Priorities

Note: The contribution—late again—for Day Two of Tokka Week. The theme for this day was "Worst Case Scenario".

Disclaimer: Same old 'don't own, no profit, don't sue' thing as always.

There were two things Sokka was sure of; two constants he was certain he could count on, no matter what happened. First, that anything which could not kill him could be healed; second, that Toph Beifong was the one person on whom he could invariably rely to tell him the truth and stand beside him. If Toph told him he was wrong, if Toph told him anything, he could be sure that it was true. His nightmares weren't of losing Suki, Katara or his father, but of losing Toph. His most profoundly effective nightmares took him back to the last day of the war when he knew, leg broken and clinging helplessly (hopelessly) to Toph's hand, that they were going to die for the sake of the new world.

Loving Toph was different than loving Suki (desperate, sweet, romantic, lustful) and different from loving Katara and his father (familial, binding, familiar); it was both and yet neither at the same time. It wasn't the brotherly affection he had for Aang, even Zuko, nor the fondness one has toward a pet. If Sokka had to choose one person to fight alongside him for their lives, he would never even consider anyone but Toph. Her abilities were far outstripped by her unwavering devotion and fidelity, and even if he knew he would never best her in any way, he returned at least that loyalty.

When Fire Lord Zuko asked his companions to help him, to scour the Fire Nation countryside in search of rebels, he was really asking Sokka, who promptly asked Toph. Aang had diplomatic duties to attend to; Katara flitted back and forth between the South Pole and wherever Aang was; Suki could not leave the Kyoshi Warriors for a months-long crusade against civil revolutionaries in the Fire Nation. Sokka and Toph were the only ones able to offer Zuko the help he needed, and they did so without hesitation.

They were supposed to follow the trails left behind by messy, careless bandits, restore order, and capture whomever they could. Platoons of soldiers were too noticeable for the work, but a mismatched pair of young travellers was obscure enough that few noticed them, and far fewer recognized them. It was simple and it left the pair of them plenty of time to talk, to catch up on details they hadn't shared in their occasional meeting over the five years since the end of the war. It wasn't supposed to be complicated, but it was the two of them and they perhaps should have expected that the very nature of their friendship would complicate things. A month into their campaign, over dinner and ale in the inn of a remote Fire Nation town, Toph broached the subject he had been trying to ignore for the better part of two years. It had been innocent banter about the future, about their friends and comrades, and what might come after they split up and went their separate ways again.

"Aang's going to propose to Katara any day now." Sokka told her, tearing a chunk of bread off the loaf between them.

"How do you know?" Toph raised an eyebrow and reached for the same bread he was mutilating.

"It's just obvious. He's had his eighteenth birthday, things are tapering off since the war, and he's pretty sure that he can afford to settle down and go the family way," Sokka handed her the bread and she shot him what could have been dirty look for keeping it from her. "Hey, don't look at me like that."

She took the bread and took a piece for herself. "Well, if those are Aang's reasons, what's your excuse for not marrying Suki yet?"

Sokka gaped at her over the table. "Excuse me?"

"You heard me. If Aang's eighteen now, that makes you and Suki, what, twenty? Twenty-one? Why haven't you all gone off and gotten hitched?"

"Because… that would be… Well, it's really just not the time, Toph."

"Oh, please," Had it been effective for her, she would have rolled her eyes. "If it's okay for the Avatar to get married by this point, it should definitely be for you."

"It's not quite that cut and dry, Toph." He tried to explain.

Sokka didn't think she knew precisely how startlingly piercing her eyes could when she focused them at his face, giving him the impression that she could see him quite clearly with her cataracted eyes. The stare Toph fixed on him then forced him to remind himself that she was blind and any semblence of sight she had was from her earthbending.

"You're being a coward," She told him, taking a bite of her bread. "What's holding you back?" She propped her feet up on the chair next to him.

"I'm not being a coward, Toph," He tried to tell her; tried to believe that it was the truth, but Toph didn't lie to him, and she wouldn't lie about an honest perception of him. "I'm just not sure it's the right time. Timing is everything for you girls, right?"

Toph didn't bother to grace this excuse with a response, only chewing on her bread without moving her stare from him.

But he wouldn't let her win this battle by outlasting him. Maybe he was afraid of marrying Suki. Maybe the possibility of the rest of his life with her was too long for him. Maybe… Maybe Toph didn't have to say anything to him, but he wouldn't acknowledge she was right. He didn't want to give her the satisfaction of knowing him better than the woman he had been with for the better part of five years.

That revelation was enough to jolt him out of his stupor and toss him unceremoniously into yet another. He trusted Toph with his life. He trusted Toph with everything. She knew him better than he knew himself most days, could read his mind without trying, and still make him feel alright about himself. It was more than Suki could usually do; more than his father could do.

Excusing himself abruptly, Sokka retreated to the room he and Toph shared in the inn, suddenly more self-conscious about sharing a room with the girl. He sat heavily on his bed as he tried to catch his breath. He felt stifled in the warm room, and he crossed the room in a few long strides and threw the wooden shutters open, bathing himself in the last rays of the setting sun. He considered himself a logical man who followed the things that made the most sense. There were philosophical laws which covered his beliefs. The most logical and simplest explanation was most likely to be right. So what was simple, in term of logic? Hell, what was simple in terms of his heart?

What would be worse: losing Suki, or losing Toph?

At this thought, his mind came to a crashing halt. When had he ever thought he would lose Toph? Would he if he married Suki? He wasn't sure Toph would abandon him because of his marriage, but… but marrying a woman meant spending your life with her; meant settling down in "the family way", as Aang was so clearly ready to do with his sister. Aang had duties to tend to, but everyone knew and accepted that once he married Katara his priorities would no longer be on them. When, no—if, Sokka married Suki, wouldn't he be the same? Wouldn't he have to make her and their family his first priority?

It made sense. It was logical. When you love someone, you marry them. When you marry someone, they and the family you build with them become your whole life. There would be no room for gallavanting across the Fire Nation in pursuit of rebellious bandits causing trouble for Firelord Zuko. There would be no witty banter as they got drunk together in the closest Earth Kingdom tavern. There would be no room for Toph as his best friend if Suki was his wife. It was one thing to be romantically involved with Suki, to love her with every last romantic fiber in his body. It was quite another to have to sacrifice the kind of love he had for Toph for that. Was romance enough to get him through for the rest of his life? If he had to give up Toph, had to give up his best friend, then it would have to be for someone who could possibly fill that void she left behind.

But who else but Toph, he wondered, could fill that space in his heart? He didn't have to wonder about it for long, because he already knew the question before he posed it to himself. There was no one else who knew him better, who could make him laugh more, who could bring out the best in him. He could love Suki with all the romantic feeling in the world, and he was certain he almost did, but that would never—could never—be enough to last a lifetime. Passion could only take one so far in life before it sputtered out, and either the relationship died completely, or it was succeeded by something even stronger and ever-lasting. Five years before, before Suki and every one of their friends started expecting them to get married, the two of them might have tried to forge the friendship they would need to make it, but it never happened. This was, to his heart's dismay, one of the few things in life where it could truly be 'too late'.

His romantic heart gave a sharp twist, knowing what would have to come next. He loved Suki, but not like he would have to love her to spend forever with her. He loved her, and it broke his heart, but not so much as he knew it would if he had to fall out of love with her and watch their love go up in flames and furious words.

The door banged open, because Toph never knocked when they shared a room, and his best friend walked in, unaware of the introspection Sokka had been having. "You okay, Sokka?"

He opened his mouth and closed it twice before he finally managed to find the strength to speak. "Yes… No. Yes."

She stared in his general direction. "That was decidedly unclear," She didn't sound convinced, flopping on her own bed. "Practicing what you're going to say to Suki when you finally propose?"

Without giving himself the chance to reconsider and second-guess himself, he moved to sit next to where she lay on her bed. "I'm not going to marry Suki."

This seemed to shock her long enough to drop the cool façade. "You're what?"

"I'm not going to marry Suki," He repeated calmly, finding it easier on his heart the more he said it. He had heard Iroh once tell Zuko that when you named something for what it was, acknowledged its existance and truth, it lost some of its power. This, he supposed, was one of those instances. "I… When we get back to the Earth Kingdom, I'm going to tell her. I just… Maybe Aang and Katara could do it, because they have all the things that could make it work for the rest of their lives, but… I don't."

Toph wrinkled her eyebrows. "I'm not sure I follow."

"It's not enough… Between Suki and I. We're not the best of friends. I love her, but not in the way that could make it last forever. I'd have to give up a lot of things I'm not willing to lose, just to marry her. And I… couldn't…" The words became stuck in his throat, manifesting themselves into a physical knot that hurt when he swallowed. "I couldn't choose loving her the way I love her over loving you the way I love you."

"Sokka…" Toph seemed genuinely moved, a slow numb spreading through her body. "You shouldn't say things like that."

He shook his head. "No, Toph, I mean it. You're my best friend in the whole world. I would trust my life, my everything, to you. When you say something, I trust your word over anyone else's. When you express an opinion, I value it more than anyone else's. Things like that outlast any romantic love, or lust, or anything. If I married Suki, I lost you, and I couldn't bear that. I don't know when, or how, but you became more important."

For once in her life, Toph Beifong was speechless, and when Sokka leaned over to kiss her on the cheek and tell her he loved her, she couldn't find any other way to react than to laugh, cry, and hug him all at the same time.

Two weeks later, they came back to Kyoshi Island, just the two of them, ready to face Sokka's challenge together. Two days after that, they left together, just the two of them, ready to face the world and the rest of their lives together.

End