Hi people,
I'm back, hope you enjoy this fic. It was meant to be shorter... but it sort of got away from me- don't ask.
I wrote it for Cherryblossom-hime's competition.
It's HitsuHina mainly, with several other pairings implied.
Part One: Beyond Friendship
There was only one thought in Hitsugaya Toshiro's head, and it had absolutely nothing to do with sex.
Surprising really, considering he was in fact male, but apparently some men do find other things to think about. On the other hand, he was still more of a boy than an adult, but he was both male and he actually did have hormones, just like all other Shinigami males- even Yamamoto-Soutaicho.
Toshiro sat at his desk with a mountain of paperwork. He'd lost track of the time long ago, all he knew was it was dark outside and the moon was out.
His 'charming' fukutaicho had abandoned her duties to attend the eleventh division's sake party hours ago.
Therefore it was not surprising that the thought going through his mind in a constant mantra was;
'I will not kill her,'
He'd decided to invest in a hammer and nails. He was going to literally nail Matsumoto's feet to the floor, and he'd enjoy every minute of it.
That or perhaps he'd Hyorinmaru her into her next cycle of reincarnation early.
"Hitsugaya-kun?" Hinamori knocked a second before entering his office without waiting for him to give her permission.
He didn't mind because it was Hinamori though- anyone else would have gotten a stern look, maybe even a glare, depending upon his mood.
"What is it?" he asked, not looking up from his work.
"Nothing really, I just came to see how you were," Hinamori said, sounding slightly subdued, even hurt.
He looked up into soft brown eyes, "I'm sorry Hinamori. I didn't mean to sound grouchy, I'm tired and Matsumoto is nowhere to be found," he forced his abrupt tone into a more polite one.
"Poor Hitsugaya-kun," she said teasingly, her eyes brightening.
"Hinamori," he admonished.
"Here, let me help you," she said, walking over to his desk.
"You don't have to-" he began purely out of politeness.
"I want to help you," she said, interrupting him.
"Arigato Hinamori," he said, giving her a smile.
It felt like the first time he'd smiled all day.
It was always like that around Hinamori, she just made him feel like smiling all the time. He forced himself not to though, or he'd completely ruin his reputation and no one would ever take him seriously.
"Any time Shiro-chan," she said far too sweetly.
"HINAMORI!" he yelled.
"I'm sorry Hitsugaya-kun, I just couldn't resist," she smirked.
"It's not Hitsugaya-kun either. It's Hitsugaya-taicho," he sniffed, putting his nose up into the air.
It was a tired routine between them, but it was familiar; they both knew what to say and where they stood. After the Arrancar war, with all the uncomfortable feelings between them, they put it into as many conversations as they could.
She giggled, "sorry, Hitsugaya-kun,"
He sighed, "let's just get to work," he just couldn't win against her. She'd never call him Hitsugaya-taicho.
"Of course," she agreed, and he was almost sure she was mocking him- but not absolutely. Mischief simply gleamed from her beautiful, warm eyes.
He felt that annoying rush of heat in his blood, followed by that giddy sensation, and the peculiar desire to pull her into his arms and…
"Hitsugaya-kun, you're red. Are you alright?" she asked anxiously.
He hated that stupid blush, and the way it always occurred around her.
"Fine," he said gruffly, and forced himself to focus on his work. He had the niggling feeling she was laughing at him though.
Momo smiled as she watched him seriously study the page in front of him, he was so…
He was still himself. It was nice to know that there were some people you could always depend on, who never changed.
Hitsugaya-kun had changed very little from the rude boy who'd spat watermelon seeds at her, and whenever she felt sad or needed some comfort, he was there. He'd always been there, and she felt that he would always be there, no matter what. He was a stable and constant factor in her life, one that she needed
It was over two hours later before they finally finished the paperwork.
She leant back in her seat "Hitsugaya-kun," she murmured, staring out the window at Rukongai behind the walls of Seireitei, barely visible underneath the crescent moon.
"Remembering the past?" he asked quietly, setting his ink brush carefully in it's box. He always understood her, even when she said barely anything at all.
"Hai. We always used to watch the sunset and eat the watermelon that Ba-san bought together," Momo said quietly, giving him a small smile.
He was sharing her chair before she knew he'd moved and his arm suddenly snaked around her waist, pulling her to lean against him. She rested her head against his, and they both looked out that window.
He muttered into her ear, "I still miss those times,"
"So do I Shiro-chan," Hinamori whispered, her hand clasping the one that was settled comfortably around her middle.
"Why can't you ever call me Hitsugaya-taicho?" he demanded suddenly, turning his head away, trying to sound cross.
"Well… we were reminiscing, and I always called you Shiro-chan then," she said with a smile he could hear in her voice, but not see.
"That's not what I asked," he said sharply.
"Well why can't I? We are friends aren't we?" she turned to look at him, her eyes a deep liquid brown.
"Hai, but," he broke off, not able to explain why he so desperately wanted her to call him 'Hitsugaya-taicho'.
She had always called Azien, the man she admired most, 'Aizen-taicho'. Why couldn't she admire him enough to call him 'Hitsugaya-taicho'?
Toshiro sighed and looked up at the ceiling, as far away from her worried gaze as he could get, his eyes reflecting a remembered pain.
'Aizen... He is dead, but he still haunts us.'
Momo twisted her head awkwardly and saw those eyes. She didn't understand it, but she knew that she'd made him sad. It seemed like these days she always made him sad. It was all she was good for.
"I'm so sorry," she said.
Those green eyes flicked over to her face, "why?" he sounded tired.
"I always make you so sad," she said, tearing up. He was her precious friend, and she didn't want to make him unhappy. He always made her happy, so why could she no longer return the favour?
"It's not your fault," he said looking away again.
"Don't lie to me," she cried out, turning her body to face him fully.
"I-" he broke off, still not looking at her.
"You've always been there for me, whenever I was in trouble. Why won't you let me be there for you? If you're sad, or if I'm doing something wrong, tell me. I want to know, I want to help you," even Momo was surprised by the frustrated monologue that burst from her own lips.
Toshiro sighed and looked at her once, before averting his eyes once again, "even though he's gone and you've got a new taicho… you still-"
She cut him off before he could finish, "I don't care for Aizen Sousuke; I never did. He was right, I didn't know the real him, and I'm glad that I didn't,"
"Hinamori," he breathed, not knowing what to say next.
She interrupted him anyway, "Shiro-chan don't pity me, and don't think that I haven't moved on. I have, I know everything isn't completely right yet, but it's getting there. Isn't it?" she asked anxiously.
She wasn't just asking him if he thought that everything was alright in Seireitei.
She was asking if everything was alright between them.
He hesitated before answering her, "I don't know Hinamori, is it?" his arm dropped from around her waist, and the warm body so close her own shifted away.
Momo felt like she'd been slapped across the face, but conceded that she probably deserved it. She'd been such a fool during the Arrancar war and about Aizen in general.
Toshiro was surprised when her arms slid around him and she pulled him back against her. "Shiro-chan," she whispered, her breath was warm on his cheek, "I want things to be okay between us again,"
"So do I, but-" her fingers on his lips cut him off.
"I know it's been hard, because of Aizen, and… I didn't make things easier when I was recovering," that was an understatement, "but, can't we just leave the past in the past and make a new future? Together?"
Toshiro didn't know how he felt, but he knew what he wanted.
"We can only try," he offered.
He knew she was smiling, and he leaned back against her comfortably, his hand wrapping around hers. Neither of them noticed how much time had passed, but when they finally walked out of his office, the moon was beginning to set and the sky was beginning to lighten faintly.
He did as courtesy dictated, and walked her back to her room. They got a few curious looks- he knew what it looked like, but he wasn't holding her hand or groping her or anything.
Besides, the only Shinigami stumbling around at this time of night (well, early morning by now) were drunken idiots- like his fukutaicho.
He fervently hoped that news of this didn't reach Matsumoto. He didn't fancy being teased about 'dating Momo-chan!' for the rest of the week.
They paused outside her room, and he suddenly felt very uncertain.
He'd walked her back here hundreds of times, but that was before Aizen's betrayal and Hinamori's recovery. This was new territory, and he was completely uncertain of how to act around her now.
Her outburst before had revealed something new… she was over Aizen, maybe not completely, but… she was getting there, and maybe she might…
Toshiro suppressed the wild flare of hope his thoughts had ignited.
The pause was getting slightly uncomfortable now; it had been over a minute since either of them had spoken.
He opened his mouth, "I-uh… this was fun. We should do it again," he mentally winced- wasn't he oh so clever, and oh so charming?
'You have a lot to learn about talking to women,' Hyorinmaru observed from the depths of his mind.
Hinamori looked a little surprised, "hai, I'd like that," she said just as awkwardly.
'Then again, you seem to understand each other well enough- they say success in love owes 80 of it's success to idiocy and 20 to luck.'
'Shut up' Toshiro mentally snapped.
He did not need to be abused by his Zanpakto right now; he had bigger problems, like speaking.
"Well, it's late," he said, and mentally slapped himself.
Momo was surprised when Tobiume jumped into conversation with her and dryly observed 'the boy's manner is quite rough- but that is part of his appeal, nei?'
Momo flushed faintly- okay, so Hitsugaya-kun did have his good points, but the way her Zanpakto said it sounded almost like…
'You're in love with him' Tobiume clarified.
The world stopped for a few seconds, Momo's face went red, her stomach twisted into knots and her thoughts were all over the place. Then time resumed.
'WHAT??'
Momo was stunned, she'd always been friends with Hitsugaya-kun, and well, she'd never thought of him that way. Had she??
"Oyasumi Hitsugaya-kun," she said quickly, almost stumbling in her haste to get away from him.
"Oyasumi Hinamori," he returned seconds before she slammed the door in his face.
Toshiro walked away, completely puzzled. Hinamori had never acted like that before.
Momo leant against the wall for a few seconds, and was relieved to feel his reiatsu move away with his footsteps. She sighed, feeling that odd tension uncurl from her stomach, before sliding down the wall, to sit on the floor.
'I am not in love with Hitsugaya-kun. I can't be… we're friends… I'
She covered her face with her hands, feeling tears run down her cheeks.
'What's wrong with me?'
Momo woke up and instead of sitting up, she just lay there, it was a beautiful morning, and the sun was shining brightly. In stark contrast she felt completely miserable, she'd cried herself to sleep, and her eyes were still sore.
'I can't be in love with Hitsugaya-kun'
She couldn't understand why the thought of that upset her so much. She just lay there, half hoping for the world to come to an end so she wouldn't have to feel like this any more.
What felt like hours passed before a knocking came on the shoji doors, "Ano, Hinamori-fukutaicho, this is ninth-seat Watanbe, are you in there?"
Momo waited a few minutes, "hai," and then paused briefly, "please tell Kurosaki-taicho that I won't be in today," she finally said.
She didn't want to move from her bed, she didn't want to do anything; she just wanted to stay here. She covered her head with the blankets, but couldn't sleep; instead, she stared blankly at the white cotton until she got too hot. She pulled the sheets down, and stared at the white walls of her room instead.
She knew it was hours later when someone else rapped on her door, the sun had moved the shadows around her room.
"Hinamori," Hitsugaya-kun's voice sounded clearly through her door.
"Go away," she said; and knowing exactly how childish it was, she buried her head under the pillow, willing him and his voice to disappear.
"Hinamori, open the door now," his voice was concerned- that was bad; she didn't really want to worry him.
It was a thousand times worse that his voice seemed to have some strange power over her though. She found herself slowly moving off her futon and she walked to the door, and opened it before she'd even thought about saying no.
She didn't even think to dress properly, he'd seen her in a yukata before, and modesty didn't really concern her at this point.
She looked into deep green eyes and realised that she was so tired and sad that she was completely empty. She really didn't want to see him or anyone right now.
"Are you alright?" he asked, one hand reaching out to touch her cheek.
"Hai," she said and shied away from his hand, backing into her room.
"Hinamori," he frowned.
"I am fine. There is no need for you to be here, so just go," she said sharply, not looking at him, anywhere but him.
"You're obviously not fine," he argued, stepping forward, into her room; into her space.
"Go away," she stepped back, "this has nothing to do with you," the closer he got, the more upset she felt. She felt crowded, suffocated almost, her heart was racing, her stomach was upset and she knew that any second she was going to cry.
"Hinamori," he took a step back.
"You can't help me," she said, taking advantage of his confusion, "you never can when I need you," she threw that comment viciously at his weak spot. He had to leave; he couldn't see her break down.
For a few seconds there was complete silence, apparently she'd surprised him. She'd certainly surprised herself with those words.
"I see."
The voice that said it was cool and distant. He'd never used that tone with her before.
She looked up to see the tenth division's insignia walking away from her. She froze, unable to move from her door. It wasn't pride that held her there, it was fear.
How could I say that to you?
He wouldn't be able to forgive her this time. She'd lost someone she cared about again, and this time it was all her fault. She just watched him walk away, unable to do anything else.
What she didn't see was the hurt tears that lingered in green eyes, which grew frostier, as hurt turned to anger. Anger turned to rage, which he trapped behind the same icy façade he used to control his reiatsu.
If you don't need me, then I have no purpose.
Without you, I am nothing.
Toshiro was not having a good day. He'd had that… 'talk'- it hadn't even been an argument with Hinamori yesterday, and it had completely destroyed any possibility of anything good ever happening to him.
He was currently engaged in picking up research materials for Kurotsechi-taicho. A strange Hollow- with reiatsu patterns unpredictable enough to merit a taicho and several of his ranked officers going after it.
All the other taicho had been quick enough to come up with an excuse, except him. It was always him, he always got given the worst jobs, normally he didn't mind, but today he really did.
He took one look at the strange Hollow that raged before him, "Matsumoto, stay back," he ordered, drawing his Zanpakto.
He couldn't care less about the unknown abilities that might be present in it. He was just in the mood to beat the stuffing out of something, and this Hollow was very convenient.
Who cared if Kurotsechi wanted it alive?
Toshiro wanted it dead.
Rangiku didn't like the order, or the hurt in her taicho's big green eyes. His reiatsu didn't seem to be as calm as usual; in fact it was very badly controlled, only just reined in. She didn't think he was in any state to be in battle, but she didn't have enough rank to keep him out of it.
'Taicho, what is wrong? Is it to do with Momo-chan?'
He'd been in a bad mood ever since going to check on her yesterday. Kurosaki-taicho had made a special visit to the tenth division to tell them that Momo-chan hadn't gone into work. So Hitsugaya-taicho had gone to check on her, and had come back a completely different person.
Hitsugaya-taicho didn't waste a second, he blindly charged the Hollow, slicing it's arm off with Hyorinmaru. He landed less than a second after the Hollow began screaming.
Rangiku wondered if she was overreacting. Perhaps her taicho was just impatient, and he'd studied the creature well enough (in the two seconds before his charge) to be confident of defeating it.
Whatever it was, he certainly seemed to be handling it with no problem. He was always telling her to be careful. So she wasn't sure if she was proud or vexed by his battle strategy or lack thereof. He didn't seem to be endangering himself she decided, so she would stay out of it like he'd ordered her to.
Hitsugaya-taicho took a second swipe at the creature, and neatly split it in two.
He landed neatly in front of his officers, sheathing Hyorinmaru while the creature behind him dissolved. He walked calmly towards them and just as the last of the darkness dissolved he reached Rangiku.
"Let's go," he said walking past her, his reiatsu still stormy, and nowhere near it's usual calm state.
Rangiku took a step to follow him, her step hesitated however when she noticed the tiny trickle of blood run down his left hand. She immediately covered her hesitation by bolding walking after him.
Such a small wound wasn't at all serious, and he did have a reputation to maintain.
Still Rangiku wondered, what had put him in this mood? Because it was very a dangerous one; not only for his opponents, but for himself.
"Nei, taicho, what's wrong?" Rangiku asked cheerfully.
"Why would anything be wrong?" he asked back monotonously.
Rangiku wondered if she should reply truthfully, or lie… which would get better results?
"You were in an odd mood, and careless with that Hollow, that's not like you," she used the truth, but modified it… a lot- what did they call that? - 'Damage control'
She pulled out the bandaid. The cut on his left shoulder from the Hollow- a lucky slice with it's fangs while he had been spliting it's head, was as long as her little finger and barely even a cut, it was so thin, but strangely deep. She'd decided to bandaid it, because every time he stretched or even moved his shoulder, he reopened it, and the trickles of blood were a nuisance to clean up.
"It was nothing really, just… an awkward day yesterday," he said neutrally.
Rangiku decided to talk to Momo-chan as soon as she got the chance. 'Awkward' was obviously not the right word for whatever had happened between them yesterday. 'Catastrophic' was probably closer to the truth.
She carefully placed the bandaid over the cut, and smoothed it on gently, but he still winced.
"Sorry taicho," she immediately said, feeling very mother-like in this role.
"No, you were very gentle, it just stings for some reason," he gave her a tired smile. He pulled his gi back up, and readjusted the ties, resettling his robes to hang properly.
"Arigato Matsumoto," he said, before leaving the office.
Rangiku watched him leave in disbelief; he really had to be upset.
Tomorrow was the last day of the month- all the month's paperwork was due in by then, and they still had some to finish.
She waited fifteen minutes just to be sure, but finally realised that he wasn't returning. He'd actually left her with the paperwork…
She finally settled herself at a desk and began on one stack, keeping a careful eye on the door. If anyone knew she would actually do paperwork without being yelled at, her reputation was gone. She was worried about him though, really worried.
End of Part One. I hope you liked it, please R & R- I can't get any better unless I know what I am doing wrong!! Translation of Japanese Words:
Arigato- Thank you
Ba- old woman/grandma
Baka- Idiot
Chan- a suffix indicating a close relationship, often used by girls and when addressing someone younger.
Dai Suki- I like/love you (since it is more casual than 'Aishiteru', it is more common, very common in first time confessions of love/liking)
Fukutaicho- Vice-Captain/Vice Unit Commander
Gambatte- Go for it/Come on (encouraging word... almost a cheer)
Hai- Yes/Correct
Kawaii- Cute/pretty
Kun- a suffix considered quite familiar, often used for addressing classmates and friends.
Ma- hey/okay (used twice in a sentence, sort of like saying, okay okay- as in calm down- sort of patronising I suppose)
Nei- Hey
Reiatsu- Soul Power
Rukongai- This is part of Soul Society outside of Seireitei, anyone not in Seireitei dwells here.
Sama- honorific- generally means master/lord, used only in cases of high respect.
San- a suffix considered polite, often used for addressing people who you don't know well.
Seireitei- The city in Soul Society where the Shinigami and nobility dwell.
Shinigami- Death God
Shunpo- Flash Steps
Soutaicho- Head Captain/Commander General
Taicho- Captain/Unit Commander
Tensai- Genius
Tsuki- derivative from 'dai tsuki'
Yukata- light cotton robe, sometimes used for sleeping in, but can also be daywear.
Zanpakto- Soul Slayer (the sword a Shinigami carries)
--I think I covered any words people might be unfamiliar with, but if I missed one let me know!!