After the whole "arm stuck in a vice" thing, Steve invites Bucky to stay with him. At first, he outright refuses. But Steve does some convincing, bringing up the past and even doing a little bit of guilting, and finally he agrees-albeit reluctantly. Moving in is easy. Everything he owns (most of which is stolen) fits in a grubby backpack (also stolen) which Steve hangs on the doorknob of the broom closet.
XXX
The first night, neither of them sleep. They're up all night, talking, laughing, crying. Sometimes they just sit in silence. Bucky thinks it's remarkable, how they were apart for so long, and yet, after decades, they both slip back into the friendship with ease. For a moment, it feels like things could go back to how they were before. Before he shot Steve, before HYDRA, hell, before the war. But only for a moment. Because then he reaches forward to touch Steve's shoulder, to assure himself that this is real, and his hand is silver and his fingers feel nothing and he knows things will never be the same.
XXX
The second night, Bucky elects to sleep on the living room floor. Steve tells him he can sleep on the couch, but Bucky hasn't slept on something soft in seventy years. Even being in a dry, well-lit place with a thermostat is luxurious compared to where he's been sleeping lately. Steve reluctantly obliges, heading off to his own bed. Bucky lays on the floor, hands crossed over his chest, watching the lights from the streets below cast shapes on the ceiling through the blinds until he drifts off to sleep. Almost immediately, he falls into a nightmare, one composed of his worst memories and darkest fears. He's awoken from it by the crash of something breaking, and is horrified to find that he's put his metal fist through the wall.
Steve stumbles in with sleepy eyes and hair sticking up every which way, wearing naught but his boxers. He looks at Bucky, then the wall, then back at Bucky, and smiles a little lopsided grin, quirking up one eyebrow. "You owe me my security deposit," he says.
XXX
On the third night, Bucky takes off the arm before he goes to sleep.
XXX
On the seventh night, Steve comes home late. His hair's a mess, his face is dirty, there's blood on his lower lip. His jaw his tight, and his mouth is pulled into a thin, straight line as he storms in, slamming the door behind him. Bucky looks up from the couch he finally agreed to try.
"You okay?" he asks gently.
Steve looks over at him and tries to smile, but there are worry lines at the corners of his eyes and the only emotion he conveys is tired. "Yeah, Buck. 'm fine."
Bucky sits up. "You never could lie to me, Rogers," he says, scooting over so there's room for Steve. "Come sit."
Steve hesitates. "I don't think…" He stops, searching for the right words.
"It's the Accords, isn't it?" Buck asks before Steve can speak. "And me."
Steve looks down at his shoes and nods slightly, the movement so small that Bucky isn't even sure it happened. "Come sit," he says again.
Steve walks over and sits stiffly. "I don't want to-"
"Talk about it?" Bucky guesses. Steve nods again. Bucky shrugs. "You don't have to. Get out that notebook of yours. Let's cross something off the list."
Steve obeys, and before long Reservoir Dogs is playing on the TV. They haven't even found out who the rat is before Steve begins to snore faintly. His head falls and rests on Bucky's shoulder.
By the end of the movie, Bucky's fallen asleep too, his head leaning lightly on Steve's.
It's the first time in a long time he sleeps through the night.
XXX
On the eighth night, Bucky is sitting panting in the dark, having just awoken from a nightmare, when Steve pads quietly in and takes a seat next to him, though he sits on the edge of the couch and stares straight ahead.
"I heard you wake up," he states matter-of-factly.
Bucky doesn't answer; he's still trying to catch his breath and calm his heart's frantic hammering.
"Last night…"
Bucky's breath catches, and he holds it as he waits for Steve to finish his thought.
Steve clears his throat and starts again. "Last night, when I...when we…" He stops again and Bucky braces himself for the inevitable blow that is about to come.
It was a mistake. It can't happen again.
"You didn't have the nightmare, did you?" Steve finally says, and Bucky looks up in surprise.
"Huh?"
"I've heard you, at night. Saying my name in your sleep. You know, Super Soldier hearing and all that." He tries to laugh at the weak attempt at a joke, but it comes out as more of a cough/hiccup, so he swallows and starts talking again. "Every night, actually. Every night except for last night." He's staring now at his bare feet, his toes curling and uncurling against the carpet. His ears are red, and Bucky realizes with a start the the First Avenger, the Star-Spangled Man, is being shy. If he weren't so damned nervous for what Steve is going to say next, Bucky would laugh.
"Anyway, I was just thinking, I mean, since you slept better-and you don't have to say yes-but if it would help with the nightmares, I was thinking maybe you could sleep with me. In my bed. Or-sleep in my bed...with me." His face is bright red now as he adds, "I just thought if you woke up, you could hear my heartbeat and know I'm okay, you know? 'Cus I'm...I'm with you til the end of the line." He looks up now, staring at Bucky, all big blue eyes and cautious hope, his eyebrows up and hiding underneath a fringe of blonde bangs.
Bucky is stunned, and he can't help but stare back, speechless. He finally settles for, "I...I don't know what to say."
The red on Steve's face grows deeper and he looks down again, his eyebrows coming together. "No, of course. It was stupid of me to ask. I'm sorry. I shouldn't have-I feel like such an idiot-"
"Steve," Bucky says.
"You're right! I shouldn't have even-"
"Steve!" Bucky cries. Steve looks up at him. Bucky feels his own face growing warm as he says, "Okay."
Steve frowns and blinks a couple of times. "Okay?"
Bucky nods. "Yeah. Okay. It's a good idea. And I didn't like sleeping on this old couch anyway. I don't actually fit, you know. I doubt you'd fit laying down-even before the Serum."
Steve lets out a short chuckle then smiles, a real smile that reaches his eyes and makes them shine the way they used to before everything went to hell. It's a welcome sight, and one that makes Bucky smile, too.
A few minutes later, they're in Steve's room, looking at the double bed and wondering how they're going to fit.
"We're going to have to spoon," Steve says.
"I want to face the door," Bucky says immediately. "It would make me feel safer."
Steve nods and climbs into his bed, turning onto his side and shimmying to the edge by the wall. He holds up the blankets for Bucky, who crawls in beside him. It's a little awkward at first, both of them unsure quite what to do or how to feel. Bucky shifts a little, til his back is fitting against Steve, and Steve puts an arm around his shoulders.
"This okay?" Steve mutters.
"It's good," Bucky answers. And it is. As he falls asleep, he's reminded again that things will never be the same. And that isn't necessarily a bad thing. In fact, it might even be a good one.
XXX