Numb. That must be the only way to describe it. Feeling so lonely that no matter what little things you do to keep yourself occupied, you still feel like nothing could penetrate the shell-shocking loneliness that comes with it. Feeling the need to be listened to, the need to have someone. Everyone else seems to achieve happiness for themselves so easily; they seem to naturally be able to communicate. Feeling the need to stop feeling. Is this normal? The deafening silence that hums through your brain when going through your day.

Would that person care if you died tomorrow?

Electrifyingly numb. That's what it is.

She walked into the convenience store, slowly trudging through the aisles with a shopping basket in the crook of her arm. The hum that echoed through her mind continued as it always seemed to. Haltingly stopping in front of a section of chips and sweets, she stared distantly while scooping at least ten bags of junk food into her basket. It was like a comatose. The whole past two years seemed like a comatose with no end in sight. She heard someone speaking to her from what seemed like a very faraway place and blinked, trying to block the distant feeling she usually had.

She looked to her left and saw no one before her skin got goose bumps. Someone's hand rested on her shoulder to her right and she instinctively tried to shrug it off, shuddering from the physical contact.

"Amu?" a concerned yet familiar voice broke through the humming in her brain momentarily. No. No. She slowly glanced to look at his face and sighed heavily when she caught a glimpse of cobalt hair.

"Bye." The girl turned on her heel and tried to put a little more effort into making it to the cashier, attempting to block out the upset talking of the man behind her. She felt a strong hand grip her shoulder again and she dropped her basket, the contents spilling onto the floor while Amu shivered and gripping her stomach. Her back stayed turned to her former acquaintance while he bent down to pick up all the items of food she had planned to buy.

"Amu, I-"

"Leave me alone." She cut him off quickly before snatching her basket out of his hands again. Amu continued to shiver under all the layers of oversized clothing while her partially pink hair fell in front of her face. Her eyes widened a little when she realized how he had recognized her; she had been in her own world for so long that her brown roots had grown out a few inches and the pink hair she rebelliously dyed was faded.

"That stuff isn't healthy for you, why can't I take your somewhere for dinner? Sushi, like old times?" The man tried to smile and followed her quickly as the half-brunette dumped the contents of her basket by the cash register and fumbled to get her wallet while the worker scanned her food.

"Ikuto, go away. Don't ever talk to me again. We're graduated. We're in separate worlds." Amu mumbled her words together, the young adult shoving money toward the teenage boy who was ringing her out before he was even close to half way done. Ikuto stared at her with a frown on his face, reaching out to touch the end of her bleached pink hair. Her eyes widened and she pivoted away, slapping his hand as hard as she could. They started at each other quietly while the teenager tried to check her out faster, wanting the two to leave the convenience store at this ungodly hour of the morning.

"You used to have beautiful hair when it was natural. Why would you chop it off and color it?" He narrowed his eyes and reached to touch her hair again. The last time he had seen her, her natural brunette hair was past the bottom of her ribcage while now it barely went to her shoulders with the uneven dying job.

"You're old enough to be married by now, why don't you go and have fun with someone else?" Amu diverted her eyes, changing to subject quickly and receiving her change. She scrambled to grab her groceries and walked towards her apartment, not bothering to put her hood up as Amu trekked into the pouring rain. She heard Ikuto jog to catch up and she broke into a run, panting while blindly wandering into the darkness. Cursing when she realized that she had made a wrong turn, she hid under the eaves of a restaurant while shaking the water of her hair the best she could.

Amu crossed her fingers that she had lost him, that she could have possibly confused him and that he would leave this area forever. That he would leave her life forever. She held her breathe in when she heard loud and heavy footsteps splash into a puddle nearby and steadily get closer. Within thirty seconds he was in front of her and breathing hard just as she did, doubling over to catch his breath.

"They say that by cutting your hair, you can sometimes cut off memories you had." She murmured to him, staring at him as he continued to catch his breath.

"Cutting hair doesn't make people disappear, Amu. It didn't and will not make me disappear." He stood to his full height and stared down at her, still partially in the rain but keeping his eyes locked on hers.

"Ikuto. Go away. Go hire some whore and have fun with her. You had your fun messing with me in college, but I'm done. Do you know what you did? What you left me like?" Amu's voice cracked a little as she glared at him angrily. Receiving no response, she turned and slowly walked back to her apartment. Ikuto stood staring after her in the rain, clenching his fists.

"Do you believe in second chances?" He called after her, thunder crackling and lightning filling the sky with bursts of white as she glanced over her shoulder and shook her head slowly. Amu continued to walk away until she turned the corner and disappeared from his sight and maybe his life.

Ikuto crouched down in the rain and held his head in his hands, his eyebrows furrowing together as he squeezed his eyes shut in focus while he processed everything. He had seen Amu for the first time in years since college and he had messed up.

Again.

Should he have kept following her? What if she had called the police? Was it too late? He gripped his head harder and muttered to himself.

"Damn it. Damn it. DAMN IT." He had blown enough of the chances he had with Amu, maybe he should have given up before he had broken her.

Amu pushed her way through into her apartment, flipping on a dim light and throwing the bags of junk food onto the ground for her cat to investigate. She made her way through to the bathroom and viciously stripped her wet clothes off, chucking them to a corner and turning the water on to be as hot as it would go. The woman walked into the shower and stood with her back to the shower head to let the water beat on her shoulders and fill the room up with steam. Amu stared at the wet hair that hung in her face, namely the brown hair that protruded from her roots and grew at least two or three inches down before her hair turned a faded pink. She abruptly turned off the water after a few more minutes and stepped out, not bothering to dry herself off before she walked to throw more pink hair dye on the counter. She'd be damned if anyone else from before recognized her.

She slowly dressed in more heavy clothing; a penalty to the recent lifestyle she had was that she always seemed to be cold. Insomnia, unhealthy eating, and little time outside was said to slowly eat at a person's wellbeing but at this point Amu felt that it didn't matter if she physically felt as numb as she did mentally and emotionally.

The woman cut her hair more and dyed it again that night. She ate to her fill and then ate more, just to relish the feeling before deciding to fast for days. She watched television unaccompanied as she had for years and felt as broken as she had for years. Her stomach churned with uneasiness and her brain once again switched back to humming. Back to blocking everything out and trying to erase those memories. Those memories he just had to have resurfaced.

Little did she know that she would soon wake up from her comatose.

Thank you for reading! Most of this is a vent fanfiction so please bear with me~ Criticisms are encouraged, as are grammar corrections and anything to help improve my skill as a writer.

-Should I continue this?

-What possible things do you think happened between Amu and Ikuto?