Gods Together

Hello Friend. You may recall, I've been shot.

I'm in hospital right now. The bullet wound in my stomach hurts like hell. The nurse sweeps up broken glass, and my wrists are strapped to the bed railing.

"I didn't do it." I tell her.

She looks up, smiles, and then carries on sweeping. She doesn't believe me. When she's done, she stops by the door, "Can I get you anything?"

My stomach hurts, right where the bullet went in. "More morphine?"

"I'm afraid we can't give you anymore. For your own safety."

She thinks I'm hallucinating. She thinks I broke the vase.

"I didn't do it." I say again, "Check the security cameras."

"There was a brownout. We didn't capture anything." she frowns, "Terrible, isn't it? All these problems."

She's trying to talk about one of those unimportant things that people liked to bring up a lot - something normal. But I keep insisting. I don't know. Maybe I'm desperate.

"It was Tyrell Wellick."

"Tyrell Wellick has been missing for months. If he came back, he'd be on the news, all over the place." She smiles again, "I'll get you some water."

She leaves. I slam my head against the wall.

By the window, Mr Robot glares. His silence makes me feel better.

When I first wake up in hospital, there's hole in my stomach and I'm so high I can't move.

Mr Robot sits by my bed. "You stupid son of a bitch."

"Where's Tyrell?"

I'm sick of asking but I have to know.

"On the run, probably." He says, "I told you to listen to him. You can trust him."

"He shot me."

"You hurt his feelings."

There are flowers by my bed in a blue glass vase.

"You said you were the only one that exists." Tyrell mutters. He doesn't look at me.

Mr Robot paces the room.

"What did I do wrong? Please just talk to me."

What did he do wrong? Wait. He thinks I'm angry with him - and I am, yeah - but he thinks that I betrayed him, but I don't even know what we were doing that whole time. And wasn't he the one that shot me? Why the fuck is he asking these questions?

Mr Robot stops pacing and bends in close to my face. "Let me speak to him."

"No." I say.

"I know you're upset." Tyrell says. "I didn't want to hurt you."

"I will make your life a living hell!"

My head hurts. Keeping him back is like pressing my face against a brick wall. "You already have." I glance at him. "Why do you care?"

Tyrell sighs. "Don't ask me that."

Mr Robot glares at me. I think if he could, he would kill me.

"Elliot. I don't know what happened back there, but I had to stop you." He licks his lips, "I will listen. If that proves to you how sorry I am, I will listen. I'm still loyal to you. Just help me understand."

"He's going to leave if you don't let me speak to him." Mr Robot growls, "Is that what you want? Because once he leaves, he won't come back and you will never find out what happened."

I swallow. I look at Tyrell. He's moved from the door to my bed. His hands are shaking. Is he on drugs? He's the type, I can tell, but I don't think that's what this is.

Mr Robot crawls over the bed to reach him. He cups Tyrell's cheek, and Tyrell looks directly at him. Or is he just looking away from me? Or am I the one touching him?

What am I seeing right now?

Then Tyrell sucks in a sharp breath, twists round, and throws the vase across the room. I jump as it smashes against the wall, sending glass everywhere. He leaves before the nurse comes in.

"I want you gone."

"Try it." Mr Robot spits, "Oh wait. You already did. Face it, kiddo, I'm not leaving. If it was up to me, I'd be in full control here."

It's funny how not being able to move lets your brain concentrate on other things.

"You won't ever be in control again."

For once, it works.

I've been thinking about something Mr Robot said.

I'm not some tumour to be excised!

Why is it Mr Robot fights so hard to exist?

Do you know? I wish you would answer. I think you're the only friend I have left.

Angela doesn't visit. Darlene must have, because cards from her keep appearing next to my bed, but there's nothing from Angela.

The last visitor I expect is Tyrell Wellick. The first time he visits, its at night and the security cameras have been switched off.

I sit up when he comes in, and it makes my stomach hurt. I hiss.

"Careful." He says, "You'll open your stitches."

Mr Robot stands next to Tyrell. He's looking at him, like he's expecting Tyrell turn and talk to him.

Tyrell sighs, "I just wanted to see how you were. I'll come back during the day."

He leaves.

"You love him."

Mr Robot hums with disinterest. "So you've finally figured it out."

I shake my head. Can this really be happening? "Y-You don't even know him."

"No, Elliot. You don't know him." He says, "But I've spent months with him. We're the kings of this revolution."

I feel sick. "H-have you…ugh…"

"No!" he hisses, "No, god, Elliot! I wouldn't do that to you. Contrary to what you believe, I care about you."

"And why should I believe you?" I shout. "Why the fuck should I believe you! All you've ever done is lie to me and hurt me! I got shot because of you."

"You got shot because of you." He snaps, "Because you wouldn't listen to me."

"You're not fucking real."

He clenches his teeth. "Don't say that."

"You don't love him," I yell, "because you're not fucking real."

Mr Robot shouts and smashes things and paces up and down like an animal trapped in a cage. When the nurse comes in, he slits her throat with broken glass from Tyrell's vase. She keeps cleaning like there isn't blood running down her throat and staining her clothes.

"I didn't do it." I tell her.

Mr Robot breaks her neck. I pull on my restraints, but then force myself to relax. It's not real. It's not real.

"What sorry?" she says.

"The glass."

"Oh, you said before."

"You're cleaning it up again?"

"Excuse me? I already did. That was last week. Are you alright?"

Oh right. There is no glass. It's just that Mr Robot saved a piece for himself – I feel it in my hand now. This isn't a memory. This is real time.

"I'm going to fetch Doctor Markus." When she smiles, her teeth have been knocked out and her gums bleed.

I smile. "Right."

Sorry about that. I know you don't like it when I'm not straight with you. But I've been on and off morphine, my hallucination is in love with a murderer, that same murderer sneaks in visits that no one else knows about, and I have a three inch deep hole in my stomach. This is a difficult time for me.

I'm sure you're used to it by now.

I'll try to get everything in order from now on.

Mr Robot doesn't stop fighting. He's like a wild animal. When the doctor comes in, he attacks her. When the nurses come in, he attacks them. I can't understand what everyone else is saying with all his yelling – something about sleeping?

No. I don't sleep. If I sleep, he'll take over, and then he might kill someone for real.

He beats me when there's no one else around. He sticks his fist in my bullet wounds.

"This is your fault!" he screams, digging in, "You did this to yourself!"

I take it all.

Then Tyrell steps through the door and everything is silent.

Okay nobody panic. Let's break this down.

Tyrell and Mr Robot, who's technically me, have been spending a lot of time together. Mr Robot, who's technically me, says he's fallen in love with Tyrell, and Tyrell has strong feelings for him, that much is obvious, oh, but he thinks Mr Robot is me – though he technically is – but I don't know anything, and crap, crap, crap what am I supposed to do?

Wait. If Tyrell loves Mr Robot, he can't know that Mr Robot exists, right? Because, in his mind, he loves me.

I've gone completely off the wall.

"You were off the wall a while ago."

Okay. Okay. What do I do? Do I tell him? Tell him that the man he loves isn't real, just a personality inside my head?

I'm acting like Tyrell actually loves me. He can't. That's not possible. He just wants to exploit me and telling him about Mr Robot will reveal my ultimate weakness.

That I'm bat-shit crazy.

"Bonsior Elliot." He has flowers again. I stare at them. He shuffles. "To replace the other ones… I understand I got you in trouble for that. I'm sorry."

My wrists still hurt where the restraints were. They removed them about an hour ago. "What do you want?"

He looks at me with dark eyes. "I want to keep you."

Oh god.

"Elliot?"

What do I do?

"You're on your own, kiddo." Mr Robot mutters, "I'm keeping out, like you said."

Friend, if you could answer me for once, I'd really appreciate it.

"Do you love me?" I ask, finally.

He stares. And then, "Yes." He sighs. There are tears in his eyes, "Yes, god, Elliot. I love you. Your mind. Your genius. Your ambitions. It's beautiful. I don't just want to take you home for a night. I want to keep you forever."

He means it.

Across the room, Mr Robot smiles. I've never seen him smile like that. It freaks me out a little.

Tyrell kisses me.

I feel sorry for him. For Tyrell Wellick. I really am losing my mind, if I feel sorry for a guy like him. But I do. What must it be like to love someone who isn't real and not even know it?

I think about the worker I insulted at EvilCorp, about Gideon, about all the people who are hurting because of this mess. I don't want to cause any more pain because of Mr Robot. I have to tell him. Fuck everything. He needs to know. I'm not going to do this anymore.

Mr Robot shouts, "Don't you fucking dare, kid!"

"I don't remember anything we did together on fsociety." I blurt, "Because it wasn't me."

Tyrell frowns, "I don't…"

"I have a voice in my head who takes over."

"Like a…split personality?"

"You fell in love with him. Not me." I can't help but laugh. "I don't even fucking know you."

He lets go of my face. "But…"

"The first time we met." I say, "What happened?"

"We were in town."

I shake my head. "No. We were in an office. You said it would be fun working with me."

"That was a joke." Tyrell splutters, "We'd already met…We were joking."

"It was the first time for me."

I did always wonder why a big-shot corporate busybody stopped by my computer, of all people's, that day. Why would he stop at all?

Tyrell's mouth opens, then closes, then opens again, "I thought you were playing along."

I shake my head.

Tyrell seems to finally settle down and let it sink in. He's quiet for a long time. Across the room, Mr Robot hasn't said a word, hasn't even moved.

"So this…other Elliot…"

"Mr Robot." I correct him. I think I might lose my mind even more if I started calling him 'the other Elliot.'

"Mr Robot. What does he say?"

Mr Robot shakes his head. "Don't."

I smirk. He's scared. Can't say I don't like that a little.

"He loves you too."

Tyrell blinks at me. He swallows. "Can I talk to him?"

Mr Robot grins. "Yes!"

"No." I say.

"What the fuck!"

"Why not?" Tyrell says.

"Because I'm in control." I say, "And I want it to stay that way."

After I told him about Mr Robot, Tyrell visits more often. He tries to kiss me a few times. If I'm high enough, I don't bother pushing him away. But that's rare. The nurses are resistant to give me anymore morphine since the vase-smashing incident a few weeks ago. Anyway, the kissing keeps him calm. Sensitive. Weak. There's this whole other side to him, and I'm not sure which side scares me the most.

"Are there any more of your...personalities?" he asks one time.

I know I promised I wouldn't tell anyone about you. Don't worry. I'm not planning on breaking that promise.

"No."

"How can you be sure?" He leans closer to me. I lean away to ward off another kiss. He chuckles. "Relax. I'm curious. How can you tell when he's about to take over?"

I glare at him. "Why do you want to know?"

"Come on, Elliot." he says, "What are you worried about? That I'll use it against you? How can I do that when you're the man I love? You should know by now that I can't hurt you."

I almost believe him.

"I cheated on him." Tyrell mutters. He's getting more comfortable with thinking Mr Robot and me are different people, but he likes to punch the walls when he wants to kiss me but can't. He and Mr Robot are perfect for each other. How messed up is that?

"I thought you were married." I mumble.

"I am." He sighs, "Joanne and I…that's something else. I meant there was another man. He looked like you. I only did it because you were pissing me off so much."

"He does that."

"Not him. At least, I don't think so."

"I couldn't say."

He sighs again. "We've been working with Angela."

"What?"

"You didn't know?"

I glance at Mr Robot. "What's he talking about?"

"We needed extra help." Mr Robot says, "Especially when you started fighting back."

I press my head back into the pillow. "You son of a bitch."

Tyrell looks across the room where I was looking. "Wait." he shifts and the bed rocks. "Can you see him as well as him being another person who takes over?"

"Yeah." I mutter. "Is that not normal?"

He presses his lips together. "I'm not sure. I thought another personality would just...come in. That you couldn't interact with them." he stands. "Where about is he?"

"Why? Its not like you can see him."

Can he? No. No. What am I saying? Of course he can't.

"No." Tyrell tosses me a smile, "But it'll be a fun experiment for you."

"Not really."

Tyrell laughs. He thinks I'm joking, like that time we had lunch together. I wonder, was that a date for him? I mean, who else just asks a random tech to lunch? If it was a date, had something like that happened before? Tyrell struck me as the type to take people out places. What sort of places would he take Mr Robot? What would they talk about? What would they eat?

Tyrell walks toward the window, behind - or through? - Mr Robot and then turns back to me. "Here?"

"Sure."

He turns to the window.

"Other way." I say.

He turns to Mr Robot and they're looking right at each other. Tyrell doesn't look back when he asks, "Am I looking at him?"

I can't answer.

When Tyrell lifts a hand to touch Mr Robot, its so surreal I squeeze my eyes shut and yell, "STOP IT!"

"Elliot?" Tyrell's voice.

"Elliot?" Mr Robot's voice.

I don't open my eyes until I feel Tyrell sitting on the bed again. Both of them are sitting there.

Tyrell checks his phone. "I have to go. The brownout is almost over." he stands but before he leaves, he leans down close to me, "Give this to him." He kisses my cheek and leaves.

Mr Robot is smiling again.

Three days until I'm released from hospital. This is the last of Tyrell's brownout visits.

"You wanted to stop our work, Elliot." Tyrell accuses. He looks different, like he did before all this. More confident. Mysterious. I hate it. "Mr Robot and I are building something. I can't let you get in the way of that. I'm sure he agrees."

Mr Robot is standing next him. "He's right, Elliot."

"So what happens now?" I say, grinning. I must look crazy. "Kill me and you kill the man you love."

Tyrell's face goes hard. He pushes his lips together. "We…can't have the same person on both sides of a war."

Mr Robot turns and stares at Tyrell. "We're not the same!" he cries, "I'm no tumour, you stuck up prick."

Tyrell's eyes go wide and he stares at me. "Mr Robot?"

No. Oh fuck no! He broke through. I'm not concentrating hard enough.

"That's you, isn't it?" he's grinning.

"No." I say.

Tyrell leans down and cups my face. "It's okay."

I grit my teeth. "Get off me."

"I know the difference between you now." Tyrell says, "I promise I won't let Elliot stop us."

"I'm right here!"

Mr Robot is grinning too. Both of them look quite the pair. "Thanks for telling him about us, kid. Sometimes your compassion is the best weapon we have."

Shit. Shit.