Title: Cherry Lips
Author: MagicalMe (aka Lockhart)
Disclaimer: Not Mine. Not Now. Not ever. (Unfortunately I was not born to be named J.K. Rowling)…
Word Count: Who cares? Can't YOU count? (Note: I can already count to ten. shows nine fingers)
Warning(s): Galore spelling & grammatical mistakes, so beware… My beta is my invisible friend and refused to correct this great piece of hem herm to express it in my (non-existent) beta's words "shit".
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Weekend was the freedom of each student. It meant free time to either spend it with friends or with groping. (In deserted hallways or in classrooms or in the great hall if you are in the possession of an invisibility cloak and you are named Harry Potter.)
Currently our favourite Gryffindor Bookworm Extraordinary better known as Hermione Granger was having a shower in her Head girl dorms. Unsurprisingly she was appointed Head girl and some Hufflepuff became Head boy. A rather quiet boy and not very talkative.
So while she was having a well-deserved shower, she had no inkling that a certain someone was watching her. Of course, how could she know? Weren't Gryffindors famous for their naiveness and pretending not to notice the obvious? Maybe you ask yourself now, who was ogling innocent little Hermione?
Could it be Ron Weasley, the red-headed short tempered boy with the tendency to blush at every kinky word said? No, of course not. Dear old Ronniekins was peacefully sleeping in his dormitory while dreaming of biscuits, marmalade and the current playwitch which can be found under a lose board under Ron's bed. Of course, this is no magazine for little kids, but apparently he is lacking social as well as emotional manners. What would Molly say to such inappropriate magazines? Of course, she would not be pleased. But maybe she will consider the possibility that her little Ronnie-Baby can possible read? Or could he not? But then these particular magazines do not really contain any paragraphs that could be read.
So while Ron was dreaming of naked witches mixed with his favourite chocolate from Honeydukes, Hermione was being ogled at and singing a Muggle Song. To solve the Mystery of this unknown person, there may be a hint or two.
As you already have guessed he is from the other gender and his hair falls neatly in his face, but it doesn't obscure his sight of a charming witch who is at that moment running a hand along her breasts. He can smell the scent of her shampoo. A Muggle one. But that didn't stop him from snivelling the air several times that evening. While he thought that she had such a enticing well-rounded arse, Hermione the Unobservant One was thinking about…well, what was she thinking about. About the Horcruxes? No, why should she? She could not always help the poor little Golden Boy. She also needed her free time to relax and have a "short" shower. And she was still being watched.
So as this story unfolds we learn the mystery of the watcher. Tall, dark, handsome. A young witches living wet dream. Who could possibly not want to buy him?
The advertisement would be something akin to this:
I, mysterious tall dark and extremely handsome and of course the incarnation of evilness, sexiness, beautifulness, handsomeness, prettiness, greatestassness and other –nesses am on disposal now and that means it's possible to buy me. So come now young girls, no POTTER you are not meant with that! Obtain me! Obtain me and only me! Who doesn't want a sexy evil dark Lord who wants to get spoiled and enraptured? (Don't even try to object to this threatenseveryonewithhisnewlyacquiredjigsaw insertevillaughter)
So this were the (regular hem) thoughts of the again young Dark Lord, also known as He-Who-Must-Not-Be-Named, You-Know-Who (NO, who?), I-want-to-kill-Potter-immediately, Soon-To-Be-Destroyer-of-the-Golden-Annoying-Boy or simple Lord Voldemort or in case of his faithful followers (a.k.a. servants) "Master"and whose ego is not so big as some other "assets" of him.
So while our dear old nemesis "Voldiepoo" was engaging into the act of voyeur, our little-still-unsuspecting-lioness was thinking of….of…of…a little island….with…with…with…a cocktail (and an alcoholically one also )…and…and…and her most favourite thing in the world…her "BOOK" (surprise, surprise..ahem..ahem imitatingumbridge) which is in reality her biography.
She had decided it would be a shame not to publish such a thing. Why not tell everyone that Harry is gay? And why not tell everyone that Neville fucks Professor Snape who is always available for hot buttsex. (vomitsvomitsvomits banishtheimages) And why don't let Molly know that Ron is having not really suitable magazines for a boy his age? Oh, and of course not to forget that Dumbledore, our famous twinkler with the lemon drop obsessiveness likes to play the obedient one when it comes to play with our well known Transfigurations Professor Mrs. Minerva-I-pretend-to-have-a-stick-in-my-ass-but-Albus-likes-my-kinky-side-McGonagall and who is also known as "Bad Kitty". Why she is called that, you can imagine, don't you? (badbadpicture…)
So while the audience is having a vomit-competition and who is going to faint first from lack of oxygen caused by compulsive regurgitating, our main characters Hermione and Mr. Riddle who really is a riddle only waiting to be solved discover the pleasures of flesh. (How they noticed each other as you may already have guessed is a unsolvable "riddle" haha or for whom this sort of explanation is not satisfying see their moonlight encounter (insert-howls-yowls-moans-cries-wailing-etc. I think Professor Lupin is having a midnight rendezvous with the big shiny ball that hangs up there in heaven and waits for his secret lover. Hush! Hush! It has to remain a secret! And of course who knows about it? For a detailed story about the forbidden love between the object shaped sometimes like a crescent and our preferable housetrained petit werewolf-beast go to page 326, 380, and pages 523-591. Excerpt from the index of Hermione Granger's unusual biography who is in reality not really a biography but it acts as a good cover so why bother?)
And if you didn't get the meaning of the last sentence, then you should be downgraded to 1st class biology where the matters concerning boys and girls where taught. Or you simple had a horrible old somewhat 150 year old Biology Professor that wanted young minds to be "pure" and didn't tell you anything, you will have to, I daresay, ask your parents about the bee and the little flower. (or was is the little bee and the big flower?)
Little Hermione discovers the "other" Tom (attentioncautionpervertnessinsight) and she quite enjoys it, (due to consummation of hallucinogens, she doesn't really know what she's doing) she is having quite the time, while thinking about considering to write that particular event in her biography named "Genius Approaching-How to survive while being surrounded by idiots". Under the title: written by Hermione Granger and on the back cover: DON'T PANIC……….There will be a sequel!
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Yeah, I KNOW horrible spelling, grammar mistakes and etc. etc. etc.
Please don't be mad. (Now you can see which extent of brain damage I have, caused by 13 years of school and annoying teachers!)
Comments?
NO, I will not eat them, maybe I will read them. If I could only read. sigh stupidteachers