This is just a story my friend Karley and I wrote to make fun of the Cullens. We love the Cullens, but, it's hard to resist making fun of them! R&R!

EPOV

Carlisle and Esme were standing by the door, ready to go on their anniversary trip to Paris. Everyone was waving goodbye, as they sped out the driveway and down the road.

Emmett and Jasper went to play video games, and Alice was dragging my poor Bella upstairs, to play Bella-Barbie. Some how I got persuaded to play videogames with Jasper

and Emmett. After two long hours of games, Emmett won, I was second, and Jasper lost. We were about to go upstairs to rescue Bella, when all of a sudden, Jasper started

crying.

" God Jasper, it was just a game!" Emmett said

" B-but...I..y-you...and..." Jasper started sobbing again.

" Umm, Jasper, uh, do we need to call Carlisle?" I asked.

" No way! He's jus P.M.S-ing!" Emmett yelled.

I couldn't contain myself, I started laughing.

" Hey Jasper!" Emmett called " Do we need to ask the girls for a tamproon?"

" It's a tampon, Emmett, not a tamproon!" I told him

He back away slowly. " How would you know?!" he said pointing a finger at me. " Are you transexual?! I didn't know vampires could be transexual! THIS IS A NEW

DISCOVERY!" he yelled.

"I AM NOT A TRANSEXUAL !" I yelled at him.

Jaspter was sobbing like crazy " How can you two be fighting over a tampon when I'm having emotional struggles?!" He asked.

" Shut up! Jasper do we need to get you a therapist?" Emmett asked

" YOU SHUT UP EMMETT, WE NEED TO GET YOU A THERAPIST FOR YOUR ADDICTION TO SEXUAL RELATIONS!" I shouted

Jasper stood up. " AT LEAST EMMETT AND I AREN'T VIRGINS MR.PRUDE MAN!"

He sat right back down ing the fetal position, and started sobbing again.

"WELL AT LEAST I DON'T DEGRADE PEOPLES PROPERTY BY HAVING SEX ON THIER PIANO!" I yelled at Emmett again

" WELL AT LEAST IM NOT GAY!" Emmett said

" WHO SAID I WAS GAY!"

" I DID, JUST NOW, YOU HOMO!"

" THAT'S IT!" I yelled and lunged at him, we were fighting, and Jasper was still weeping, when suddenly, all the girls came down, dressed in black. Alice was pretending

to wipe tears, and she was sobbing too. She was holding a box. Emmett and I froze mid-punch. " Alice what's wrong?" Emmett asked.

" I-I...(sniff)... broke...(sniff)... m-my...(sniff)... STILLETTO!" she started bawling. " I have to go b-burry it now." She said, and all the girls followed.

Emmett and I looked at Jasper, and started laughing, finally understanding his emotional breakdown.

" you're still a Homo." Emmett said and I punched him in the face.

The End.

So what do you think? If you want more of this story, or more like it, let us know!!! please review. And yes, we know we are retarded. But that just makes stories all the more funnier...right?!

-Carmen and Karley ;p-