Disclaimer: I own absolutely nothing. Not John, Chas, Constantine or even Shia (sob). The song is Aqualung - strange and beautiful which I have become extremely obsessed with of late. And no I don't own the lyrics or the band or the song or anything. Okay happy now? I OWN NOTHING!
Rating: PG13
Summary: Chas reflects on his relationship with John. Implied Chastantine.
AN: This is my first published slash. I wrote another one but didn't post. I think it's bad and I should stick to something I'm capable of but hey I'll try anything once!
I've been watching your world from afar,
I've been trying to be where you are,
And I've been secretly falling apart,
I'll see.
Chas Kramer watched in total awe as his mentor John Constantine walked silently towards him. Chas could tell he was in one extremely shit ass mood but god did he look good.
"Hey John." Chas said brightly as the demon hunter entered the cab.
"Shut the fuck up and drive kid." John snapped from the back.
Chas knew when to shut his mouth.
His mind wandered as he made the short journey back to John's apartment over the bowl alley.
Why couldn't he smile? Just for once why couldn't John smile for him? Every day it was the same greeting. 'Just drive kid' John always said never noticing his mesmerised apprentice.
Chas looked casually into the rear-view mirror catching a slight glimpse of the older man.
He had his head bowed, eyes closed looking very preoccupied.
"Bad day?" Chas asked.
"Shut up and drive." John said through gritted teeth it seemed he was losing his patients.
Chas readjusted his view.
Why did he feel the way he did if all he received in return was shit.
Do this Chas, do that Chas, go away and die Chas. Yet he always took it and like a lost puppy would return the following day unaffected by his latest rejection.
Watching John intrigued Chas. The way he moved, the way he acted… It was all just a fantasy. John didn't see Chas as anything but a slave. A kid to push around. A chauffeur. That was all Chas Kramer meant to the great John Constantine and that was how it would remain.
Chas pulled up at the curb next to John's dingy apartment. John's apartment. It didn't matter that Chas had lived there for almost a year it had always been JOHN'S apartment and Chas wasn't allowed to forget it.
"Get the bag." John said leaving Chas alone to his thoughts.
If only John would realise what was right in front of his eyes. But John paid no attention to the lingering looks, to the young mans eyes fixed permanently onto his lips. John would never notice coz that's the way John was. Oblivious to the world around him, oblivious to the feelings Chas had and always would have for him. No, John had noticed everyone in the god damn world apart from Chas.
To me, you're strange and you're beautiful,
You'd be so perfect with me but you just can't see,
You turn every head but you don't see me.
"What took you so long?" John asked already seated in the small kitchen with a large whiskey and a cigarette. Great dinner John, whiskey and a cancer stick… He really must want to die.
"Sorry" Chas muttered dropping the heavy bag by the door.
He grumbled angrily finding nothing remotely edible in the kitchen, just empty bottles and crumpled cartons.
"John for god's sake have you never heard of a bin!" Chas shouted throwing the junk into the trash can.
He had had as much as he could take. John's constant dismissal, his trash and his down right reckless behaviour. If he didn't give himself lung cancer he would drink himself to death.
One painful death for another, both as bad as each other.
Sometimes, the last thing you want comes in first,
Sometimes, the first thing you want never comes,
And I know, the waiting is all you can do,
Sometimes…
What could he do but grin and bear it? John wasn't only his friend (supposedly) or his mentor or even someone he loved (loved? was that too strong a word?) John Constantine was his hero, his idol everything Chas himself wanted to be.
John had looked up briefly staring sadly at the young boy who looked so lonely. His eyes glistened but only for a moment.
"I'm going for a bath." John said stubbing out his cigarette and draining his glass.
"Whatever." Chas said.
He picked up a musty old book and began to read, blocking out John Constantine and all the crap his life had brought to him.
How could he shut out John? Shut him out like he was nothing, like he didn't matter?
No, there would be no shutting out of John. John would just have to stay open… "Chas!" John called from the bathroom tearing him from his thoughts.
"What?" He shouted back.
"Get me a towel." He stated simply.
Chas' heart began to pound. Get him a towel? That would involve going into the bathroom… John was naked, in the bath, with no cloths on… Naked. "Uh… Sure" Chas squeaked in reply.
He shuffled into John's bedroom pulling a fresh towel from a drawer.
Could he really make it into the bathroom where John was? Naked?
He slowly entered the misty room. The steam with thick obstructing his view temporarily but then he was there staring impatiently at him hand out stretched.
Chas' eyes lingered on the not so clear water a second too long.
"CHAS! Give me the god damn towel!" John said.
Chas lowered his eyes handing him the towel and quickly left John's presence. He never saw the mischievous grin spread across the older mans face nor did he see the fresh towel hidden under John's shirt.
"Fuck Chas you're such an idiot, stare at a naked guy and expect not to get shouted at. Bloody moron" Chas cursed silently making his way into the kitchen.
He saw the half bottle of whiskey that stood on the counter. "What the hell." He muttered grabbing a glass and transferred a small amount of the liquid into it.
He brought the glass to his mouth smelling the familiar scent yet never having tasted it.
He slowly sipped at the liquid coughing as the fiery drink entered his mouth.
"Chas what the fuck do you think your doing?" John said from behind.
Chas turned seeing John in only a towel and began to choke further.
"Nothing…" He said amidst a coughing fit.
John raised an eyebrow. God how hot did he look right now?
"You're strange and you're beautiful." Chas stated under his breath "What did you just say?" John asked.
"Nothing." Chas muttered John shook his head heading towards his bedroom.
It was pretty late. Chas grabbed the extra duvet from the cupboard settling down for a restless night.
I'll put a spell on you,
You'll fall asleep,
I'll put a spell on you, And when I wake you, I'll be the first thing you see,
And you'll realise that you love me.
Chas knew John would never feel what he needed him to feel.
Chas knew John would never fall in love with him.
And yes, Chas even knew John thought he was nothing more than a kid but no matter what else Chas knew about John he would always know he was a very strange yet beautiful creature who would forever hold his heart.