Chapter 1: Of That River in Egypt and Makeovers
"Just admit it, Kim! You love me!" cried Jack dramatically.
She turned around, an I-don't-think-so smirk on her face. "First, no. Second, no. Third, no!" And promptly walked away.
"Kim, wait!" He started to run after her. "Don't deny it!"
"No, Jack!"
"Someone's feeling flirty today," commented Milton, complete with imaginary-hair-flicking and nail-checking. Actually, he really was checking his nails.
"Why are you checking your nails?" asked Eddie, looking kind of creeped out.
"Oh, I want to make sure my forty-dollar-manicure doesn't get chipped," explained Milton.
Eddie paused, before turning to Jack. "So, I hear you're feeling flirty today?"
Jack shook his head in amusement, before replying, "Nah, I'm just trying to get Kim to admit that she likes me."
"For the last time, Jack, I do not like you!" exclaimed Kim, setting her lunch down next to his.
"You know, that river in Egypt is very easy to fall into," said Jerry.
"That river is called the Nile. And I am not in denial!" Kim protested hotly.
"Whatever. But hey, you're sitting next to him!" Jerry pointed out excitedly.
Kim raised an eyebrow. "I had a choice of seats: Milton and his creepy manicure, you and your weird personality, Eddie and his life problems, or Jack, who's probably the most normal person out of all of you. I think I made the right decision."
"Hey! That manicure was form the time our dojo almost got knocked down! It's a precious memory!" protested Milton.
Jerry looked insulted. "I do not have a weird personality! Ooh, stickers!"
Eddie looked affronted. "I don't have life problems! They're just problems, that's all! Not life problems, just problems!"
Jack looked confused. "Wait, so I'm the most normal, but that still doesn't make me normal?"
Kim looked at him pityingly. "Jack, your signature move is the 'call me' gesture. You are not normal."
"Aw, c'mon, girl's love it! Here, watch this." Jack did the "call me" gesture to a passing freshman. The girl giggled and blushed, whispering excitedly to her friends.
Kim rolled her eyes. "Okay, for some reason girls here seem to like it, but it's still not normal!"
"You're not exactly normal, either." Eddie pointed out.
Kim scoffed. "You're kidding, right? I'm more normal than all of you combined!"
"Nuh-uh. You have a creepy obsession with not being a 'Southern Belle,'" said Jerry, being unusually perceptive. I mean, the kid walked into a pole. Like, WTF?
"It's not creepy! Any normal person would not like to prejudiced against!"
"What kind of normal person knows the word 'prejudice?'" asked Eddie, looking proud of himself for knowing how to pronounce the word.
"Yeah, and how about that obsession with shopping?" added Jack.
"First of all, the word 'prejudice' was on last month's homework. Second, all girls love to shop!" exclaimed Kim. She shook her head. "You just aren't used to being around girls."
"Ahem, Kim? I feel insulted right now," said Jack.
"Me, too," added Jerry.
Kim put her hands on her hips. "Okay, not Jack. But Jerry? Girls remember you because you trip over your own feet talking to them. And Milton and Eddie are pretty much lost causes."
"We are not!"
She sighed, picking up her lunch. "I'm going to go sit with my other friends. You guys are driving me crazy."
"Only if it's in a good way!" Jack called out behind her.
Oh, for the love of God.
"Hey, Kim," greeted Kelsi. (1)
"Hi, Kim!" greeted Amanda.
"Kim, we've missed you!" exclaimed Rachel.
"Kim, where have you been? I had to sit with these weirdos all alone!" pouted Cora.
"You had me," Thomas pointed out.
Cora made a face. "I don't like you.
"Honey, you love me!"
"No! You stole my ice cream!"
"... want me to kiss it better?"
"Nooooo!"
"Guys, you're being stupid," commented Andrew.
"No, you're being stupid! Dude, how could you turn Erica Thompson down? Stuuuupid," said Drew.
"I think you're both stupid." Kim laughed; typical Wini comment.
"Drew Shawn!" Fawn whacked him over the head with her bag. "Keep your eyes on the prize- that's me, BTW."
Kim laughed once more, and sat down. This was her bunch of misfits- up until now, she'd been so busy with the Wasabi Warriors (and their stupid- but funny- antics) that she hadn't been able to see them until now. Actually, maybe...
"Guys, how would you like to meet my new friends, the Wasabi Warriors?" she asked. There was a general murmur of assent, and so, the nine of them went over to sit with Jack, Jerry, Milton, and Eddie.
"... No, you listen to me, Tara! You dump him this instant! He's nothing but a lying, cheating, monkey!" Milton exclaimed into his phone.
"Guys, which one do you think is better? Royal Pine or Black Ice?" asked Eddie, gesturing between two different air fresheners.
"Jack, c'mon, let's leave these two losers alone," scoffed Jerry, tripping over his feet. He bounced up a minute later, and upon seeing the ten people headed his way (plus a couple of cute girls), said, "Actually, you know what? Let's stay!"
"Hello, Kelsi," he said suavely- and then tripped over his feet. Again.
"Hi, Jerry," she said dismissively, then turned to Jack. "Hi, Jack." She batted her eyelashes. Kim twitched.
Meanwhile, Eddie was talking to Amanda about the pros and cons of Royal Pine air freshener, the blond-haired girl nodding every once in a while, her face taking on a glazed expression. And Milton? Well...
"Oh. My. God!" exclaimed Rachel. "You need a makeover, right away!"
"Um, okay..." Milton trailed off. "What's wrong with the clothes I'm wearing right now?"
"What's wrong with the clothes you're wearing right now? Don't even get me started! You and me are going shopping this afternoon," declared a horrified Rachel. Kim laughed quietly to herself. Milton and Rachel shopping? Now there's a sight to behold.
"Sorry, Rachel, but I have karate this afternoon," explained Milton.
"I don't care if we have to wait until midnight, you are a walking fashion disaster, and I will not stand for it!"
Well. This was going to be fun.
"Guys, I heard what Jack and Kim did in Bobby Wasabi's mansion," said Rudy seriously.
"Um. We broke in?" said Jack hesitantly.
"Well, yeah, but not that. I heard that you and Kim did that two-person fighting thing. And I was thinking-"
"Always a dangerous occurrence," muttered Milton quietly.
"And I was thinking," said Rudy pointedly, "that we should try it in class!" His face was lit up, like he had thought of the greatest idea in the world. The rest of his class... not so much.
"Uh, Rudy, we really didn't know what we were doing," said Jack.
Kim hurried to second that. "Yeah, he just grabbed me and started swinging me around. I just kicked people."
Jack shrugged. "Sorry, Kimmy. You were in the way, so I grabbed you."
"I was in the way? I could have taken care of those ninjas all by myself! And don't call me Kimmy!"
"Whatever, Princess."
"Guys, not now! There are people watching," Jerry stage-whispered, jerking his head none-too-subtly towards Kelsi.
"Hey, why don't you tell them to come in?" suggested Eddie.
"I'm okay with it if you are." Rudy shrugged.
"Guys, come in!" said Jack, opening the doors.
"Whoa, Kim, I never knew you took karate!" exclaimed Wini.
"Kim scares me," Drew stage-whispered to Thomas, who nodded vigorously.
"Good!" laughed Kim.
"Okay guys, let's try tow-person fighting! Jack and Kim, since you're already doing so well, you can demonstrate," said Rudy.
"But we don't know how to!" protested both teens.
"Sure you do! Here, Eddie, Milton, Jerry, Marge, and I will come at you. Ready?"
"No," muttered both.
"GO!" And all of a sudden there were five people coming at them. Jack and Kim didn't think, they just acted. Jack grabbed Kim and started to swing her back and forth, like a pendulum. She braced her self against him, arms wrapped around his neck tightly. He wrapped an arm around her waist, and she started to attack. Kick, swing, kick, duck, kick, swing, flip, kick!
It was over in a few minutes, with Jerry, Milton, Eddie, and Marge lying down on the ground. Rudy, of course, landed on his feet and looked unharmed.
"Great job, you guys!" he said.
"But we still don't know what we're doing!" exclaimed the two teens.
"Oh. Yeah, I knew that. It's just, well, Bobby told me how cute you looked together, and I wanted to see for myself. You really are cute! I just want to pinch your cheeks!"
"Please, don't, Rudy," said Jack, backing up slowly and looking creeped out. Kim had the same expression on her face.
"Anyway, Eddie, you go with Marge, Milton, you go with Jerry. What you have to practice today is getting used to relying on another person. You have to be able to sync to the other person's movements," explained Rudy.
Cora had a thoughtful look on her face. "Kinda like synchronized skating?"
"Yes! Like synchronized skating. How did you...?"
"Oh, I figure skate," she explained. "Hey, could I join this class? Daddy says I need to take self defense or something."
"Yes!" Rudy yelled. "In your face, Dojo #431!"
As one, Jack, Kim, Jerry, Milton, and Eddie turned and said, "He's a little weird."
"Well, I guess I better join, too," sighed Thomas. "Gotta make sure Pinky here doesn't break a nail."
"HEY!"
Fawn sighed. "My dad told me the same thing. I'll join."
"Her dad told me to protect Little Miss Priss here, and he scares me, so here I am," said Drew.
"Okay then! Pair up, and try to get in sync. I will be saving a toilet's life. Good day." And with that, Rudy walked out.
"Great job, you guys!" exclaimed Rudy that afternoon.
"Why is he wearing scrubs?" Rachel whispered to Amanda. The quiet girl just shrugged.
Eddie, overhearing them, explained, "He was just unclogging his toilet. Rudy's a little (read: extremely) weird."
"Just let us get changed; we'll meet you outside," said Jack, heading for the locker room.
"Hey, Jack? You forget your- oh..." Kim trailed off.
Jack turned around- with his shirt off. "Yeah? Um, Kim?" He waved a hand in front of her face.
She blinked. "Oh, yeah. You forget your sweater. Here," she handed it to him. Kimberly Anne Crawford! she scolded herself. Girl, you have to stop staring at his body! Oh, but he does have washboard abs.. sigh.
"Hey, did you notice all that sexual tension between Wini and Andrew?" he asked.
Kim giggled. "They've always been like that. She likes him, but they're best friends and she's scared. He's always toting around some girl or another, and he's never noticed what was in front of him the whole entire time."
"... wow. That was deep," Jack joked.
Kim shoved him playfully. "But seriously, we have to set them up. Oh, and Jerry and Kelsi, too. She likes him, but she's not going to show it. She doesn't realize that one day he might not be there. Besides, Jerry needs all the help he can get."
"True dat."
"... please never do that again."
"Fine, fine, everybody's a critic."
"Hey!" Cora whispered harshly.
"What?" Rachel and Amanda responded. Cora just pointed towards Jack and Kim. He had one arm wrapped around her shoulder, and she was leaning comfortably against his chest.
As one, the girls cooed, "Awww!"
Kim and Jack came close enough to hear their last wistful sigh.
"What's with you guys?" asked an amused Kim.
"You guys are adorable!" squealed Cora.
"Yeah, you're so sweet to each other!" gushed Rachel.
"Oh, we're not together." Jack and Kim spoke in unified embarrassment.
And since the rest of them had no shame, they all said, "Yet."
Jerks.
"This is scary."
"How does she do that?"
"Is she high or something?"
"I don't know. But that girl really is some thing."
They were at the mall, watching Rachel help Milton with his makeover. It was amusing, but as Thomas, Jack, and Drew had stated, it was also quite terrifying. Even an erstwhile Andrew had admitted Rachel's strange scariness while shopping.
"So, how's this for an outfit? The blue offsets your eyes," explained Rachel.
"And it's good for mixing and matching!" exclaimed Milton.
"Forget about her, why's he doing it too?" Cora whispered harshly.
"Milton's a little... well, Milton's just Milton," explained Jack.
"You're so nice to your friends, Jack!" exclaimed Kelsi, latching on to his arm.
Kim rolled her eyes. "Kelsi, stop messing with his head."
"Huh?" Jack looked confused.
"Kelsi likes to play hard-to-get and easy-to-get, just to see the way the guy reacts. If she doesn't like his reaction, she'll stop flirting with him," explained Kim.
"Ohh. So, she liked Jerry's reaction?" asked Jack.
"If she didn't, she wouldn't be talking to him right now," replied Kim.
Just then, Rachel and Milton emerged from the store carrying many, many bags. Rachel, of course, had loaded all of hers into Milton's hands, and he was currently struggling with 10-15 bags. Jack pitied him,, and relived him of seven or eight bags.
Patting him on the back, he said, "C'mon, Milton! You should be used to this! How many times has Kim made us carry her stuff?"
"Hey!" Kim protested. "I carry my own stuff! You guys volunteered! Something about 'manliness.'"
"Guys will do anything to prove their manliness," explained Andrew.
"It's kind of pathetic," Wini retorted.
"So, if I asked Jack to wear hot pink to prove his manliness, he would do it?" asked Kim, looked absolutely taken with the idea.
Amanda snickered. "Probably."
Kim turned to Jack. "Hey, will you-"
"NO!"
Setting: AU-ish. A world where the Kickin' It gang are sons and daughters of the elite. But wait- they're teenage spies, too?
Characters:
Leo Howard as Jack Anderson- a skateboarder/hotshot karate student. He thinks Kim has a crush on him, and he's willing to chase after her for it. Son of Marie Anderson, famous model. His grandfather trained the Bobby Wasabi. 15 years old.
Olivia Holt as Kim Crawford- A blond with a Southern twang- but don't tell her that, she might just kick you into next week. She's the head cheerleader at Seaford Prep, and a reporter for the school TV station. 15 years old. The daughter of Daniel and Ashley Crawford, two famous actors and models; respectively.
Dylan Riley Snyder as Milton David Krupnick- A dorky guy with a type of nerdy confidence that makes people laugh. 14 years old, and skinny as a stick. Son of Yvonne and Riley Krupnick, two renowned researchers.
Mateo Aria as Jerry Martinez- An interesting person, if anything. Not the sharpest knife in the drawer. He's just a... veryveryvery confused, and slightly off-beat 14-year-old. Harmless, really. The son of the CEO of StarBrite Studios, one of the biggest movie studios in Hollywood.
Alex Christian Jones as Eddie McCornick- A cello-playing, air-freshener wearing "playah." 15 years old, the son of Steven and Sabrina McCornick, director and producer; respectively.
Jason Earles as Sensei Rudy- An eccentric, cat-bearing sensei to the Wasabi Warriors.
Sarah Bolger as Cora Reynolds- Kim's best friend. She has bright pink hair and an on-off boyfriend. 14 years old, the daughter of Cassie and Richard Reynolds, a gossip columnist/music producer pair.
Cody Simpson as Thomas Condor- A dramatic, always flirting playboy. His favorite target is Cora, because she's so much fun! 15 years old. Son of the hottest topic in Hollywood: Layne and Adam Condor, whose marital relationship is always changing.
June Temple as Amanda Byrant- A quiet, kind of shy girl. She skipped a grade, so she just turned 14. Daughter of Cynthia Bryant, a well-respected actress.
Madeline Carroll as Rachel Young- Always fashionably chic and trendy. She hates it when people dress bad. Daughter of Roquelle and Ron Young, both designers.
Abigail Breslin as Kelsi Mahoney- A major flirt. Jerry's been trying to get her to be his girlfriend for ages. Daughter of a model and a director.
Taylor Momsen as Wini Harris- A girl with a rocker look. 16 years old. Andrew's best friend. Daughter of two TV personalities.
Avan Jogia as Andrew Flarhety- He's got the Tall, Dark, and Handsome thing going for him- no wonder all the girls flock to him. 17 years old. Son of Amberly and Erik Flahrety, who own a little something called Gucci. (A/N: FanFICTION, 'kay?)
AnnaSophia Robb as Fawn Ryan- An overly dramatic, energetic girl. 16 years old and such a flirt. Daughter of two TV personalities.
Logan Lerman as Drew Shawn- 17 years old. Son of two models. An equally dramatic and energetic guy who's as much of a flirt as Fawn. Now if only they'd consider each other seriously for a while...
Connor Paolo as Scott Williams- A charming junior who is, apparently, Jack's rival. 16 years old. Son of Cheri and Michael Williams, two actors.
Chloe Moretz as Elle Johnson- The new girl who seems to be after Jack's heart. 14 years old. Daughter of Michelle and Gary Johnson, a singer-songwriter pair.
A/N: BTW, if you don't know what the actors portraying the characters are, just look them up on Google. The actors' names are listed before the characters. IMPORTANT! I started a community for Kickin' It, it's called Kickin' It (I know, creative). You'll find it under "Misc. Tv Shows" in "Communities". (1) I know who Kelsey Vargas is on the show; this is a different one- one that Jerry's been trying to flirt with for ages, but also one that's nicer.