Sweeney Todd ~ Cats
(A/N: My friend MoonlitKitten123 has unfortunately left , she wanted me to tell you that she won't be coming back, she's given me permission to carry on with her story. Also my OC Pandora will be directing, just to stop any confusion. I do not own Cats neither Sweeney Todd, the only thing I own in this story is Pandora as she was created by me.)
Cast:
Sweeney Todd ~ Macavity (A/N: MoonlitKitten123 wants me to point out that both characters were once good and fair people yet they lost their sanity and turned insane, well kind of anyway.)
Mrs Lovett ~ Bombalurina
Lucy ~ Demeter
Johanna ~ Jemima
Anthony ~ Pouncival (A/N: We both decided together that we only cast Pouncival as Anthony cause' we're Pounce/Jem shippers =^.^=)
Judge Turpin ~ Munkustrap
Beadle ~ Plato
Pirelli ~ Alonzo (:S)
Tobias ~ Tumblebrutus
Company ~ The other cats
Director ~ Pandora (Heaven help us)
Pandora: Right guys, let's get down to business!
Munkustrap: I have a question
Pandora: What?
Munkustrap: Why am I a bad guy?
Pandora: Cause' I said so, now anymore questions?
~Silence~
Pandora: Good, now on with the prologue! Company get in positions!
~Company scrambles around, Pandora starts to get deeply irritated. Finally the company gets into position.~
Pandora: Finally! Skimble sing us the opening solo
Skimble: Err okay…
Attend the tale of Sweeney Todd
His skin was pale and his eye was odd.
He shaved the faces of gentlemen
who never thereafter were heard of again.
He trod a path that few have trod
did Sweeney Todd
the demon barber of Fleet Street.
Pandora: Great now Asparagus Junior!
Gus Jr: He kept a shop in London town.
Of fancy clients and good renown
and what if none of their souls were saved
they went to their maker impeccably shaved.
By Sweeney,
by Sweeney Todd
the demon barber of fleet street.
All Of The Company: Swing your razor wide!
Sweeney, hold it to the skies.
Freely flows the blood of those who moralize.
His needs
were few, his room was bare.
A lavabo and a fancy chair.
A mug of suds, and a leather strop,
an apron, a towel, a pail, and a mop.
For neatness he deserves a nod,
does Sweeney Todd,
the demon barber of Fleet Street.
All of the Queens :Inconspicuous Sweeney was,
quick, and quiet and clean he was.
Back of his smile, under his word,
Sweeney heard music that nobody heard.
Sweeney pondered and Sweeney planned,
like a perfect machine he planned,
Sweeney was smooth, Sweeney was subtle,
Sweeney would blink, and rats would scuttle
All Of The Company: Sweeney was smooth, Sweeney was subtle
Sweeney would blink, and rats would scuttle
Sweeney was smooth, Sweeney was subtle,
Sweeney would blink, and rats would scuttle
Sweeney was smooth, Sweeney was subtle,
Sweeney would blink, and rats would scuttle
Sweeney! Sweeney! Sweeney! Sweeney!
Sweeney!
Pandora: Right it's going great so far! Macavity come on it's your first solo! Macavity?
~Pandora turns around to see Macavity 'smoothly' chatting up Demeter~
Pandora: Macavity get your butt on set!
Macavity: Wha?- Oh yeah..
~Macavity sprints on set and clears his voice~
Macavity: Attend the tale of Sweeney Todd!
Company: Attend the tale of Sweeney Todd!
Macavity: He served a dark and a vengeful God!
Company: He served a dark and a vengeful God!
Macavity: What happened then, well that's the play,
and he wouldn't want us to give it away...
Company: Not Sweeney
Not Sweeney Todd
The demon barber of Fleet... Street...
Pandora: Right that's the prologue and I think Fallen will be able to squeeze in there's no place like London in this chapter as well, anyway. Company! Clear the bloody set! Pouncival and Macavity get into positions!
~Pounce and Mac rush around to get on set and into positions praying to god that they haven't angered Pandora.~
Pandora: Okay now Pounce, take us away!
Pouncival: Erm o-okay…
I have sailed the world beheld its wonders
from the dardinells, to the mountains of Peru,
But there's no place like London!
I feel home again... I could hear the city bells ring... Whatever would I do?
No there's...
Macavity: No place like London
Pouncival: Girl gasp Pandora! Macavity stole the last line of my solo!
Pandora: It's in the ruddy script you stupid bum face!
Pouncival: Oh… right… hem hem
Mr Todd sir?
Macavity: You are young...
Life has been kind to you...
You will learn.
(Spoken) 'Tis here we go our seperate ways.
Farewell Anthony.
I will not soon forget the good ship bountiful, nor the young man who saved my life.
Pouncival: There's no cause to thank me for that, sir. It would have been a poor Christian indeed who would have spotted you pinching and tossing on that raft and not given the alarm.
Macavity: There's many a Christian would've done just that and not lost a winks sleep over it either.
Pandora: Okay.. we're going good, come on Deme!
Demeter: sighs Okay
Alms, alms for a miserable woman, on a miserable chilly mornin'! ~Pouncival gives Demeter five silver coins~
Thank ya, sir, thank ya...
How would ya like a little muff, dear
a little jig-jig,
a little bounce around the bush!
Wouldn't ya like to push me parsley?
It looks to me, dear, that you've got plenty there to push!
Alms, alms for a pitiful woman... what's got wandering wits?
Hey! Don't I know you, mister?
Macavity: Well du'h! I'm Mac- oh yeah it's in script ain't it? Oops?
Pandora: Through gritted teeth Just… Carry… On…..
Macavity: Err okay hem hem
Must you glare at me, woman?
Off with you!
Off I say!
Woah I sound like an angry old man, you know the type who keeps screaming "Get off my lawn!"
Demeter: Whatever, I mean:
Then how would ya like to split me muff?
Mister, we'll go jig-jig!
A little...
Macavity: Off I said!
To the devil with you!
Demeter: Alms, alms; for a pitiful woman…. scuttles off
Pouncival: Pardon me, sir, but there's no need to fear the likes of her, she's only a half-crazed beggar woman... London's full of them… Woah I'd hate to live there!
Pandora: Swipes out at Pouncival
Macavity: Ahem! Me time now!
~Everyone looks at Macavity weirdly~
Macavity: Thank you! Anyway…
I beg your indulgence, boy, my mind is far from easy. For in the once familiar streets I feel a chill of ghostly shadows everywhere.
Forgive me.
Pouncival: There is nothing to forgive
Macavity: Farewell Anthony
Pouncival: Sir, before we part…
Macavity: Yes?
Pouncival: I have honored my promise never to question you. Whatever brought you to that sorry shipwreck is your affair and yet, over many weeks of our voyage home, I've come to think of you as a friend, and if trouble lies ahead for you in London, if you need any help...or money.
Macavity: No!
There's a whole in the world like a great black pit
and the vermin of the world inhabit it
and its morals aren't worth what a pin can spit
and it goes by the name of London.
At the top of the hole sit the privileged few
Making mock of the vermin in the lonely zoo
turning beauty to filth and greed...
I too have sailed the world and seen its wonders, for the cruelty of men is as wonderous as Peru
but there's no place like London!
--
There was a barber and his wife and she was beautiful...
a foolish barber and his wife.
She was his reason for his life... and she was beautiful, and she was virtuous.
And he was… naive.
There was another man who saw that she was beautiful...
A biased vulture of the law
who, with a gesture of his claw
removed the barber from his plate!
And there was nothing but to wait!
And she would fall!
So soft!
So young!
So lost and oh so beautiful!
Pouncival: And the lady sir… did she, succumb?
Macavity: Ah, that was many years ago... I doubt if anyone would know
Now leave me, Anthony.
There is somewhere I must go,
something I must find out.
Now, and alone.
Pouncival: But surely we will meet again before I'm off to Plymouth?
Macavity: If you need me I'll be around fleet street.
Wanders off and starts singing
There's a hole in the world like a great black pit
and it's filled with people who are filled with shit!
And the vermin of the world inhabit it!
Pandora: That was okay-ish, err but let's make the next chapter better all right? giggles