Author's Note: So we all know that Part 1 of "The Search" has just been released, and we now get to begin our journey of finally learning what happened to Zuko's mom! However, this story contains no theories about where she went, what happened to her, or how they found her. It's just how I think the events of Ursa's banishment played out. It's based entirely upon what we learned about it in the episodes "Zuko Alone" and "Day of Black Sun, Part 2: The Eclipse", and bears no relation at all with the events of "The Search".
Those without Sin
Part I
"Stop it! You're lying. Dad would never do that to me."
Ursa entered her son's room to hear her children having an alarming conversation. She walked up to the bed they were sitting on, panic gripping her heart as she demanded an explanation. "Your father would never do what to you? What is going on here?"
Azula recoiled at the intensity she detected in her mother's tone and stare. "I don't know," she replied innocently.
Ursa wasn't fooled for a moment. "It's time for a talk!" she declared, grabbing Azula by the arm and leading her away from Zuko. Her rapidly escalating anxiety had her using more force than she normally would have when handling her young daughter and the roughness of her manner did not go unnoticed.
"Mom, you're hurting me!" Azula whined as Ursa yanked her into an empty corridor. "I'll tell Dad-"
Ursa cut her off abruptly as she released her arm to seize her by the shoulders and bend down to stare Azula in the eye. "Tell me right now if you were just teasing your brother or if you really did hear your father say he was going to do something to him."
"Well… I suppose it would be a good joke. He's so easy-"
Ursa's countenance snapped before Azula's eyes, and the nine year old felt genuine fear as her mother yelled at her, shaking her in an ill attempt to conceal her frenzied agitation. "Stop that! You will answer me right now, or so help me, Azula! Did you, or did you not, hear your father say something?!"
The sneering Azula vanished, replaced with a timid, frightened child. "Yes," she answered in a meek whisper.
"What happened? What did he say?"
Azula paused uncertainly.
"Tell me!" Ursa barked loudly, eliciting a startled jump from Azula.
"G-grandfather was angry at Dad. Dad told him he wanted to be the next Fire Lord instead of Uncle."
This much wasn't a surprise to Ursa. Although their marriage was no longer what it used to be, she had always been aware of her husband's desire for the throne. He was obsessed with it. So, he had finally confronted Azulon about it? It had only been a matter of time, but what did it have to do with Zuko?
"What happened next, Azula?"
"Grandfather said that Dad should be punished for insulting Uncle during his time of grief, and the punishment he deserved was to know the pain of losing a first-born son."
A frantic torrent of emotions flew through Ursa as she stood there, still gripping Azula's shoulders. The first was sheer terror. Ozai's first-born son was also her baby; losing him or Azula was her absolute worst fear as a mother. As she recovered from the first wave of shock, a blind fury began to settle in at even the suggestion of hurting Zuko. No one was going to lay a finger on him as long as she was alive. Then confusion swirled within her. She had to find out what it all meant. Azulon couldn't be serious, except he was always serious. Maybe Azula misunderstood; after all, she wasn't lying. Ursa only had to look at her to know this without a doubt. To her surprise, Azula actually seemed to be on the verge of tears, and she never cried. Ursa felt a stab of guilt as she realized she was scaring her youngest child. She wanted to comfort her, but that would have to wait in light of this possible threat to Zuko.
"Sweetheart," Ursa strained hoarsely, trying to make her voice sound calmer. "I need you to tell me what else you heard. Did Dad say anything after that?"
Azula continued in a shaky whisper, "He… he said he would do anything… anything for his nation. He said there was no price too great to keep the Fire Nation from falling." As Azula reiterated her father's words, she seemed to find a renewed strength. Her voice became bolder, taking on a tone of pride as she went on. "Uncle dishonored us by abandoning the siege of Ba Sing Se, and Father will do whatever it takes to repair his failures. He will be the greatest Fire Lord who ever lived!"
Azula's disregard for Zuko's safety barely registered in Ursa's mind as she hung on to her every word. Her resolve rooted itself within her as she formed a single-minded determination to find answers and to protect her child.
"Listen to me, Azula. Go to your room and stay there. I'll come back in a little while. Do not disobey me."
And with that, Ursa swept from the room, making her way to the throne room as quickly as she could.
As she ran, she heard nothing but the sound of her own ragged breathing and pounding footsteps echoing down the endless hallways. She saw no movement except for her shadow darting against the torch lit walls. There were no servants to be found. Everything was eerily quiet. Eerily still. It was a sharp contrast to the chaos wreaking havoc in her mind. She finally reached the throne room, threw the door open and stepped inside to find… nothing. The Fire Lord had retired for the night and her husband was gone. Where would Ozai be? She spun on her heel and lunged back into the hall, headed for his private apartments. They rarely shared a bed anymore; in fact, she couldn't exactly recall when the last time was.
Ursa slowed to a walk as she arrived in the wing of the palace where Ozai's rooms were located. She placed a hand on her chest and forced herself to quiet her breathing, ignoring the constricting pain in her lungs. She surveyed the door leading to his sleeping chamber, but there was no light coming from underneath. Further down the hall, she observed that the door concealing his study was slightly ajar. A low, flickering light peered from within, and she could perceive several shadows, apparently pacing backing back and forth across the room, as well as faint, murmuring voices. He had company, more than likely his advisors. They were his closest confidants and his secret allies to assist him in his pursuit of Iroh's birthright.
As quietly as she could, she crept up to the door, straining her ears to catch the muted whisperings. There were no guards posted outside the door. Ozai didn't trust most of the palace staff, but he usually had one of his inside men keeping watch. Something had him slipping on this vital detail tonight, something that made Ursa's frightened suspicions solidify into drastic fear.
The first audible voice she could make out sounded like his advisor, Ziyi, a nervous young man with a shrill voice but a calculating mind. "If you go through with this your highness, I have all the papers in order. All we need is Fire Lord Azulon's seal."
"Are you sure this is what you desire, my lord? Forgive me, but you don't seem completely certain about this course of action." This was the voice of Xun, a large, imposing bull of a man, who had been loyal to the Fire Prince ever since Ozai was only a boy. Once, he had merely been his personal guard, but he had been upgraded as soon as Ozai had trained his sights on the crown.
"You dare to my doubt my determination, Xun?" Ozai snarled.
"I would never, sir. I only mean to point out your disquiet."
"Of course I am disquieted! It is no longer my fool of a brother standing in my way, but my only son! However, it does not change a thing. My will is as strong as ever, and I will be Fire Lord!"
Ziyi's quivering voice spoke out again, "H-how do you want to carry out this plan, Prince Ozai?"
"Isn't that what you're here for? I need your ideas, you worthless slug!"
"Princess Ursa will undoubtedly be an obstacle," Xun worded somberly. "However we do this, it must be dealt with the utmost caution and precision. We can't afford to overlook even the smallest detail."
"I understand that. The question is how do we keep her out of it?"
"Well, the most obvious solution would be to remove her all together."
"The most obvious but absolutely not the wisest!" Ziyi snapped abruptly. "Two royal deaths occurring simultaneously would be far too suspicious!"
Ursa's hand pressed tremblingly against her mouth as she stood there listening to the discussion taking place mere feet away as she fought the nausea threatening to overwhelm her. How had her life come to this? To hiding in dark passages as she spied on her husband while he plotted to kill their son? How had she been so blind to his evilness when their courtship had first begun? The only thing her naivety had seen back then was a dashing prince who promised her a life of passion and luxury. As the years had gone by with their marriage and birth of their children, she became aware that he was not the man she had fooled herself into believing he was, but by then it was already too late. Leaving him had never been an option, no matter how much she wanted to. Being married into the royal family meant that everything that belonged to her belonged to the Fire Nation. Her children included.
As Ursa sensed herself giving into despair, she mentally slapped herself. The various methods of murder being suggested in the next room were not going to come to fruition. Whatever she had to do to prevent it, she would. Forcing herself to become cold and calculating, she began to devise her own plan. Her first thought was Iroh and somehow enlisting his help. He had always been kind to her and was fond of Zuko, but she shook her head in dismissal. There was no time to wait for his help, and whatever she did, she had to do it quickly. There was no one to rely on but herself.
She ran all the possibilities through her mind. She considered snatching Zuko up and running as far away from this terrible place as she could. But that would leave Azula alone with Ozai, and even though there had been no mention of harming her, Ursa wasn't willing to take that chance. After witnessing what she had just heard, she knew there was no limit to what atrocities Ozai was capable of. No, she would have to take both of them with her. But she knew it would it be impossible. They wouldn't even make it out of the palace before they were caught.
She could threaten to expose him, but he would just lock her away. That was exactly what the men on the other side of the wall were deliberating that very moment. She actually could expose him, but what would that accomplish? Azulon himself was already on board with Ozai's plan.
She would stand and fight over Zuko tooth and nail if it came to that, but it would only prolong the inevitable. No one would fight by her side, for Ozai already had half the palace under his thumb. Everyone was terrified of him, and that was the way he liked it.
The only option she had was logic. She had to change Ozai's mind about killing Zuko, and to do that, she had to offer him an alternative method to attaining his goal. Ozai had said that Zuko was now the one standing in his way, but that wasn't the whole truth. Azulon was still the Fire Lord, and could remain that way for many years yet. If he was out of the way, that could change everything for Ozai. Ursa could use his insatiable greed to her advantage.
As soon as the thought of removing Azulon entered her mind, the idea of how it could be done occurred to her. Without a sound, she slipped away into the shadows, making her way to Iroh's empty rooms. She let herself into his private study with the key he had once given her and carefully navigated through the darkness to his desk. After lighting a single candle to see by, she opened the cabinet containing his prized collection of rare teas, skimming the small, fragrant pouches for a particular insignia marking the tea she sought. Finally finding it pushed all the way to the back, she grasped it in her hand and brought it under the light to inspect it. The memory of Iroh showing it to her was as clear as if it had been only yesterday and not almost a decade ago.
Azula had only been a few months old, and Ursa had been deeply distressed. She and Ozai had been married for three years, and she was just beginning to discover how selfish and cruel he really was. He wanted even more children, more heirs to follow in his footsteps, more tools to use as he pleased. She couldn't stand the idea. She treasured the two children she had, but she hated the notion of birthing more children just to be subjected to his egotistical devices. She had come to Iroh, ashamed but not knowing what else to do. She had poured her heart out to him and he had comforted her in her broken and crying state, which had surprised her even though she had always sensed his warm heart. After acknowledging that he understood her pain and her problem, he offered her a solution. He had opened the cabinet and handed her a pouch of tea, informing her that it would keep her from conceiving. But then he had shown her another tea, one with a similar smell and appearance, but inherently different.
"This tea, Ursa, is one of the most potent poisons that can be found in the world. I'm showing it to you because I don't want you to confuse them. Memorize the emblem on it and never touch it."
She studied the emblem now, a snake with its coils wrapped around a flower. A white lotus. At the time, she hadn't dared to ask him why he kept a poison that could be turned into a beverage in his study, but she later discovered why. Suddenly, a much more recent memory flooded her thoughts, one that had also taken place in this room. Another secret conversation with Iroh, but this one took place right before he left to begin the takeover of Ba Sing Se. She had come to bid him farewell and to wish him luck in the war.
"I hate to seem selfish, Iroh, but I don't know how I'm going to manage without you." She said this with a smile, but they both knew the dark truth of her words.
He sighed in regret, awash with guilt for leaving her to hold her own against his brother and father. He didn't suspect that they would actually harm her in any way, but the stress of this life had taken its toll on her already, and she was such a sweet and gentle lady.
"Ursa, there's something I want to give you. It is a means of contacting me should any drastic circumstance occur in which you would need to get in touch with me and only me, without the interference of any members of the palace or the militia."
He closed the door to his study and walked back over to her. He held her hands in his and looked into her startled eyes with intense solemnity. "Do you swear to never repeat what I am about to tell you, nor to ever abuse the power of the knowledge that I give to you?" Iroh asked her gravely in a voice just loud enough for her to hear.
With a pounding pulse and wide eyes, she wordlessly nodded her agreement to the promise.
"Take this." He placed a flat, circular trinket in the palm of her hand. "Only in the case of a great emergency, go to the falcon post, not the one here in the palace, but the one in the city that is used by the peasants, and send me a message. Use what I have given you as payment to the man who runs it. He will take it without question and it will get to me.
"But… this is only a game piece. Why would he accept it?"
"He is a trusted component of the group I belong to. We hold this symbol sacred and he will recognize it at once. Just put my name on the outside of the letter, hand him the tile, and ask him no questions."
Ursa looked closer at the tile. "The White Lotus?"
"Yes."
"Just like on the…" her words trailed off as her eyes swept over to the locked tea cabinet.
"Yes. That blend of tea was created by an extremely talented herbalist, and a highly valued member of the Order of the White Lotus. It was a gift from her. I don't know why she thought I would need it, but I couldn't refuse such a rare and valuable offering. However, I'm a little wary of handling it," he mentioned with a chuckle. "She told me it gets stronger with age."
The memory of his words echoed in her mind, and she took out a silk handkerchief from her pocket and carefully wrapped it around the bag of tea. Time was running short. She quickly exited the room and locked it behind her. Hurriedly, she fled back to Ozai's study, praying to any spirits that might be listening that he would still be there. She stomped down the hallway leading to the room, this time not bothering to keep silent. In fact, she felt it was wiser to not give the men in the study any suspicions that she had been spying on them.
She reached the door, hearing cold silence on the other side of it. She gave a loud knock but did not wait for it to be opened for her. Without further ceremony, she swung the door open and marched inside, stopping before Ozai who was seated at his desk. His two advisors stood next to him, alert and watchful. A silent tension permeated the air as the men eyed her with guarded expectation.
Ursa finally broke the silence with a curt request. "Ask your men to leave, my lord. I desire a word with you."
"What is this about?" Xun questioned menacingly, taking a couple of steps forward.
"I wish to speak with my husband on an important matter," she countered, staring up at the brute defiantly. "Whatever matter that may be is none of your concern."
"I'll be the one to decide if it's my concern or not," he hissed at her.
"My dear," she said to Ozai, pointedly ignoring the bristling Xun. "I understand you are busy, but what I have to say to you can't wait and I don't want to speak in front of an audience. Surely your honored servants don't consider me a threat to you?"
Ozai nodded to his men. "Go on. Wait for me at the end of the hall. I'll call if I need you."
They left the room in a brusque manner, Xun turning his head to give Ursa one last threatening look over his shoulder. She returned his glare as she shut the door in his face, and the royal couple waited as they listened to the fading sound of their clunking footsteps before beginning to speak.
"So, what is this all about, Ursa? Although I think I already have an idea."
"Do you?"
"The circumstances are too great to be merely coincidental. This is the first time you've sought me out in my own chambers in years. I can only conceive that you want to discuss the very thing I was conversing about with my men, but I want to hear it from your own lips."
"You're right, and I'm not going to let you murder my son."
Her outright admittance of the knowledge didn't even elicit a blink from him. "How did you find out?"
"Never mind how. The point is that I won't stand by and watch as you do what it is you intend. I'll flay you alive if you so much as touch him."
"Wrathful words from you, my dear."
"You haven't seen my wrath. I will protect Zuko at any cost. Even if it means killing you, I will do it without hesitation."
"Such fire. I never would have imagined you had it in you," he worded with a smirk.
"I've spent the last ten years thinking you and I were worlds apart, but now I realize we're not as different as I thought. Both of us will stop at nothing to get what we want. It's just our goals that are vastly different. But we may still be able to both get what we want, if you agree to go along with what I offer."
"What could you possibly tell me that might tempt me to give up the chance to become first in line to the throne?" he asked lazily as he leaned back into his chair, staring at her with cold eyes.
"What if I told you that you could actually have the throne… by tomorrow?"
He continued to regard her coldly, but a covetous gleam slunk into his eyes even as he raised an eyebrow in skepticism. "If what you were telling me actually contained credibility, I'd say you have finally proven that you're worth more than a broodmare."
At one time the insult would have reduced her to a pitiful, wallowing mess, but now it only fueled her hatred of this man, this family, and the entire nation. Nothing mattered to her now but her children. "I've never been more serious in my life," she said unflinchingly.
"Then explain yourself."
"Not so fast. I have conditions."
"Get on with it."
"You will not harm Zuko. That's the entirety of my motivation."
"Obviously. What else?"
"After tonight, I'll be a traitor. But you can't let the full details become known; it will remain a secret. You will have me banished, and only the higher staff members will know anything about it, and even they will only be aware of a modified version. You will use them to help conceal what will happen tonight, especially from the children."
"If you are to be banished, why is it so important that your role remain anonymous?"
"Only so that I can have a chance to one day be a part of Zuko and Azula's lives again. Why do you care anyway? If the rest of the nation found out that your wife committed treason, wouldn't your judgment come into question? Really Ozai, it is in your best interest to keep my involvement quiet."
"Very well. Now tell me."
Ursa inhaled a steadying breath as she prepared to lay out her daring scheme. I'm doing this for Zuko, she reminded herself, hardening her resolve. "Azulon will be discovered dead before daybreak, leaving you to be crowned the new Fire Lord in the afternoon."
Ozai leaned forward in his chair, his fingers coming together in a steeple under his chin as a slow, wicked smile slid onto his face, his eyes burning with excitement. "Oh, Ursa, that is sinister. But… if these events did come to be, how would they connect? Why would I ascend to the throne instead of Iroh?"
"I heard what Ziyi said to you, he has all the paperwork taken care of. All you need is the Fire Lord's seal, and it'll be easy enough to sneak in and get it during the commotion. There might need to be a little rewording done in the documents, but I'm sure Ziyi won't have too much trouble with that."
"Well, you do have that all sorted out, don't you?" he said rhetorically. "So how will this convenient death occur? Don't spare any details."
"Your father always takes his tea an hour before he goes to bed, which will be very soon. I am going to replace the tea leaves the server has set aside for him with this."
She held out the pouch in her hand for him to see, the striking emblem situated prominently in his view. Ursa gauged her husband's face carefully to see what sort of reaction he would present. He narrowed his eyes at the small item, but she registered no trace of recognition on his face at all.
"What is it? Poison? I might have known. The woman's weapon of choice."
She barely refrained from rolling her eyes at his obvious disdain of her chosen method. "Would you prefer something bloodier? It will do as it is intended to do, I assure you. It is cleaner, quieter, and smarter than any other way that is accessible to us."
"Fine, as you will. What happens after he drinks it?"
"Obviously he will die."
"I mean what will we do!"
"You will remain here in your quarters as if nothing is happening. I will go to my room and have my maid begin to help me prepare for bed. It must seem as if nothing is out of the ordinary."
"Before you do that I want you to come back here. I need to know that you were successful."
"There may not be enough time."
"You will do it. Or you may never see your children again."
She gritted her teeth as she stared icily at him. "Fine. I will come back and tell you that it has been done, even though it may completely ruin everything."
"Good. Now, what are we to say when the news is brought to us that the Father Lord is dead?"
Ursa faltered for a moment at Ozai's subtle slipup of words, but continued on without stopping to fully analyze what it meant. "That," she said, "is when our true performance begins…"
To be concluded in Part II