The difference between want and need

Chapter 1: Want

Kirihara POV

You are going to scold me. "How selfish of you! How self absorbed you are Kirihara Akaya!" I don't care. I wanted him. I wanted to touch him, and I wanted him to touch me. I wanted to feel him, to taste him. I wanted him so badly, I risked everything. I risked our friendship and I risked damaging him. "How selfish of you!" You say that now. You have never wanted anyone the way I wanted him. To hold him, to kiss him. Don't make judgments until you have felt how I had.

He was my Senpai and my team mate. He always called my "kid" or "squirt" even though I am taller than he is. He used to pat me on the arm or ruffle my hair. I don't think he had any clue how much I longed for him. He used to touch me then, and I loved it.

You probably don't know who he is. Nobody ever guesses correctly because I never let it show. It is really hard not to show feelings like these. None the less, I did. I hid my want and hid it well. His name is Marui, Bunta. He is a short boy with wild reddish pink hair. His eyes are violet, like the flower. I wanted those eyes to see me for who I really was. Not just the lame Kouhai the rest of the team saw. This want… It was like a hunger… A hunger that I could not satisfy. It was like a thirst that I could not quench. I could do nothing about it without him.

I was a coward and I hid behind the rest of my Senpais, hoping that maybe, if I lost sight of him, these hunger pains would disappear. Unfortunately for me, it never works out the way I want it too. Instead of subsiding, the want grew more and more powerful. I felt like I would explode if I avoided him any longer. That was when I lost it. Don't get me wrong, that wasn't me ravaging him. To me, it seemed that there was this monster that had grown from the suppressed want inside of me. This monster sort of took over and attacked him.

The day in question was late in his third year. I did not want to see him go. I changed, in silence. I tried to stay as far away from him as possible. He often yammered on in the locker room about how much of a genius he was. If you want my opinion, he isn't the sharpest tool in the shed, but he does a superb moon volley. He also takes forever to change. Jackal-Senpai was already done and he told Marui-Senpai to quit yakking and put some clothes on. I should not have looked over. I should have just stayed where I was, but the want was overpowering. I turned my head to see him with his hands on his hips. He wore nothing but his tennis shorts. Our oh-so-short tennis shorts.

"Akaya… Are you feeling alright? You look a little flushed."

I jumped and spun around. Yukimura-Buchou stood there, blinking at me. He was obviously concerned. Our silly captain was always looking out for other people and never himself. Good thing he had Sanada-Fukubuchou to do that.

"Oh yeah. I'm cool. Thanks Buchou."

Then he smiled.

"Well if you are sure. I'll see you tomorrow."

Yukimura-Buchou left the club room with Sanada-Fukubuchou in toe. I swear Sanada-Fukubushou is like his guard dog or something. I could hear Niou-Senpai cracking a nasty sex joke and Yagyuu-Senpai saying something about is maturity level. I never understood those guys. They left just as Niou-Senpai blew a raspberry in Yagyuu-Senpai's face.

"Well I'm not waiting for you any longer Marui. I'm going home!"

Marui-Senpai, taking a page from Niou-Senpai's book, blew a raspberry at Jackal-Senpai's retreating back. I focused on the buttons of my shirt. It was just us now. Me and the one I wanted most in the world.

"Hey kiddo! Haven't talked to you for a couple of days!"

'Oh no, Marui-Senpai… Don't talk to me… I'm about to lose my cool…'

I thought as I did the knot in my tie. I did not answer him.

"Hey squirt! I'm talking to you!"

I ignored him as I pulled on my sweater vest.

"HELLOOO! IS THERE ANYONE AT HOME!?"

Marui-Senpai stuck his face right in front of mine. He should not have done that. If he had restrained himself, I would have been able to do the same. The tip of his pointy nose touched mine. Those iris colored eyes blinked, clueless, at me. It did not help that his shirt was unbuttoned and his tie was just hanging down his bare chest. Can you say sexy? I couldn't take it anymore. I took his face in both of my hands.

"Ki-Kirihara!"

And then I kissed him, roughly. My lips smashed against his. I shoved his smaller body against the row of lockers, knowing he was no match for me. I could smell the pungent scent of cotton candy in his hair. Slowly, I forced my way in. I still remember the taste of him… Green apple; sweet and yet sour at the same time. He struggled furiously, but I was, and still am, much stronger. I pinned both of his hand over his head with one of mine. I'll give him credit for fighting. He never gave in. One of my hands strayed over him, feeling the bare skin of his back, neck, chest, and stomach. His skin was incredibly soft for a boy his age. It was bliss. At last I had what I had wanted for a very long time. This is when you tell me how selfish I am. Go ahead! I don't care! I don't care because he bit me… It would have been a turn on if he hadn't bitten down quite so hard. I lurched back, tasting blood.

"Stop it, Akaya!"

He had never called me by my first name before and it was a little unnerving. The look in his eyes… Was it fear? I couldn't say for sure. All I knew was that he was panting and sweating. Had I kept him from breathing? He rushed to straighten himself out and scoop up his bag. He practically ran to the door. I had gotten what I had, originally wanted. I had thought I would be satisfied. Needless to say, I still wanted him, but the want had changed. It was no longer an overpowering hunger, but a lingering ache. It was the kind of ache I had experienced after an intense workout. The door snapped shut. That was when I realized what I realized what I had done. I sprinted after him. It was muffled, but I swear I could hear him on the other side of the door. The aching grew stronger when I heard a soft, quivering, sob. Knowing that it was I who caused those unhappy tears made me want to comfort him, but I knew he would never let me touch him.

"Marui-Senpai…"

I leaned my forearm against the door frame and rested my head against it. I closed my eyes. I had gotten what I wanted, but at a price. I had hurt him and I just wanted him to know that…

"I'm sorry…"