Calming The Rage
What remained of the Tharshanian Royal Court stood frozen, staring in mute shock at the tableau before them. In the middle of the vast throne room were the last two surviving royal heirs of the once large Tharshanian royal family.
"I will kill you," Princess Aridi hissed, pressing the barrel of the laser harder against her brother's temple. "Don't think for one second I won't."
From his position knelt on the floor between two officers of the royal guard, the defeated Prince snarled. "Then do it! What are you waiting for? Just do it and complete your triumph!"
Aridi swallowed hard, her iridescent blue eyes shining with unshed tears, and the hand holding the laser trembled. "You think I lack the strength, Brasi? I will do this because the stain of you needs to be removed. I need take no joy in this moment in order to accept that the responsibility of ending you is mine." Clicking off the safety switch, the princess hit the charge button, and the only sound heard in the chamber for several minutes was the ominous hum of the weapon as it came to life.
"Wait."
Heads turned towards the speaker as he came forward, his ancient eyes filled with sorrow, beneath a fringe of floppy brown hair. It was the alien who had arrived two weeks ago, before the prince had begun his secret reign of terror. The alien who had appeared unannounced before the king, shown him a strange document, and had instantly been accepted into his private counsel.
"You don't need to do this, Ari. You really don't." There was a calming quality to the stranger's voice, which instantly eased some of the tension roiling about the room. Hesitantly he stepped closer to the princess, his arms held up at chest height, palms facing out in a pacifying gesture. "Please, Ari. Killing Brasi won't bring the others back. You know this."
"He deserves to die for what he has done, Doctor." Aridi's entire body was shaking now, the armed laser wavering in her grasp dangerously as she fought to control her grief and anger.
"Perhaps he does, but you don't need to be his executioner." Ever so slowly the Doctor stretched out one hand, placing it over Aridi's grasp on the laser. A tear ran down the Tharshanian's cheek and she swallowed a sob, pulling against the the Time Lord's grip. "Ari, look at me. Please look at me." Aridi looked up to meet the Doctor's expression of grave sadness. A tiny sob escaped her lips and a handful of tears followed the first in a stream down her face. "These eyes of mine, they have seen and dealt a lot of death. You don't want eyes like mine, Ari, I promise you. Please, give me the laser. End this now."
With a loud sob Aridi threw herself against the Time Lord's chest, releasing the laser into his steady hand. Sighing heavily the Doctor switched off the weapon and enfolded the shaking princess in a warm embrace. Closing his eyes, he kissed the top of her head then turned to the trio frozen before him, his expression hardening into something fearsome and cold as he glared at the prince.
"Lock Brasi up. Let your judiciary deal with him. Thirteen counts of murder ought to be enough to see him incarcerated until his death."
The Tharshanian royal guards nodded obediently, and just like that the unbearable business was done.
The Doctor was pushing his key into the TARDIS lock when the new Tharshanian queen swept into his room in the palace without knocking. "Leaving without saying goodbye, Doctor?" Aridi asked knowingly, and the Time Lord shook his head in defeat before turning to face her.
"I was just… I mean…" Straightening his bowtie awkwardly he sighed. "Oh fine. Yes, I was sneaking off. I'm not fond of goodbyes. Somehow they seem so terribly final. Sometimes it feels like I'm courting endings faster than beginnings." Smiling faintly at the confused look on the young Tharshanian's face, the Doctor leaned back against the TARDIS doors and folded his arms across his chest. Aridi had seated herself by the window, the sun shining through the glass, making the thin metalworking of the crown glow like a golden halo upon her brow. "The crown suits you, Ari," the Doctor said softly. "You wear it well."
"Not that I was ever meant to…" her words trailed off and she gave herself a shake, turning to face the Time Lord with a quizzical eye. "Before you leave I need to know something, Doctor. Why did you stop me that day? Why didn't you let me just kill Brasi? This is not your world. You have no personal stake here. You had no reason to step forward as you did."
Exhaling slowly the Doctor stared at his feet for several minutes while the Tharshanian queen waited expectantly for his answer. When he finally raised his head his face was more lined and aged than Aridi had ever seen it. The sight of it shocked her on his usually youthful features.
"If there is one thing I've learned in my exceptionally long life," he began slowly, "it's that it is easier to forgive yourself for something you have almost done, than it is to forgive yourself for a moment taken that is irreversible."
"I don't understand?"
With a frustrated sigh the Doctor straightened, tousling his hair with a somewhat frenzied scratching of his scalp. "How to make you see without…" he murmured half to himself, before bounding across the room and kneeling at Aridi's feet as she stared down at him, totally bewildered.
"Life gives us challenges we all have to face, Ari. Some relatively easy to overcome, and others so devastating we often can't see any way out other than to harm ourselves in the doing. You are so… so very young. I couldn't stand by and watch you hurt yourself. I just couldn't."
His expression was earnest as he stared up at her, pleading silently for her to understand, but try as she might Aridi couldn't unravel the message behind his words. Seeing her continuing confusion the Doctor reached up, cupping her face in his gentle hands, his thumbs subconsciously stroking her cheeks. Surprised by the sudden intimate contact the queen froze, and the Doctor hurried to reassure her.
"Oh, Ari… So innocent, so young." Lifting himself up he pressed his forehead against hers and whispered his next words. "If you had killed your brother would you ever have been able to forgive yourself for taking the life of your one remaining sibling? Or would it have haunted you for the rest of your days?"
"Oh…" Aridi drew back and the Doctor released her, his hands coming to rest on the arms of her chair. He watched her carefully, his eyes flicking erratically from side to side, as he observed the realisation of what she had been about to do that day finally hit her. "Oh…" she breathed, a hand coming up to cover her mouth as her eyes filled with tears.
"Regardless of his recent crimes and the subsequent pain he has caused you, Brasi is still your flesh and blood. He is still the same boy you played with as a child, the brother who looked out for you, comforted you, held you, spoke gently to you. Your blood was running with grief and fury as you held that gun to his head. In that moment you had forgotten all that he meant to you… But one day you would have remembered… and when you did…" The Doctor wiped away her tears with a soft touch, his own eyes full of a remembered pain as he swallowed hard, leashing his emotions. "And when you did remember, it would have killed you…" He took a deep breath. "…as it killed me."
"You? No…" Her eyes wide, Aridi protested the implication of his words. "But you are so wise, so learned. You could never…"
"I'm so very old now, Ari," the Doctor interrupted springing back to his feet and pacing back across the room to his TARDIS. "There are things I've done." He ran a finger down the smooth blue wood of the door, taking comfort from the warmth he felt from his ship. "Things I felt were unavoidable in the moment. I've caused myself more pain than you could possibly imagine." A sudden image of Gallifrey burning caught his mind's eye and he ruthlessly pushed it aside, determined not to dwell any longer than need be on the past.
Spinning about the Doctor offered the young queen a sudden and wide, gregarious smile. "But enough about the miserable past. Tharshania has a brilliant new future to look forward to, with Queen Aridi's more than capable hands at the helm." With an extravagant flourish the Time Lord drew his sonic screwdriver from his pocket and pointed it at the music maker next to her. Music flooded the chamber, the local folk tune popular for the speed of the dance which accompanied it. Spinning artlessly across the room, the Doctor came to a somewhat breathless stop before the now laughing Tharshanian, holding out his hand in a courtly gesture. "May I have this dance, Your Highness?"
"You're an impossible man,"Aridi declared, blinking as she tried to keep up with the sudden change in his demeanour.
"Yes I am. Dance?" The Doctor wiggled his fingers insistently and, before she knew it, she was being whirled about the room at a dizzying speed by a delightful madman who was a truly awful dancer. It was during those few moments of wild, laughter filled freedom Aridi knew everything would be all right. If the man before her could withstand goodness knows what, then she could surely survive this. She would move forward as he did, one step at a time, in hope.
The music ended and they came to a panting stop, near the TARDIS, the Doctor bracing himself on one arm against the door. "I… am never… doing that… again," he declared between breaths. "My stomach is still spinning even though the rest of me has stopped."
Aridi shook her head in amusement. "The dance isn't meant to have that many spins. It's your own fault."
Waving a dismissive hand at the queen the Time Lord turned his key in the TARDIS lock and pushed open the door. "It cheered you up. That was the main thing." Leaning against the doorjamb the Doctor's expression grew serious once more.
"Goodbye, Queen Aridi. It's been my pleasure to know you. Tharshania couldn't ask for better to sit the throne."
"Goodbye, Doctor… and thank you for… well, you know." Aridi hugged her arms against her chest and tried to smile once more for the Time Lord. A look of understanding passed between them and the Doctor nodded briefly, stepping into the TARDIS and closing the door. A hideous noise droned forth from the ship and Aridi stepped back, shielding her eyes from the strange winds as the vessel began to fade out of sight. "Goodbye," she whispered again, then frowned in confusion as the ship began to take solid form in the room once more. The door opened and the Doctor stuck his head out, looking pleased to see she was still there.
"I forgot something. Something important I had to say. Couldn't leave without saying it." Stepping out of the TARDIS the Doctor took both of her hands in his. "There was another reason I stopped you that day. It wasn't just to spare you the later pain. I interrupted you because I knew you didn't really want to go through with it. I could see it in your eyes. All you needed was a distraction to bring you back to yourself, pull you away from the rage. Because you, my dear, sweet Ari are not him. You are not me. You are better. Always remember that, Ari. You. Are. Better." Leaning forward he pressed a kiss to her brow then stepped back inside his TARDIS.
This time when the ship disappeared it didn't return and, wiping the new tears from her cheeks, Aridi squared her shoulders and left the empty chamber. The madman and his blue box were gone, and she couldn't possibly thank him enough for what he had given her. All she could do was live well in his honour. So that was exactly what the queen of Tharshania did.