Time for Grieving

JJ watched as Spence ate, drank, and talked with the others on the team. After his heartbreaking silence as he had put Maeve's picture upon the alter, it seemed to the naked eye that Dr. Spencer Reid was himself again. JJ knew differently. She had known him for over eight years, and she understood when he put on his mask. She watched his eyes as he talked with Morgan, and she couldn't help but to see the glimmer of sadness in his eyes. JJ knew that Spence was grieving for Maeve almost a year after she passed, and sometimes she wanted to tell him that it was okay to grieve for more than "society" deemed acceptable. She grimaced, remembering the conversation she had with Rossi.

JJ was ready to go home, relieved that the case had been solved, when Rossi steeped into the elevator with her. It wasn't unusual that JJ found herself with the senior profiler, but silence was the only sound instead of a deep and meaningful conversation. Rossi sighed, and looked toward JJ with a sad smile.

"Reid's still grieving for Maeve." His voice was heavy and tentative. "He told me that when we talked, he thought that I was going to tell him to stop grieving…because of what society deemed acceptable." Rossi looked down at his feet for a couple of moments before he looked up again. "I couldn't get that out of my mind. And he's right, JJ. There's only much time we're allowed before what we're doing or how we're acting is not allowed anymore." JJ listened as Rossi talked. She could tell that he was worried about Spence. A long time ago, JJ would have been like him. Spence was still with them though, and he would be a year after Maeve's death. He wouldn't be like…

"Could you tell him that he can grieve as long as it takes him?" Rossi asked quietly.

"Why me?"

Rossi thought for a moment before replying. "Let's just say that you have a way of making him listen that I couldn't do with him. You have a special bond with him, JJ."

JJ watched as Spence sat quietly by alter. Her blue eyes followed him as he took a sip of wine, noticing how his hand slightly trembled.

"Hey," JJ whispered. To his credit, Spence didn't spill his wine. He glanced at her briefly before looking back at the picture that had focused his attention before the party began.

"Hey," he hoarsely whispered. Both of them stared at the picture of Maeve in respectful silence, and JJ saw Spence swallow thickly.

"It's okay to be sad." Spence didn't answer. "Rossi told me what you told him. About that there were two different people in the world." JJ's blue eyes locked on to the picture of her sister. Roxi… "My sister was one of the people you talked about. Roxi was my best friend. She was who I wanted to be. I followed her everywhere." JJ sighed deeply, the familiar sadness welling in her chest. "She was the one who influenced me to play soccer. I loved her so much, Spence." JJ cleared her throat, noting that Spence was watching her now. "Then our father died. I didn't spend much time with him, with him being away all the time and spending the time I could have had with him with my sister. I watched as my mother and sister grieved from the sidelines, not quite understanding what they were going through. Then after six months…my sister decided to end it. I was the one who found her on the bathtub the following morning on November 12, 1991. It was only then that I understood what Roxi had gone through. There was so much pain."

"But you got through it," Spence whispered. His eyes seemed a bit clearer now, and somewhat calmer.

"I did," JJ replied. "It was hard. It was so hard. But I had to." She looked at him, understanding in his eyes. "I couldn't let my mother go through another heartbreak. This was the first time that I've actually called her by her name, you know. It was painful to say her name, and in some ways, it still is." JJ licked her lips. "I never really told anyone how Roxi died. Not even Will. The wounds for me are still fresh, even though it's been twenty-two years." JJ took a breath as tears started to form in her eyes. She didn't notice Spence putting his arm around her. "Roxi was my everything. I would have done anything for her, you know."

"That's how I feel about Maeve," Spence said. At the corner of her eye, JJ saw him try to fight back tears. "I would done anything for the woman I loved, but she was taken from me." He closed his eyes and tightened his grip on JJ. "She was taken away from me. There are still days when sometimes I feel that I can't breathe and that I don't want to wake up. There are times that I wish that her death was a dream and that I would wake up." JJ stood still as thick watery tears traveled down her friend's face. "But it's not a dream," he said with a shaky breath. "Is it…still going to hurt years down the road, JJ?"

"Yes," JJ whispered to him. "There's going to days down the road that you want to curl up into a ball and cry. I still feel like that even now. There was a time when I hated the twelfth of November, but now I treasure it. It was the day my son was born." JJ watched as Spence slowly blinked, his eyelashes damp from tears. "There will be times that you wish that you could have done something different that day, but before you do, remember that people you love are always by your side. Remember that she would want you to be happy, Spence." JJ watched as tears steadily began to flow from Spence's eyes and his pain reached her heart. With gentle hands, she began to wipe the tears away. "Let no one tell you how you should grieve, Spence." She cupped his face in her hands.

"Thank you, JJ." For a brief moment Spence smiled. Then it was gone. Watching him as he sat down quietly with Hotch as JJ continued to look at the picture of Maeve and then to her beloved sister, JJ knew that one day Spence would be able to smile again.