Disclaimer 1: The characters used in this fan-fic are copyrighted to Capcom (Street Fighter, Darkstalkers Resident Evil, Mega-Man & any other misc. Capcom games).
Disclaimer 2: The storyline of this fic is copy-righted to the original storyline of Monty Python and the Holy Grail
Disclaimer 3: Please note that this IS A PARODY. Though it may not follow the exact way as to the original, it will carry the elements to make it accurate.
Disclaimer 4: I AM aware that this parody of Monty Python has been done to death. I Just wanted to post my version of it.

POCKET FIGHTER & THE "NOT-SO" HOLY GRAIL
Session One

Chapter One: Enter King Ryu

Somewhere in the middle of England…

(The scene starts out in the middle of a rotted field, with foggy air so thick that not even the sunlight could penetrate it. Moments passed later, and the sound of hoof beats can be heard from a distance. Over the horizon, a young man dressed in white training clothing and with a white headband appeared. Following him was another man, wearing the same clothing as him but in red, banging two coconuts halves together.)

"Ya know, I really don't see why you couldn't afford real horses!" the man dressed in red muttered in anger.

"For the last time, Ken…" the one in white said with a sigh. "…we don't have the money to buy any real horses… So this will have to do until we become famous…" Ken just glared at him, still muttering in anger.

"Yeah, but I still don't see why I have to do this…"

(The other didn't say anything and continued on with his travel, leaving Ken in total hatred against him as he followed. A few moments later, the two wanderers came upon a building in the middle of nowhere.)

"WOAH THERE!" shouted the one in white, raising his hand.

"I'm not your damn horse, Ryu…" Ken muttered once more, leaving Ryu to glare at him back.

(The two continued on towards the building, appearing more to be a castle as they draw closer until a guard appeared at the top.)

"HALT!" shouted the guard. "WHO GOES THERE?"

"T'IS I, RYU!" he replied. "THE WANDERING FIGHTER FROM THE COURT OF POCKET FIGHTER HQ! LEADER OF THE FORMING POCKET FIGHTERS! DEFEATER OF THE GREAT SAGAT AND THE VILLIANOUS BISON! SOVERINE OF ALL JAPAN!

"And the biggest fame-hogger of all time…" Ken silently added, only to get kicked in the face by Ryu. "HEY!"

"AND WHO'S THE OTHER ONE?" asked the guard.

Ryu: I AM! THIS IS MY TRUSTY SERVANT, KEN MASTERS! WE HAVE RIDDEN THE LENGTHS OF THIS FORSAKENED LAND, IN SEARCH OF FIGHTERS WHO WILL JOIN ME IN MY COURT AT POCKET FIGHTER HQ! IF WE MAY, WE MUST SPEAK WITH YOUR LORD AND MASTER!

Guard: WHAT? RIDDEN ON HORSES?

Ryu: WHY YES!

Guard: BUT YOU'RE USING COCONUTS! YOU'VE GOT TWO EMPTY HALVES OF THEM, AND YOUR SERVANT IS BANGING THEM TOGETHER!

Ryu blinked. "SO! WE HAVE RIDDEN SINCE OF WINTER HAVE COIVERED THIS LAND! THROUGH THE KINGDOM OF RACCOON, AND…"

"WHERE'D YOU GET THEM?" the guard demanded. A long paused followed.

Ryu: Umm…WE FOUND THEM!

Guard:FOUND THEM? IN THE MIDDLE OF ENGLAND? THE COCONUTS ARE TROPICAL!

Ryu: WHAT DO YOU MEAN?

Guard: THIS IS A TEMPERATE ZONE, FOR CRYING OUT LOUD!

Ryu: THE SWALLOW MAY FLY SOUTH WITH THE SUN OR THE HOUSE MARTIN OR THE PLOVER MAY SEEK WARMER CLIMATES IN WINTER, YET THESE ARE NOT STRANGERS TO OUR LAND!

Guard: SO NOW YOU'RE SUGGESTING THAT COCONUTS MIGRATE?

Ryu: NOT AT ALL! THEY SHOULD BE CARRIED!

Guard: WHAT? A SWALLOW CARRYING A COCONUT?

Ryu: WELL, IT COULD GRIP IT BY THE HUSK!

Guard: IT'S NOT A QUESTION OF WHERE IT GRIPS IT! IT'S A SIMPLE QUESTION OF WEIGHT RATIOS! A FIVE-OUNCE BIRD CAN'T CARRY A ONE-POUND COCONUT!

Ryu: (slowly getting irritated) WELL, IT DOESN'T MATTER! WILL YOU GO AND TELL YOUR MASTER THAT RYU FROM THE COURT OF POCKET FIGHTER HQ IS HERE?

(A moment of silence...)

Guard: LOOK, IN ORDER TO MAINTAIN AN AIR-SPEED VELOCITY, A SWALLOW HAS TO BEAT ITS WINGS FORTY-THREE TIMES PER SECOND, RIGHT?

Ryu: PLEASE!

Guard: AM I RIGHT?

Ryu: I'M NOT INTERESTED, DAMN IT!

(So the two continued to argue, long enough for another guard to appear at the top of the castle.)

Guard 2: It could be carried by African swallow…

Guard 1: (turns to the second guard) Oh yeah…an African swallow maybe, but not a European swallow; that's my point.

Guard 2: Oh yeah, I agree with that.

Ryu: (already losing patience) WILL YOU ASK YOUR MASTER IF HE WANTS TO JOIN MY COURT OR NOT?

(But sadly, the two guards didn't pay one bit of attention to him.)

Guard 1: But then of course, African swallows are non-migratory.

Guard 2: Oh yeah…

Guard 1: So they couldn't bring a coconut anyway…

(And at this point, Ryu just had it with them. Nodding to his servant Ken, they turned and traveled back into the mist, leaving the guards still having their conversation.)

Guard 2: Wait a minute…what if two swallows carried it together?

Guard 1: Impossible! They'd have to have it on a line.

Guard 2: Well, easy! They'd just use a strand of creeper!

Guard 1: What, held under the dorsal gulding feathers?

Guard 2: Well, why not?

-End of Chapter One…

Chapter Two: Better Off With the Dead

(The scene starts out in the middle of a muddy road, where piles of bodies were laying everywhere, moaning and groaning in agonizing pain. On the road, you see creaking cart passing by, being pulled by ragged, dirty wretches as they pass through the field of bodies, picking one up and placing them on the cart. Behind the cart, you see a skinny-looking robot with a skull as its face (Skull Man from the Mega-Man series) carrying a scythe with one hand while holding a bell in the other.)

"Bring out your dead!" he says as he clanged his bell, following the cart as it drives through the wretched village, spotting starved mongrels scavenging for food and fighting over their claims. In a doorway, you spot an old woman beating a rat on the wall, rather like one does to a dusty carpet. As the cart passes by, you spot a villager tied to the end of the cart somehow, and unfortunately, is getting beaten to death by four nuns with huge hammers.

Continuing their path, you spot another villager shoveling a handful of mud into his mouth. And catching one in sight is a villager falling into a well.

Skull Man: (clangs his bell) Bring out your dead! (and again) Bring out your dead! (and again) Bring out your dead! (and again) Bring out your dead!

(Just then, Cut Man walks up to him, carrying Dust Man on his shoulder.)

Cut Man: Here's one, sir!

Skull Man: That's nice gold pieces…

Dust Man: (protesting weakly) WAIT! I'm not dead!

Skull Man: (blinks to the Dust Man) What…?

Cut Man: Umm…nothing! Here are your pieces.

Dust Man: I'm not dead!

Skull Man: (blinks to the Dust Man once more before turning to Cut Man) He says he's not dead.

Cut Man: Yes, he is.

Dust Man: I'm not!

Skull Man: (confused now) He's isn't?

Cut Man: Well, he will be soon. He's not even a worthy opponent, especially when it comes to Mega-Man.

Dust Man: I'm getting better! Really!

Cut Man: (glares to Dust Man) No, you're not! You'll be stone dead in a minute!

Skull Man: (scratches his chin) I see…well, I can't take him like that. It's against regulations.

Dust Man: I don't want to go into the cart! It's scary!

Cut Man: (rolls his eyes) Oh, don't be such a baby…

Skull Man: Sorry, but I can't take him…

Cut Man: Oh…well, can you do us a favor, then?

Skull Man: I can't…

Cut Man: Well, can you at least wait here for a moment? It won't be long.

Skull Man: Sorry, but I got to go on to Wily's place: He's lost nine today.

Cut Man: Well, when's your next round?

Skull Man: Thursday.

Dust Man: Umm…I think I'll go for a walk now…

Cut Man: (glares to Dust Man again) You're not fooling anyone, you know! (turns to Skull Man) Look, isn't there something that you can do?

Dust Man: (sighs and sings to himself) I'm so pretty…oh, so pretty…

(Skull Man looks at Cut Man for a brief moment. Then they both do a quick glance at the streets, making sure that no one were watching them before turning back to nod each other. Once clear, Skull Man swiftly brings up his scythe and chops Dust Man's head off, ending his ridiculous singing for good.)

Cut Man: (smiles as he hands over the body and the money finally) Thank you very much, sir!

Skull Man: S'alight. See you on Thursday.

Cut Man: Right!

(Just when they were about to go on their separate paths, they spot Ryu and Ken "riding" through the village, acknowledging to no one as they pass by. After that moment, Cut Man turns to Skull man.)

Cut Man: Wonder who were they?

Skull Man: Not sure. Must be a king.

Cut Man: How so?

Skull Man: Simple: He's hasn't got crap all over him…and he's human.

-End of Chapter 2…

Chapter Three: The Power of the Judicial System

(This scene starts out where Ryu and Ken are "riding" along the grasslands. Moments later, they stopped as a spot a castle yards away from them. Before it, they spot several peasants working on their knees, trying their best to dig up the earth as much as they can. Ryu nodded to Ken and they rode up behind a nearby cart, being pulled by a peasant.)

Ryu: Old woman!

Peasant: (turns to Ryu to show his true self) MAN!

Ryu: Oh…I'm sorry, then. Anyways, what knight lives in that castle over there? (points to it)

Peasant: I'm twenty-seven!

Ryu: (blinks) What?

Peasant: I'm twenty-seven! I'm not old!

Ryu: Well, can I just call you "man", or "peasant", or something?

Peasant: Well, you could call me "Leon".

Ryu: I didn't know you were called "Leon"…

Leon: Well, you didn't bother to find that out, did you?

Ryu: Look, I did say sorry about the "old woman" deal, but from behind you look…

Leon: (glares to Ryu) Look, mister! What I object is that you automatically treat me like an inferior!

Ryu: (blinks) Well, I am king…

Leon: (scoff angrily) Oh king! That's very nice of you! And, how'd you get that, huh? By exploiting the workers? By hanging on to an outdated imperialist dogma which perpetuates the economic and social differences in our society? If there's ever going to be any real progress--

Ryu: (Just blinks to him as he turns to Ken) Did you get anything what he just said?

Ken: Not a single bit, sir…

Ryu: Thought so…

(So they decided to let Leon continue on with his rambling, long enough to Jill Valentine Resident Evil to crawl into the scene.)

Jill: Leon, there's some great filth down here! (looks up to Ryu) Oh! Hello, and how do you do?

Ryu: (nods to Jill) How do you do, my good lady. I am Ryu, King of the Pocket Fighters! Whose castle is that over there?

Jill: (blinks) The king of who?

Ryu: The Pocket Fighters.

Jill: (looks to him with a puzzled look) And who are they?

Ryu: Well, we all are. We're all Pocket Fighters and I am your king.

Jill: Hmm…didn't know we had a king. I thought we were an autonomous collective.

Leon: (turns to Jill) Quit fooling yourself, Jill! We're living in a dictatorship! A self-perpetuating autocracy in which the working classes—

Jill: (sighs as she rolls her eyes) Oh, there you go again…bringing class into it again.

Leon: That's what it's all about! If people would just—

Ryu: (slowly losing patience) Umm…excuse me, but I'm rather in a hurry. Just tell me who lives in that castle, please.

Jill: (looks up to Ryu and shrugs) No one lives there.

Ryu: Oh? Then who is your lord?

Jill: We don't have one.

Ryu: (blinks) Don't have one?

Leon: (sighs and shakes his head) I told you: we're anarcho-syndicalist commune. We take turns acting as a kind of executive officer for the week.

Ryu: Yes.

Leon: But all the decisions of that officer have to be ratified at a special bi-weekly meeting.

Ryu: Okay…you can stop now.

Leon: By a simple majority, in the case of purely internal affairs—

Ryu: Be quiet, please!

Leon: But by a two-thirds majority in the case of more—

Ryu: Be quiet! I order you to be quiet!

Jill: Order, huh? (goes back to digging more dirt) Who does he think he is?

Ryu: I am your king!

Jill: (looks up to Ryu with a slight glare) Well, I didn't vote for you!

Ryu: (blinks) You don't vote for kings!

Jill: Well then! How did you become king?

Ryu: Simple: By the Gentleman of the Computer!

(At this point, you hear angels singing in the background…)

Ryu: His arm clad in the purest shimmering nylon, using the keyboard to type up the entire script, and replacing the king's role with mine, signifying by divine providence that I, Ryu, was to have this role…

(The singing slowly fades away…)

Ryu: That is why I am your king!

Leon: (rolls his eyes before glaring to Ryu) Look, you stupid nimrod! Strange people, writing on computers, and replacing certain elements to make it look like their own work is no basis for a system of government! Supreme executive power comes from a mandate from the mass, not from some pathetic plagiaristic electronic ceremony!

Ryu: (groans angrily) Be quiet!

Leon: Well then! You can't expect to wield supreme executive power just because some fat bastard gave you someone else's lines!

Ryu: Shut up!

Leon: Just think about it: if I went around saying that I'm the prince of all Sayian-jins just because some health-less nerd typed my name in the script, they'd lock me up for all eternity!

Ryu: (grabs him by the collar of his shirt) SHUT UP! WILL YOU SHUT THE HELL UP!

Leon: (smirks upon Ryu's reaction) Ah, now we see violence inheriting the system!

Ryu: FOR THE LOVE OF GOD, WILL YOU SHUT UP!

Leon: Everyone! Come see the violence inheriting the system! (is shaken violently) Help! Help! I'm being repressed!

Ryu: (drops him) Stupid peasant! (nods to Ken and "rides" off)

Leon: Oh, what a dead giveaway! (turns to Jill) Did you hear that? That's exactly what I'm talking about! Did you him repressing me? You saw it, didn't you?

Jill: (sarcastically) Whoop-dee-do…now get back to work…

-End of Chapter Three…

Chapter Four: The Invincible Akuma?

(The scene opens where Ryu and ken are "riding" through the forest. They stopped after hearing a fight nearby and continued on, tracing the sound from which it was coming. They make it to a clearing where they spot a wooden bridge on the other side. At the start of the bridge, you see Akuma and Vega having a tremendous fight.)

Vega lunges towards Akuma with his claws, who avoids his attacks with skillful side-step, knocking his claw off from Vega's hand. In response, Vega tries to knock him down with sweep kick, but Akuma jumps up and dodges it, knocking Vega down with a round-house kick. Ryu and Ken watches with much enthusiasm as Vega slowly gets up.)


Vega: (charges to Akuma) YYYAAAAAAHHHHH!

(Akuma just scoffs as he gets to a particular stance, his hands moving back to his right side as holds the ends of the palms together. Just then, a strange electrical surge started to gather in his hands, forming more into an electrical sphere as it gathers more energy. As Vega makes ready for his charging attack, Akuma throws his arms outwards, still holding his hands together as the fires his attack straight at Vega.)

Akuma: HAAAAAAAA!

(The fireball hits Vega in the chest, causing him to fly back and crashing onto the ground, and lays there completely lifeless. Ryu and Ken blinked as they turn their attention to Akuma, who was moving back to the bridge and standing there. Ryu nodded to Ken as they moved forward. Akuma watched him closely, glaring at both of them as they approach to him.)

Ryu: You fight with strength of many fighters, my friend.

Akuma: (stilling glaring at him) ...

Ryu: I am Ryu: king of the Pocket Fighters.

Akuma: ...

Ryu: I seek the finest and bravest fighters in the land to join me in my court of Pocket Fighter HQ.

Akuma: ...

Ryu: You have proved yourself worthy. Will you join me?

Akuma: ...

Ryu: ...

Akuma: ...

Ryu: ...

Ken: ...

Vega: ... (coughs)

Some Random Kitten: ...mew?

Ryu: All right. Since we're not going anywhere with this, I'll just leave you.

(And just when Ryu moves, Akuma moves in his way.)

Akuma: None shall pass…

Ryu: (blinks) What?

Akuma: None shall pass…

Ryu: I have no quarrel with you, good sir, but I must cross the bridge.

Akuma: Then you shall die.

Ryu: Oh really? Well, as king of the Pocket Fighters, I command you to move!

Akuma: I move to no one… (gets in his fighting stance)

Ryu: So be it! (gets in his as well)

(So now the two go into a furious fight. After a few minutes of intense combat, Ryu fires a fireball at Akuma's left arm, blowing it off when it made contact to it.)

Ryu: Now stand aside! There's no need to have any more bloodshed!

Akuma: (glance at his shoulder) 'Tis but a scratch.

Ryu: (blinks) A scratch? Your arm just got blown off!

Akuma: No, it isn't.

Ryu: (points to the burned arm on the ground) Well, what's that then?

Akuma: (glances at it before looking back to Ryu) I've been through worse.

Ryu: You liar!

Akuma: Come on, you weakling!

(So goes another round of intense fighting, until Ryu fires another fireball at Akuma's right arm.)

Ryu: HA! Victory is mine! (turns to Ken) And that's how you take out your opponent. Always go with your trusty—

(And before he could finish, Akuma knocks him down with a simple kick.)

Akuma: Come on then!

Ryu: (blinks as he slowly gets up) What?

Akuma: Have at you!

Ryu: You are indeed brave, sir, but the fight is mine.

Akuma: Oh! Had enough, eh?

Ryu: Look, you demonic bastard, you have no arms left!

Akuma: Yes, I have.

Ryu: (points to his burnt arms) LOOK!

Akuma: (glances at them before looking up to Ryu) Merely a flesh wound. (headbutts him in the chest)

Ryu: Stop that!

Akuma: (kicks him once more) Chicken! Chicken!

Ryu: I'll blow off your leg!

(Akuma kicks him once more.)

Ryu: Fine then! HADOKEN!

(Ryu fires his attack to Akuma's right leg, blowing it off. Akuma keeps his balance with much difficulty.)

Akuma: Very well… I will have you for that!

Ryu: What?

Akuma: Come here and fight me!

Ryu: (scoffs) What are you going to do? Bleed on me?

Akuma: I'm invincible!

Ryu: ...you're a loony...

Akuma: Akuma always triumphs! Now come on!

(Ryu just glares to him as he blows off his other leg off, leaving his body standing upright.)

Akuma: Okay then. We'll call it a draw.

Ryu: (glares to Akuma once more before turning to Ken) Come on. We're leaving.

(And so the two stated to cross the bridge, leaving the mental Akuma on the ground, armless and leg-less.)

Akuma: Oh, I see! Running away, eh? Come back here, you yellow bastards! Come back and take what's coming to you! I'll bite your legs off!

-End of Chapter Four…
-End of Session One…