A/N: Okay so I thought this up late last night. It just came to me and I wrote it down. I had planned to delete because I was simply playing around with the scene because normally I'm not for any conflict but I thought what the heck it's pretty good and decided to post it up. It's I guess you can say a remake of the whole situation in Eclipse in the Compromise chapter when Bella tries to get Edward to make love to her for the first time. The italicized beginning is kind of a recap and the rest is what I rewrote. I think it's pretty good so please give it a try. Hope you enjoy! ;D
P.S: Don't worry if you don't like it, much stuff like this probably won't be coming from me…I was just busy thinking about these two and yea…LOL (I'm usually a conflict free kind of girl when it comes to them, as you can see in my other stories.) :)
Disclaimer: None of these fantastic awesome characters belong to me. All to the great SM :)
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"Tell me what you want, and you can have it" Edward said.
I couldn't believe how awkward and idiotic I felt. I was too innocent- which was, of course, central to the discussion. I didn't have the faintest idea how to be seductive. I would just have to settle for flushed and self- conscious.
"You", I mumbled almost incoherently.
"I'm yours." He smiled, still oblivious trying to hold my gaze as I looked away again.
I took a deep breath and shifted forward so that I was kneeling on the bed. Then I wrapped my arms around his neck and kissed him. He kissed me back, bewildered but willing. His lips were gentle against mine, and I could tell his mind was elsewhere-trying to figure out what was on my mind. I decided he needed a hint.
My hands were slightly shaky as I unlocked my arms from around his neck. My fingers slid down his neck to the collar of his shirt. The trembling didn't help much as I tried to hurry to undo the buttons before he stopped me. His lips froze, and I could almost hear the click in his head as he put together my words and my actions.
He pushed me away at once, his face heavily disapproving. "Be reasonable, Bella"
"You promised-whatever I wanted," I reminded him without hope. "We're not having this discussion." He glared at me while he refastened the two buttons I'd managed to open.
My teeth clamped together. "I say we are," I growled. I moved my hands to my blouse and yanked open the top button. He grabbed my wrists and pinned them to my sides. "I say we're not," he said flatly. We glowered at each other. "You wanted to know," I pointed out. I thought it would be something faintly realistic." "So you can ask for any stupid, ridiculous think you want- like getting married- but I'm not allowed to even discuss what I –"
While I was ranting, he pulled my hands together to restrain them in just one of his, and put his other hand over my mouth.
"No." His face was hard. Rejection washed through me.
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Edward slowly removed his hand from my mouth and tried to lift my head so that he could examine my face. I pushed his hand away roughly using all of my strength, which he probably didn't realize. I made an attempt to jump off the bed, but not before seeing the pained expression on his face, before he grabbed hold of me. I wanted to go leave and go home. "Let me go Edward!" I yelled, tears running down my face and blocking my vision as I tried helplessly to struggle from his grip. "Bella you know that I want you too, I jus…." He said frantically.
"NO YOU DON'T!" I yelled, interrupting him, continuing to try and break free from his iron grip. "Bella I can't" he said, it coming out more like a broken sob as his hands released me, dropping against the bed. He was looking away from me as if he would be crying if he could. He looked torn and defeated. "I can't" he whispered again, shaking his head, his face looked twisted in agony and hurt.
I swallowed hard against the lump in my throat that had formed from my crying. All of a sudden a sound escaped his lips, similar to the dry sobs from that day in the ballet studio, after I had been attacked by James. My anger immediately faded and I quickly crushed myself to him wrapping my arms around him and crying into his chest. How could I be so selfish, I knew how difficult it was for him to be with me like this now. I couldn't take away the image of his broken face. I felt his arms wrap around me as he buried his face into my hair. Over and over he murmured into my hair nearly crying "I'm sorry" "I'm sorry I can't, I wish…" But I cut him off pulling away and drying my face so that I could see him clearly.
"No Edward I just overreacted…it's just that I want this so badly with you and well it's hard to believe that you could want me the same way I mean…" I trailed off, taking and lifting my hand to gesture between us, and looking away, no longer able to look at his face anymore.
"Bella, you have no idea how much I want you, it's unbearable" he said firmly grabbing my face in his hands forcing me to look at him. "I just can't risk your life because of it…its still hard for me now, and you know I can't live without you" He said his voice becoming quieter at the last part.
I wanted to believe him I did but how could I believe it. "Bella…" he began hesitant; he looked in my eyes then continued. "Bella its one of the selfish reasons I look forward to your change, so that I can be with you that way…do you really think I would give into my own selfish needs like just to risk your life?" "I...I couldn't live with myself if I…." he couldn't continue and his face looked pained again, as he looked away from me, unable to continue.
"Edward" I said bringing my hand up to his face, waiting for him to look at me. He didn't at first, but then he finally did with wary sad eyes. "I understand, I do…its me who was being selfish, you are trying, I know and it's a big sacrifice you're giving to be with me and..." He opened his mouth to object so I immediately corrected myself.
"It's a big sacrifice we're both giving" I quickly amended. He closed his mouth again waiting for me to continue. "And I know you're right" I said looking away, hating to admit it. A small smile pulled up at the corner of his mouth when I said that.
"This right here is enough…for now" I said bringing my lips to his. He immediately kissed me back his lips moving hard and urgently against mine. I could hear both our breathing. This kiss was very different, more than he had ever allowed.
I reluctantly had to pull away in order to breath. When I did I thought of something I wanted to ask him. "Edward?" I said still breathless from our kiss. "Yes?" he asked his breathing not regular yet either.
"Are you sure it will be better…or the same once I'm changed? I mean have you talked to anyone about it? I know it will be safer but…" I trailed off sure he got the point I was trying to make.
His brow furrowed a bit as he considered what I said. "Well…actually I only asked about your safety…when I spoke with Carlisle" he said hesitant to admit the last part as his darted to look at me. "Oh" was all I said. "But I can talk to him about it" he quickly added.
"Okay" I said giving him a smile. "Love, you should sleep now, it's late" he said bringing me to lie against the pillow and under the covers. He got on top of them and wrapped his arms around me, and I closed my eyes and let out a sigh. "Good night my love" he said kissing my forehead. "Goodnight" I said back, not opening my eyes. "Edward?" I called him again, opening my eyes now.
"Yes love?" he said kissing my forehead again. "I love you…and I'm sorry…about tonight" I said, still feeling guilty. "I love you too, and there's nothing to apologize for" I could hear the smile in his voice. "Okay" I said closing my eyes again.
He began humming my lullaby and I drifted off into a peaceful sleep, alone in Edward's arms……….
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A/N: Okay well there you go….I didn't put the end because that is totally up to you guys. I was actually going to end it here but I actually had some more pretty great ideas which is why it has the rating it has. There could be more chapters only if I get the reviews asking for it. Seriously this time with this particular story, since I don't usually write like this, for me to write more I need people to review and tell me so; you don't have to say much. I just really wanna know what you thought and what you want. If not THE END…it's up to you guys so please review either way. I'm thinking at least 10 reviews will be encouragement enough. It actually killed me not putting the end to this, not knowing if it is or not because I usually always put that for my stories LOL. Well hope to hear what from you guys! ;D
P.S: As review encouragement there was going to be some pretty interesting words exchanged and conversations on a certain topic…and something… as I said might have happened….between our Edward and Bella if you know what I mean…but that's all I can say and give away. ;)