Wilted

Truths and roses have thorns about them – Thoreau

'Lilies are funeral flowers, did you know?' said Lily with a grin. 'People use them in funeral homes to mask the smell of the dead.'

'Muggles do, you mean?' said Severus with a scowl. 'And as far as I'm concerned, all lilies do is give me headaches.'

'You're not talking about the flowers, are you?' said Lily mockingly as she nudged him between the ribs with her elbow. 'C'mon, what's on your mind, Sev?'

Severus and Lily had been picking apart the petals of several white lilies during Potions. Professor Slughorn had paired them together, as he always did, and the two of them were more than happy to work together despite the glares they got from both of their houses. Their mutual love for Potions had brought them even closer since the day they met, though lately, it seemed to be the only thing holding them together.

Severus merely grunted in response. 'You're not bundling them up properly,' he said as he snatched the petals from her hand.

'What's gotten into you!' Lily shrieked. Her voice echoed through the classroom. 'Give them back. I was doing just fine bundling them up, thank you very much!'

Severus ignored her cries of outrage, bundled up the petals and tossed them into their cauldron, causing their potion to turn pearly white. 'After four years, you really should know—'

'Keep it down, please!' said Professor Slughorn as he waddled his way up to them, disappointment dripping from his face. 'What is the meaning of this? I'll speak to you after class. Both of you!'

Lily glared angrily at Severus, but Severus was staring down at his feet. His hair hanging in front of his face in a poor attempt to hide the shame.

No more words were exchanged until all the students had left the classroom. Slughorn shut the classroom's door with frustration and turned to the two friends with a glare he usually only reserved for the less talented students.

'My last lesson of the year,' Slughorn cried. 'My last lesson of the year, and my two most talented students decide to no longer support each other with their work. I demand an explanation. Speak up!'

'I don't know what's gotten into him,' said Lily, her voice dark. 'He's been agitated lately. And snappy, and distant...and cold.' Tears were starting to form in her eyes, causing the shimmer of her green irises to fade. 'He hasn't exactly been a friend—'

'Shut it!' snapped Severus angrily. 'You don't understand! YOU DON'T UNDERSTAND ANYTHING!'

With a rough kick, Lily pushed her chair aside, stormed her way to the door and shut it with a harsh blow. Only the simmering of the liquid in the cauldron could be heard as Slughorn picked up the chair and sat down beside Severus. 'You're not even going to attempt to run after her?' he asked coldly.

Severus was still looking down at the floor, his hands balled into fists in frustration. His hair still covered his face. 'It would be best if I didn't,' he said, his voice growing weak.

'I'm wise enough to know that this is not about Potions,' said Slughorn. 'What is it that Miss Evans doesn't understand – according to you – Mister Snape?'

'You already know the answer to that, Professor,' said Severus. 'You're the Head of Slytherin House, after all.'

'If you're talking about many of my house's students' sudden political interest,' said Slughorn, 'I can assure you, there is nothing I can do to prevent that from happening. I can, however, learn to try and understand your motives. You are pushing Miss Evans away. This is not without reason.'

'Why are you so concerned with my private life, Professor?' said Severus with a sneer. He looked up and waved at a shelf full of photographs of former students. 'All you want is for the both of us to end up there.'

'That is not true, and you know it,' said Professor Slughorn sharply. 'What makes me so fond of you and Miss Evans is not just your talents in the subject that I teach, but it's also the odds that the two of you defy. Odds, I fear, that are slipping through your fingers.'

'You don't understand,' Severus repeated.

'Then help me understand,' said Slughorn.

Severus knew that Slughorn's words were neither a question or request. He would be stuck in this classroom with the professor until he finally had some answers. Answers that could potentially do more harm than good.

'And don't lie to me,' Slughorn added. 'I don't need to use Veritaserum to know when you are lying.'

'I doubt that,' said Severus casually, but deep inside, he knew that Professor Slughorn was more talented and experienced than he led on. He had already been a man, after all, during the reign of Grindelwald. The difficulties of war were nothing new to him.

'Just tell me what's going on, Mister Snape,' said Slughorn, emotions re-joining his voice. 'I'd hate to see your heart broken.'

"So he knows that much," Severus thought. Slughorn knew about many of his students becoming followers of the Dark Lord. He knew about the tension between him and Lily, and he also knew about his feelings for her. Perhaps, it was better to come clean about it, but that would mean facing the truth, and like roses, truths have thorns about them.

Tension lingered in the air. The room went quiet for a while, but Slughorn was patient and didn't stir as Severus tried to get his act together. Severus released the stress from his fists and rested his hands on his knees. He arched his back, causing his long black hair to reveal his eyes, and turned his head to Slughorn. 'She can't be my friend,' he said eventually. 'She can't be...because of this uprising war.'

'Please explain yourself,' said Slughorn without a tone of judgement.

'She's a Muggle-born witch, as you know,' said Severus sharply. 'The only thing protecting her at this point are the walls of this castle, but out there...out there, she will need to be protected in different ways.'

'And what exactly do you plan on doing?' asked Slughorn, catching onto the direction Severus was heading.

'I need her to no longer be my friend,' said Severus with a tremble in his voice. 'I need her to shove me aside and I need her to hate me. I need to become the thing that she hates the most because that's the only way I can make sure they will perceive her as someone insignificant.'

'They?'

'The Death Eaters.'

'You're a powerful wizard, Mister Snape. Do you really believe that joining this radical group will change the outcome of her position in the Wizarding World?'

'The only thing more powerful than my magic are my words, Professor.' Unknowingly, a tear had started to form in Severus's eye, and it fell into the pearly white liquid inside the cauldron, causing it to turn as dark as ink.

Professor Slughorn looked at Severus with great sadness. 'I cannot stop you from doing what you wish to do, but can I please...please give you one piece of advice?'

Severus wiped away any remaining tears from his eyes. Feeling vulnerable wasn't something he wanted to bring to light in front of anyone. He pulled himself together by breathing deeply. 'What is it?' he asked, his voice growing stronger again.

'Tell her you love her, before you let her go.'

…

It didn't take long for Severus to find Lily by the dirt and litter strewn riverbank of Cokeworth. He sat down beside her in the grass and watched her as she enjoyed the sunlight on her face with her eyes closed, the wind causing her hair to dance. He had mumbled the words "I love you" inaudibly over and over again since the day Professor Slughorn had given him that piece of advice. The beginning of their fifth year at Hogwarts was approaching and he knew in his heart that the distance between them at school would eventually tear them apart.

'I brought biscuits,' Severus said to break the silence. 'Mum made some. I know how much you like them.'

Lily opened her eyes and smiled. 'I do love Eileen's biscuits.'

They shared a couple of biscuits in silence until Severus could hold it no longer. 'Lily, there's something I need to tell you before we go back to school.'

'You know you can tell me anything, Sev,' said Lily as she enjoyed another biscuit in sweet delight.

Severus sighed as he looked her straight in the eye. 'I'm just not sure if it's something that you wish to hear.'

'You've always shared everything with me since the day we met,' said Lily as she placed a warm hand on his arm. 'I know about your family's situation. I know about the people you call friends at school. I know about your obsession with Dark Magic, and I'm still here. I'm not going anywhere.'

Severus knew better than that. For her own good, she would have to go and leave him at some point, one way or another, but not today. Today was different. Today still belonged to them, and them alone.

Carefully Severus took a hold of her hand and entwined his fingers between hers. 'I love you,' he blurted out, a little rushed. 'And I'm sorry,' he added.

Lily leaned up against him and rested her head against his shoulder. 'I love you too, Sev,' she said with a gentle squeeze of her hand. 'What are you sorry for?'

'Everything,' he said.