TODAY.
Han Solo was the closest he had ever felt to Heaven.
He was laid with his head resting in Leia Organa's lap, looking up at her smiling face.
They were on a grass bank, the sun shining down on them and a stream babbled close by.
Her hair was impossibly long, flowing down her entire body and forming a blanket beneath them.
The fingers of Leia's left hand tousled the hair at the nape of his neck.
She was speaking but he couldn't hear her words.
Or wasn't listening.
He was too busy thinking that this was what it was like being with the one you love.
And he wondered just what he had done to be so deserving of this level of fulfilment.
And just how it was that he had gotten to this place in his life.
And that was where the dream ended.
Han woke with a start, his neck stiff from sleeping with it twisted to one side.
Leia was indeed beside him. But not as she had been in his dream.
She was in a medical biobed, a bacta cage covering her torso treating the injuries she had received.
She was unconscious, a state induced by Luke in order to let her Jedi senses aid her recovery.
So that he could aid her recovery Han corrected himself tersely and found himself again wondering just how it was that he had gotten to this place in his life.
Stupidity.
Pure and simple.
He had taken his eye off the ball.
And Leia was paying the price.
xxxxxxxxxxxx
YESTERDAY.
Han Solo smiled his cock-eyed smile.
"The thing is Leia, I'm a woman and you're a man." He said to his reflection.
His brow furrowed.
"No, I mean you're a man and I'm a woman."
He huffed, looked down into the pool of water in the basin beneath his hands and sighed. Okay, let's try that again.
"You see the thing is Leia, when a man loves a woman..." Han grimaced at himself. "No, that sounds like the kind of talk a father has with his son!"
Chewie grumbled a long sentence from somewhere down the ship.
"Yeah, well, that might work on lady Wookiees but trust me Leia would not be impressed!"
Han finished washing his hands, dried them and let the water run away.
He wore his best Military blues.
Leia liked him in blues.
She'd never said as much, but he'd caught her checking him out every time he wore them so he tended to do so whenever he knew they were going to be spending an evening alone.
And although they weren't going to be entirely on their own this evening, once dinner with Tycho Celchu and Winter was over and when he and Leia finally were alone Han planned on asking Leia to spend the night with him.
Things had been going pretty well for them recently. They'd found time to talk, to learn a little more about one another and to let their love grow. Or to start to at least.
"So, how do I look?" Han asked Chewbacca.
Chewie considered a moment then yarled a response.
"Yeah, like you'd know!" Han complained. "Okay, remember what I said. I don't want interrupting
even if the ship gets stolen by pirates and crashed into a nebula. Got it?"
Chewie growled something about Han going soft, then softened himself and told his friend not to make him regret the life debt he felt he owed. It was as close to a 'good luck' as a Wookiee got.
"Oh, and don't wait up." Han smiled and winked at Chewie.
xxxxxxxxxxxx
TODAY.
Han tried to unwrinkle the kink in his neck without success, leaned forward and took hold of Leia's hand. She felt cold, clammy.
This wasn't quite how he had imagined their first night together to be.
And he hoped with all of his heart that it wasn't also their last.
He half heard a door hiss open and was dimly aware of someone standing beside him.
Then Luke spoke. "You need some rest."
"I'm fine." Han answered, clearly far from fine.
"She needs you to be strong too, you know." Luke said, taking a seat beside Han.
"This is my fault Luke. I should have been looking after her." Han said.
"It's no one's fault Han. And certainly not yours." Luke replied. "Go get some rest. There's nothing you can do for her right now."
"I'm staying put." Han said, stubbornly.
Luke thought about trying to reason with him. Decided he would be wasting both his time and his breath and left.
Han sat and continued holding Leia's hand, trying to sense the life returning to her.
xxxxxxxxxxxx
YESTERDAY.
Han Solo slumped into a sofa, rested his head on it's soft cushions, closed his eyes and sighed.
"I thought they'd never leave!" He complained.
"I thought you liked Tycho." Leia said.
"I do." Han replied, lifting his head and looking at Leia. "It's her. She's so...so..."
"Difficult sometimes?" Leia finished for him, taking a seat opposite.
"Exactly!" He said.
"Hmm..." She smiled and tapped a manicured finger against her cheek. "Who does that remind me of I wonder?"
"No way Leia. We are totally different people her and me. I mean, did you hear all those digs she had at me through dinner?"
"You were rather rushing your food." Leia admonished.
"I wanted to spend time with you, not eat a fourteen course taster menu!" Han responded. "And that squidgy little green thing, who knew you were supposed to leave the head behind!"
"Han." Leia said, leaning forward.
"You know, where I come from you're lucky to have one knife and fork. How was I supposed to know which of the dozen or so pieces of cutlery I was supposed to use for the third entree!" He continued.
"Han." Leia repeated.
"Urgh, and that last thing. What was that? It tasted like one of Chewie's furballs!"
"Han!" Leia said, more sharply this time. "There's something we need to talk about."
Han patted the sofa beside him and said. "I'm all ears."
Leia paused a moment, then moved to sit beside him.
"The thing is..." She started.
"I think I know where this is going..." Han interrupted, sliding an arm across the back of the sofa, his fingertips resting on her shoulder. "And it's kind of funny really."
"Funny?" Leia queried.
"Not funny amusing, funny ironic. You see, I was thinking the same thing and well, I have to say, I think it's kind of liberated of you to bring the subject up."
"I don't think I follow." Leia said shaking her head.
Han gently moved closer to her, his arm sliding to wrap around her shoulders whilst his other hand softly caressed her cheek.
"You've been thinking about us." He said. "And you've been thinking that maybe it's time our relationship became more..." He paused, wanting to gauge her response as he said, "intimate."
However, her response wasn't quite what he had expected.
She looked at first bewildered then almost terrified, before pushing him away at the sound of the door sliding aside as Winter returned.
"Back so soon!" Han hissed, releasing Leia and sitting up straight.
"Am I interrupting anything?" Winter asked, observing Han's nervous state and Leia's apparent unease.
"No. No, of course not." Leia told her, rising and smoothing down her dress as she so often did when flustered. "Han and I were just talking about..the um..the future."
Leia moved over to the dining table and started stacking dishes.
"You seem disappointed General." Winter commented.
"Let's just say I wasn't expecting the evening to pan out in quite the way it did." Han said.
"You must agree it is a marvellous opportunity for her Highness." Winter continued.
"For both of us!" Han mumbled beneath his breath then said to Winter. "Opportunity? What opportunity?"
Winter looked between Leia and Han.
"Perhaps I should clear the dishes whilst you inform the General of your plans." Winter said to Leia.
Leia smoothed her dress again, even though it didn't need smoothing and retook the seat opposite Han.
"I leave in the morning for a six month tour of the Outer Rim territories." She said.
"Six months!" Han almost exploded.
"As Winter said, it's a marvellous opportunity." Leia explained.
"A marvellous opportunity to do what?" Han questioned.
"To do my job!" Leia answered angrily.
"I thought you were 'doing your job' in the Senate." He spat back at her.
"Winter, would you leave us?" Leia asked her friend.
Winter glanced first at Han then back at Leia, before nodding her head and taking what she could carry through to the kitchen area.
Leia took a breath before returning her attention to Han.
"If you're upset with me because you think I'm doing a good job in the Senate then that's fine. But if you're only upset with me because you think my going away will mess up your plans then I'm sorry, but you have no right!" She told him calmly.
"I just blew it with us, didn't I?" He said, equally calmly.
"You haven't 'blown' anything. Your timing's just a little off that's all." Leia replied.
Leia moved over to sit again beside Han. "It's only six months. And when I'm back, we'll have some time together. I promise."
"Yeah, right. Like you promised we'd find time to be together when you first came to Coruscant." He replied, pushing to his feet.
"Han, don't go. Not like this. We need to talk this through." She reasoned.
"You need to research your visits. I'll see you in six months. Maybe. If I'm not off on a mission of my own." With that he was gone.
Back to the Falcon to sulk probably Leia thought.
Truth was, Han knew what Leia was about when he got involved. He knew she wasn't about to change for him and he didn't want her to.
xxxxxxxxxxxx
TODAY.
Leia's hand had twitched. He'd felt it for himself. The med techs said it was likely to be localised electro static activity but to Han it was a sign she was recovering. Luke had told him it was important that he talk to her. He said she needed to know he was there for her and hearing him talk to her would be therapeutic.
Winter, naturally, found it easy.
As did Luke.
And of course Threepio managed to chatter away until Han wanted to slip into unconsciousness right alongside Leia.
But somehow Han found it difficult just to talk to her and not have her answer him back.
He cleared his throat anyway.
"Hey." He said. "So, how are you doing?...I mean, I know you're not doing so great. Doesn't take a genius to work that one out."
He sat back and released her hand.
"This is stupid! You can't hear me. You can't hear what I really want to say."
He leaned down, his face close to her ear.
"I want to tell you how sorry I am. And that you were right. As usual. I was only upset with you for going away. It felt like I was on cloud city all over again, only this time it was you being taken away from me not the other way around."
Han scanned the medical bay. Nobody was paying him any attention, the med techs were at their benches tending to whatever it was med techs tended to and the med droids were similarly occupied.
"I never told you what it was like being frozen in carbonite. It was how I imagine you must feel right now. Unable to move. Unable to communicate. Catching the odd snatch of sound. It was the closest thing to being dead without actually being dead. There's just you and your thoughts. Wondering where you are? If you'll ever get out? If the people you care about are okay? If they'll still be alive if or when you finally do get out? People have been known to go insane inside carbonite, that's why they outlawed it's use on humans. Guess I was lucky. If it hadn't been for you and Chewie, Lando and the kid, I guess I'd still be hanging there on Jabba's wall. I don't think I ever told you how much it meant to me, knowing you came after me. Taking time away from the Rebellion to come save me. Me! Han Solo! So I'm telling you now Leia, just in case I don't get another chance. It meant everything to me that you would do that. I owe you my life. I owe you..." He trailed off, not sure what more to add.
He was hers, heart and soul.
And in truth, she already knew that.
"General." Winter said from behind him. "Time to go."
Han hadn't been aware of her entering the medical bay and wasn't sure he cared much that she had heard his speech.
"Don't you people listen. I'm going nowhere." He growled, interlacing his fingers with Leia's and covering it with his other hand.
"Ordinarily General I'd understand. However, the medics need to check Her Highness' wounds and change her bacta dressings. I'm sure you appreciate they cannot do that with you sat by her side." Winter explained.
Reluctantly, Han released Leia's hand, rose and softly kissed her forehead. "Be back later sweetheart. Don't go anywhere."
xxxxxxxxxxxx
YESTERDAY.
"No!" Han answered her flatly.
"But, it's the perfect solution." Leia answered back.
"For you maybe. For me, I get to play nurse-maid for six months. So, thanks. But no thanks."
Han turned back to his beloved ship and checked a panel that needed no checking.
"I think I asked you to join my security team, not be my nanny!" Leia said.
"I know what you said and I know how you tried to make the job description seem more appealing, but it amounts to the same thing. I'd spend six months walking three steps in front or two steps behind you. So I say again, thanks but no thanks."
"You are the most stubborn...cantankerous...obstinate..." Leia barked.
"Now, if you were to offer me say, Chief of Security, then I might be tempted." Han suggested.
"Chief of Security? How am I supposed to swing that?" Leia asked.
"Well I don't know Leia. Maybe it depends on how much you want me to tag along with you."
"I'm making no promises." Leia said, her eyes narrowed.
"I'll wait to hear from you." He said, grinning.
xxxxxxxxxxxx
TODAY.
The medics seemed to take longer every time they checked Leia over.
Sometimes he thought they took so long just so Winter could stand over him giving him her disapproving glare.
Sometimes he feared they took so long because that was how badly injured she was.
Mostly he believed they took so long because they were thorough and they were doing their very best for Leia.
It was just a pity he hadn't extended her the same courtesy!
He felt the overwhelming pang of guilt and rubbed his face with his hands as if doing so would take the feelings away.
"By the way. General Rieekan says he's still waiting for your report." Winter said.
"Haven't had time." Han answered.
"He thought you'd say that. He suggested that you make time." Winter responded.
"Look, what does he want from me, huh? It was my fault, okay!" Han barked, rising and starting to pace the corridor.
"He wants to know what happened. The sequence of events. It's standard procedure. I would have expected you to know that." Winter said.
"I never should have gone. It's as simple as that." Han said, shaking his head
"That's a start I suppose." Winter agreed. "What happened after you shouldn't have gone."
Han looked at her. Maybe it would help. Maybe it wouldn't be so bad telling someone else. Even if that someone was Winter.
It could have been worse, it could have been Luke asking him how it was he came to let Leia down so badly.
With a breath, he started. "Leia wanted to go to the market. She said she'd done all the meeting and greeting and hand-shaking and just wanted to get out and meet the people. There were no alerts, no reason to think she was in any danger so I stupidly agreed. I figured it might be good for her to just mingle. To hear what people were talking about, what made their world rock and what didn't. Like I said, there were no reports of suspicious activity. Nothing that gave any cause for concern. So, she changed into some tired-looking pant suit or something and I made her wear this cloak with a kind of snood thing so as to try and hide her identity a little. Not that it worked so well, I mean how do you disguise one of the most recognisable faces in the New Republic."
"How indeed?" Winter asked.
"Funny thing is, she seemed so comfortable. So at ease. The tension I'd felt from her all day just seem to melt away." He smiled at the memory. The first time in days his face had displayed any emotion other than concern. "She'd curled her hair at the ends where it hung outside the snood. She looked...beautiful. You know, ordinary but, oh so beautiful."
"You told her so?" Winter probed.
"There was this kid..." Han started.