Where Dreams Have No End
December 23rd, 2002 Paris France
With an exhausted sigh she pushed the silver key into the door, hearing the lock click in her hands as it squeaked open. The warmth of the apartment penetrated her face as she made her way into the foyer, a welcome relief from the bitter cold of the streets below.
"Robin?" She half called out, kicking her shoes off, setting her purse down along the floor by the door. " I'm home Luv…"
She waited, not really expecting to hear her daughter's voice, since most of the lights in the flat were off. Anna half remembered something about a Christmas party running late for all the med students in her class. After peaking around a corner, she smirked, grateful for the time alone, to at least wrap the last remaining presents she had just bought before her daughter came home.
"Looks like it's just you and me tonight little one." She murmured, softly placing a hand to her ever expanding belly. A twinge of sadness came with the thought but she pushed it aside, setting the bag of items in her other hand down on the small counter of the equally small kitchen in the apartment both Robin and her were sharing. For a single person the space suited Robin, it was cozy and comfortable, books and CDs lining large shelves by the stone fireplace on the other side of the room.
Anna knew, sooner rather than later she would have to find a place of her own, if not for her and the baby's sake, then for Robin's sanity. While she knew her daughter would never turn her away it wasn't fair of her to use her home as a place of refuge. Still, it was nice waking up in the mornings together, catching each other for lunch at the café down the street, and spending these last few weeks with one another as Christmas rapidly was drawing nearer.
::After the New Year.:: She thought as if making up her mind, setting the teakettle down along the stove. ::You'll find a place of your own after the holidays.::
Pine Valley
He wrapped the scarf around him haphazardly, checking the hour as he walked through the snow to his car.
3:00 AM.
He shook his head. It had only been hours ago he had told himself he would leave earlier but tonight, with the weather being what it was, the clinic was busier than usual.
He zipped up his black leather jacket, shivering as it wasn't nearly thick enough to withstand the temperature outside. He got into his car, throwing the clipboard of his community service hours down on the seat next to him.
::60 hours down.:: He thought bitterly. ::Only 440 more to go.:: He shook his head. ::If only I had never met Maria Grey.::
He put the car in reverse, hearing the tires crunch with snow beneath them as he drove the familiar way back towards the mountain. He cursed himself, realizing now he forgot to pick up Maggie's gift today, promising himself he would get it tomorrow, hoping he still could, considering it was Christmas Eve.
David tried to ignore the pounding headache he had as he drove, turning the knob on the radio, bypassing every Christmas song he heard. In the end he turned it off completely, the silence in the car both stifling and soothing at the same time.
Paris, France
She smiled as she heard the music break through from the other side of the wall, her neighbor's apartment. A French Christmas song flowed through the living room and she walked towards the stereo, finding the same station, deciding to play it herself.
Anna set the remaining presents she had bought, now wrapped, down under the Christmas tree for Robin, admiring the pile that was already there in an assortment of colors. She smirked at a small yellow one for Little Devane, wondering now what Robin had gotten the baby for Christmas. With a sigh she looked up, noticing the gentle snowfall outside the patio doors of the small balcony.
With a hot cup of Earl Grey in her hands she watched it fall, getting lost in the swirl of sliver and white that now lined Paris in the glow of night. She had to admit, as far as locations were concerned, Robin had picked a beautiful neighborhood of Paris to live in. She watched as a couple walked past from across the street, both of them carrying multiple bags in each hand. She half wondered where they were going, if they had plans that night or where they had been. The sight while comforting, made her feel incredibly alone, a feeling she had been avoiding at all costs since arriving in Paris almost four months ago. It was amazing how so much could change in just a few short months.
Anna's first few days in Paris came to her in a blur of memory. She had left Pine Valley with a suitcase in one hand and signed divorce papers in the other.
She fought back tears the entire flight, trying to forget his face and the fact that she was leaving him, and ultimately any chance they had at being a family. Despite Leo's pleas for her stay and try to make things work with his brother, she knew she had herself and her child to think of. In truth, a part of her was tempted but she couldn't ignore what he had done. How he had kept a woman, a mother of two, away from her family for five long years. The reality of it all stung deeply, given her own past, and through it all he had lied about it, covered it up, and tried to pretend like it didn't happen.
He might have been able to pretend but she couldn't. Even if she was pregnant with his child.
So with a resignation letter on her desk for Jackson she left for the airport, but had not expected an ambush from David and his brother. They had made a good effort but she was determined to start a new life. To protect her child at all costs.
That was the last time she had ever seen him.
Pine Valley
He poured himself a generous helping of scotch, the mail in his other hand as he half collapsed on the leather couch with exhaustion. Still in his scrubs he flipped through the envelopes on his lap, sifting through bills and junk mail, coming across an orange envelop towards the end of the pile. What caught his attention was the size and the familiar handwriting. He opened it slowly.
David closed his eyes briefly, pulling out the tip of the blue lining, instantly realizing what it was.
Divorce papers.
They had been filed overseas he could tell by the date, yet there was no return address on the envelop. He half suspected she was in Paris with Robin but couldn't be sure.
She had finally done it though. Anna had the papers filed and now it was official. They were no longer husband and wife. He felt the sick feeling in his stomach grow, his head pounding harder at the added stress of what the documents meant.
He threw them down on the coffee table in frustration, downing the rest of the scotch in one swallow. He turned towards the window, the snow coming down hard, his reflection through the glass matching exactly what he felt.
Exhausted.
Yet for the life of him, no matter how hard he tried, he couldn't sleep at night, which explained the dark circles that were always under his eyes. He didn't have an appetite either, and it showed in the hollowness of his face and paleness of his skin. He knew he must have lost about twenty pounds. Still, he could tell not all of it was from Anna, or his legal problems, or even working long hours at the clinic. Only Leo knew of the real reason behind his five o' clock shadow and slowly fading form.
He half thought to call him, to tell his brother what he found in his mailbox but then remembered how late it was. David had tried to reach him earlier but got his voicemail several times, dreading what that meant. If he had told anyone his secret. He hoped not.
::They're going to find out sooner or later.:: He realized getting up from the couch to look at the snow, wondering if it was snowing in Paris.
He couldn't help that either. No matter how hard he tried he couldn't stop thinking about her. Where she was, if she was happy in her new life. How the baby was doing and if she was taking care of herself.
"She'd be showing by now." He said to the emptiness of the cabin, the emptiness that felt like a tomb every time he walked through the door. In truth, it was why he avoided being home, because without her it didn't feel the same. Yes, some of her clothes were still hanging in the closet, her shampoo still in the shower but it had lost her scent, her presence that he had grown so accustomed to.
He missed her. He missed the way his arms curved around her at night, her voice soothing, even now as he remembered it in his mind, especially her laugh. He knew he still loved her and he fought everything he had in him to call her, to go to Paris, to tell her everything. But it wouldn't be fair. Not to her or their baby.
He needed her now though, probably more than he ever needed anyone in his life. But this time he would do what he hadn't done in their marriage.
He would put her first. He would let her go.
Paris, France
She remembered the look on Robin's face as she opened the door that day, the feeling of her daughter's arms around her was all it took to pull the tears from her eyes. They streamed down her face for what felt like hours, as Robin held her while she cried.
Afterwards, it had been a slow process. Of starting over, of going through the morning sickness and reacquainting herself to Robin's life and how HIV managed it. It broke her heart to see first hand what the disease did to her. But she had found steadiness in her new life in Paris, both with being pregnant and with Robin.
But everyday, she still thought about David.
She didn't know if she could ever forgive him for what he had done but trying to stop loving him was an entirely different matter. As much as she hated herself for it, she worried about him, especially since there had been no phone calls, no letters, nothing from him. It surprised her, his lack of interest, even angered her, until she realized he was giving her exactly what she wanted. It bothered her that she wanted him to contact her.
Anna knew he had been cleared of jail time, knew he had community service at a local clinic, that information she had gotten from a few phone calls from both Aidan and Jackson, but she wondered how he occupied his time, alone, in the cabin. She at least had Robin and the baby to keep her busy. He had no one and that ate at her.
The baby was another constant reminder of David as well. Every little movement their child made inside of her, she thought of him, secretly wishing he was there.
She hated that she missed him this much, still four months later. That his face would appear in her mind when she least expected it. That sometimes she would see a man that looked like him walk down the street and would have to stop herself from following him. It terrified her to think that she might not ever get over him completely but the minute she would resolve to ignore the feelings, something else would remind her, and the guilt would start all over again.
It was this time of year that bothered her the most. She knew that he already was dealing with his father's death and now was spending Christmas alone.
As if on cue, a flutter of movement from their baby brought her out of her thoughts and she turned from the snow, her eyes hazy from starring at it for so long.
A knock on the door startles her and she stared at it quizzically, wondering who on earth would be here at this hour. She put her tea down on a nearby coffee table and moves to open it, curious to see if it was Robin, back from her party.
The person at the other end was the last person she expected to see.