"Does it hurt?" The question lacked any hints of genuine concern. M looked down and felt numb. His heart was still beating, which was a shame. He had grown sick of dying by bleeding out. It was so, prolonged...
A soft, bitter laugh echoed in his ears. "I can't believe it. All this time, and you've manipulated all of us for your own selfish gain. I don't care if you had your 'justifiable' motives. What you did was still wrong. And you placed this burden upon me, M... How could you?"
He took it away from her the first time he found out, taking her place as a resident of this unique case of torture. He couldn't find the strength to find any words to defend himself. Not that it'd matter anyway. Once this was over, he'd just get another chance. Not that he had any interest at the moment.
"I suppose the truth really is worse than fiction, hm? No matter how unbelievable or absurd this all is, it's just our reality. It's saddening. I don't know how you've managed to acquire this kind of awareness, but I'll put an end to it. That way, the others and I can live in peace as I carry this burden."
She rose the worn gun and aimed it at M's dying form. She let out another weak laugh, this one full of relief. "We'll finally be happy. Without you, you monster."
The words didn't strike M the same way they did the first time. This really wasn't healthy for him, considering how-
A sharp gasp escaped M's lips. He almost jolted out of his bed and collapsed on his floor. A frail hand rubbed against his sweaty forehead. A headache struck him like a nail through a plank of wood. His breathing was ragged and his throat felt dry. How dare she interrupt his thoughts like that...
M stood up and trudged over to his bathroom. He had to adjust himself to this body; it wasn't in peak physical condition like his previous one.
That was one of the costs of being able to mentally travel through time, in a way. He'd die, then return to his old body before he's given another chance. The trauma and mental instabilities carried over to his past self, and the memories along with it.
He couldn't recall how many times he's gone through this process, but the scars never did fade. How many years has it been though, if he had to guess? A few decades at the least. Over a century or two in his mind?
M stared at himself in the mirror. He noticed a malicious grin growing, but he felt nothing. No semblance of ill-intent. No happiness. Not even a shred of despair or anger. He did soon realize pain surged through him when he punched the glass, cutting him and leaving physical wounds.
The rest of the time in there was him patching himself up from his self-inflicted injury. He wasn't sure why he did it, since he felt no impulse to do so. He noted how his sudden outbursts were getting worse. It wouldn't do to have his emotions getting the best of him in front of the girls, his only real friends. Yet, his desire to save all of them from their troubles was beginning to perish. For whatever reason, something happened. And it was a curse rather than a blessing.
He'd been crazy prepared to save all of them. He knew how they thought. What their issues were and how to supposedly solve them. It was different every time though, and nothing he did helped in the end. If he planned every intricate detail and executed everything perfectly, someone would still die, or another entirely new thing would come up. Whatever possessed his demented world, it was laughing at his misery.
A wave of curiosity washed over M as he made his way downstairs. He heard the sound of something sizzling along with the fatty, familiar scent of bacon. His mother was in front of the stove, preparing a meal she had practiced numerous times.
"Morning, sweetie." She gave a vibrant smile with a relaxed gaze in her eyes. It was unsettling.
This was new. Every morning of the first day he'd wake up by himself and make himself breakfast. So why was his mother here? In all of his past repeats, he never even held a conversation with her in person, he was certain of that. He was even forgetting how she looked. This woman may have been his mother, but she was no more than a stranger he's met before. The man at the table was no exception.
"Hey there, kiddo." His father greeted without taking his attention away from the food before him. M heard the soft voice of the device that read out the news. Technology. A wonder he'd never fascinated himself with. Honestly, what was the point of having something read to you? You're likely distracted by whatever it is you're doing. And it's eating in his father's case.
"Morning Mother, Father." His voice was still rasp. He hadn't hydrated himself after waking up from that nightmare. Both of his parents froze then focused their attention on him. His mother spoke first.
"What happened to calling us Mom and Dad?" she asked. Ah, was it weird for a teenager to address his parents this way? An annoying aspect of the human mind, he supposed. He couldn't remember everything with what he's dedicated his life to. Or his past lives rather.
"Get him some water, dear. He sounds sick." The surprisingly tall and well-built man stood up, pushing his chair back, and walked over to him. M flinched since he wasn't aware how different his father looked compared to him, especially with the height difference. Did he inherit everything from his mother then? He placed his rough yet gentle hand on his forehead. "You're a bit warm. Do you want to stay home today?"
His tone was nurturing, which was a little weird. His mother handed him a glass of water with ice and he immediately downed the whole glass. He stopped her from fetching him another though. "I'm fine," he mumbled. "Just stayed up late is all."
Despite the believable excuse, his parents still looked troubled. "Well," his father started. "Just take it easy today, alright? We wouldn't want you too sick to show us around your school. The festival's coming up, right?"
Right, the festival. Did he really have to go? Now that he thought about it, he never did get to enjoy it. The majority of his repeats involved so much horror. He'd forgotten how many times he actually lived past the festival. There were those few exceptions, which were nice. He even got a temporary happy ending with each of the girls. Before it all went downhill soon after.
"Don't be afraid to let us know if you need some rest. Knowing you, I'm sure missing a few classes wouldn't kill you." His mother placed a soft kiss on his forehead and it felt quite nice actually. He hadn't had any real affection in a long time.
The rest of breakfast was quiet, and he couldn't tell if he was being awkward. If his parents were bothered though, they'd just have to ask. If you wanted to say something, just say it. That's his advice when it comes to asking a gal out. He never understood why people his body's age would grow flustered over something so trivial.
A knock on the door interrupted his thoughts, however. His father tried to get out of his seat, but M beat him to it. He unlocked the door and opened it to see a familiar face.
And he hated it.
"Morning M!" a saccharine voice said. As usual... Wait, she didn't normally show up at his house, did she?
"Uh, hi Sayori..."
"Sayori?" She looked behind herself and gave a puzzling look. "M, it's me, Moon."
Moon? He wanted to slap himself silly to see if he was in a dream or not. Still wasn't sure. This was Sayori. Orangeish hair, blue eyes, and a peppy demeanor. Why is she calling herself Moon?
"You uh... okay?" she asked with concern. "It's me, Moon. You know, childhood friend that's been living next door to you for years? I mean, I know it's been a while since we've last talked, but not that long!"
She added a quirky laugh to that at the end. It was, more annoying than anything. At least her voice wasn't super high pitched. He gave her that at least. Still, why was she going by a different name? Was she pranking him?
"Morning Mr and Mrs C!" she called out, and right next to his ear at that. It only made his headache worse.
"Good morning, Moon," his mother cooed. "I haven't seen you in so long. You're practically a grown woman now." She went up to Moon and pinched her cheeks. "You're still just as cute as ever, I see."
Never mind then. So this girl was Moon? She didn't seem any different from the girl he was used to though aside from her name.
"Mother..." M started. "You'll make her face sore if you keep doing that." She stopped herself and dropped her smile. Moon looked at him as well in an odd way he couldn't read. A mix of confusion and something else, by the looks of it.
"Why don't you go get changed, sweetie?" his mother suggested. "Moon came all this was to walk with you to school, isn't that right?"
M tried his best to suppress the urge to roll his eyes. Like Moon said, she literally has been and still is residing next door. He should've taken up the offer to stay home. He wasn't sure if he was ready to see the others just yet.
In the end, he decided to obey and get ready. It's be nice to get out of these clothes and into his uniform. It always felt comforting to wear it for whatever reason, despite the amount of times it's been stained with blood. This version was clean though, so why was it that he could still detect the faint scent of blood?
He grabbed his bag, dug his sneakers out of the pile of clothes near his bed for whatever reason, and saw Moon again by the door, ready to go.
"Let's go," he said.
As usual, M blanked out during the lessons. At first, he was curious about how the school looked different. He didn't notice earlier, but the uniforms were different as well. Heck, even the route he and Sayori took to school was different. Or Moon, rather. He had to remind himself she was called that this time for whatever reason.
He concluded it didn't matter in the end. He just wanted to head home and sleep. Despite the amount of naps he took during classes, he still felt it wasn't enough. And honestly, didn't the teachers know it was rude to wake someone from their slumber? It was their own fault for being too boring. Ask anyone. They'd agree with him.
The final bell caught him off guard. He was ready to go, but decided to wait for everyone to leave. Moon was supposed to come see him right about now, so he'd better decline her offer of sorts to join the Literature Club. He'd simply insist on it instead of giving in. He wasn't a boy anymore, after all. He stood his ground and went with the flow he was comfortable with.
Right on cue, Moon walked into the classroom looking as chipper as always. It scared him how well she was able to hide her depression under a veil of lies. One thing that he could remember from his first life was the sheer shock he felt when he heard his childhood friend was suicidal.
And walking in on her attempt was even more disturbing. She wasn't dead. She was struggling to stay alive with bloodshot eyes and bloody fingers clawing at her neck to survive. And he froze, allowing her to die right in front of him.
"Hey-"
"No."
"Eh?"
"Moon, I don't want to join your club."
"H-How'd you?"
"I'm a psychic," he lied. He gave a smirk and felt a bit amused by her surprised expression. "Should I tell you what you had for breakfast this morning as well?"
She looked at him and bit her lip, weighing between the answer of consent and the one of rejection. "I'll bite."
"Nothing. You were running late." M said that automatically, and frowned as soon as he said that, realizing his habit. He made a mistake.
"Uh, no... I actually ate some toast and peanut butter. And what're you talking about? We came here together, remember? We were on time, I think... Wait, were we late!?"
He didn't forget now at least. The whole walk there was a silent one, which was weird on its own. Moon would normally start a conversation at the very least, even when it was clear he didn't want to talk about anything.
"Wait," Moon realized. "Are you trying to distract me by changing the subject?" she accused playfully. "I see right through you, M. You're not fooling me!"
"And I stand by my decision," he responded. "I don't want to join your club and I don't care if you promised to bring a new member."
"I..." Sayo- Moon, looked conflicted and astounded. "B-But... there's cupcakes..." she tried.
"I'm on a diet," he said honestly. "Besides, you should know it's best not to make promises you're not sure you can keep."
Moon was stunned. She didn't utter another word and couldn't bring herself to say anything else. Her jaw hanged, and their attention was captured by the door opening again. The person responsible made M's heart jump a little. His gaze met green eyes, the same emeralds he admired years ago. That admiration faded. Monika's expression was neutral, and her hair looked as flawless as always. When she noticed M and Moon, she gave a kind smile and placed her hands behind her back. She directed her body to face a bit away from the pair, but she didn't exaggerate her pose by leaning forward. Another change...
"Oh, hello Moon. I see you've brought the new member." Monika's smooth tone didn't distract him from a new bit of information. Was this supposed to be the clubroom in this repeat? Monika never bothered to come here before. "Hey M." She gave an awkward look. "I know we haven't talked in a long time, but I'll reintroduce myself."
Her voice became a bit of a buzz of sorts. He tried drowning out the noise even though he should've paid attention to her new name.
"I'm Monika. President of the Literature Club."
Wait, what? Why was Monika's name the same as usually? He looked at her with a fragment of his attention. Sayori's name was different, his parents were home, and the club is in a different location now. Yet Monika's name was the same? It couldn't relate to...
No, it couldn't be...
M realized Monika and Moon were waiting for him to say something. For the first time, he felt a bit flustered in so long.
"Ah, uh, I'm MC. Everybody calls me M though."
Monika smiled. "Yes, I remember. So, I take it Moon managed to convince you to join us? I never knew you were into reading."
Moon gave a guilty look with an all-knowing smile. M sighed to himself and noticed his eyelids grew heavy again. "No, she didn't actually. She first brought this up a few moments before you came in." Monika didn't appear to be too surprised but had some hints of disappointment laced on her face. "Oh, I see. Well, I insist you stick around to at least get a feel for it. Summer baked cupcakes, and I'm sure you'll find Lily alluring, she'll get your attention. The two are quite an interesting duo."
Summer and Lily? Natsuki and Yuri, he presumed. Since Monika mentioned Summer was the one baking, and the description of Lily did make him think of Yuri. The name changes he'd have to get used to though. Whenever he looked at Moon's face Sayori's name would pop up and he didn't want to repeat this morning. It's not that anyone would find out about his power though. The first and last time he confessed about it, he died. Alone in an asylum.
"Yo, someone want to get the door for me?" a voice called out from outside. M already got out of his chair. "Hey, thanks-" Natsuki, or Summer in this case, froze after realizing a stranger was before her.
"Take a picture, it'll last longer." M had that come out more rudely than intended, but didn't care. Same typical reaction from her. She huffed and her face flushed before she forced herself past him and placed the tray on a desk.
"Who invited this kid?" she asked. The venom in her voice was as clear as day. Nats really was difficult in the beginning. And this was an expert reminder of how his patience paid off before in past repeats. His heart lost the love he once felt though.
"It's M. And I'm sure I'm older than you, brat." He mentally slapped himself to remember her name was Summer now. He almost addressed her as Natsuki and let the demeaning nickname slip out. Summer glared at him and crossed her arms as she turned her head away from him with a dignified look.
"Someone show him out before I kick him out the window."
"I'd like to see you try." He took a step closer to her and towered over her, much to her surprise. Nats never did handle confrontation well. Yuri never was the type to speak for herself unless something she was passionate about was getting attacked.
"You trying to start something?" she oozed with malice. He hadn't seen Nats quite this angry in a while, which was a bit refreshing. Nats stepped closer in retaliation though, and a flash of memories struck M, reminding him Nats was actually stronger than she looked. Was it too late to leave with dignity?
"Hey!" Moon cut in. "We shouldn't be fighting. W-Why don't we just, sit back and start over?" She stepped in between the two of them and gave a reassuring smile. "You two just got off on the wrong foot. M, just wait until you try Summer's cupcakes."
"I don't remember making these for jerks," she spat.
"Baking," M corrected. She responded with a vulgar gesture.
"Summer!" a new, familiar voice blurted. M turned to face Yuri, or Lily. He was getting tired of the new names. And speaking of which, he wanted to go on his date with his precious lover. Soon, bed. Soon...
"What?" she said with legitimate wonder. "He's been an asshole."
"Summer!" Monika echoed.
"Don't lecture me about swearing! Why is this asshole even here? Don't tell me he's supposed to be this great new member Moon was talking about." Summer was understandably upset, but nobody spoke up. "Don't start ganging up on me when you know I'm right-"
"Look Moon," M interrupted. "It's pretty clear I'm already not cut out for this if I'm causing issues like this." M started to make his way to the door. "I'm going home. I'll see you tomorrow." He made sure to add that last bit. Little phrases like that really did help friends that were depressed. It was, another habit. And he just recalled how Moon's own happiness was nothing to her compared to his own happiness. His plan may have backfired.
"Wait," she begged. Her grip caught his wrist just as he was about to brush by Lily. M tried to keep his tired eyes open as he looked how Moon was visibly upset. "Just stay for today at least? I promise you-" She stopped herself. She remembered his words from earlier then. She wasn't actually sure if she could promise he'd actually have fun here. She had doubt, which was good.
"I'll tell your folks what you said to me when we were younger," she threatened. Oh? Moon acting a bit feisty, hm?
When M asked her what she meant, she whispered something into his ear, making his face grow pale. He couldn't tell if she was bluffing or not given all of the changes. Typical Sayori, manipulating him...
"Um, M, correct?" Lily looked like she was about to burst. "I may not have the whole picture quite yet, but I hope you can find it in your heart to forgive my friend for her behavior." She looked over his shoulder, likely to meet Summer's eyes. "Believe me when I say she's actually a really sweet girl once you get to know her."
Lily continued to ramble on as she always did. M tuned her out and considered going wild and having all of them deal with their issues by blurting out information he shouldn't know about. In the end, he didn't have the heart to explore that twisted path. Never did.
"Hey..." Summer began. "Here." M found himself holding a cupcake with the face of a little kitten drawn on it with icing. Out of instinct, he bit into it and reintroduced himself to the complex richness from the icing along with it's appropriate level of sweetness. The actual cake was soft. He'd prefer it to be warm, but knew that wouldn't happen with cupcakes.
"It's good," he deadpanned. He could feel the anger flaring up within Summer. He'd offer more on his thoughts, but knew it was better to keep things simple with her. He lost himself though. He was immersed in another old habit and continued. "Do you want me to elaborate on what you did well?"
Summer averted her gaze and nodded. "It's better than what I was expecting. I can tell it's fresh and you stuck with the basics instead of going crazy. I take it you're experienced with this?"
M wasn't sure what he was even doing. He was abandoning his opportunity of getting sleep for a stupid cupcake he's eaten who knows how many times now. Damn you, cupcake... He supposed habits really were going to be his downfall.
"Y-You bet I am! I bet you've never had the pleasure of tasting amazing baking."
"I've had far better before actually," he admitted. She gawked and M did his best to contain the laughter that was building up. The only times he had better desserts was when Nats continued to improve her skills in baking for him in past repeats. And only for him... He'd never admit that to her though. He was expecting her to start berating him.
"Then I'll just make you concede these are the best damn cupcakes you've ever had someday!" she decided. M once again, wasn't expecting that. That stubbornness was a blessing sometimes, in a way.
"Don't you mean the cupcakes in the future? Not these specifically?" Summer gave a telling look instead of using her words this time.
"So... you're staying then?" Moon wanted to clarify. M hesitated, unsure what became of him. He, always did tell himself he shouldn't isolate himself. Plus, all the anime he's watched, the games he's played... they've gone dull after living for decades. Same games, same people, same days... If he was going to enjoy what he could get this time, he'd ought as well try to find ways to kill time.
"Don't blame me if I nap."
The girls seemed to be delighted by his decision. Even Summer gave a small smile she tried to cover it up as soon as it slipped out.
Just because he didn't want to do anything this run didn't mean he couldn't at least help them all the traditional way. He wouldn't get attached to them this time, he'd inform the proper people of their issues and let things play out. He could relax and let the dice roll without having to harbor any negative emotions when at least one of them is bound to die.
The results of every attempt to save each girl had mixed results. Even when M figured out the optimal choices, the results still varied.
This time, it was a vacation. No need to go ballistic about his failures this time. The worst that could happen wasn't anything he was already used to, so he could handle it.
Right?