Disclaimer: Matt and Trey would be horrified by what I'm doing to their creation, I'm sure.
Author's Note: So, to my knowledge, this is the first Cartman/Ike story on this site…correct me if I'm wrong, though. So I know this is an unusual pairing, and there's no evidence in the show to back it up…but I wanted it. I was doing my best to think up odd pairings and I thought up this one and I just really wanted to write it so…here it is! Oh, and they're older…this pairing would be so wrong if Ike was still in kindergarten.
Midnight Dream: Chapter One
It had been two whole years since Cartman had last gone over to Kyle's house. He and Kyle were still sort-of friends, that hadn't changed in their entire sixteen years of life. It's just that Kyle preferred to keep Cartman away from his house because his atrocious language would upset his family. No, it was always Stan's house or Cartman's house when the four friends would hang out together. Kyle wouldn't let Cartman near his family, especially his little brother, and Kenny was too poor to want people over at his house often. Not that Cartman particularly minded. Kyle's mom was a bitch, Kyle's dad was an overly happy lawyer, and Kyle's brother was a stupid Canadian Jew. What was his name again? Mike? Ike? Probably one of those two, he just couldn't remember which. But that's okay, he didn't care anyway.
In fact, he still wouldn't be going to Kyle's house, if it wasn't for The Project. Yes, the dreadful project had been assigned just two days ago, in which they were to research the Holocaust with a partner chosen by their teacher. Why this teacher had chosen to put a Nazi wannabe and a Jew together, Cartman could not fathom. He could only come up with a few possible reasons, the first one being that Kyle was doing quite well and he was doing poorly, and so hoped his grade would be raised. Or perhaps she just had a sadistic sense of humor and wanted to see who would kill who first. Either way, Eric Cartman and Kyle Broflovski were stuck working together on a subject neither one of them wanted to touch with a ten foot pole. Kyle for obvious reasons, and Cartman simply because his grade could not afford Kyle getting pissed off at him, as he was bound to.
Cartman's mouth went dry when he realized that he could not be over at his house for the project – there were plenty of books on the Holocaust there, which they would be using for the project, he was sure, but his mother had strictly told him no friends over for a while. He supposed he could always reason with her, always bend her to his will…but he lacked the will necessary to do so. In some odd way, he wanted to be over at Kyle's house. He wanted to see how the place had changed in two years. He wasn't sure exactly why he decided not to fight his mother on her temporary rule, but for whatever reason he was now following a very annoyed Kyle back to his house, anti-Semitic books in hand. "Cartman, behave yourself," snarled Kyle as they reached his front door. "I make no promises, Jew," Cartman smirked as he examined the outside of the house. This part hadn't changed, at least – none of the houses in South Park ever did.
"Welcome home, Bubbie…oh, Eric, well I haven't seen you in a while!" Sheila Broflovski, like the rest of the adults in town, was fooled by how nice Cartman always acted in front of them and thought that he was a fine friend for her little Kyle. "What brings you over here?" Kyle started to answer, but Cartman cut him off smoothly. "It's so nice to see you again, Mrs. Broflovski," he said with mock sarcasm that she didn't pick up on. "Actually, Kyle and I have to work on a school project, I'm sure Kyle told you about it?" She shook her head in confusion, and glared a bit at Kyle. "Ah, well that's fine, it was just assigned today after all, I only expected he might have called you earlier, I guess I was mistaken." Kyle half glared at Cartman, an unspoken question in his eyes. Cartman glanced at him, but didn't make eye contact. "Oh, well you boys have fun!" Kyle's mom called after them as they headed upstairs. Kyle responded with a soft "we will," but he knew his mother probably couldn't hear him.
"What was that all about, fatass?" Kyle demanded when they were safely inside Kyle's room. "Why are you so fucking nice all of a sudden? Yeah, thanks for getting me out of shit with the homework, but why did you do it?" Cartman smiled. "I have my reasons." "Your reasons are never good, you fat fuck…Ike!" Kyle exclaimed as he turned around to see his little brother. Ah. So his name was Ike. He must be eleven or twelve now, Cartman thought. He still looked distinctly boyish, but what a mind he had! Just by taking one look into his small, black, eyes, Cartman could see that here was someone smart enough to defeat him at his own level. "Hi, Kyle. I can't say I've heard you swear often, but I guess this 'fat fuck' here has often enough." He stuck out his hand for Cartman to shake. "I'm Ike, and if I'm correct in my assumptions, you're Eric Cartman." Cartman had been put rather in a daze by the way he talked, and took his hand. "I know we've met already, but it was a few years ago and I wasn't sure you would remember me. Oh, and Kyle?" Kyle turned towards his brother, obviously shocked at his nice manners towards his enemy-friend. "I don't know why you bother to hide swearing from me. I hear worse in school. Suck my balls." He gave Kyle the finger on his way out the door, but turned around, grinning, before he left, so Kyle knew he was only kidding.
"Wow…Ike sure has…grown up," Cartman finished the sentence lamely. Kyle looked at him sharply. "No Jew jokes? No Canadian jokes? No smartass jokes? You must have something reserved for him, Cartman. You have something reserved for everybody." "Jew jokes are reserved for you, Kyle." Cartman smiled an infuriating smile at him before sitting down and opening up his favorite hate speech book. "Put it down, Cartman." It was creepy how Kyle knew what he was doing without even looking at him. Cartman sighed, and closed the book again. "We're going to have to use it eventually, you know." But this brought no response from Kyle, who was engrossed in an internet page. "Oh, this is no good!" he cried out in frustration, clicking out of the internet and laying down on the floor near Cartman. "Wow, Kyle, only a few minutes into working on it and you're already giving up. Got some sand in your vagina?" Kyle lifted his head to glare at the insensitive teenager next to him. "No, Cartman, but I think you have some in yours." Cartman didn't even have time to retort when Sheila Broflovski appeared in the doorway. "Eric, your mom called and said she wasn't going to be home for a while, so you're going to be eating dinner here…it'll be ready in an hour, boys!" She left the room, thankfully not spying the books sitting on the floor that contained titles like Adolf Hitler: The World's Greatest Hero. "Great, just what I always wanted – Jew food!" Cartman practically spat the words at Kyle. "What am I supposed to do about it, fatass? It's not like I asked your mom to leave home! Come on, let's just see how much of this we can finish before dinner."
An hour later, a very unhappy Cartman found himself seated at a round table with Kyle and Ike, while Kyle's parents ate by themselves out in the kitchen. "We figured you three would be happier without us adults around, but we'll be right over here if you need us," Sheila stated brightly before leaving them to sit together. Kyle gritted his teeth together. This was infuriating. He decided to just daydream while eating, that's what he normally did, anyway. "Cartman, what's your project on?" Ike asked. He would have asked Kyle, but it was obvious that Kyle wouldn't answer him. "The Holocaust," answered Cartman carefully, eyeing Ike. "A sad subject, indeed…but one which you know a lot about, right?" "Right," answered Cartman, after a slight pause. "Ike, how old are you?" inquired Cartman suddenly. "Eleven now, but I'll be twelve soon. I'm already in the seventh grade." Ike announced this proudly, but Cartman couldn't imagine why you would be proud of being in hard classes at a young age. He decided to voice these opinions to the seemingly ever-cheerful Ike in the hopes of annoying him, but to his chagrin, he was only met with laughter. "It's not like I skipped a grade, I just started early," he explained. "So it's not that I suddenly got a harder workload, I've been building towards it like everyone else in my grade." Cartman nodded. He still didn't think it was anything to brag about, but the kid could do what he wanted to. It wasn't any concern of his. Cartman remembered how on-guard Kyle had always been when the Holocaust was mentioned, something that would prove to make their project difficult. "Ike, do you hate the Germans?" Ike gave him an odd look. "No, why would I?" Now it was Cartman's turn to give the odd look. "For what they did to your people," he explained. "Well…no, not really. It's what they really believed, and you can't hate someone for following their beliefs. And it wasn't as if all of Germany was really to blame, it was only Hitler. They didn't have any choice except to follow him. He had many amazing skills and admirable talents, I only wish that he could have put them to better use." Ike sighed, showing his sorrow at the loss of Hitler's abilities. Cartman looked at him with new respect. He was glad Kyle was daydreaming, otherwise he would have been throwing a fit at this.
A few hours later, Cartman was walking home, humming quietly to himself. Why exactly had he avoided Kyle's house, again? His stupid parents stayed out of their way for the most part, thank god. Kyle…well, Kyle was Kyle. But his little Canadian Jew-rat of a smartypants brother wasn't really bad at all. In fact, some of his views were even similar to Cartman's. He shuddered as he realized this fact. When did he ever think he would be agreeing with a Jew?
Author's Note: So there it is, the first chapter. I hope you liked it…please review, people haven't been reviewing my stories lately and it makes me not want to write them all that much. Oh, and I know the Holocaust is an overused subject when talking about Kyle and Cartman…but I couldn't think of another project that would work so well. Remember, this story will eventually be Ike/Cartman, so homophobes beware!