Disclaimer: As we all know neither Naruto or Reservoir Dogs belong to me. And no this isn't a crossover. And this isn't one of my works I'm posting this up for my girl. This is kind of like a re-mastered intro of Reservoir Dogs, with Naruto. Crazy I know but bear with me you'll like it me thinks enjoy.
RESERVOIR NINJAS
PLACE: ICHIRAKU'S RAMEN SHOP
Kiba:
Let me tell you what Ranma ½ is about, is about a girl who digs guys with huge martial arts abilities. The entire series is a metaphor for a boy who's incomplete…
Sasuke:
No it ain't, is about a girl who's a tomboy, she's never been in love before and then she meets this guy who's got a feminine side...
Kiba:
Tell that stupid plot to the visitors from the question mark village.
Kakashi's voice resounded in the middle of the conversation, not joining of course, his hand as usual, holding a book.
Kakashi:
Ada? ...Who the heck is Ada?
Kiba:
Ranma ½ is not about tomboy meets sensitive fella, that's what Ruroni Kenshin is about!
Shikamaru:
Mendo se...
Kabuto:
Which one is Ruroni Kenshin?
Naruto:
Nani?! You haven't seen Ruroni Kenshin? I don't follow the samurai thing and I've seen it datte bayo!
Kabuto:
I asked what it was about; forgive me for not being such a freak!
Naruto looked like he was about to explode if he didn't say something like; people who collect cards are the true freaks, but when Choji took a pork rib out of his mouth to talk he decided to let him. As we all know Choji's a man of a few words so silence grew.
Chouji:
Personally I liked Sanosuke better, at the beginning his sword was bigger that Kenshin's and he was cooler but then he started using punches to break stones so I tuned out.
As soon as he had said his peace he got back to devouring his ribs. Everyone could only raised their eyebrows in response.
Kiba:
Don't interrupt me, now what was I saying!
Kakashi:
Oh! Ada's that sexy Chinese girl. What was her name?
... Kakashi interrupted again without once flinching his eyes away from his book.
Naruto:
Ne! Kakashi sensei! What's that?
Kakashi:
It's just my usual old book.
Naruto gave him a resentful look then he scanned the cover of the book. It read Icha Icha Biohazard. By Jiraija-sama
Kiba:
What was I saying?
Shikamaru:
Mendo se, you said Ruroni Kenshin was about a tomboy who meets Mr. Softy guy and Ranma ½ was a metaphor for huge… well you remember now right?
Kiba:
Here's what Ranma ½ is about, It's all about this beast, who's a regular jerk, he teases the girl morning, day, night, noon, so much that he reaches, deep, deep, deep, deep, deep, deep, deep…
Chouji:
Ah? ... What kind of dip?
Naruto:
Nani?!
Kiba:
I said deep Chouji, as in profound… Anyway, one day she meets this guy and she's like whoa baby! I mean, this guy is like Naruto on the test, he's digging tunnels, so deep he's getting into her heart, and he's feeling something he hasn't felt since forever… a beating.
Kakashi:
Chu- Ada Chu...
Kiba:
This girl beats him so hard every day and it hurts, you know he's like the best, nobody beats him anymore but the tomboy girl can cause serious damage! And that's what this guy needs, discipline, so he realizes this girl was what was missing from his life, and she added to him his missing half, Hence: Ranma ½.
Suddenly out of nowhere Kakashi shouted, once again interrupted the boys meaningless conversation.
Kakashi:
Wong!
Naruto:
- Chotto Mate! (He snapped and with a quick move he took the book from Kakashi's hands.
Kakashi's calm demeanor never once wavered.
Kakashi:
What the hell do you think you're doing, give that back to me.
Naruto:
I'll give it back when we leave, I'm sick of you reading your dirty perverted book and ignoring me datte bayo!
Kakashi's voice rang cold and deadly the mark of the hardened assassin.
Kakashi:
Give it back now.
Naruto:
You're like Ero Sennin, all adults are perverted! I'll give it back if you pay us more attention, or I'll keep it. For the last 15 minutes you've been:
"Ada… Ada? Ada! Ada…Ada who? Ada Chu, Jackie Chan, Charlie Chin, freaking Charlie Manson... I've been between Kiba's version of Black and Blue Ranma in one ear and Ada the Jap in the other.
His words rushed and loud, nearing a tantrum while Kakashi's patience was bordering its limits.
Kakashi:
Naruto! That book is not for kids your age.
Sasuke:
-Oi… Kakashi Sensei, may I kick his ass?
Naruto:
Oh yeah? You went to the bathroom in a dream; you better wake up and wipe your ass!
Sasuke: ?
Lee who up till now had been very quiet decided that maybe it was now time for a mood change. God knows the atmosphere here was getting heavy.
Lee:
Any of you guys been watching the cartoon network this weekend? Can you believe they're showing anime from the 70's or so?
Shikamaru:
You know what I saw? Gatchaman! (G-Force/Battle of the Planets)
Lee:
Before I came down here they were showing Saint Seiya (Knights of the Zodiac) the image was as faded as a withered Lotus flower. Demo, It's the first time I noticed the girl of the series resembles the one in Zenki.
Kiba:
You didn't notice before?
Lee:
I haven't, I thought she looked kind of like Ten Ten.
Sasuke:
You're crazy...
Kakashi:
Mina… Yesterday's meal was Iruka's treat, but I'm not gonna pay for your meals.
Their heads hanged and black lines appeared on top of their head expressing their dismay.
Kakashi:
From now on, we'll leave it on lady luck's hands. So put your names on a napkin and we'll decide who's gonna pay for the ramen. I gotta go to the bathroom.
And Naruto… I want my book when I get back…
Naruto went on one of his childlike angry fits, complete with closed eyes and swollen cheeks.
Naruto:
Are you going to put it away?
Kakashi:
I'm gonna do whatever I want to do with it, damn it!
Naruto:
IE!
Kakashi:
Sasuke, I changed my mind. You know why I taught you the chidori? To kill this bastard.
Kakashi turned and walked away as the conversation continued.
Lee:
OS!! Put your names on the napkins and put them here in the kunai bag. We'll pull out one and…
Everybody started writing their respective names except Shikamaru
Lee:
Shikamaru-kun, you need a pen?
Shikamaru:
Ie, I won't. I don't write down my name on napkins. It's against my beliefs.
Lee:
Against your beliefs?
Chouji:
Hey Shikamaru, maybe your name won't be pulled out.
Shikamaru:
Mendo se… I said I don't believe in it.
Chouji:
- You know that you're reducing the possibilities for us? Not fair Shikamaru.
Shikamaru:
- If you don't have enough money you shouldn't have eaten so much!
Lee:
- I never knew you would have the guts to say that. Let me get this straight, you don't ever write down your name, right?
Shikamaru:
- I'm superstitious ok? I'm gonna pay for my meal but I don't write down my name on random papers, even on written tests, Asuma and Iruka sensei, they both know it.
Anyway I think it's unfair to do this randomly, the unluckiest of us might even end up paying for too many meals meanwhile some lucky bastard would just be eating for free for the rest of our special training, if one of you acts exclusively nice to me and really deserves it I could pay for a meal or two for that person, but this paying for all your meals automatically is... just too troublesome.
At this point even Lee laughed at the situation. Shikamaru continued…
Shikamaru:
- As far as I'm concerned you could all go to hell.
Chouji:
- I've been nice to you this week.
Shikamaru:
- You were ok, but not anything special.
Chouji:
- What's special? Sitting on your lap and sucking your… bowl of ramen?
Lee:
- Actually I've seen you eating Shikamaru's food…like 12% of the time!
Shikamaru:
- Anone! When I wanted to play shogi you played with me three times, I asked you like six times, so you were… Average.
Sasuke:
Well what if he was too busy?
Shikamaru:
- Too busy shouldn't be in a best friend's vocabulary.
Lee:
- Excuse me Mr. Sakura, but the last thing you need is indoors activities.
Shikamaru:
- Mendo se... It's not like Chouji would like to do some outdoors activities like running or ...Training or nothing. And anyway last year I was always the unlucky bastard who ended up doing the chores of the classroom when they decided to do some random picking of papers, so I decided it's against my principles...
Chouji:
- Don't you care that one of us got to pay for all the meals while you don't?
Shikamaru:
-You know what this is? (Asked Shikamaru rubbing together his thumb and index fingers.)
Naruto:
- You were picking your nose again?
Shikamaru:
- This is the world's smallest hand seal developing a technique just for you guys. (With this he ended up "giving them the finger")
Naruto:
- Nani?! We're busting our asses all day, this is a hard job, and we need ramen!
Shikamaru:
- So it was when I was training with Asuma and nobody paid for my meals then!
Naruto:
- Being a Ninja is the number one occupation for youngsters in konoha. Is the one job basically more respectable but more difficult to make a living on. And the main benefit is free ramen!
Shikamaru:
- Naruto, you suck! I really don't care.
At this brilliant remark from Shikamaru even Sasuke laughed then the rest of the boys joined in.
Shikamaru:
- I'm very sorry If Iruka sensei has spoiled you treating you free ramen every now and then, that's not my fault, if the Hokage makes a law that every Sensei should pay for his student's meals while they're on a mission I'll agree, but don't give me this ninja of Konoha bullshit cause I got three words for that, "kiss my ass" don't expect me to fill the "black hole" you got for a stomach cause you're in for a big surprise.
Kabuto:
- He's convinced me, give me back my napkin.
Lee:
- Os! Leave the napkins there!
Kakashi appeared out of the shadows with that same bored look as always.
Kakashi:
- All right girls, Sa Iko!
He started counting the napkins then he noticed that there was one missing. He looked up at the boys and said.
Kakashi:
- Chotto... Mate... Who didn't throw in?
Kabuto:
- Mr. Sakura.
Kakashi:
- Doshite?
Kabuto:
- He don't believe in it.
Kakashi:
- Shut up! What do you mean you don't believe in it you cheap lazy bastard, you write your name on that napkin or I'll put you in the girl's team!
Shikamaru:
- All right, but just because there still a vacant on the girl's team, otherwise I wouldn't do it!
Naruto gives Kakashi back his book, unwillingly but fearful that the free spot on the girl's team would be filled by him. Kakashi thanked him rather sarcastically and coldly as the walked out of the place all dressed up in black suits and black shades as the ground echoed the voice of the narrator on the TV.
"You've seen Mazinger Z, followed by Urusei Yasura and Maisson Ikkoku, stay here for an hour of "The Rose Of Versailles" you classic otaku fans just keep on... watching...
-----------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Author's note: She says she has no comments… LOL!
Editor's note: Well all I can say is that this short story is like a sandwich. Two slices of classic anime, with a huge helping of Reservoir Dogs and Naruto. Needless to say that its quite the tasty and gooey mix. Its obviously easier to understand if you've seen the Reservoir Dogs intro but regardless its funny all on its own. Please if you feel this merit's a review then please do. No flames be kind.
P.S: I'd like to say sorry to those who are waiting for Naruto Mission: Rock Band. I've been a bit down with the manga so all my inspiration has gone down the drain. But it should be up real real soon I'm still sorry about that.