NEVER A BROKEN VOW
Chapter one: The main character and conflict are introduced.
Setting: The beautiful and mysterious Frichilsasya Assjaskya sat behind the illuminated screen of her laptop.
*Sigh*, I sighed, clicking through the web pages unsuccessfully finding a site that would tell me if "Prom Night" was actually written and performed by Rebecca Black. Beat. Then I spared a moment to wonder if she was related to my neighbor, Jacob Black. So many unanswered questions. I sighed another sigh and decided to use my favorite search engine "Dogpile" to research how likely it would be for me to win the jackpot at my parents' casino seeing as I'm their daughter.
My studies were interrupted when Flit, my almost domesticated wolf came up to me and playfully bit my hand.
"Flit!" I exclaimed, "now I'm going to bleed all over my computer."
I decided that my studies were over and shut my computer, accidentally dripping blood on the table. It was very nearly in the shape of a heart.
"Flit! Do you know what this means? According to my ancestors, something is going to happen!" I got up and walked gracefully (only stumbling once) to the sink while contemplating the ominous future occurrence.
"Woof," Flit commented.
"Shh! I can't concentrate on washing my hands and listening to you at the same time." Then I was mesmerized as my blood mixed with the water in perfect swirls and flowed like a waterfall down the faucet. Ooh the colors...
My trance was interrupted by a ringing sound. Instinctively I put my hands over my head and crouched down as small as I could make myself. The ringing continued.
"Oh yeah!" I remembered, "it's the transmitter my parents installed in my house six months ago to make contact with me."
I walked over to where it lay, picked it up and hit every button until I heard my mom's voice.
"Frichilsasya, my Pochahantes, are you okay?" I realized I was breathing rather loudly into the device. I sometimes forget I can breathe through my nose.
"Oh yeah, Gaho, I'm doing great."
"Great, because I have good news!"
"Is it like last week when you discovered that that singer you like has fan fiction written on him?"
"No! Better! You're getting married!"
There was nothing in my mouth so I had to take a drink of my Kool-Aid to spit at Flit. He growled a friendly warning.
"Mom! When did this happen?"
"Well, this morning a man walked into the casino and asked if we had any eligible and un-wed spawn, and of course we said yes. Then, he offered us 2 1/4 acres of land and 1 limp baby buffalo. We knew we probably wouldn't get a better offer for you so we accepted."
"..." I couldn't make any noise. My life was over. Now I was never going to meet, woo and consequently marry Justin Bieber.
My mother continued, "So the wedding's in 15 minutes, the ring and dress were shipped and we'll see you soon!" She hung up as there was a knock on my tent-flap. I floated across the floor in a daze, swept the flap aside and signed for the package with the feather from my hair.
Upon opening the package, I noticed a sparkly bubblegum ring that was very nearly in the shape of a heart.
"Cheapo!", I thought, "he couldn't even afford a whole heart-shaped engagement ring." I was now angry. I ripped my dress on and stormed out to my car. "Come on Flit," I growled, "drive us to wherever this stupid thing is going to happen."
Chapter 2
Sitting in my car wearing my xhilaration wedding dress made of silk finely spun by my parents servants, I couldn't help but cry perfect tears down my flawless face like a flowing waterfall in the tropics. Who was this man? I don't care if he is rich. I want to marry for LOVE! We pulled up to the arena full of people and I got out of my car. The train of my dress with tribal art on it was carried by my tamed wolf flit gracefully. My hair was intricately woven into braids with colorful feathers by the tribal women who lived on my reserve. I finally walked in and saw Josh Groban T-shirts being sold. What does this mean? Was he singing at my wedding? I walked into the main part of the arena hearing a gospol choir singing when you say you love me by Josh Groban.
My heart stopped and I began to shake uncontrollably. On the stage was the man I was going to marry. My future husband.. He was wearing the other half to my heart shaped engagement ring on his masculine and perfectly shaped finger. His perfect eyes met mine as we melted into eachothers gaze that smoldered my heart like a sizzling piece of raw buffalo hide over the fire. Then I finally realized. I was to marry the god of song.
JOSH. WINSLOW. DION. GROBAN.
The vows then started with Josh. How could he speak of such love if he has never met me though? I then began to tense up wondering how this would turn out.
" Frichilsasya, hear my confession, I have been blind all my life until I saw you, I have ignored every blessing and I am now on my knees confessing that I felt myself surrender when I saw your face, I am staggered by your beauty and your unassuming grace, I feel my heart is turning and falling into place I love you now and into eternity."
"Frichilsasya," the preist said, "its your turn."
"I…Um…" I stuttered looking out at the thousands of people in the audience, but the second I locked eyes with josh, It was just us there and no one else in the arena. We were alone the field of grass with our stallions riding off to explore and tame our fragile yet strong love. When I came back to reality I said all that I thought of to say.
"I….I like you a lot. I may try to maybe like to grow to like love you in the maybe future." Then josh laughed at my awkward cuteness,
We both said our I do's and he pulled me into his perfectly chizzled chest and enveloped me in a kiss that had more perfection to it then a sunset on the prairie in the spring. The sun gods rode up from the arena and sang to the high heavens of our flaming passion.
This. Was. Love.
I was then trampled by a bunch of grobanites….or so I thought. They were actually TAYLOR SWIFT FANS! Only then did I realize that Taylor Swift was singing at our wedding. Josh the pulled a gun out of his pants and shot her in the face.
"That was for putting my shmooples in danger." My husband said. And he then whisked me off to the private jet in the middle of the arena and we flew through a hole that we exploded in the ceiling with a bomb.
Chapter 3
Even the fluffy beauty of the lazily drifting clouds wasn't any more beautiful than the budding spark of love I now felt for my new husband. I looked at his face, as he sat on the red velvet seat and stared out the window. His expression was noble and proud, reminding me of a young Clint Eastwood staring out at the untamed frontier. He turned toward me, his squirrel-brown eyes igniting into flame as his passionate glance seized me.
"I was just thinking about you," he mused dreamily.
I tried to speak back, but only a small gasp escaped my lips.
"You're beautiful, Frichilsasya. I know you may not love me yet, but I promise—you will one day."
My eyes began to tear up. My life had been changed forever by marrying this beautiful man. But would it be for the better?
"Even if you do not love me, I will tame you, as the settlers tamed the American frontier. I will enchant your amber waves and shining seas with the echoes of my voice."
And my heart began to gallop even faster than the plane's turbines. Everything about Josh was beautiful. His voice, his face, his body….
My breath caught in my throat at that last thought. Tonight was the first night of our honeymoon. And I knew my parents would expect me to produce an heir to the family fortune sometime.
I drifted off to sleep, dreaming of Josh's beautiful, untamed body.
Hours later, we arrived at our destination. It was a beautiful island, covered in nothing but jungle and a giant sparkling resort in the middle. Luckily my parents had rented the entire resort all for me and Josh.
The penthouse suite sat atop the luxurious resort, fountains spurting into the air. The fountains made me think of something else, and my cheeks reddened furiously, like the blood of a slain buffalo darkening a dusty plain.
"Would you like some more water, Frichilsasya?" asked Tompkins, my butler.
"No, I'm fine," I stammered, stumbling a little. I felt faint because it was hot and because I was nervous.
Suddenly a felt a pair of strong arms lifting me into the air.
"I think she'll be fine once we get inside," murmured Josh, as he carried me bridal style.
I could smell his sweet cologne, scented faintly like cured buffalo hide and sweet woodsmoke. Truly, he was a loose cannon stallion.
Josh carried me throughout the elevator ride to the penthouse. He didn't set me down until we had stepped inside the suite, and he closed the door behind me.
"Well, over the threshold," he grinned. His smile was as beautiful as a swan descending onto a moonlit pond.
He gave my butt a quick tap, and I yelped.
"You know, it's our wedding night. There are certain things that are…expected of us."
I swallowed hard, and nodded in understanding. My throat was as dry as an abandoned steer skeleton.
"But first, we should eat. Perhaps that's why you're feeling faint; you haven't eaten in quite a while."
He strode over to the pantry, his manly brow furrowing as he pondered over the vast selection of food my parents had ordered.
"How about we make pizza?"
I nodded tensely.
"You know, this is going to be a difficult marriage if I have to do all the talking. What's it going to take to get you to open up?"
He didn't wait for a response. Instead, he began taking out ingredients for a pizza.
"I like peppers and onions on my pizza. What do you like on yours?" he asked.
"Um…." I stammered. "How about garlic? Do you like garlic?"
"Of course," he smiled, "Anything for you."
He put all the ingredients on the pizza.
"How about we mix things up a little? Add some whipped cream?"
I laughed a little.
"Look, you're smiling. You have a beautiful smile," he said, as he stared down into my crystalline violet eyes.
He leaned over the pizza to draw a ring of whipped cream on it, then playfully reached over and squirted me on the boob.
"Oops, sorry," he laughed.
I laughed too.
"You did that on purpose!"
"Maybe I did."
We stared at each other for a few excruciatingly long seconds, our eyes burning like a great cedar forest.
Then we kissed. Our passion was burning so furiously I felt as though my beating heart would burst.
He then pulled off my shirt.
"You have whipped cream on your shirt. We should wash it….later," he said.
Then he picked up the can of whipped cream and squirted it all over my shapely body.
"Frichilsasya…." He breathed, between passionate kisses.
He then began to lick the rest of me.
Before I knew it, we were on the big fluffy master bed, writhing in heated passion.
"You are the most beautiful girl in the world and I can't restrain myself very well," he said. "But if you want to wait, even though we're married, we can do that. I just don't want to tear myself away from your exquisite beauty."
"NO!" I yelled. "I want you NOW!"
So we did it. It was really good.
As we lay in bed afterward, his muscular stallionlike arms wrapped around my svelte body, we spoke again.
"That was really good, Frichilsasya." He said. "If I smoked, I would be having a smoke right now."
I laughed. My husband was so funny.
"Oh Joshie," I grinned. "You are so FUNNY."
Then he kissed me a lot of times and it was more passionate than the deepest and sweetest of passion fruits.
Suddenly, we heard a low growling noise.
"It sounds like you're hungry again. Well, it's to be expected; we DID just have a great workout—"
I sat up in intense fear.
"Josh, that wasn't me! It came from outside!"
Suddenly, Josh opened the window shades—and suddenly, a great black bear was outside the window!
It growled and thrashed at the glass!
"Oh no!" I screeched. "How did that thing get up here?"
"It's an Elder Bear!" exclaimed Josh. "They have the ability to climb many things. Legend has it that they're infused with the DNA of spiders!"
"OH NO!" I yelled even louder. "HOW DO WE DEFEAT IT?"
The bear crashed through the glass and onto the bed!
Then, I reached into the closet and pulled out my feather-trimmed bow. I shot an arrow perfectly at its back, but its hide was too thick! It bounced off like a windblown butterfly.
"Stand back, sweetheart." Josh said in a cool and calm voice. He pulled a revolver out of his pants. "THIS IS FOR TRYING TO ATTACK THE LOVE OF MY LIFE!" he yelled, pulling the trigger.
But the bullet did nothing. The Elder Bear's hide was just too thick!
"Frichilsasya, if anything happens, I just want you to know that I love you," he said. "You're a beautiful jewel among women. I'm sorry that my ancestors forced yours onto reservations so many years ago."
My eyes welled up with tears. "I forgive you. And your ancestors."
Then we looked into each other's eyes and he began to sing Awake. His beautiful voice, as delicate as windchimes and yet as strong as the hide of the Elder Bear, resonated throughout the plush walls of the resort.
Suddenly…the Elder Bear stopped attacking!
"Your voice!" I shouted. "It's magical!"
It was.
"Don't stop singing!" I yelled over the immaculate chorus that was Josh's voice.
The bear jumped out the window, committing suicide.
As we stared out the broken glass, Josh continued to sing.
Suddenly, some lights began to emerge from the jungle forest that surrounded the resort. The entire forest was lighting up!
A spirit of the wood appeared to us.
"Your voice has liberated the spirits of the wood, which were bound by an ancient curse," it said, in a spectral voice. "Thanks."
Then it flew away.
I cried, it was so beautiful. Josh threw his arms around me some more.
Everything was beautiful.=
Chapter four
5 Months later:
I walked into the kitchen of our home suspend above the pacific by pegasus ponies and went in to the fridge to grab some noms… but as i took the first bites i began to grow sick and threw up in the fridge…. just then Josh walked into the room
"Wow, you're green, Frichilsasy"
"That's all you have to say? I just hurled and all you have to say is you're green? If i didn't know any better i'd say it's your fault i did." She replied angrily
"Are you frightened of me now?" he asked. she looked at him confuzzled and went to the pantry, staring at him whilst he held a micevious look on his heavenly face. as i reached into a bag of funions and stuffed a handful into my gaping mouth. this i was able to stomach and he grined.
"better?" he asked. I smiled and nodded my head a couple times signing that i wasn't going to spew my snack. just then i felt a thrust in my stomach and worried that i may need it, i ran to the sink and threw my head over it. but the gag reactions didn't happen this time. instead another thrust occurred. i picked my head up and raised my shirt and rubbed my middrift. at that moment i felt that the thrust were in fact not thrusts at all they where… Kicks from my unborn child…. I had in fact become impregnated by the beautiful man of my wild dreams… I was going to have Josh Groban's…. Baby.
"Well I guess you can't really hold down the Funions either huh?" he said in a smitten and playful way…. i looked up at his gorgeous hazel eyes and softly whispered.
"I think I'm Pregnant." He looked into my face and smiled.
"I know you are." he said with joy in his tender words. I couldn't believe what he had just said.
"What did you just say?" I asked?
"I need to be truthful with you Frichlsasy. This was my plan all along. I first saw you on lonely night at your parents casino and I knew that you were the girl that must produce my child so that I could raise it to one day become a greater operatic singer than myself, Charlotte Church and Pavarotti combined." I looked at him in disbelief and couldn't bear the suspense any longer.
"What the fuck are you talking about josh! I thought this was an aranged marriage that our PARENTS made! You're fucking kidding right!"
"Yeah i'm totally fucking with you…. Wait did you say your pregnant?" and he fainted on the floor.
*(DERp)*
FOUR MONTHS AND 14 DAYS OF LABOR LATER!
The doctor walked and said,
"Well the good news is you have a beautiful, healthy baby girl. The bad news is that daleks are attacking the hospital so I kinda have to go so this is Amy and she's going to be taking care of you until i get back." and he whipped out some blue glowing stick and jumped into a blue box. and then the box disappeared into thin air. Josh and I looked at each other confused and then shrugged it off….
"so here's your baby, I'm not really sure what to do with baby's so, Here ya go and have a great life and stuff. m'kay bye!" Amy said and ran out the door after the vanishing blue box.
Josh held our beautiful daughter in his strong arms…. and he began to sing Lullaby to her while rocking her back and forth in his strong stallion like arms. As if teh scene was not beauty enough, a single tear rolled down his cheek as he finished the song and laid our beautiful daughter in the crib.
"Goodnight my beautiful Frichilsoshua." He kissed her on the forehead and walked back over to me. He sat down on my hospital bed. The beauty that had just occurred and i couldn't stand the wait. I threw my arms around him as if i were a child reaching for their mother, and laid one on him and the nurse came in and released me. But then he once again pulled a pistol out of his pants and shot a warning shot at him. and He returned to our kiss and our pegasus ponies lifted my family off into the distance. and we lived happily ever after… or did we?