Vulnerable
Authors Note: This story takes place in the real life universe. I don't own any of the characters, nor do I believe that any of the BTR boys are gay. This story is meant for intertaiment and in no way should it be taken seriously.
Vulnerable. Weak. Delicate. Soft. Fragile.
They're all words Logan Henderson can't stand. They're all words that should not at any given time describe him.
Ever.
Logan can't remember the last time that he felt like any of those things.
He's always been strong, masculine, and confident, almost to the point of being cocky. He's a camera whore who puts his career above everything, and takes every possible opportunity to show off his voice. He takes care of his body and he's always willing to show off his skills with a back flip. He's a flirt who will gladly put himself out there for any attractive girl who walks his way. He never gets emotionally attached to anyone, and takes pride in the number of phone numbers he's been given. [1]
Of course lately he feels like his whole world has been turned upside down.
He guesses you could track things back to the day he met Kendall Schmidt.
He had instantly liked the guy. He was on the quiet side, but the things he did say were always clever, relevant, and funny. He loved how laidback Kendall was, and how he always seemed to have a calming effect on him. He also loved that Kendall could play guitar because it gave the boys something to do in their spare time.
Logan and Kendall hadn't worked together for long before it was time to go their separate ways. Logan and Kendall had said their goodbyes expecting to never work together again, let alone stay in touch. [2]
So when Logan landed a part on Big Time Rush he hadn't expected Kendall to get involved. Of course Kendall getting involved had been partly his doing.
There had originally been a different guy playing Kendall's character, but things hadn't worked out, Logan won't go into details. [3]
Big Time Rush made Logan think back to Kendall. He knew Kendall could sing, play guitar, and act, so when the time came he had no problem giving him a recommendation. Logan was actually really excited to be adding another easy to work with person to the show.
Seeing Kendall again was great. They clicked and Kendall became part of the group relatively quickly.
That's when the real problems started.
It became obvious to the director almost instantly that Kendall and Logan shared an unbelievable chemistry, so putting them in so many scenes together seemed like a great idea. And it was for awhile.
Kendall and Logan worked almost flawlessly together and had no problem portraying characters who had been best friends for years. Their body language seemed unscripted and the looks shared between the two were comfortable.
But it only took so long before things started to go badly.
It started with Logan getting stiff around Kendall. Their body language started to look awkward and Logan started avoiding Kendall's eyes.
The director kept trying to fix things, but it was no use.
Then Kendall started getting irritated at Logan, which led to the two boys fighting.
Things became tense and scenes started taking twice as long to film, and soon the writers stopped putting them in scenes together.
On the outside their show and their music career was going great, but on the inside things were starting to fall apart.
Logan would never admit it out loud, but he knows it's his fault, although he'd just assume blame Kendall…
"All you have to do is touch my shoulder, Logan! It's not that hard!" Kendall screams turning toward Logan after the director calls for a five minute break.
"Calm down." Logan says rolling his eyes as he starts walking off the set.
"And here they go again." James mumbles to Carlos as they walk off the set together.
"We've been shooting this scene for three hours! It's thirty seconds long! Seriously, I'll calm down when I'm allowed to go home," Kendall hisses at Logan, trying not to cause a scene. "Which may or may not be some time tonight, depending on how long it takes you to master moving your hand six inches!"
"Oh, stop being such a drama queen. We haven't been here that long." Logan says flippantly as he continues to walk away.
Kendall grabs Logan's shoulder and makes him stop walking and face him. "It's been sixteen hours, we haven't gotten shit done, and you're pissing me off because you're acting like it has nothing to do with you, when it's completely your fault." Everything Kendall says is hissed lowly so that only Logan could hear, but it's obvious to anyone looking that Kendall is fuming in a way that is very uncharacteristic of him.
At that Logan looks ready to kill. "First, get your fucking hand off me. Second, last time I checked you were in this scene too, so maybe you should worry about yourself for once and leave me alone." Logan just wants to get out from under Kendall's gaze. He hates the way Kendall is towering over him, and he hates the powerful grip Kendall has on his arm.
"Maybe you should stop being an egotistical asshole who only cares about himself!" Kendall shouts just loud enough to get the attention of the director.
"Okay guys, that's enough!" The director calls walking over to the two boys and pulling them apart. "It's been a long day for everyone, how about we all come back here tomorrow morning with fresh attitudes. Seven A.M. guys!" He calls around to everyone.
"Thank God." James mumbles as he practically runs toward his dressing room.
"See you guys later!" Carlos shouts as he spares a sympathetic look towards Kendall and Logan before hurrying to catch up with James, probably to calm him down.
"Get your acts together." The director says authoritatively with a hand on each mans shoulders. Once he gets a nod from each he heads off to talk to the camera crew.
Logan sighs before he heads to his dressing room with Kendall following a foot or so behind on his way to his own dressing room.
When he gets to his dressing room, he locks the door and quickly changes out of his Logan Mitchell attire of a sweater vest and skinny jeans, and into his own attire of jeans and a t-shirt. Once he is changed he grabs his things and unlocks his door, only to come face-to-face with Kendall.
"Can we talk?" He asks running his hand through his hair.
"I don't have anything to say. I'll see you tomorrow." Logan says attempting to get past Kendall, who immediately moves to block him.
"Look, I'm sorry for what I said," Kendall apologizes. "I shouldn't have snapped at you. It was uncalled for." And what kills Logan the most is that Kendall means it. He says it with sincerity, and it makes Logan's heart tighten because he knows damn well that he deserved to be more than just snapped at.
"It's cool." Logan says with a shrug as though he doesn't care about the situation.
Kendall stares into Logan's eyes as if he's begging for him to just talk to him. The whole thing makes Logan's stomach flop. He hates this. He hates the way Kendall makes him feel guilty. He hates the way Kendall makes him feel period.
"Can I go now?" Logan asks in an annoyed tone, trying to hurt Kendall's feelings enough to let him pass. It works for a minute, as Kendall allows Logan to step past him.
"What is your problem with me?" Kendall yells at Logan's retreating back, making the smaller man turn around. "Seriously, what did I do? We used to get along fine, hell we used to be friends, and now you avoid me like the plague! I just want to know what I did to piss you off so much, because I'm used to you being a douche bag to people, believe me I've come to expect it, but you were never a douche bag to me. So just tell me what I did."
"You didn't do anything; you're just overreacting." Logan says praying that he can get out of the building before Kendall says anything else.
"God, that's such bullshit Logan!" Kendall yells in frustration.
"Look, let's just both go home, okay? Things will be better tomorrow." Logan says before turning back around and walking toward the exit.
He doesn't make it very far before Kendall grabs his arm for what feels like the hundredth time that day, and spins him around before pushing him against the wall.
"No. Not tomorrow. I want to know what's wrong, now. Today. I don't want to leave tonight, only to come back here tomorrow and have this same fight with you," Kendall says as he looks into Logan's eyes. "Just tell me what's been up with you lately and I'll help you."
Logan doesn't want his help. He doesn't need it. He's a big boy and he can take care of his own problems.
"Let go of me." Logan says glaring up at Kendall.
"Tell me what's wrong." Kendall begs. His green eyes look like they are trying to bury themselves into Logan's soul, and he hates it.
"Just let me go home." Logan orders, while avoiding eye contact. He doesn't like looking into Kendall's eyes. He doesn't like how caring they are. He doesn't like the way Kendall's gaze makes him feel.
"Not until you talk to me," Kendall says sternly. "Tell me what I did. I'm your friend, I care about you-"
"That's what you do! Stop doing that!" Logan screams interrupting Kendall.
"Stop doing what?" Kendall asks in confusion.
"Stop caring about me! Stop telling me how much you care about me! I don't want to hear it!" Logan yells as he tries to break Kendall's grip on him.
Kendall barley manages to keep Logan from breaking his grip, as he uses the leverage he has to push his arms against the wall.
"You're my friend! I do care-"
"I said stop saying that!" Logan screams at Kendall.
Logan doesn't want Kendall to care. He hates the feeling he gets in his stomach every time Kendall does something nice for him. He hates how Kendall says such nice things to him, that people he's been friends with for years wouldn't say. He hates the feelings he gets when he looks in Kendall's eyes and sees just how much he cares. It all makes Logan feel things that he's not used to feeling or comfortable with feeling.
"Why does it bother you so much?" Kendall pleads with Logan to just give him a straight answer.
"Because I hate the way it makes me feel! I hate the way you make me feel!" Logan screams, as he feels tears start to gather at his eyes. He refuses to let even one fall.
"How do I make you feel?" Kendall asks.
"Like-Like- All weak and shit! Like you have control over me! So just stop it!" Logan says once again trying to push away from Kendall.
"Logan-" Kendall starts only to get interrupted by Logan.
"No! Don't 'Logan' me! Don't tell me you're sorry! Don't tell me you didn't mean to! Don't tell me you care about me! Just stop caring about me!" Logan screams, and it's a surprise that no one comes running.
"No! You know what? No! I'm not going to stop caring about you, and I'm not going to apologize to you for it! You know what your problem is? That you care about me too, and it scares you! You're scared because for once you actually found someone who makes you give a damn-"
"I don't give a shit about you-"
"And you're terrified because you can't just walk away from me!"
Logan is shaking. He wants to run. He wants to get leverage over Kendall and hit him. He wants to hit him so hard that he forgets they ever had this conversation. He wants to hit him so hard that he forgets about the pain in his chest that makes him want to cry out.
"You're wrong." Logan says, venom coating each word.
Kendall shakes his head.
"I love you." Kendall says looking into Logan's eyes.
"No." Logan pleads as more tears well up in his eyes.
"Yes," Kendall says as he lays his forehead against Logan's. "Now tell me that you feel the same way about me."
"I don't." Logan denies.
"Yes you do. And I know it scares you. I know it scares you to give another person control in your life. I know it scares you that I could break your heart. I know it scares you to be vulnerable and admit how you feel, knowing how quickly it could all go wrong. And I know you're scared because you have to put your trust in someone else. But Logan, I love you, and I'm willing to do all of that for you, so do it for me." Kendall begs as he pulls his face back to look at Logan more clearly.
A single tear slides down Logan's cheek.
"I'm so fucking scared," he chokes out, before Kendall lets go of him and pulls him into a hug instead.
"I know." Kendall says as he rubs circles around Logan's lower back.
"I feel so weak. I feel like some stupid girl. I don't want to feel like this. I don't want to be the weak one in a relationship." Logan knows he's not making a lot of sense. He has a hard time putting his feelings into words; he's not a talker, at least not when it comes to his feelings.
"You can't be in love if you aren't willing to be the weak one. That's what love is. Letting your guard down, and trusting the other person to do the same." Kendall says as he caresses Logan's cheek.
"Is your guard down?" Logan asks as he looks Kendall in the eye.
"My guard's been down since the day I met you." Kendall replies honestly.
And even though Logan is scared as hell, and feels weaker and more vulnerable than he ever has in his entire life, he leans up and kisses Kendall with more passion than he's ever kissed anybody with, and he trusts Kendall to kiss him back in the exact same way.
[1] - This is the impression I get from him. Maybe it's just me.
[2] - I heard they worked on something together, but idk how true that is. All I know for sure is that they did know each other before BTR.
[3] - There was another guy, but idk why he ended up not playing the part.
AN Part 2: Okay, let me know what you guys think! And, once again, this is not to be taken seriously! Also, I'm pretty sure stories taking place in real life aren't allowed on the site, if anyone has an issue with me breaking the rules let me know and I'll take it down.