Title: Gentle Slumber
Author: Melissa
Email: princessbuffy79@hotmail.com
Summary: It's short. Read it.
Disclaimer: Buffy? Nope, not mine. Xander? Damn! Don't own him either. Only in my dreams.
Distribution: If you want, take it. Just let me know.
Feedback: Stupid question. Duh!
I watch her sleep.
Her chest rises up and down to an inner rhythm I cannot hear.
The moonlight dances across her face and her beauty awes me. There is a peace in her that exists only when she sleeps. The ever-present pain does not exist here in this moment. Instead, she looks serene, angelic even. I long to lie beside her and wrap her in my arms, never to let her go.
But I can't. At least not right now.
Things are changing between us, that I know is true. It's as if there is a magnet between us, pulling us closer together. Together, we have dealt with the pain of losing people close to us. I am there for her when the pain of her mother's death is too much for her to bear. She is there for me, when the reality of Anya's departure from my life leaves me shell-shocked.
But why now? I have wanted her for so long, I can't remember existing any other way. Why couldn't this have happened years ago? Honestly, though, I'm glad it has happened the way it has. We had to learn more about each other and ourselves first. Besides, we both had other relationships that taught us that we are capable of loving others and being loved. Now it is time to take that step and discover how thoroughly we could love each other.
A piece of hair falls across her face and I gently push it back. I long to climb into bed with her. I want to lay there with her forever, just the two of us. But I can't. I'm too scared. Scared of losing her, of chasing her away. We've come so far; I can wait a little while longer. I just need to be patient. God, I hate waiting!
* * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * *
I can feel his eyes on me. I can't sleep. Not when he is so close. His very presence takes my breath away.
When did this happen? I can't be sure. All I know is I like the way he makes me feel. He treats me like a fragile heirloom, something that can be broken. I may be the Slayer, but I need to be taken care of, too. To feel loved and protected, I had almost given up on feeling that way with anyone. But then I opened my eyes and had no further to look than my best friend.
He has loved me for years. I know that. I had feared that I lost his love after pushing him away for so long. But lately, I know that it's still there. He has been so good to me, helping me deal with…with my mother's death. I can't believe she's gone. But Xander is here. He has always been here.
It's a struggle to keep my breathing regular, especially when he touches my face. It's a gentle touch, so full of love I want to cry. I want to talk to him, to let him know what is in my heart. But I can't. I'm too scared. I'm scared of losing our friendship by acting too soon. But what if I lose him because I took too long? I can't risk that. We've come so far.
I open my eyes.
* * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * *
Her eyes open. We stare at each other and time stands still. Nothing exists except for us. And this moment. Her lips turn up into the faintest of smiles. And then she speaks.
"Lie with me?"
So I do, I'd have to be an idiot to refuse. Our wait is over. She made the first move. I climb in the bed next to her and wrap my arms around her petite form. This feels right. Like we belong together.
She rolls over and faces me. Snuggling up closer, she whispers, "There. That is so much better."
I close my eyes and prepare to sleep. But even sleep could not erase the smile from my face. Finally, my wait is over.