Disclaimer: I do not own Gravitation. It belongs to Maki Murakami. Neither do I own the song "Energy." It belongs to Keri Hilson and her recording company.
A/N: So…here is the awaited sequel to Gone Forever. It's a two-shot, so don't panic when this chapter comes to an abrupt halt. The second attachment will be coming soon. Thank you to Romanec, Nightmother, xgravigirlxl, Shadow of a Fallen Angel, evolution2x, Just a random person, proud-yaoi-fangirl, 5123, fahaar, DarkMetalAngel of Destruction, Eli Salas, and SavageGuardian for your reviews and your support. It was absolutely inspiring and wonderful to read what you had to say. I also want to thank everyone else who took time out of their day to read "Gone Forever."
I want to give a special thanks and acknowledgement to my muse, Mini-Saphir. She has been so very encouraging, demanding, and most importantly, supportive of this sequel, LoL. Good **** on your exams, mademoiselle.
With that said, please enjoy!!
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Part One : Energy
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I wish I could rip out a page of my memory
'Cause I put too much energy in him and me
Can't wait till I get through this phase
'Cause it's killing me
Too bad we can't rewrite our own history
Such a mystery when he's here with me
It's hard to believe I'm still lonely
Chances fading now, patience running out
This ain't how it's supposed to be
No…this wasn't how it was supposed to be. He just worked too damn hard to earn Yuki's love. This wasn't the way he imagined it…it wasn't even a fitting end to their twisted relationship.
I'm having nightmares from sleeping with the enemy
How did we reverse the chemistry
I don't want us to be the end of me
This love is taking all of my energy
Energy, My Energy
Taking all of my energy
Energy, My Energy
Taking all of (my energy)
But that was just it. No matter how much he loved Yuki, Shuichi was still only human. Although giving up on the blonde was something he wasn't planning to do any time soon, their love was slowly, but surely taking its toll on him.
Seems only like yesterday, not even gravity
Could keep your feet off the ground when you're with me
How can two be as one
We've become so divided now
There's no use hiding from my misery (no…)
Such a mystery when he's here with me
It's hard to believe I'm still lonely
Chances fading now, patience running out
This ain't how it's supposed to be
I'm having nightmares from sleeping with the enemy (Oh, Yeah)
How did we reverse the chemistry (How did we)
I don't want us to be the end of me
This love is taking all of my energy
Energy, Energy, My Energy
Taking all my energy (Energy)
Energy (Energy), My Energy (Energy)
Taking all of…
Now I can feel a change in me
And I can't afford to slip much further
From the person I was meant to be (whoooaa)
I'm not afraid to walk alone
That was a lie. He was afraid to walk alone. If Yuki wasn't by his side, then there was no point to go on. Anytime, any day, anyplace, anywhere, he'd gladly follow Yuki wherever he went. But this time…could he really do it?
Not givin' up but movin' on
Before it gets too deep
Cuz you're taking all of my energy
I'm having nightmares from sleeping with the enemy
How did we reverse the chemistry
I don't want us to be the end of me
This love is taking all of my energy
I'm having nightmares from sleeping with the enemy (Oh)
How did we reverse the chemistry (Oh, Oh)
I don't want us to be the end of me
This love is taking all of my energy (Energy)
Energy (Energy), My Energy (Oh)
Taking all my energy (Oh-Oh)
Energy, My Energy (Taking all of me)
Taking all of…
Ya killing me
Ya taking all of me yeah, oh
This love is taking all of my energy
The beat kept on going while Shuichi stopped his dancing on the middle of the stage, closing his eyes against the tears that threatened to fall. Even the crowd seemed to feel the anguish he was giving off. Some let unexpected tears fall at the emotion in his voice. The lights blazed around and the crowd gave a heart-felt cheer.
Amongst the audience, Touma Seguchi scrunched his perfect brows in dismay. Shuichi was insane, obnoxious, hyperactive, irritating, caused a lot of trouble, and at most times, belonged in an institute. His lyrics were always strange, if not completely outlandish, but they moved people to do something. This song definitely moved people all right, but not quite the same way as his usual songs. The lyrics were way too dark, in fact, the entire concert was too dark, even for the common break up songs Shuichi would write whenever he and Yuki were in the midst of a fight. No. This was different on a whole other level.
Closing his eyes in a silent disapproval, Touma walked away from the scene and headed back towards NG building. Something was not right, and if the ominous feeling in his gut wasn't warning enough, he didn't know what else to think.
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xOxO
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Tick. Tock. Tick. Tock. Tic------
Another metallic crash resounded throughout the room before it was plunged into silence once again. A broken clock lay in a heap on the marble floor. Damn it. He was doing alright when he got home --- he closed and locked the door, took a seat on the couch, andsuccessfully managed not to break anything --- that was until he accidently shifted and sat on the radio remote, turning the machine on to the beat of Blind Game Again. The measure only began to play before Yuki found himself throwing the radio to the other side of the room.
A few other annoying inanimate objects, the clock being one of them, became victims in Yuki's merciless rage as he made his way back to the couch.
In a collected cool that was completely opposite of what was boiling beneath the surface, Yuki sat down, grabbing the remote to the TV. He needed to divert his anger to something else before he could cause some serious damage. As the pixels of the LCD slowly lit up, he quickly turned it to the News, avoiding that stupid music channel it was currently tuned to. Carelessly tossing the remote to some random area of the room, he took out a cigarette and shoved it between his lips. Too tired to make an effort to reach for a different lighter, he slowly pulled out his usual metal one from his pocket, pretending that that stupid picture with him and the stupid brat wasn't there. He took a much-needed drag, keeping the smoke in longer than usual before letting it go slowly. What an idiot. That dumbass of a brat was a complete idiot.
And the sad part about it was that he was an even bigger idiot.
That little punk got to his head real badly tonight. Had it been anyone else, Yuki would've simply dismissed it as superficial anger, but as he had come to learn, Shuichi was anything but superficial. The airhead baka may have appeared to be completely dumb, but in actuality, every thought and emotion was carefully depicted in that seemingly empty skull. And that was why those lyrics affected him so much.
The story on the news featured some disaster sight happening in southern Japan. It transitioned smoothly from that event to the weather segment. Flash warnings came on the screen as they began to warn people of the beginning of hurricane season, lecturing viewers to prepare for it. Yuki let his eyes glaze over the screen. Nothing was worth paying attention to nowadays. A few more minutes of this and the news turned to their entertainment segment.
Shuichi's face popped up in the screen then, effectively freezing Yuki before he could will himself to lift the haze that settled over his mind. Snapping out of his reverie, he reached hastily to his side, groping around the seat of the couch blindly for the remote. His eyes were glued to the screen as a live clip of Shuichi's still-going concert played.
I wish I could rip out a page of my memory
'Cause I put too much energy in him and me
Can't wait till I get through this phase
'Cause it's killing me
Too bad we can't rewrite our own history
Yuki stilled as he absorbed the lyrics. Hm. How ironic. He was a writer and Shuichi was a song lyricist, yet it was true…they couldn't rewrite their own lives, let alone their past. Maybe if he could rewrite what happened between him and Kitazawa, maybe he could treat Shuichi better, maybe ----
Such a mystery when he's here with me
It's hard to believe I'm still lonely
Chances fading now, patience running out
This ain't how it's supposed to be
I'm having nightmares from sleeping with the enemy
How did we reverse the chemistry
I don't want us to be the end of me
This love is taking all of my energy
Energy, My Energy
Taking all of my energy
Energy, My Energy
Taking all of (my energy)
Yuki exhaled calmly…..So he was the enemy now, hm? Go figure. He ignored another twinge in his gut. Using years of well-practiced discipline, he hardened his mask…and eventually, his heart. The constricting pain blooming in his chest for the umpteenth time that night was squashed harshly as he straightened his composure. With increasing difficulty, he pulled his eyes away from the screen, still searching for that damned remote. After a few moments, his eyes found it across the room where he had carelessly tossed it earlier. Shuichi's voice reached him again.
Now I can feel a change in me
And I can't afford to slip much further
From the person I was meant to be (whoooaa)
I'm not afraid to walk alone
Not givin' up but movin' on
Before it gets too deep
Cuz you're taking all of my ener----
The cables followed the path of the 36" flat screen as it sailed over the railing of the balcony. Yuki never did hear its demise over the wailing horns and traffic of the city life. He nonchalantly turned around, dismissing the fact that this was the third TV he's thrown out of his hotel room. His eyes then landed on the remote again. He stood, glaring at it for a few moments, giving it a look that made spontaneous combustion seemingly possible.
Grunting in annoyance, he trudged over once again to the couch. The cigarette in his mouth shrunk rapidly, forcing him to put it out. He took out another, hesitating for a moment as Shuichi's disapproving glare flashed in his mind's eye. Snorting daintily, he rolled his eyes and pulled out a new one anyways. To fuck with Shuichi and his annoying lectures about contracting lung cancer. He'd be gone forever anyhow.
Yuki scoffed. Since when did he become this sentimental? He pulled out his beloved lighter again to ignite the new cancer stick in between his lips, this time, also ripping the sticker off from the metal. Crumpling the picture in his hand, he tossed it over his shoulder, convincing himself that he didn't care where it landed. He ignored the jab in his chest, putting what he's done to the corner of his mind. In no way now was he game to admit that it hurt. He didn't want to be like this. He didn't want to be mulling over the fact that the barriers around his soul were taking a beating right now. And he most certainly did not want to acknowledge the fact that it was Shuichi making him feel like this. How ironic. Guess it was time he finally got a taste of his own medicine.
Smiling sardonically to himself, Yuki willed his mind to stop being WEAK. It was pathetic, not to mention, demoralizing. He evened out his breathing, timing it to flow along with the smoke. A few breaths later, and he was completely devoid of emotion. For the first time that night, a cold sort of calm took over him, reminding him of his life before Shuichi. He looked to where he had thrown the picture on the floor. Without a word, he gracefully walked to the kitchen and pulled out a beer. And without a second glance at the crumpled sticker, he crossed the room and headed over to the shower. There was no point to his life. There was no point to their relationship. Most importantly, he was right all along, for all the damn times he tried to prove to Shuichi, he was right…there was no point to love.
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xOxO
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Shuichi took a final sip of his water before he placed the bottle down. Tears blurred his vision, but refused to fall. Out there on stage, he was feeling bold with Yuki watching him; he felt angry and hurt enough to say what he felt to his blonde lover's face. But now, all alone in his dressing room after the concert, he looked back at what he did tonight. When he realized Yuki was gone, his confidence had only dampened by a little. But after the concert was over, a strange feeling of panic overcame him. What in the world had he been thinking?! He slammed his forehead onto the make-up dresser, exclaiming each abuse to his head with the word "stupid."
A soft knock at his door interrupted his little tirade. Checking his appearance in the mirror, he rubbed his sore head profusely before quickly fixing his hair and composure. After calming a bit, he grabbed his bag from across the countertop. "Come in," he said forlornly, not bothering to look up at the visitor.
"Shuichi, you done yet," Hiro inquired, opening the door wider to step into the room.
Shuichi faked a smile, slowly put his things in his bag. "Almost. Just gimme a minute."
Hiro sighed softly. Crossing his arms, he leaned against the doorframe. "Alright. Hurry up. Suguru, Ayaka, and I are gonna go out and get a couple of drinks. You can come with us if you like," he offered, hoping it would brighten Shuichi's faux mood.
Shuichi turned around and smiled at his best friend. "That's alright. As much as I'd like to, I'm ready to hit the sack right about now."
"You sure? It won't be as fun with just the three of us."
"Why don't you invite Sakano or K? Or even Seguchi-san, for that matter," he replied, saying the last part with a little difficulty. That would be an interesting scenario, even if he'd rather not be in it.
Hiro laughed at that one. "Sakano can barely handle staying out too late, let alone stay out late and drink. And K? That gun-wielding psycho, mixed with alcohol? Do you really want us to die that early?"
Shuichi couldn't help a genuine laugh at that statement.
"And Seguchi-san…" Hiro continued, suppressing the shiver that threatened to run up and down his spine. "Let's just end it at that."
Shuichi nodded, smiling at his best friend's unspoken comment about their boss. "Thanks anyway, Hiro."
Hiro hesitated a bit. "Are you…are you sure you're alright?"
Shuichi forced himself to look perplexed. "Alright? Alright?! I'm Shuichi frikkin' Shindou --- lead vocalist of one of Japan's most hottest bands, three-time platinum record winner, two-time multi-platinum holder, and future Hall-of-Famer. Of course I'm alright."
'Mm…that's what you say,' Hiro thought with an eyebrow lifted.
Shuichi held his hands up. "Seriously, seriously. I'm fine. But thanks for asking."
Scratching the back of his head, Hiro sighed in defeat. "No problem. If you change your mind, just call, alright?"
Shuichi nodded his head again. "Alright." Smiling at Hiro one last time, he turned around in his high swivel seat and resumed packing his things.
Hiro straightened himself and unfolded his arms. He glanced at Shuichi's melancholy expression in the mirror. Just as he grabbed the doorknob and turned to leave, he paused. "You know, Shuichi, you should go and see him tonight."
Shuichi stopped his actions, stunned, knowing exactly whom Hiro was implying, but not knowing why his best friend was suggesting such a ludicrous idea. He almost wanted to yell and scream at Hiro for saying something so stupid. But before he could say or do anything, Hiro continued. "After three long months and several concerts of you praying for him to show up, he finally came." And with that, Hiro sent a knowing smirk over his shoulder, even if Shuichi couldn't see it, closing the door gently.
As soon as Hiro disappeared behind that door, closing it with a soft 'click,' Shuichi slumped forward on his seat. Sighing, he looked up from his backpack. He stared at his sullen reflection in the mirror. Hiro was absolutely crazy, a cocky bastard at times, certainly way too smart for his own good, and right now…he was right. Perhaps it was time to forgive Yuki. This fight was stretching out for far too long, and for reasons that weren't exactly substantial. He wasn't saying that Kitazawa was not important. No. The ghost was a big part of who Yuki was today. But now that he thought back on it, for the fight to have gone on this long was pretty ridiculous. Not to mention, it only hurt him and Yuki more than it was worth.
Shuichi wasn't a prideful person. Neither was he the type to hold grudges, or stay angry with a person for a long period of time. He finally told Yuki the pain that's been harboring in his heart. He finally had the courage to let that pain out. Hell, he did it in front of the whole damn media world for crying out loud.
But…was it that simple? Could he just walk up to Yuki's door and say, "I'm sorry?" Or could he just expect an apology from Yuki? After everything Yuki's put him through, is it possible for things to be that easy? Shuichi frowned. Nothing was that simple when it came to his beloved author. Yuki, being Yuki, would just amplify the complexity of their situation. And he, being Shuichi, would just cry his heart out again if things decided to take a turn from bad to worst. Still, deep inside, he knew that no matter what, he will always, always end up forgiving Yuki, even if he were to batter his heart worse than what he was doing now.
Making a face at himself, he reached into his bag, rummaging through it for a couple of moments. A smiled graced his face when he found what he was looking for. Taking out the box of strawberry pocky, Shuichi fixed his position on the swivel chair. He sat there, slowly eating one stick after the other, contemplating on what his next move was going to be.
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xOxO
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"You want…what?"
Shuichi looked at his shacho straight in the eyes. "I want you to please tell me where Yuki's staying." As rude as he felt to speak like that to his boss, he knew he had no other choice. Touma would never tell him if he showed any sign of weakness. So it was best to approach him with a straight face and even stronger intentions.
"What makes you so sure that I know where he is? And even if I do know, what makes you think that I'll just give that information up to you?" Touma sat there with his head cradled on his linked hands. There was no hint of malice or ill intent on his angelic face, yet his voice dripped with its usual manipulative venom.
Shuichi held back the look of dejection before it could show on his face. The hands behind his back started to fidget with the hem of his shirt. "Mr. President…" His mind tumbled around to find the right words to say. He was supposed to be straight-faced, but for some damn reason, no words, or even grammar of some low particular vocabulary, could surface in his mind. Keeping his gaze on Touma, he brought his hands to his sides, clenching his fists tightly. "Please, Seguchi-san. I know for a fact that you know where he is. You're one of the most powerful people in all of Japan…and Yuki is more important to you than almost anything else in this world. So, of course you would know where he is."
The president just smiled at his singer. "I guess you're right on that. I know where he is. But," before the hope in Shuichi could rise, it was immediately killed. "…you still haven't answered the second question. What makes you think I'll just tell you, Shindou-kun?"
A pregnant pause hung heavily in the air. What did make him think that the president would just tell him? It was an idiotic and stupid notion to think that Seguchi-san would give away Yuki's whereabouts…but he wasn't known as Shuichi Shindou for no reason. He loved Yuki. And that was all that mattered. He acknowledged his president with new determination.
"Mr. Seguchi." The strength in his voice caught the president's attention. "I know you don't approve of our relationship, and I know that I'm guilty of being selfish by loving Yuki, even if it causes him problems. I know that no number of "I-love-yous" or endearments will ever be enough to undo what happened in his past…and I know that no matter how hard I try…" Shuichi paused for a second, trying to swallow the lump in his throat while his president looked on with new interest, "Yuki Kitazawa will always remain as a piece of Yuki's heart. But…it doesn't change the fact that I love Yuki, and that I always will. It doesn't change the fact that no matter what you do, or what the rest of the world will do; I will keep on loving him. Yuki may be the most important person in your life, but he IS my life; he's everything to me." Shuichi's voice cracked slightly at the raw emotion, but he continued, ignoring the smile that appeared on the shacho's face. "So if you're not going to help me now, I'll just ---"
Touma held up a hand, effectively stopping Shuichi's rant. "That's enough, Shindou-kun. That is enough."
Shuichi was stunned for a second, fearing that Touma would try to stop him. He was about to protest, getting himself ready to argue with everything his pocky-induced mind could come up with, when Touma let that peculiar knowing smile grace his features again.
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xOxO
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So…this was it. Once these sessions were over, there was a chance he could go back to being the man he once was. All he had to do was continue therapy for possibly a while longer. Not that it made a difference. Looking over at he woman sitting diligently by his bedside, Yuki contemplated on which direction in life he should move. There were so many options; most of them boring, quiet, and dull, but still plausible.
Sighing daintily, the woman clad in a black dress and matching heels stood up from her seat. She grabbed her bag resting on top the table by the bedroom door. She paused by the frame and turned back to look at Yuki. "Aren't you going to see a lady out?"
Bringing his upper body forward to sit up using his elbows, Yuki regarded her with a carefully blank look before throwing her his infamous, heart-stopping smirk. "But of course," he replied, getting up from his bed. He followed her as they walked out to the living room. "Sorry I called so late, by the way."
Stopping for a moment, she turned around to face him. "Don't worry about it. I told you, whenever you need me, please don't hesitate to call." She gave him a smile.
Yuki wondered if he should return the smile. Just then, the doorbell rang, saving him from making any kind gestures. Both of them turned towards the door. Who the hell could be here this late? "Seems like I have another guest…if it's not room service."
'Or the hotel bastards coming to yell at me about their TV…again,' Yuki silently continued.
The woman graced her smile on him. "That's quite alright. I was on my way out anyways. I'll see you again soon, then."
They began to walk to his front door when the bell rang again.
"I guess so." Yuki opened the door for her. He closed his tired eyes and stood aside, waiting for her to walk out of his hotel suite. When he didn't hear her footsteps continue, he opened his eyes to look up at her. Her eyes were slightly wide and her lips pursed out with surprise. He opened his mouth to question her.
"---Yuki…?"
Yuki froze. Slowly turning his head to follow the direction of where the woman was staring, he clenched the doorknob harder, as though afraid of what --- or who --- he'd find.
Golden hazel met violet orbs.
The crease between his brows became deeper as he took in the expression of the man standing before him. The young singer sported fresh, salty tears, which were clearly evident and on the brim of falling over. Scant seconds stretched out to what seemed like eternity. His grip on the doorknob threatened to crush the metal as his knuckles turned white. Words couldn't find their way to his mouth or his mind. That painful twinge in his chest, the same one he thought he had killed not too long ago, came back to hit him tenfold as he watched Shuichi's composure crumple.
'Oh, Kami, Shuichi…please don't misunderstand.'
He couldn't move. He couldn't will his body to move. Damn it, all. Yuki tried again, forcing himself to say something; anything. "What are you doing here?" FUCK IT. Wrong, wrong, wrong. Anything but that.
Shuichi flinched at the harsh tone. He let his eyes gaze over Yuki's seemingly angry expression. Moments passed before he could find the courage to speak again. His lips trembled slightly as he tried to open his mouth to speak.
"I should be going," the woman suddenly spoke up, cutting Shuichi off. She bowed slightly towards Yuki, though his eyes were glued to Shuichi. She then bowed towards Shuichi, muttering "sayonara" softly before straightening herself. Looking at him apologetically, she made her way around Yuki. As she took a step towards the door, a small object collided with her foot. She stopped to look down at what she accidently kicked.
A small tap was heard as the object hit Shuichi's sneaker. An automatic reflex made Shuichi break eye contact as his eyes travelled to what hit him. A small piece of crumpled paper rested near his shoe. It looked utterly familiar. Curiosity entranced him to bend down and retrieve it. Somewhere in the back of his mind, a siren went off, warning him not to pick it up, but his body continued with the motion. As he straightened, he heard Yuki give a soft gasp. His eyes darted from the paper in his hand, to the novelist, and back again. Yuki made an attempt to grab it, but Shuichi already placed his other hand on the paper. That siren wailed louder as a new pain spread in his heart. Using his fingers to gingerly unravel the sticky surface of the crumpled object, Shuichi's breath suddenly hitched. Tears quickly filled his vision, preventing him from seeing exactly what was on the paper. But he didn't need to see it. He already knew. A sob escaped him unintentionally.
He re-crumpled the picture of them on their first date and threw it at Yuki. A tear finally rolled down his cheek, and with one clear vision, he could see the expression on Yuki's face. It would burn forever in his mind. But still, it wasn't enough to stop him from running away.
Yuki only stood there, holding the knob of the door as though his life depended on it. His eyes refused to leave the spot Shuichi was standing in. Anger began to spread through him by default, his defense mechanism automatically kicked in to protect him again. Why…why, fuck damnit, why…? His body refused to move, although his brain screamed at him to chase after that damned brat and force him to listen to his explanation…or at least hear what he's got to say. Even the gentle tap on his shoulder by the woman still standing there did not bring him out of his mental imprisonment. His eyes finally looked over to the elevators, where his brat ran to, disappearing behind the ivory doors.
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xOxO
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Tears could only fall in endless abandonment down his burning cheeks. Shuichi had to constantly wipe at his eyes in order to see. His heart burned like fire as the weight in his chest finally crushed his lungs. It hurt. It hurt a lot…and that was the only thing his mind could recognize as he sped to the elevator and jammed the button for the lobby floor. The world was fading in and out as his head began pounding. It hurt everywhere now; not just his chest, head, or stomach. He couldn't pinpoint where the pain ended or where it began. Falling to the floor, he wrapped his arms tightly around his knees as he laid in a fetal position. It hurt...it hurt…it hurt.
And the only person who was capable of fixing him, was the one person shattering everything he thought he was…
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A/N: Finally…I am done with the first installment. It broke my heart to write this. Anyways, thanks for reading. Please review.
xOxO
~Island Honey