Beloved

Author's Note: One of the earlier pieces i did, which somehow reminds me of school, or maybe just my relationship with God at that time. I've always loved the character of David in the Bible as well. Too me, he was handsome, a gifted musician and a man close to God's heart.

* * *

The silence numbs, penetrating my mind in soft velvety tones. I can hear the slight tap of wind against the sill, the rustles of paper caught up in a faint draft, distant melodies from the upper chambers as they drift down into this dusty crevice. Warm, flickering candlelight touches my face, soft smoke making me drowsy. I close my eyes. Drifting, slowly drifting. Willingly, unashamedly my mind slips into gentle transcendence, my spirit drifts past stone walls into open meadows where it is free from the constraints that try to bind it. I slip as light and free as a gazelle through green pastures, longing, yearning to be with the one I love.

Beloved.

'My God, where are you?'

I am beside you, before you…within you…

I feel so alive, so totally free. I frolic like a frisky lamb in the spring season. I can feel a gentle presence next to me; at once placid and yet terrifying, and I can barely contain my wonder. The pastures are a lustrous dark green in the pre-dawn light, wet from the rain the night before. I can feel the air, fresh and fragrant against my face, the smoky grey morning wrapping around me, mysterious, resplendent.

'My Lord! My God. Where are you taking me?'

There is laughter in His silence, in the gaps between his words. His voice rolls like the stream, like the bubbling brook. 'To the mountains beloved…'

I am confused only for a second as I only see the pastures around me and the cool, still dawn. But then, the ground gives way beneath my feet, and instead of falling, I am flying, flying through the air, climbing higher and higher, the world spreading out below me. I feel like an eagle as I fly high, high above the rest of the world, the presence of the Most High beside me. The Earth stretches like a quilt before me, patchwork green, stitched with blue; beautiful, shimmering in the early morning light. My breath catches in my throat.

'It is beautiful, my Lord.'

David… I have missed you. Why haven't you talked to me lately…?

I start, risking a glance at the light-filled presence by my side, numbed by his words, his sadness. 'My Lord, I'm sorry… I…I've just … there's been so much to do… I don't know what I…'

I've been waiting for you Beloved…I've waited for you for days…but you never came … Can you not at least give me some of your time? Are you really too busy for me…?

I look down ashamed. It is though He can see into my very soul.

'I know how it sounds… but my mind is in turmoil at present… the war strategies, my soldiers…Saul's foul moods which appear and disappear like apparitions…"

If you only knew, Beloved, how I wished to ease your burdens these past weeks… if you only knew how willing I was to take your tiredness, your burdens, your sadness… if only you gave your troubles to me…I would have given you rest…

I can barely look up at the light-filled presence next to me, my eyes burning with un-shed tears and my heart filled with remorse. 'I am sorry for not coming to you sooner, my Lord. I'm so sorry…'

I feel a light touch on my arm that passes through my body like a surge of warmth. Warm arms wrap around me until I can scarcely breathe for the wonder of it all. I feel so unworthy, so undeserving to be wrapped in such goodness and loved beyond understanding.

Come now, David. I have much to show you…

I stand as if on the pinnacle of creation, and am shown many things; things old and things new… the Dawn of new ages, of horrible times still to come… I shiver contemplating these things, His glory prevailing overall. And in comparison I feel as small as the tiniest creature on Earth.

And then the heavens split open and I can see heavenly beings circling the throne of God.

And the light… it's blinding…

It's a living entity of its own…light that breathes, that gives life that destroys…

The heart of the Universe that is God…

And the music emanating all around pierces my soul…

rising,

climbing higher, higher,

cadence of sweetness,

of melodies too complex, too beautiful…

And we sing together, music ringing in my ears…

* * *

I awake as if from a reverie, my cheek sticking to the parchment I was supposed to be studying, the slight tap on the window sill, the distant melodies…

Have I been dreaming?

But no… surely not…

I cannot think for the restlessness that fills my soul. I rush up to the upper chambers, two steps at a time. Jonathan stares at me strangely as I come bounding into the room like a young cub. I reach for my harp with trembling hands, closing my eyes against the world. What was it? That elusive melody that so surpassed anything I had ever heard on earth. So strange, so… beautiful.

'David… what's going on…?' I can hear Jonathan's voice, slightly amused, slightly concerned. He is used to my strange outbursts. I put my finger to my lips and proceed to play, slowly at first and then louder, as my confidence grows. The music spills out of me, like light, filling the room, banishing the darkness. I feel strangely exhilarated as I come to a close; open and vulnerable. Jonathan's eyes are bright.

'That was beautiful…' he murmurs. 'Did you compose it just now?'

I laugh, pulling him into a warm embrace and pressing a kiss to his cheek.

'I didn't, my brother. God did. But only when I was willing enough to hear it.'