Edless Winter

Chapter 1: The Sewers

It was a cold and wet December day, and the snow had touched the ground of Peach Creek. Winter had arrived, and Christmas day was just around the corner. The winter snow had already begun to fall and was piling up several inches.

Eddy pried open the manhole on a road just south of Rathink Avenue. The Eds had spent the entire morning working on a scam down in this sewer called "Ed's Sewer Adventure." This scam was inspired by their first sewer scam called "Ed's Swamp Ride" which had failed to attract Jimmy and the girls of the cul-de-sac, but had never been tried on the boys. Eddy's mission was to attract Rolf, Kevin, and Jonny and gain their allowance money to purchase the new Christmas jawbreakers the Candy Store was selling. Eddy's mouth watered when he thought of these special one-time-only jawbreakers.

Eddy eagerly climbed down the sewer, followed by a cautious and doubtful Edd and a clumsy and sloppy Ed.

"Okay, boys." Eddy began, slowly turning his head and observing their sewer scam. "Looks ready, don'tcha' think?"

"I'm having second thoughts, Eddy." Edd responded.

"As usual." Eddy sarcastically muttered.

"Eddy, we've tried this once and it failed utterly. Plus, it's cold down here, and we best get in our homes before that blizzard sweeps through Peach Creek."

"What blizzard?" Eddy remarked. "We'll be fine down here. Ed brought lots of food, right lumpy?"

"You betcha', Eddy!" Ed shouted happily.

"Ed's finally being useful for once." Eddy spoke.

"But Eddy, the weather forecast says there could be a pretty serious blizzard. We need to return to our houses before it ensues."

"Get real, Double D. We'll only be down here until the evening and then we can go back up. Now, if you'll be useful as well, and let's go attract our customers."

The Eds exited the sewer via the manhole at the top. Once they arrived at the cul-de-sac, they could see the kids enjoying their Christmas break from school, fighting with snowballs and making snowmen outside. To Eddy, they seemed "ripe for plucking" to be customers for his sewer scam.

Eddy somehow managed to attract the attention of all of the kids, even Jimmy and the girls, to the sewer a few streets down. Eddy explained the scam along the way, while the kids listened.

The Eds were first to hop down into the sewer, while the kids stood cautiously above.

"That's right! Just 25 cents for a one-of-a-kind Peach Creek sewer adventure!" Eddy persuasively exclaimed, his voice echoing up to the manhole above him.

The kids one-by-one started climbing down into the sewer that ran under the streets of Peach Creek.

Kevin was skeptical, as usual. "Is this what you dorks have been up to? This is so lame."

"A skeptic, I see." Eddy called out. "But that's soon to change, once you give Ed's Sewer Adventure a try! Who's first?"

Jonny was quick to barge in. "Plank and I want to try! Where do we pay, Eddy?"

"Right here, Jonny-my-boy." Eddy calmly replied, handing out his money jar. Jonny dropped in two quarters and rushed over to the first phase of the scam, which was called "Ride the Edapuss Pt. 2."

"Let's boogie!" Jonny yelled, as he jumped on the Edapuss suit. During this time, Ed slipped into the suit and stuck his head out the hole.

"I'm an Edapuss, 'cause I'm Ed!" Ed shouted.

Eddy turned back to the other kids. "Who wants to ride with Jonny?"

Rolf spoke next. "Rolf would normally be turned off by this balderdash, but because the great season of Yeshmiyek is approaching, he will give it a try, less he wants to be placed in Yeshmiyek's boiling pot."

Eddy recalled Rolf's tradition of celebrating the legend of the woman who lives in the center of the Earth and gives meat for all the good children to eat. However, the only part of Rolf's speech that he truly paid attention to was the "he will give it a try" part.

"Okay, Rolf." Eddy began. "That'll be 25 cents."

Rolf dumped a quarter into the jar and launched himself into the air and landed on Edapuss.

Seeing Rolf and Jonny excited, Nazz and Kevin gave in and decided to ride along. Sarah and Jimmy, however, were not interested at all with the scam, and recoiled at the sight of the swampy waste lurking through the sewer. Sarah pulled Jimmy back up to the manhole, gave Eddy some negative words, and then ran back to the cul-de-sac through the snow-filled roads.

Back in the sewer, Eddy gave Ed the signal to begin the swamp ride. "Okay, fellow adventurers." Eddy began. "Get ready for the Edapuss swamp ride!"

Eddy and Edd stood back, as Ed started to move and thrust himself forward into the sewer. The kids secured themselves on the back of the Edapuss suit, as Ed drove forward.

Eddy shook his jar of quarters. "Now this is what I call real money, Double D!"

"I'm surprised that Kevin, of all the kids, would partake in this flim-flam." Edd responded. "And whoever knew Nazz wouldn't turn down direct exposure to the filthiest underground areas of urban living."

"Translation, please, Einstein." Eddy replied, frustrated.

"Kevin participating in your scams, Nazz being in filthy sewers." Edd made clear. "Doesn't seem like something that used to happen."

"Get over it, Sockhead." Eddy retorted. "Let's wait until they come back and put them through the next ride!"

And so, the day went on. Edd and Eddy realized that they had been waiting at the entrance of the sewer for more than half an hour. Fortunately for them, the sewers were warmer and more humid than the cold and dry climate up on the ground floor of the Earth. They could vaguely hear the sounds of snow glistening above them and the slow currents of the sewage plow through the wide tunnels of this underground area.

When it seemed to Eddy like a lifetime had passed by, the Edapuss group finally returned to the entrance of the sewer. It looked as though everyone had a good time riding Edapuss, but it was evident that they were ready for another ride.

"So, who's ready for the next round of "Ed's Sea Adventure?!" Eddy exclaimed.

The kids hopped off of Edapuss and stepped onto the sidewalk.

"Plank says he's ready for round two, Eddy!" Jonny hollered, his screeching and annoying voice echoed through the sewer.

"Then round two it is!" Eddy answered him.

Eddy led the kids to the second part of their scam, which was called "The Sewer Sidewalk Stroll." Edd was the guide of this wastewater tunnel tour, and he had dressed himself into a guide's outfit.

There were three events in total in this scam, and the Eds provided it all for only one quarter per person. The kids actually enjoyed themselves, even the once-skeptic Kevin and the once-unsure Nazz. Jonny even requested another round on the Edapuss, which added more quarters to Eddy's money jar. Everyone was having a jolly-good time in the sewers of Peach Creek, and were completely oblivious to what was occurring above them on the surface.