A/N: Okay, I'm really more of a fanfiction reader than writer, but sometimes there are scenes I just need to see. I'm a big Ryder fan, and I've been waiting for someone to tackle the latest reveal about him in Lights Out. No one really has, so I decided to give it a shot myself. This is based on the things I would have wanted to see happen in this ep. I'm still hoping they follow up at some point - at least about Sam and Artie's believable but terrible reaction.
I ship Jyder but wanted this story to stay relatively feasible for the actual show. If you squint you can see some Jyder lead-in stuff, but it can also be ready totally as friendship.
Reviews appreciated! Also, no beta, so apologies for any and all typos.
WARNING: Frank discussion of child sexual abuse.
DISCLAIMER: I do not own Glee or any of it's characters. Duh and boohoo.
It was the third day of no power at McKinley High School and the novelty of attending class in the dark was quickly wearing off. Glee Club's "unplugged week" was about the only thing that made it all bearable, so when the bell rang for 3rd period, Jake breathed a sigh of relief and grabbed Marley's hand as they headed toward the choir room. As they approached the classroom, Jake could hear Artie, Sam, and Tina already laughing and talking inside. He took one last glance down the hallway and caught sight of Ryder ducking out of a side exit. He turned to look at Marley, and she too was looking at the door Ryder had just disappeared through with a troubled expression on her face. It had been 24 hours since Ryder had sung "Everybody Hurts" and shared his dark secret with the club, and he had hardly spoken to anyone since.
"We should go see if he's okay," Marley said, already starting to walk down the hall. Jake grabbed her arm and held her back.
"Let me go," He told her. She started to protest, but the look on his face made it clear that he didn't intend to debate the issue. She gave him a long searching look before finally nodding and offering him a half smile.
"Be kind to him, Jake," she said, before giving him a kiss on the cheek and turning back to disappear into the Glee room. With a deep breath, Jake adjusted his backpack on his shoulders and headed toward the exit Ryder had gone out of a few minutes earlier.
By the time he got outside, Ryder was already a good distance away, apparently intent on leaving the school grounds entirely. Jake jogged to catch up with him.
"Hey man," he called out when he was only a few yards away. Ryder didn't acknowledge him.
"Ryder, dude, wait up!" He called again and this time, Ryder stopped walking, but he still didn't turn around.
"What do you want?" He asked, his voice sounding hoarse.
"I want to know why you're skipping out on Glee Club. And... I want to make sure you're okay... you know... after yesterday."
He heard Ryder give a scoffing chuckle as he shook his head slightly. "I'm fine."
Jake came around to stand in front of Ryder, but Ryder lowered his head so that Jake couldn't see his face.
"It kind of doesn't seem like it." He said, as gently as he could manage. When Ryder didn't respond, Jake reached out to put a hand on his shoulder. "Hey."
Ryder finally looked up at him and Jake understood why he'd been avoiding his gaze. Ryder was crying. Hard. Tear tracks streaked his face and his lip was still trembling. His face flushed as he watched Jake's reaction and he ran a hand roughly over his face, as if he could erase what already been seen. Another tear escaped before he could stop it and he sighed.
"Go ahead and make fun of me. Run back to tell everyone in Glee what a crybaby I am."
"Dude, why would I do that?" Jake asked, forcing himself to keep eye contact with Ryder even though he felt uncomfortable and out of his depth.
"Because I'm a wuss." The self-loathing in Ryder's voice was jarring. "You heard the guys yesterday. I should have been thrilled to have an 18 year old girl interested in me and instead I..." He trailed off as his voice wavered dangerously.
Finally, he spoke again, quietly. "I never should have told anyone. Not this Katie person or Glee. Now it's gonna get out and everybody's just gonna think I'm that kid who cried about getting hit on by his babysitter."
Jake was quiet for a minute, chewing over his thoughts while he worked out what to say.
"Ryder, listen to me. I know that this is kind of my fault."
Ryder started to interrupt but Jake cut him off.
"No, let me finish. I told you you should tell us your secret and it backfired. But I meant what I said about being someone you could trust. You can trust me, dude."
Ryder gave him a long look and finally nodded. "Thanks," He whispered.
"Come with me," Jake said suddenly.
"I can't go back to Glee right now."
"Not Glee. Just follow me." With that, Jake set off-not in the direction of the school, but toward the parking lot. After a moment's hesitation, Ryder shrugged and followed him.
GGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGG
They ended up in Jake's car-a beat up little silver Toyota. Jake rummaged through some of the junk cluttering his backseat and finally resurfaced, grinning devilishly, and proudly holding up 2 cans of beer.
"From Puck," he said by way of explanation. "They're warm, but they'll still get us buzzed."
Ryder looked around wildly, half excited and half scared. "Dude, are you crazy?! If we get caught we'll both be screwed."
"Relax man. We won't get caught. I just thought it might give you the courage to open up again. Not to everyone... But to me."
Ryder looked doubtful.
"Ryder, I'm not gonna pretend to understand what you've been through, but I know what it's like to have someone use their power over you. What happened when you were eleven, what that girl... did to you..." He paused, stumbling over the words and the sensitive subject. "... I don't think it sounds like a fantasy. Okay?"
Ryder looked at him, wanting to believe the words. Finally, he took a deep breath and grabbed one of the beers from Jake's hand. He took a big gulp from it before opening his mouth to speak.
"It wasn't. I'd been in a fight with my parents that day. I thought I was too old for a babysitter. I was embarrassed for my friends to find out. But then the girl showed up and she was pretty. And cool. She ordered pizza for dinner and she let me stay up late as long as I agreed to shower and be in bed by the time my parents got home. I thought it was weird, you know? The showering thing... Because I usually showered in the morning." He looked up at Jake nervously, checking to see if he'd said too much already. Jake just nodded with a steady gaze.
"I figured it was worth it though, to stay up late. When she walked in on me, I thought it was a mistake. But she didn't leave. She... She took her clothes off and got in with me. I didn't understand what was happening and then she started... Touching me. I told her to stop. I was... crying. But she just told me not to be scared, that it would feel good."
Ryder was looking away from Jake now, trying to hold himself together and too embarrassed to make eye contact. Jake kept silent, waiting for Ryder to say more. There was a long, heavy quiet before Ryder spoke again.
"Afterwards, I just lay in bed, staring up at the ceiling. When my parents got home, I could hear them all downstairs talking. My mom thanked her for taking care of me and then she... She promised to call her again. I didn't sleep at all that night. That was the worst night of my life, Jake." He said, his voice cracking. "But the fall out was pretty terrible too."
Jake watched Ryder carefully and decided to ask. "What do you mean?"
Ryder glanced up at him. "I can't. It's too embarrassing."
"I'm afraid of the dark!" Jake blurted out suddenly.
Ryder looked baffled and incredulous. "What? Really?"
Jake shrugged sheepishly and took a long pull from his beer. "Yeah, really. When I was little, my older cousins would hide in my room when it was time for me to go to bed. Then they would make creepy scratching noises and finally jump out to spook me. It freaked me out, man. I guess I never really got over it."
He looked over at Ryder, clearly embarrassed. "When the lights went out the other day, I may have panicked a little and grabbed hold of Marley's hand."
This revelation was followed by an awkward silence until Jake gave a little laugh and said, "So there. You know something really embarrassing about me. And if you ever tell anyone..."
Ryder gave a small smile. Feeling a little better, he continued.
"I was really messed up after it happened. I started to have these nightmares and I," He gave Jake another quick sideways glance. He face was scarlet now and he nervously messed with the skin around his thumbnail. Bouncing his knee nervously, he stuttered through the next part. "I-I, um, I started w-wetting the bed." Before he could stop it, Jake let out the smallest of laughs. Ryder's eyes widened and he looked up at Jake in horror. Jake realized his mistake too late.
"I'm sorry. Ryder... it's okay." He said quickly.
Ryder shook his head, a rebellious tear sneaking its way out of his right eye. "It happens... apparently. To, um, to kids who have had... stuff like this.. happen to them. It-it was a long time ago." He stammered. He looked down at his hands again, his face still burning. "Please don't tell anyone." He whispered.
"Okay." Jake said, resisting the urge to reach out and place a comforting hand on Ryder's shoulder again. After a moment, Ryder took another sip of beer and continued.
"My parents didn't understand why it was happening, but I couldn't tell them the truth. I stopped being able to sleepover with friends for awhile. And the next time the babysitter was supposed to come over, I freaked out. I was so upset that my mom canceled their plans. At school, I got made fun of for being too much of a baby to be away from my parents. And my dad, I could tell he was disappointed with me. I wasn't the man he wanted me to be."
When Jake didn't say anything, Ryder laughed nervously. "Please say something, man."
"Wow," Jake said, his voice quiet and rough. "That sounds really hard."
"I'm such a freak!" Ryder exclaimed suddenly, nearly spitting out the last word. "And now everyone is gonna know."
Jake winced at the pain in Ryder's voice.
"Dude, I don't think you're a freak. But even if you were, I'd still like you. I'm your friend, Ryder. And I think you're brave to be honest about all of this. And I'll kick the ass of anyone who says otherwise."
"I don't need a protector." Ryder mumbled in embarrassment.
"I think maybe you do," Jake replied. "And I'm signing up for the job."
Ryder let out a choked "thanks" as he ducked his head to hide the new tears forming in his eyes.
After that, they sat in silence for a long while and then, somehow, the conversation moved into lighter topics. They finished their beers, and when the bell rang, they walked together back into the school.
GGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGG
The next day when third period rolled around, Marley started heading for the choir room, but Jake held her back.
"Hold on," he said. "We're meeting Ryder here first."
"Can't we just see him in class?" Marley asked, but the look on Jake's face clearly said "no."
Ryder showed up a few moments later, shoulders hunched, looking nervous. Jake offered him a reassuring smile.
"It's cool, man. Let's go." Marley smiled at Ryder and threw a friendly arm around his shoulders. Together the three of them set off for Glee.
When they walked in, Artie was the first to speak. "Hey! The prodigal babe magnet returns!"
Jake glared at him. "Shut the hell up, man."
Sam groaned. "God, does Ryder still have his panties in a twist just cause we called him a junior ladies man? Lighten up, dude. It's a compliment!"
Ryder was already turning towards the door, but Jake put a placating hand on his chest.
"Listen up, because I'm only gonna say this once. This is not a joke. It's not a compliment. I know you guys aren't actually douchebags so I'm just gonna assume that you don't understand. But Ryder's my boy, so if you call it a fantasy one more time, I swear to God, I will deck you."
Sam raised his eyebrows and held up his hands in mock surrender. "Alright, alright. Not a fantasy. Whatever dude."
Jake was halfway to his chair when he caught sight of Sam mouthing the word "fantasy" to Archie. Before he could stop himself, he had dropped his backpack and was barreling toward the blond football player. Mr. Schu walked in right as Jake landed a solid punch to Sam's left cheek. Afterwards, the room was deafeningly quiet until Mr. Schu said, "Jake, Sam - my office, now. And Ryder and Artie, you better come too."
When they were all huddled in the tiny office, Mr. Schu held out his hands.
"Well, somebody explain to me what is going on. Am I wrong to think that this has do with what Ryder told Glee club the other day?"
When no one spoke, he turned to Jake. Jake cleared his throat and spoke up.
"They were making a joke out of it. And I don't think it's funny. And I don't think being molested is a fantasy either and I'm freaking tired of hearing them say it is."
"Fine, but that doesn't give you the right to hit anyone, Jake! It's not your job to handle this situation."
Jake looked up at their teacher angrily. "You're right! It's your job, Mr. Schu! And you're not doing it. The other day you should have stopped them from saying anything or at least corrected them, but you just let it happen! No wonder Ryder was afraid to go to Glee Club yesterday!"
Ryder's eyes widened at this and he glanced around at all of them, face flushed slightly in embarrassment. Mr. Schu turned to him.
"Ryder, is that true? Is that why you weren't in class yesterday?"
Ryder shrugged and looked down at the floor. "Maybe," he mumbled under his breath.
Mr. Schu let out a long sigh. Finally he looked back at Jake.
"You're right, Jake. It was my responsibility to control the situation and it doesn't look like I did a very good job." Turning toward Ryder he continued, "It's no excuse, but honestly I was so caught off guard by what you revealed that I lost track of what everyone else was saying and doing. I'm sorry." Ryder shrugged again, still looking embarrassed.
Mr. Schu moved his gaze to Artie and Sam. "Guys, Jake is right. Sexual abuse isn't a joke, and I promise you that the people it happens to don't feel like they're in a fantasy. You may not be able to relate to Ryder's experience, but I bet that you at least know what it feels like to be forced to do something against your will. To be scared by someone who has power over you."
Sam and Artie were shifting uncomfortably in their seats. They both glanced over at Ryder who was avoiding everyone's gaze.
"And even if you don't understand what it feels like, you're his friends. It's obvious that he's been hurt by what happened. You should know enough to respect that. And so should I."
The two boys both looked chagrined. Finally, Artie turned to Ryder.
"Ryder, I'm sorry. If I'm being honest, I think I just didn't know how to handle what you were telling us. I didn't want to deal with it, so I made a joke. That's what I've always done."
Sam nodded. "Yeah, I thought we were making it better by acting like it wasn't a bad thing. But I guess we screwed that up. You're our friend, dude. I'm sorry I didn't act like it."
Ryder looked up at Jake briefly, before turning to Sam and Artie. Offering them a small smile, he said, "It's cool."
Artie nodded. "It's not cool, actually. But thanks for letting us slide."
After another uncomfortable silence, Ryder finally spoke up. "Uh, Mr. Schu, thanks and all, but can we go back to class now? I feel really awkward."
Mr. Schu looked sympathetic, but he shook his head.
"Just a couple more things. First, Jake-you may have been right to call me out, but punching Sam was totally out of line. That's not the way to protect your friends." Jake sighed and gave a guilty glance toward Sam.
"I can't let it go unpunished. You've lost your solo for Regionals. And you've got detention with me everyday this week." Jake looked ready to protest, but Mr. Schu kept going. "If I reported this to Figgins, you'd get suspended. Consider yourself lucky."
He turned his attention to Sam and Artie. "Instead of coming to Glee class today, I'm taking the two of you to see Ms. Pillsbury. You may not be able to understand what Ryder went through, but she can at least teach you some more about it. Enough to understand why it isn't a good thing. And Ryder... I think you should see her too, on your own. She can help you work through some of this. You trusted us, and I'm telling you that you can trust her too."
Ryder was trembling a bit, and Mr. Schu could tell that he needed some space.
"Alright, Ryder and Jake, you can head back to class. Sam and Artie, I'll walk you down to Ms. Pillsbury's office so that I can explain to her what's going on."
The boys all began to gather their things, and Jake made his way over to their teacher.
"Mr. Schu, can I talk to you for just a minute... alone?"
His face was unreadable, but Mr. Schu decided to hear him out. He told Sam and Artie to wait for him outside and sent Ryder ahead to give him some time to process before heading back to class.
When they were alone, Jake cleared his throat and spoke up.
"I get why I can't have the solo, Mr. Schu. But do you think, maybe, you could give it to Ryder instead? I feel like he's proven that his voice is worth hearing."
Mr. Schu studied the boy for a moment and grinned.
"You're a good friend, Jake Puckerman. Ryder's lucky to have you." With that, he sent Jake to catch up with Ryder and headed the other direction with Sam and Artie.
As Jake caught up to his friend, he threw an arm around his shoulder. Ryder couldn't help but smile. After so many years of feeling alone, he'd finally found people-and a best friend-he could really trust.