goodbye, James," she whispered softly.

Standing up, she brushed her tears away, then walked past Tanner and out of the room. She got halfway up the corridor when she heard Tanner's worried voice call out to her. Stopping in her tracks, she heard his hurried footsteps behind her, before stopping next to her.

"M…"

"He's dead, Tanner." She looked at him with tear stained eyes. "I expected it at some point, but not like this."

Tanner didn't know what to say. He could feel his own grief at the situation. He had known James before he became a Double-0, and he had always seemed indestructible. The last few years weren't any different.

"I need to write his obituary, Tanner. What do you say about a man like that?"

"The truth. Though to be fair, Ma'am… he would probably hate it."

"Probably, but we'll never know will we?"

"No." He had never seen M look so lost. Not even when her husband had passed. "Let's get you home."

M simply gave a nod as the two left the coroner's office never looking back. As Tanner pulled outside M's house, he saw her reluctance to leave as she looked at the building.

"Will you be all right, Ma'am?" he asked worriedly, not wanting to leave her alone.

"I'll be fine, Tanner," she replied quickly, as she got out the car, slamming the door behind her.

Tanner watched as she fumbled to get the key in the lock, and got out after her.

"Let me, Ma'am. "

"I can manage!" She finally got the door unlocked, and stepped inside; looking down the dark hallway, expecting to see James' familiar figure standing in the shadows.

"I'm not leaving until I know you are going to be all right."

She turned to him annoyed that he couldn't just leave her. "I can look after myself, Tanner!"

"It will give me peace of mind, M."

M left the door open for him as she walked into the living room, hearing Tanner close the door behind him. Switching on the light, she went to her drinks cabinet, poured a double scotch into a glass, drinking it one swallow.

Tanner watched from the doorway as she poured herself another, before taking a seat on the sofa.

"Help yourself. James always did," she told him bitterly.

Tanner took a seat next to her. "When you said Bond was with you before I called. What exactly occurred?" He looked at her from the corner of his eye waiting for an answer.

"Why? You didn't believe me earlier," she replied, staring at the wall in front of her.

"Would you?"

She narrowed her eyes, knowing Tanner had a point. "No. But, I know what I saw, Tanner." She turned to look at him. "I don't know how to explain it."

M placed her glass on the table, the urge to drink away her grief no longer appealed to her.

"There must have been a reason for it, M, and I think you finally know what it was. You haven't called him Bond at all tonight."

M closed her eyes, wishing he would just leave it alone. Every time she thought about James and their conversation, she could feel the sting of new tears fill her eyes. The touch of Tanner's hand on her arm caused a stray tear to fall.

"Take your time, M," he spoke quietly, watching as she tried to compose herself.

He sat patiently, listening to M tell him everything about her conversation with Bond. He wasn't surprised about Bond admitting his feelings for her; he already had guessed James saw M as more than a boss. From the small looks, and their conversations in debriefings, as well as Bond breaking into her home on a regular basis. When she told him about the date, he was slightly surprised. He never took James for the dating type. But, then again he only knew about the agent, not the man behind the number. It made him realise he, didn't know James as well as he thought he did.

"He told me he loved me, Tanner." She looked at him, heartbroken.

Tanner's eyes widened in surprise, he thought it was more of an infatuation on Bond's part, but this… this changed things.

"What did you tell him?"

"I told him… I couldn't say the same words back."

He heard the crack in her voice, and pulled her into his arms, feeling her body shake as she silently cried into his shoulder.

"Sh… I've got you, M," he whispered, trying to blink away his own tears.

There was no doubt in his mind now that her conversation with Bond did occur, but there was a chance she could have dreamed the full thing on a subconscious level.

Tanner simply held her, offering what comfort he could to his grieving boss. He was used to seeing her cold and stoic personality on a daily basis, that he never thought much of her emotional state. She was always able to hide what she was feeling, except perhaps from Bond.

He didn't know how much time had passed, before her tears subsided and she pulled out of his embrace.

"I'm sorry, Tanner… that was unprofessional." She tried to clean her tear stained eyes, feeling embarrassed that she had broken down in front of her Chief of Staff of all people. She must look a right state.

"No need to apologise, M. You have every right as the rest of us to cry now and again."

She gave a bitter chuckle. "I'm not anyone, Tanner. I know all about the nicknames people have for me at Six."

"That was sometime ago, M. They have come to respect you as well as your methods." He could tell M didn't believe him, and why would she when he had called her a few of those name's himself when she wasn't around.

"If you say so." She felt too tired to argue. "I think you should go home, Tanner. Get some rest, you're going to need it."

Tanner refused to move, he wasn't going anywhere with her in this state. "I'll take the couch. And before you say anything, it's because I'm too tired to drive."

She knew he was lying, but she couldn't stop the slight relief she felt when he refused to go.

"Fine. The spare room is set up so you can either sleep there or take the couch."

"Couch is fine."

"Very well." She stood up and walked out of the room, only to return a few minutes later with a pillow and duvet.

Tanner watched as she placed the items on the arm of the couch, before muttering a goodnight as she left the room. The sound of her bedroom door closing caused Tanner to sit back and close his eyes as he tried not to think about what the coming days would bring.